“You know you cannot escape.”
I ignored the voice and kept walking down the hall, my hoofbeats echoing through the desolate landscape. There was something here, something lost, something important, but no matter how hard I searched, it remained hidden in the dense haze of my memories. Ever since I had turned into Nightmare Moon, remembering anything before that time was an impossibility. All I could see were cloudy figures and shadowy structures that flowed out in all directions.
There was something here though, something that called out to me. Its song sent chills down my spine, but still I lumbered towards it, heedless of the alarms in my brain. Was this a place from my memories? Or a mere construct from a fragmented mind? It was impossible to tell, and with each passing second, the possibility of insanity grew in my mind.
“Ask her about your temple.”
My… my temple? I had a temple once? That- That didn’t sound right, and yet it struck a chord within me. A temple. The Lunar Temple? No. That sat uneasily on my tongue. The Temple of… of… something. It was there, just waiting to be spoken, but no matter how I used my mastery of the Equestrian language to twist the sounds coming from my muzzle, it all sounded wrong.
“If thou knowst so much, then tell us the answer and cease with thy games!”
“Do you truly believe I know the answers? My memories are just as fragmented as yours, little Luna. Now, I believe it is time for you to awaken. Till next we meet, my fair maiden.”
“No! We demand answers from thee! Thou shalt not escape this time!” With a feral snarl, I lunged forward into the murky world only to come crashing onto the floor in a tangled heap of limbs and bed sheets. Heart pounding, I simply lay there, staring up at the ceiling as a sense of helplessness crashed down upon me. After a deep breath, I untangled myself before Celly could find me in such an undignified position and quickly tidied up.
With a simple flick of my hoof, I brushed a stray lock of mane out of my eyes and sighed. There, standing before me, was my reflection. No, it wasn’t a regal alicorn looking back at me, and no matter how I wished otherwise, it never would be. Instead, it was a little filly. A weak, pathetic, useless filly. No taller than an adult pony, without a celestial mane that billowed in the solar winds, and most certainly lacking any form of power that could be claimed.
Before I knew what I happened, my hoof slammed into the mirror, shattering it into a million little shards. What was that? The third mirror this week? I groaned in annoyance as my horn flared to life, easily repairing the damage that had been done. I didn't even bother bandaging my hoof, after all, I was immortal. Death was impossible so what was a little bit of blood to me? Slit my throat and I’ll still be standing there with a grin on my face. Well, not a grin per say, but I guarantee that a little scratch won’t stop me from ripping the attacker limb from limb.
"The Temple of the Stars!" There was a moment of silence before I began prancing around the room. "Huzzah! We have remembered!"
"Luna!" The door crashed open as Celly came scrambling in. "What's going on!?"
"Most glorious of days, dear sister! We have remembered something!"
"Luna, please, inside voice."
"We are sorry sister dearest, we momentarily forgot in our jubilation." Settling back down on the bed, I grinned up at Celly. "But we hath remembered something!"
"Really?" With a bit of magic, Celestia soothed down her ruffled fur and closed the door behind her. "What? What did you remember?"
"The temple! We remembered the temple! Oh, it was such a glorious temple with the vaulted ceiling and ionic columns. On the wall was a mural of us raising the moon. Us!" A happy little giggle escaped. "And on the ceiling was the greatest artwork thou hast ever seen. Each star replicated with such precision and dedication! Oh sister, we must visit again sometime soon."
"Lulu, you don't... you don't remember what happened?" asked Celestia with a frown on her face.
"What happened? What dost thou mean?"
"Luna, something happened there. Some sort of outbreak or monsters. I don't know what happened for you were the one who took care of it, but according to you, all the ponies went mad and were attacking each other. You said you were forced to bury it under an avalanche to stop it from spreading, but even then it was already too late. It appeared again to the south in one of the major cities and we were forced use a containment spell. We called it ‘Tartarus’." My eyes widened with each word she spoke. "It happened just a year or two before you became Nightmare Moon so we never got to examine what happened there."
"And... And the land it was built upon? The Valley of Dreams?" I whispered.
"Gone. It's in gryphon territory now."
"No..."
"I'm sorry Lulu, but I had to give the land away to stop war from breaking out."
"No!" Was I screaming? Such a silly question. "That land was ours! That temple was ours! It was the only thing we had. Thou hast it all! This city is the City of the Sun is it not!? Canterlot, the greatest architectural achievement ever accomplished, just to praise thy name!"
