//------------------------------// // Murphy's Law Is Lame // Story: My Little Teelo: Winter's Silence // by Ardwolf //------------------------------// In which we learn the value of contingency plans. As soon as they landed Matt made sure the hungry and exhausted pegasi got a fast energy snack while others prepared dinner—and that the pegasi were first in line when it was ready. After they ate the pegasi thankfully turned in for their well-earned sleep. Matt planned to let them have a full ten hours unless Cuddles managed another surprise sprint. He set up a full watch using the unicorns in conjunction with the earth ponies. Sun Hammer and the trolls acted as night captains since they’d been able to rest during the flight. He told Rainbow Dash to be ready for flight the first thing the next morning. She’d agreed enthusiastically to fly back and make sure Cuddles hadn’t caught up during the night. By now they were deep in an unsettled part of the Griffin Kingdoms, the city of Asgard to the southeast. He doubted they’d have any encounters with the rather prideful griffins since they preferred the mountains and left the plains wild to improve the hunting. Dawn Spire had shuddered delicately as she spoke the word. Matt let that pass without comment. By now he was well aware of the ponies view on predation. He honestly couldn’t blame them for it, although he didn’t begrudge the griffins their hunts as long as the expedition wasn’t their prey. However the area was also prime real estate for other large and dangerous predators which is why they set a full watch. Teagan and Matt sat next to the fire while he studied the map. “We’ll reach Canterlot by late afternoon. We’ve made better time than I thought we would. Trust the pegasi to find a tailwind.” “Matt?” Teagan asked hesitantly. “Yeah, Squirt?” He glanced up. “I’m worried about Cuddles. You think Princess Celestia and the rest can handle that thing?” “Dunno.” He shrugged. “Every since Rainbow Dash reported Cuddles was scouring every trace of life as it passes I’ve had a bad feeling about that moving mountain. But then again Her Highness is a magical powerhouse. The blast she threw at Tišina was equal to a B-52 loaded with bunker busters. She can probably toss more than one of those before running dry, too. Princess Luna’s no slouch either.” “Yeah, I guess. I just feel so helpless. This isn’t like last time, Matt. Discord was scary, but at least he was close to my size! Tišina is way above my weight class, and Cuddles is just—unreal. How can something like that even exist? This is supposed to be a land of singing and dancing ponies, for God’s sake, not some horror movie.” “Hmm. Maybe. On the other hand, this was never a child’s cartoon world.” Matt pointed out. “Dragons and griffins and Lord knows what else? You ran into a manticore your very first day. Not exactly tea parties and croquet, now is it?” “Well, no.” Teagan admitted. “But my first trip was more like an episode of the show. I mean, evil Discord was way worse than the cartoon ever showed, but it was still a human-sized problem. I mean, yeah, he attacked Princess Celestia but that was an even match. Tišina took her down without even trying.” Matt poked the fire, thinking. “In an open fight Celestia and Luna could take her.” He said finally. “Even Twilight was able to make her crash. The first time Tišina had the element of surprise. That’s a huge force multiplier, Squirt. You know that.” “Yeah.” Teagan sighed. “I just feel so useless. I’m supposed to be this hero, you know? I took down Discord in a fair fight. I even saved the Princess’s life! But this time I’ve done squat. You and Pinkie fought Tišina. Evelyn and Subtle Dancer found her lair and it was your plan that let us defeat her. In that final battle Cerise and Twilight did the heavy lifting! And there I was, just standing around looking like an idiot.” “Ah. I can see why you’d feel that way.” Matt said, nodding. “But it’s a team effort, Squirt. Nobody gets to be the hero every time. Besides, even if you didn’t strike a single blow with Crush you still played a key role. Without you neither Evelyn nor I would be here and the trolls wouldn’t be working with the ponies. Without you Twilight wouldn’t have been in position to make Tišina crash. That means she’d still be playing hide and seek and who knows how many more ponies she’d have turned to stone or killed? She came within a hairsbreadth of killing Garnet, remember.” “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Teagan said, moping. “Have I ever lied to you, Squirt?” Matt asked lightly. “No.” Teagan admitted reluctantly. “Here’s the thing. Know what we call a hero in the Special Forces?” He asked. “A Green Beret?” She responded, chuckling. “Nope. A damned fool.” Matt answered with a grin. “Why?” She asked startled. “Because if you have to be a hero it means somebody screwed the pooch big time, probably you.” He answered. “That final fight with Tišina is a prime example. I screwed up and could have gotten everyone killed because I miscalculated. I figured she was a coward and would run. I didn’t remember she was also an egomaniacal sociopath. If Cerise hadn’t blown her head off she might have killed us all. If I hadn’t screwed up Twilight wouldn’t have had to use her magic to make her crash. If I hadn’t