Apple Cider looked up at the King of Giraffes. He was slightly angry that he was caught...he was just trying to show that these all-knowing giraffes were dumber than they looked.
So what if the entire front of the Parliament building had blown up? He wasn’t trying to kill the King of this “constitutional” monarchy.
“What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Uh, nothin’”
“What? Surely you jest. I knew you ponies were about as stupid as posts but you have to know reason...unlike some of our citizens like that George Walkington and his band of rebels in our distant land of Marica.” The King grumbled and continued.
“They, to spite me, even call they form of government “New and Better Democracy”. I, Demos the King of Giraffes, sent my Horsan mercenaries and we shall win against these turncoats and savages and my kingdom shall stretch from one edge of the globe to the other.”
“Yeah, yeah I say they will win.”
“I challenge you to a test of wills...I bet that if they lose you will become my chief advisor.”
“And if they win?”
“If they win, I shall give half the treasury to Equestria as a show of my goodwill.”
And that became known to the Giraffes after they lost the Marican Revolution as the loss of the Empire. Six years later, Princess Celestia was baffled when both Marica and the Giraffe Democracy sent ambassadors, one in celebration- one in anguish, to give thanks to an Apple Cider of Ponyville. In retaliation for losing, the Giraffes poisoned their monarch and their government devolved into complete anarchy.
But that is all in the future.
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“Now what do you want to know?”
Apple Ciders brows furrowed into the business stare that all Apples had. II meant that it was time to get to business.
“What do you know of a Light of Reason being here in your land?”
“Uh...I am not allowed to tell you what it is...”
“Oh really, because if y’all don't tell me the whole world is going to be destroyed by Chaos and it will be yer fault you lily-livered fool of a monarch.” One thing about Apple Cider, he knew when anything lied and how to push ponies’ buttons.
“Ok, ok I’ll talk...”
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Ponyville
Depression was having so much fun. He was loving how the cupcakes came out when he added the “special ingredients” and it was not love he put into the cupcakes...it was ponies.
He was surrounded by a plethora of tools for cutting, sawing, smashing, and crushing and he was proficient in all of them.
“Lalalalaaalalalala.”
Chunk
He broke out into song. The knife falls provide the backbeat to the song, a dark and twisted parody of a song our dear Pinkie Pie had sung so long ago.
“My name is Depression, hello
And I am here to kill, how ya dying?
I’m going to make you cry
And it will brighten up my day
It doesn’t matter now, What’s up?
For I will do to you, Ha Ha!
For eating up my “friends”
Is what I’m here to do
‘Cause I love to make you die, die, die.
Yes I do
It fills my heart with darkness all the while
Yes it does!”
Chunk Chunk
The mare that was tied to the table began screaming in pain.
“Nuh, uh, uh I can’t have you ruining my song.” Depression bound the ropes tighter against the mare getting small grunts of pain in response.
“Good girl, you won’t remember much more because of blood loss, so...”
“Cause all I really need is pain, pain, pain
From these “happy” friends of mine
I’d love to see you grin, awesome.
I’d love to see you scream! Clock on!
The temperature of the oven turned up
Is always my dream! Hoof Punch!
But if you're kind of worried
And your face has made a frown
I’ll work real hard and do my best
To turn that sad frown upside down!
Cause I like to see you bleed, bleed, bleed
Yes I do!
Bust it out from ear to ear!
Let it begin!”
With that, Depression hit the mare with a baseball bat and began beating her unconscious.
“Just give me a painful grin, grin grin!
And you fill me with bad feelings
It’s true all days are dark and lonely
And maybe you feel sad?
But Depression will be there to
Show you it is all that bad!
There is only one thing that makes me “happy”!
And makes my whole life worthwhile
And that’s when I talk to my friends and get them to “smile”!
I really am so happy!
Your smile fills me with glee.
I give a smile, I get a smile
And that so special to me
Cause I love to see you scream, scream, scream
Yes I do!
Tell me what more can I say to make you see,
That I do?
It makes me happy when you scream, scream, scream
Yes it always makes my day!”
The mare was dead and yet there was a change in Depression...his, her, his, her hair was becoming poofy again. Depression was fighting against this entity and losing.
“Come on everypony
Smile, Smile, Smile
Fill my up with sunshine, sunshine
All I really need's a smile, smile, smile
From these happy friends of mine
Yes the perfect gift for me
Is a smile as wide as a mile
To make me as happy as can be!
Smile, smile, smile, smile,smile
Come on and smile
Come on and smile!
“Yay, I’m back!” Pinkie Pie laughed until she saw her kitchen.
“Oh Sweet Celestia, Luna, and the Elements of Harmony what happened!”
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Apple Cider groaned. “So you are telling me that you’ll give me some power by casting a spell on me?”
“No, my dear and most terrifying boy, I’m unlocking your potential by singing a song of my people.”
“Fine. But, if you turn me into a cloud of dust, I will find a way to kill you.” Apple Cider threatened.
“Mama say, Mama sa, Mama ko sa, oogly boogly!”
“You are such an idiot.”
“I now grant you a title of Light of Invention and a position in my royal army.”
“I’ll be taking this sword and leaving. I won’t be part of any army. I’m a scientist not a warrior.”
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In the Ruins of Canterlot
One white unicorn and a black pegasus climbed out of the sewers of Canterlot.
“Come on Sunny Skies, we have to get out of here.”
“Yeah Night dancer, totally. My job is no longer important anymore. I mean look at this everything is destroyed.”
“Yes but our brothers Law and Order need us.”
“Nightdancer, I am sorry for all the mean things I have ever said to you because when you moved away, I felt horrible.”
“Sister, both of us said things we didn’t like. I have always been a little, um...what’s the word, childish and you have been the voice of reason.”
“But, when mom left us because of the accident, I remained cold and aloof. Look what that has got us.”
Nightdancer reached out her hoof and bucked her sister in the face
“You, my dear sister, remind me of that Sparkle girl Celestia always talked about.”
“Well, Nightdancer! If I remind you of Twilight, you remind me of that Rainbow Dash!”
Nightdancer laughed.
“Thank you for the compliment because I am the fastest pony in Equestria.”
Sunny Skies breathed deeply and rubbed her temple.
“Well, since we got that spat behind us...”
The two mares looked at each other and grinned. “Road Trip!”
“To Ponyville!” Nightdancer yelled at the top of her lungs.
“What have I told you about yelling?”
“Oops?”