Wings shaking, my entire body trembled with barely contained rage. All the while, Celestia sat there calmly with a sad little smile on her face. "I'm sorry Lulu, but I did it for my little ponies. We always knew the dangers of having something so close to the gryphon border."
It took all my willpower to not buck her in the face right then and there. Sure, she meant well, but look at me! Any other pony would’ve been in hospital by now.
"But can we not visit?"
"I'm sorry Lulu, but we're not welcome within the gryphon territories. Not after that little... prank... I pulled last time. I'm sorry. I'm really, really so-"
"Leave."
"Lu-"
"Leave." I leveled an icy gaze at her. "We wish to be alone."
Sigh.
"Very well." Standing up, Celestia somehow managed to give me a condescending, yet loving look. She’d mastered all sorts of looks in the past thousand years, but that one was the most aggravating one of all. Somepony needs to wipe that smirk off her face. It’s amazing how a thousand years as the only deity can inflate one’s ego. "I am sorry, but if you wish, I am sure there are enough funds to recreate the temple." When I didn't give a reply, she sighed and walked out the door.
My temple! It was my temple. It was the only thing I had that was dedicated to me! Celly had her cities and her citadels and her fancy, super special parties. What did I have? Nothing! That’s what. Well I had a temple, but some stuck up, know it all, goddess just haaaaaad to give it away. Why not give away her own things for once!? It was never her temple or her valley or her mountain or her lake. No. It was always mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
Once her hoofbeats were out of earshot, I stood up and locked the door. Then, with a deep breath, I walked up to the mirror and touched my horn to its cool surface. It rippled and wavered and once it was done, a dark grey pegasus looked back at me.
"P-Princess Luna!" He immediately snapped to attention, spilling black ink on himself in the process. “I take it you’re calling in for the daily inspection of the jails?”
“That would be correct. Any news to report?” I sighed as I prepared myself for the one word answer of ‘no’. After all, this was Equestria where everything was sunshine and lollipops. Really, Celly must be getting old, otherwise what was the point of giving me a job that took five seconds when it was meant to keep me busy and keep my mind off things? She took care of most crime before it even started. It was almost like having me maintain the dungeons was a way of saying ‘look Lulu, look! See how perfect I made the world while you were gone!’ It was so damn boring!
“Just one item. A gryphon, your Highness.”
“A... gryphon...?” Gears turned in my head at that bit of news.
"Yes ma'am! Gilda, female gryphon, aged eighteen, possesses a hunting license and immigrated to Equestria at the age of twelve, previously spent a year in Cloudsdale under Celestia's student exchange program when she was a chick. Arrested three nights ago for starting a bar brawl. Put five patrons in hospital before the guards arrived."
Well that was... interesting. Those background checks certainly w ere thorough.
"Injuries to the ponies?" I asked.
"Broken wing, broken rib, broken muzzle, broken... well, lots of broken parts actually," he chuckled before suddenly straightening up. "Sorry for that lapse of formality Princess, it will not happen again."
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the way the respect, as always, seemed to jump past me and skip straight to Celly, I simply nodded in reply. "We wish to speak to her."
"P-Princess?"
Those gears in my head clicked together. When one goes on holiday, one hires help, do they not? And Celly has been saying I need to relax more, that it would be better for my mental health. I hear the Gryphon Kingdom is particularly nice this time of year. Maybe a little adventure to save me from this boredom. Hopefully before it kills me.
“Captain?”
“Yes, Your highness?”
"We believe thou hast been searching for a showmare? One that caused significant damage to Ponyville if we remember correctly...?"
"Yes ma'am! Trixie Lulamoon, female, aged se-"
I held up a hoof and he immediately stopped. Sure, they may not have experience in the field, but they were well trained. "If thou manages to capture her, please inform us."
"M-Ma'am?" The unspoken question was obvious enough. My only reply was to fix him with a cold glare and he immediately gulped, snapping back to attention. "Yes ma'am! When would you like to see Gilda, Princess?"
"Immediately." Cutting the connection, I threw my black cloak around my shoulders and trotted out the door. "Guard! Accompany thy Princess, we have an appointment within the city."
"Yes ma'am!" Two pegasi immediately dropped in line behind me.
The rat scurried its way out of its hole in the corner. Its paw darted forward and twitched its whiskers, before it skittered to the centre of the room. The bowl loaded with oats just sat there, waiting for it.