screwed up Cuddles wouldn’t be ready to chow down on Canterlot.” “You don’t know that.” Teagan protested. “Cuddles might have been set free by the bombardment. Or maybe Tišina’s death did it. It wasn’t your fault.” “Maybe. But I have a feeling there’s going to be lots of heroes before this is over.” Matt said quietly. “Probably you included.” “Hey guys, whatcha talking about?” A pink head with a wide cheerful smile thrust between the two of them. Teagan yelped while Matt’s hand darted toward his knife. Once they recognized the intruder they relaxed. “Hi Pinkie.” Teagan said. “Nothing much. Still planning that party?” “You bet! That’s why I came over. Hey Matt, I need to go to Ponyville before we use the Elements on Cuddles.” “Why?” He asked calmly. “Cause I need to see Dr. Whooves. He’s making the Special Surprise.” Teagan groaned. “Pinkie, this is no time to think about parties!” “Who’s the surprise for, Pinkie?” Matt asked. “I dunno. But Cerise told me how to make it and I told Dr. Whooves. My twitches are telling me it’s really important though.” Teagan paused. You ignored Pinkie’s twitches at your peril. Like so much else about Pinkie the twitches made absolutely no sense but Teagan had once seen her use them to avoid falling debris while rescuing some ponies from a collapsing building… Matt saw her hesitation. “I take it you believe her?” Matt asked. “Yeah. Her Pinkie Sense is never wrong.” Teagan said. “I thought she was just being Pinkie before, but…” “I’m always being me, Silly.” Pinkie laughed. “Even if I’m having Cerise house sit while I go off somewhere I’m still being me, wherever I happened to go. You can ask Garnet!” Both Matt and Teagan winced at the mention of Cerise’s name but Pinkie didn’t notice. “How ‘bout it?” She asked. “There’s a big old cupcake in it for you, Matt. Prance Vanilla!” “Bribery, Pinkie?” Matt asked, grinning. She nodded enthusiastically. “Sure!” “Make it two and you’ve got a deal.” Matt chuckled. “Teelo goes with you to make sure you get back in time, ok?” “Okie-dokie-lokie! Cirrus and Arcus won’t mind. I’ll make sure they get a cupcake too for flying us there!” Pinkie turned and zipped away. Matt and Teagan looked at each other for a moment, before dissolving into laughter. ooOoo “Final preparations are complete, Your Highness.” Subtle Dancer said gravely. The council had assembled for a final meeting before the attack. As a courtesy Celestia had included the troll Steinknuser, who was the Chargé D'Affaires for the troll delegation. Unlike the Snøskred, the Chargé was a typical troll, without the Snøskred’s subtlety. He was no fool, however. He watched the proceedings with a scowl and sharp eyes. “The Bearers will be in position several hours before Cuddles attacks. The city will be shielded and all train service has been suspended until further notice. The surrounding countryside has been alerted to the threat and told to evacuate for their safety. The troll delegation has kindly decided they will remain in Canterlot during the attack.” “We are heartened that you have elected to aid us, Steinknuser.” Celestia dipped her horn to him. “The trolls wish to see this through, Princess of Ponies.” The troll replied in a bass rumble. “If Cuddles is what the human fears it is, then it would be best for troll eyes to see how it fights so that we can kill it should you fail. Pony magic is powerful, but troll magic is the magic of the earth and more powerful still.” The alicorn gave the troll a slight smile and turned her attention back to Subtle Dancer. “The Griffin Kingdoms thanked us for alerting them but have as yet not announced their intentions. The Land Survey flights have spotted numerous griffin patrols keeping watch over Cuddles. The delegations from most neighboring realms have elected to withdraw until this matter can be resolved one way or the other.” “What of Gildedale?” Duke Shimmerling asked. “They were alerted. They assured us they stood ready to aid in rebuilding, but they declined to otherwise get involved.” Subtle Dancer said. The Duke sighed. “Typical cattle.” He said. “Unless they are attacked directly they’ll just stand and watch.” The council meeting continued, shifting to the topic of logistics and exactly how well Canterlot could weather a prolonged siege, should worst come to worst. ooOoo “Sir.” Sergeant Stormwind saluted. His face was grim. “We have a problem.” “What is it?” Matt asked calmly. “Nine cases of wing-lameness, sir.” The pegasus said with a worried frown. “Three total, six partial.” “Meaning they can’t fly?” Matt asked, a frown appearing. “Yes, sir. That’s a full quarter of our pegasi. Six of them can technically still fly, but not in armor and not pulling a chariot. The other three can’t fly at all.” “So we lose five chariots?” Matt asked, rapidly doing logistical calculations in his head and not liking the answers. “Probably. We might shuffle some things, we may only lose four. Three if Celestia smiles on us.” “Great.” Matt sighed. “Murphy strikes again. It takes two pegasi to haul a chariot, right?” The sergeant nodded. “Normally, yes sir. And four to handle the big ones. Actually it takes two to get into the air. Once flying a single pegasi can haul a normal chariot, and two can haul a large chariot—but not for ten hours.” “What if we lose the armor?” Matt asked eyeing the heavy plate barding the sergeant wore. “Lose the armor?” Stormwind looked at him like a school principle who’d just been asked to hold an all-nude prom this year. “How much does it weigh, Sergeant? A hundred pounds?” “Eighty.” The pegasus corrected him. “But—” “How likely are you to need to fight in the next ten hours?” Matt challenged him. The pegasus considered. “Not very. If Canterlot is keeping an eye on us like Dawn Spire said then the Captain will send out fresh guards to meet us half way.” “There you go then.” “But it’s our armor.” The Sergeant said, torn between respect for a commanding officer and the unthinkable lack of the sacred armor while on duty. “You’re a Royal Guard 24 hours a day, right?” Matt asked patiently. “Of course!” The sergeant said proudly. “Even when you aren’t wearing your armor?” “Yes.” Stormwind’s eyes narrowed, seeing the trap. “You serve Princess Celestia every hour of every day, armor or no damn armor. And her orders to me were very clear. Bring all her little ponies home safely. That’s what I’m going to do, Sergeant. Not wearing the armor saves eighty pounds per pegasus. That’s close to three thousand pounds. Three thousand pounds those exhausted pegasi no longer have to haul. Along with whatever other weight we can jettison. You said three of those pegasi can’t fly at all, right? Do the math. Three thousand pounds of armor or seven guards. You really want to leave seven pegasi behind who can’t fly—with Cuddles coming this way?” The sergeant winced. “Point taken, sir.” In the end the trolls dug a cache to store everything they couldn’t take with them: armor, equipment, extra food and water. It would be retrieved later. Teelo, being the lightest, ended up in the Snøskred’s chariot, much to her silent chagrin. However she knew it was the only solution as her place beside Pinkie was needed for one of the lame pegasi. It turned out this situation was one the guards had actually trained for. In the end they managed to lose only three chariots by clever use of the same maneuver that had so unnerved Twilight during her mad dash to the capitol. Matt grinned when Stormwind told him it was called “The Dead Duck”. Fluttershy wasn’t strong enough to pull a chariot, but Rainbow Dash eagerly volunteered to replace one of the lame pegasi. So when the expedition took to the air only three chariots had to be left behind. But not a single expedition member was. ooOoo “It appears fate has decreed we be travelling companions, Lady Teagan.” The Snøskred finally spoke ten minutes into the flight. “The Alene brought to my attention I may have been overly eager in my attempts to get to know you in Canterlot. I assure you I meant no harm.” Teagan blinked, surprised. She considered how to respond to this unexpected confession. She decided to see what else the Alene had told him. “Did the Alene happen to mention my proposal regarding Crush?” She asked, trying to be pleasant. “I believe he might have.” The troll nodded thoughtfully. “Although it is quite possible there was some confusion on both sides of that conversation. Dalen is extremely intelligent, but he is not a trained diplomat. Nor, of course, are you. So you may not be aware that two species can draw drastically different meanings from the same conversation.” Teagan considered that. She knew the Royal sisters were wary of the Snøskred. He was a troll and wouldn’t lie, but nothing said he had to go out of his way to reveal anything either. He was much more clever than he looked, deliberately playing the troll card to conceal that cleverness. Very much like Discord, actually. “I accept your expertise, Snøskred.” She said carefully. “However, I was quite clear about my intentions. The Alene was kind enough to enlighten me on the reaction it would provoke. As I told him, perhaps it’s better to maintain the status quo. For the sake of the world.” “Hmm. While I cannot speak for the king, Lady Teagan, I know him well. The death of his father and the theft of Mountain Heart are not matters to be taken lightly. He is understandably touchy about them.” “Theft?” Teagan chuckled. “Crush and I have been together for nearly a year, Snøskred. I freely admit I don’t know everything about it, but one thing is very clear. Crush can’t be forced to do something it doesn’t want to do.” The Snøskred’s face was bland. “Accepting what you say is true, Lady Teagan, I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.” “Sun Hammer told me it took four strong earth ponies to drag Crush to the armory, and twenty unicorns to lift it onto the table. The trolls and the ponies both seem to think this means Crush was taken against its will.” The Snøskred thought deeply before replying. “It seems like a reasonable conclusion.” He finally said. Teagan shook her head. “That was just Crush being Crush. If Crush truly didn’t want to go, not all the ponies in Equestria could have budged it.” “You are saying Mountain Heart wanted to be taken?” The Snøskred asked, clearly skeptical. “Wanted is too strong a word. Indifferent would be closer.” Teagan said carefully. “That’s why Crush serves me. It doesn’t care that I’m not a troll, all it cares about is that I have the will to wield it.” “What does this have to do with the King?” He asked. Teagan could hear the wheels turning inside