You know what the worst thing about the royal dungeons is? Pony food. I mean seriously, is it that hard to consider you might have someone in your dungeon who isn’t gonna do too well with grass? Still a bowl of oats had its uses.
With one last hesitant pause, the rat scooted the last few steps to where the bowl rested on the edge of my claw. I lay perfectly still on my belly, waiting for it to make its move.
The first night I’d been here I decided I fucking hated this rat. It had gotten used to the idea that this was its territory, judging by the way it wasn’t scared of me. Its scurrying feet were annoying enough to keep me up, and complete boredom led me to obsess over that little rodent.
The rat brought its paws forward and took a tiny milky piece of oat from the bowl.
I flipped the bowl with the tip of my fingers and moved forward to press it down. I smiled to myself as I could feel the little bastard banging against the sides of the bowl. I jerked the bowl from left to right a bit to rattle him up, before scooting one side up and dipping my talons under the rim. I caught him in my grip and dragged him kicking and squeaking out of there. Holding him in the air in front of me, I stared at it for a second before squeezing hard. Its bones cracked satisfyingly and its struggling stopped.
I smirked and tossed it out of the bars before leaning back and lying on my bed. My claws were a little bloody so I cleaned them on the bed sheets. It took about five minutes for boredom to kick back in.
You know, for a dungeon this place was surprisingly clean and well lit. I mean, I’ve never been in a dungeon before... Well except that one time- Whatever! The point is dungeons aren't supposed to be clean and stuff. It’s supposed to be mouldy and dank and stuff. Dungeons in the Gryphon Kingdom weren’t prissy. Stupid ponies.
Goddesses damnit. How long were they gonna keep me in here? This was bullshit. Racism is what it was. I mean, it was a bar fight! And yeah, I may have started it. And yeah, I think I did a bit more than bruise some pride, but still! In the dungeons three days, no trial, no lawyer. What the fuck?
Stupid lameo ponies.
The sound of hoofsteps made me sit up. I could hear someone, -And no I’m not saying somepony, because unlike those lameo ponies I don’t assume everyone in the room is my species, sure they’re hoofsteps, but it could be a goat or cow out there- moving closer to my cell. It wasn’t long until I saw the shadow of a unicorn and what could be an earth pony or pegasus on the wall opposite my cell.
“It’s about goddess damn time,” I called out.
“We hope thou realizes that thou speakst to thy Princess.” Wow, a voice that sounded like it was straight out of a bad play answered me.
I raised an eyebrow. A princess? Not likely. I’d believe it when I saw... Oh...
My brows rose as what I’d thought to be a unicorn’s shadow turned out to actually be an alicorns. She looked like a filly. I mean it was weird, she looked like a child, but she was as tall as the pegasus by her side. You know, I’d always imagined that a goddess would be a bit more impressive...
I sat there in stunned silence for perhaps a moment too long because she spoke again. “Thy name is Gilda?”
I nodded. Knowing my charm and charisma, it was probably my best bet to say as little as possible and hopefully not get my head taken.
“Leave us,” she instructed the pegasus at her shoulder.
“But your highness-” he wisely shut the fuck up when the royal filly turned her glare on him. He swallowed pretty obviously and bowed. “Yes your highness.”
Once his hoofsteps had faded into the distance she turned her gaze back to me. She tilted her head and just seemed to examine me for a moment.
“Uh, is there something you want or what?” I asked after a moment.
“Does thou know we can execute you for lack of respect?” Let me tell you it was bucking weird to have a filly threaten me like that. I wasn’t sure whether it was supposed to make me d’aw or bow.
I swallowed back my laughter. No way. Was she serious? “Dude, any law like that hasn’t existed since... Tartarus I don’t know, years before I was born?”
“Oh, is that so?” She examined her hoof in the dim lighting. “Tis a shame then, that none felt it necessary to inform us of such an important change.”
“Important?” I asked incredulous. “How’s it important that someone gets their head lopped off if they don’t curtsy the right way?”
“In order to properly rule, respect is necessary. If there is not enough respect for a mere curtsy, then we will have to settle for fear,” she replied calmly. “Have you ever ordered a pony to be beheaded? I assure you, it is rather... fun... once you get past all those pesky morals.”
Well that was... interesting. Let’s just say I’m glad that I wasn’t alive when she was in charge. Well, except that she’s in charge now... Huh. Equestria had a grim future ahead of it.
I nodded and agreed. “Yeah, those pesky little morals.” I shrugged. “So uh... what do you want, lady?”
“We require thy services and we are willing to make this little... predicament thou is in, vanish.”
I was still caught between thinking of her as a deity who enjoyed the occasional execution, and a filly that needed a good spanking. I decided to just settle for talking to her like she was a normal pony since that rested somewhere on the line between murderous goddess and naughty foal.
I tilted my head to the left. “Wait a sec. So you want a favour from me, but you start out by threatening to axe me with some old law?” Heck, I’m the biggest bitch I know, and even I don’t start a chat with a death threat.
Her jaw tightened and she took on a pouty expression. Yep, I was now leaning towards the filly side of this goddess.
“So uh... What is it you want, your godliness?” I couldn’t resist a sarcastic little bow. Probably not a smart thing to do, what with the causal death threat from earlier, but I did it anyway.
It was a good thing her wit was apparently a bit rusty after a thousand years on the moon, because the bow seemed to satisfy her.
“We wish to embark on an...” she waved a hoof in the air as if searching for a phrase. She looked like a filly trying to copy the way her parents talked, but I was still getting mixed signals from her so I decided not to comment. “Expedition. Yes, we wish for thy assistance on an expedition.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What sort of an expedition? And why do you need my help for it? I mean, if you want to try some fine gryphon cuisine or something then I can do that, but I don’t think there’s much else I can do for you.”
She actually looked a little grossed out by that. “By Harmony, no.” No need to act like I suggested murder or something. “No, we wish to visit the Gryphon Kingdom.”
That caught my interest. “What?”
She ahemmed. “We wish to-”
“No I heard you, dude.” I interrupted her. “I mean are you for real?”
She seemed confused. “We are sorry, we are unused to this phrase ‘for real’?”
I rolled my eyes. “I mean, are you being serious?” I asked her.
“Why would we jest?”
I stared at her for a second. “Listen filly, you should-”
“Do not call us filly,” she growled and her magic enveloped the bars of my cell.
They immediately froze solid and snapped like twigs in a storm, leaving nothing between me and this child with the powers of a deity. I’d decided that thinking of her as an adult probably wasn’t going to work out too well. It was obvious that she was trying to frighten me, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t working. I took an involuntary step backwards. Yeah, I was definitely leaning towards thinking of her as a deity.
I held my claws palm outwards calmingly. “Hey, woah! No one thinks of you that way.” I decided to deflect the conversation. “Uh, you do know why going into the Gryphon Kingdom’ is a bad idea right?”
She glared at me. “Yes we are aware of your race’s rather guarded views on their borders.”
“Yeah, then you should know that no alicorns on gryphon soil is part of whatever treaty it is that-”
“Yes, yes, we aware of all this. We are not a child.” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Or wouldst thou like to test our patience further? We have heard that red is a fabulous colour to paint the walls with.”
I took another step back. “Oh me? Test patience? Nah, who was doing that?” I chuckled trying not to sound nervous and probably failing. “Uh, you mentioned a job?”
She seemed satisfied with that and her face looked less murdery. Either she had a mood swing, or she’d just dropped a bluff. Either way, no way was I gonna call her out on it.
“Why yes, that is indeed correct. Dost thou take us upon our offer?”
“Uh... I need to know a bit more before I take it. I mean seriously, you haven’t even told me what I’d be doing for you.” One part of me was tempted to make a joke about foal sitting rates, but the more dominant part of me, the one that didn’t want to decorate a room, stomped that shit in.
“Thou will merely be acting as a guide. It will be thy job to escort us safely to a location and back. That is all.”
I raised an incredulous brow. “‘That’s all?’ Um, dude I don’t know if you know or not, but what you’re asking me to do is basically treason... And, how do you know I know anything about the Gryphon Kingdoms? Couldn’t you find someone else?”
“Thy choice is simple, rot in this dungeon for the rest of thy life or help us in an endeavour that will take no more than a week.”
That sounded pretty simple, but I was still unconvinced. “The rest of my life?” I shook my head. “Dude, there’s no way a bar fight is bad enough to hook me into a life sentence.”
“It is, if one of the ponies you injured died of their wounds.”
I froze.
“Even if thou is not convicted of murder, a charge of ponyslaughter is still twenty years, and a jury will have no second thought convicting a gryphon.”
“I... killed someone?”