that ugly green skull. “Crush chose to serve me, Snøskred. And as long as it chooses to serve me it will serve no one else. Meaning the King can’t wield it. He can’t carry it. He can’t even pick it up. Does he really want that the rest of the trolls to know that?” “Oh, there’s also the little matter of me saving the freaking world. Twice. I’m told trolls always pay their debts, Snøskred Mot Lyn. Is that true?” “It is.” The Snøskred said gravely. “All he has to do is leave me alone. I go home, I take Crush with me, and the debt’s paid. It’s a win-win scenario. Crush won’t serve him because it serves me. But I don’t serve your king, so neither will Crush.” “And Mountain Heart will serve you for the rest of your life. How long do humans live, Lady Teagan?” The Snøskred’s tone was mild. Eyes snapped open in Teagan’s head. This one is dangerous. You should kill him now. Crush’s voice echoed around her head. Do you want to go back and serve the troll king? She asked the eyes. No. I serve you. I have said this. The odd phrasing rang a bell. It took Teagan a moment to remember where she’d heard it before. When she did she smiled in a way that made the troll wary. “What does the phrase ‘I have said this’ mean when the Alene says it?” She asked the troll. He paused, trying to guess the meaning behind her question. “When an Alene says that, he is guaranteeing the accuracy of what he just said, he is reminding the listener that he is an Alene and would not have said something he did not know to be indisputable fact. Why do you ask?” “Because when I asked Crush just now if it wanted to serve the troll king, it said ‘No, I serve you. I have said this’. I guess since an Alene made Crush that’s where it picked up the phrase.” She didn’t expect the look of utter shock on the troll’s face. “Mountain Heart spoke to you?” He asked, clearly aghast. “Yeah. It isn’t much on conversation but if I ask it something it will answer. Why?” “Lady Teagan, do you normally sense anything from Mountain Heart?” The troll seemed oddly intent, leaning forward slightly. “Well, the first time I went to the armory I could feel it staring at me.” Teagan answered slowly, wondering why the troll was so interested. “But other than that, no.” The Snøskred slumped, clearly relieved about something. “But there are eyes in my mind. They’ve been there ever since Crush started serving me. Normally they’re closed but when Crush wakes up they open. Hey, are you all right?” The troll had paled, his normal gray-green face becoming pure gray. “Eyes.” He said hollowly. “Yeah. Eyes the same color as Crush.” She said. “Lady Teagan, forgive me, but I have a great deal to think about. Things are not as they seemed.” “What do you mean? This isn’t another prophecy, is it?” Teagan asked. She loathed prophecies. Ever since she found out she was the Scion of Clan O’Gara the blasted things had been lurking in her life like icebergs in a busy shipping lane. “No, it is lore.” He said in a tone that slammed the door on further questions. “I must think carefully before saying anything else. Please allow me some time to consider what you’ve told me.” He didn’t say anything for the rest of the trip, simply staring into the distance, lost in thought. ooOoo Around one o’clock they spotted another wing of chariots, escorted by free-flying pegasi headed directly toward them. Ragged cheering broke out when it was clear the inbound flight was the expected relief. Since they were passing over plains at that point Matt told Sergeant Stormwind to signal the expedition to land. When they headed down their relief flight followed them. “Wing commander Wind Shear, Lieutenant.” The commander of the relief force saluted. Matt returned the salute. “We’re very glad to see you, Wing Commander. I’ve got nine wing-lame pegasi and the rest are exhausted. I imagine Cuddles isn’t that far behind us, so if you brought any supplies I’d like to get my expedition fed and then back to Canterlot.” “Understood. My orders are to return the expedition to Canterlot. You’ve been ordered to take a wing of chariots and put the Bearers into position to strike at Cuddles when it arrives. Should that fail you will evacuate the Bearers to Cloudsdale where they will be safe from the creature. You’ll have fresh pegasi for your mission, Lieutenant. They rode here in the chariots. We have enough pegasi and chariots to allow your pegasi to ride back, along with the other members of the expedition.” Matt grinned. “They’ll be happy to hear that!” He said. “Let me just say every pony in the expedition has been a credit to Equestria and the Crown, and I was glad to have every single one. My compliments to Princess Celestia.” He saluted the pegasus and left, shouting orders. Soon the expedition and the relief force had reorganized themselves. The bulk took off to return to the capitol while the smaller force diverged to head for Cloudsdale. ooOoo Six hours later the bulk of Matt’s reduced command landed near the pegasus cloud city while a single chariot headed on to Ponyville so Pinkie could complete her mysterious errand. Matt selected a hilltop that he estimated would be close to Cuddle’s anticipated path yet not likely to be directly in front of it. He advised the Bearers to get some rest. They settled down and waited for the nightmare to begin.