Luna merely gave a coy smile. “Not yet.”
It took me a second to process that, and then another second to realise that she’d just threatened to kill someone to get me a sentence. Add another to decide whether or not she was for real. And a final one to decide I didn’t want to find out.
I smiled and held out a claw for a bump. “A week of my time doesn’t sound so bad. When will we be leaving?”
“Huzzah! Joy and jubilation!” There she goes, acting like a foal again. These mood swings were getting concerning. She cleared her throat and settled back down as though nothing had happened. “There is one more pony we must collect before our departure.”
I lowered my claw because I don’t think I’d be getting a hoof bump anytime soon. “Alright, how do we meet them?”
“Why, the same way we met of course.” Her grin screamed ‘I get off on your pain’ a bit more than I was okay with. “Though we will have to hunt her down first...”
I blinked. “Hunt her down? What, is she on the run or something?”
“Yes, she is in fact.” She turned and trotted out of my cell. I hesitated a second before padding after her. “Thou possess a hunting license, correct?”
“Uh, yeah...”
“Then thou shalt use thy skills to track down our wayward friend and together we shall convince her to accompany us on our journey.”
By ‘convince’, I assumed she meant blackmail.
“Uh... Okay, I guess...”
“Come,” she said. “Thy fear is misplaced; no harm shall come to thee on our adventure together.”
So says the murderous foal goddess of mood swings. Nothing in the world could be more reassuring.
"You know, I was expecting a goddesses room to be more... godish...”
Does that gryphon ever use proper Equestrian?
“Such ornate rooms are a frivolous waste of both money and energy,” I replied. Energy that I did not have to spare. Thanks to that little outburst in the dungeon, I could already feel a headache creeping up on me.
“Well no... I mean, like... Your room is your space I guess. I think I always thought a goddess would have a...” She waved a claw in the air, searching for a word. “You know, godish space or whatever.”
With a groan, I resisted the urge to perform what modern ponies called a... a... a face-something. Apparently it was a signal of exasperation, despite how foalish it looked.
“I still say you should have used her to paint the walls.”
With a glare at the mare in the mirror, the glass shattered yet again, for the fourth time that week. At this rate, I will end up with enough bad luck to last a thousand years.
Gilda stared with her eyebrow raised. “So... was the mirror... dissing you or something? Or did you just do that for fun?”
I turned my glare onto Gilda and she immediately shut her beak and returned to a casual position. It was a shame I needed her, Nightmare Moon’s suggestion did have merit after all. Maybe I could use a mind controlling spell? Just enough to ensure proper use of language and an inability to utter such disrespectful phrases. It’d be so simple too. Just reach out and worm my way in-
No! What was wrong with me? That was an immoral act, an act that should not be committed ever. It was a perversion of all Equestrian values to steal someone’s free will.
With a snarl of frustration, I slammed a scrying glass into my saddlepack before trying to force the bag closed. “Stupid object! The Goddess of the Night shall not be impeded so! In, I say, in!”
“Uh... You want hel-”
“SILENCE!” Panting heavily from my use of the Royal Canterlot Voice, I stared at the upside down, very much ruffled and newly deaf gryphon. “We do not need help with a task as trivial as this. Art thou suggesting we cannot handle packing our own bags? That we are a foal in need of help over the most basic acts?”
Gilda rolled over and got to her hoo- paws? Claws? Regardless, the gryphon stood up once more. “I was just offering a claw dude. Wasn’t saying anything.”
“Ha! A likely story.” I forced the pack shut and leashed it together using some magic. “Come, we must depart. If Nocturne’s source is correct, she was sighted just outside Cloudsdale in the Unicorn Ranges.”
“She? You still haven’t told me who the buck we’re even looking for. If you want my help it might be best to help me a bit? You know?”
“Thou shalt know in due course.” My horn sparked to life. “Come, thou must stay in contact with my body-”
The gryphon snickered.
“-at all times or a body part may be left behind in the teleport.” Did I say something amusing? Last I checked, losing a limb was considered a serious affair, but then again, with all the other changes that happened these last one thousand years, I would not be surprised if it was considered a blessing.
With a shrug, I opened a wing. “Come, stand under our wing.”
Gilda looked at me like she was about to burst into laughter. “Dude, if you wanted me so bad, I was already in your dungeon.”
I tilted my head to the side in confusion.
She chuckled as she walked over and stood next to me. I immediately draped my wing over her to keep her in place.
“Goddesses, to think, from this day on I can brag about touching wings with a goddess.”
After yet another shrug, I began channeling the teleportation spell only for a polite knock to break my concentration.
“Lulu? You in there?”
“Lulu?” Gilda echoed with a smirk.
Eyes wide, I picked Gilda up in my magic and threw her into the closet before binding her up so that she could not speak or move. Her muffled curse made me far happier than it should have - that will teach her to ever call me that name.
“Celly!” I threw open the door and put on my biggest, brightest smile. “What a pleasant surprise. We thought thy presence would be needed for the entire meeting.”
“If I have to spend another minute in the same room as those short sighted bigots, I will end up doing something I regret.” She tossed her crown onto my writing table and slumped down. “What about you? How has your day been?”
My eyes immediately narrowed. Did she take me for a fool? Such idle questions may work on her little ponies, but I was her sister and equal, something she had obviously forgotten. She must have had some sort of information regarding my actions today.
“Nothing at all, dear sister.” I deliberately turned away to stare out the window so that she couldn’t see my face. “We hath been reading about modern society all afternoon.”
The sound of muffled snickering was heard from the closet.
“Did you hear something?” Celestia’s ear twitched ever so slightly.
“Of course dear sister, that was the poor pony we have tied up in our closet, with the full intent of ravaging at a later date in a frenzy of primal lust that has been repressed for the past one thousand years! She is quite a specimen, would thou like to partake?”
The closet became very silent.
“Well... er... Luna...” Celestia opened and closed her mouth soundlessly a couple of times before her eyes widened. “Was that... was that sarcasm? Oh Lulu, I never thought I’d see the day! My dear little sister, using sarcasm! You know what this calls for, a party!”
The silence from the closet was thundering.
“Um... yes... a... a party.” My jaws ached from how fake my smile was. “Could we have it next week please? After all, thou hast a series of very important meetings this week and we would hate it if thy productivity was compromised by us.”
“Oh. Right.” Her wings drooped a little. “I promise you, it will be the greatest party ever! I wonder if Twilight’s friend would be willing to throw it...”
A shudder ran down my spine. A party was one thing, but a party thrown by that monster? Nightmare Moon still had nightmares over what that pink one’s song. Nightmares that I, unfortunately, got to share.
“Now, now, dear sister, there is no need to be hasty. We are sure there are other less... extreme... measures thou couldst take. Perhaps a night’s rest would grant thy mental capability some... relief.”
“I suppose you’re right. Dealing with those nobles is worse than foal sitting.” After a light kiss on each cheek, Celestia made her way out of my room. “Unfortunately, this was just a recess and if I don’t return, they are likely to declare the sky pink or some other foolishness. Goodnight Lulu.”
“Night Celly, we shall send thee some sweet dreams.” With a sharp buck, the door slammed closed and I let out a sigh of relief. “Any closer and we would be a manticore’s next meal.”
I threw the closet door open and there sat Gilda with a smile on her beak. The moment the gag was undone she spoke. “Dude, if you want to ‘ravage’ me-” She did claw quotes in the air. “-I’ll need some booze and a deer carcass first.”
“We have no intention of doing such things.” I tossed my mane to the side. “Thou art not... pretty... enough for our tastes. Too bulky and...” I swirled my hoof in the air as I tried to come up with the right word. “Fat. Yes, that’s the word we were looking for. Too fat.”
She gave me a flat look. “Says the mare that gets fed chocolates while she gets her hooficure. Tell me princess, when was the last time you went for a jog or a hard flight?”
“Three months, four days, six hours, twenty-three minutes ago.” Though it was my voice that spoke, they were not the words I had intended. “I trained on the moon for one thousand years so that I could defeat Celestia and those accursed Elements of Harmony once and for all!”
“Didn’t train very well then ‘cause you got your flank kicked.”
There was no hint of acknowledgement or even any sign that what had been spoken had been heard. But a second later, I had her pinned against the wall, my muzzle inches from her face. “Listen here you piece of filth, I can and I will kill you without a second thought.” Though I struggled against whatever had a hold on me, it was no use. My body was a mere doll, controlled by the will of another. “Got that?”
She didn’t say anything for a second. After a moment she stiffly nodded.
“Good.” It was as though a spell was suddenly broken and I could feel again. I could feel her pulse under my hoof, the bitterness in my mouth, and the faint scent of lavender. Instead of stumbling back and gasping like some clichéd novel, I simply and calmly let her go and stepped back. There would be time for figuring this all out later. For now though, we needed to move before Celly could come back.
“Come, we need to leave. Now.”
The polite thing to do would have been to wait for a reply; instead I wrapped my wing around her body and teleported. I have fought dragons, killed manticores, destroyed entire armies, but nothing ever comes close to a really bad teleport. It felt as though my entire body was broken down to its base components, chewed up, stampeded over, and then spat back out. The world was blurry, colors bled together and it felt as though the ground was disappearing from under my hooves. And then I decided to empty my stomach, all over my hooves too. Good thing cleaning the royal accessories was not something I had to do. That fell to the servants.
The gryphon staggered around for a moment before collapsing to the ground. “Warn me next time,” she muttered and clutched her head. “Or better yet, let’s just fly there next time.” She swallowed a beakful of what I assumed was vomit. “Yeah, let’s not do that again.”
“Agreed.” I gazed off into the forest around us. “We are looking for a blue mare with white mane. Wears a cape and hat with stars on it, though it is highly like she has lost it.”
“Give me a minute,” she answered as she staggered back to her claws. She shook her head clearing it. “A mare?” she asked. “What height, what weight?”
All she got in response was an enigmatic smile. Reaching into my saddlepack, I pulled out the scrying glass I had shoved in there and held it before her. “Watch. Keep an eye out for the mare I described.” All it needed was a bit of magic and the glass misted over, before being replaced with an image of the mare in question standing before a wooden caravan before the unmistakable paw of an ursa minor smashed it to bits.
Gilda watched with interest. “What was an ursa minor doing in the middle of a town?”
“That is why she is on the run from the law. Will thou be able to track her down?”
“Uh... maybe. This is her last known location right? When was she here last?”
“We were given the information two hours ago,” I replied.
Gilda nodded. “Alright, and we know she was here, in this spot?”
“We assume so. Nocturne told us it was a pair of nature enthusiasts who reported it in by sending up a flare.”
“Where did they spot her? Right next to them, or up on that ridge over there or what?”
“We thought thou were an accomplished tracker,” I growled. “Surely when thou hunt, thou does not sit down thy prey and ask them nicely to die.”
Gilda rolled her eyes. “What the buck do you know about tracking?” She turned and began looking around until she came to a particular patch. “Alright here, let me show you.” She pointed a claw at the ground. “At least three ponies came over this patch in the last hour. One of them was a unicorn or pegasus mare about the same weight as Trixie, but there’s damn near a thousand mares the same weight as her. I could follow these tracks for hours and just find some random pony.” She turned and waved a claw at the hills all around us. “To track, I need the tracks of the pony we’re looking for. How many ponies pass through these hills and how often? How many hills around here would I have to check to find tracks? Of those tracks I find, which ones would be Trixie’s?”
She turned back to me in time to see my scowl of annoyance.
“I guess you don’t know anything that’d help me?” Gilda shook her head and continued without waiting for answer. “Whatever, have you got a map?” The saddlepack was thrown in her face. She glared at me before opening the pack and digging around for a map. After a second she found it and flattened it out on the ground in front of her. She glanced up at the surrounding hills, before looking back down at the map and tapping a claw against her lower beak in thought.
“Well?” I tapped a hoof and ruffled my feathers. “For a hunter, thou dost ‘suck’ we believe the modern phrase is.”
“You’re an idiot,” she muttered under her breath, probably thinking I wouldn’t hear. Then she spoke up for me. “I’ve never hunted a pony before. It’s different from just finding the tracks of something tasty and following it. I’m after one particular mare here, so I’m after one particular set of tracks.” She rolled the map up and surveyed the terrain. She looked out over the hills, “Come on,” she said before taking off.
The gryphoness suddenly found herself being pinned down by magic. “We are sorry, but we could have sworn thou just gave us an order.”
She looked up at me with shock that soon faded to exasperation. “Dude, do we really have to do this shit with all your little insecurities? Follow me, don’t follow me. Whatever. If I didn’t give the proper ‘respect’ it was probably ‘cause I was distracted.” She wiggled around in my telekinetic grasp. “You want me to find your mare or what?”
“Thou shalt give us the respect we deserve!” I thundered.
She winced. “It is too late to go back to the dungeon?” She twisted a finger in her ear. “Yes your highness. I will oh-so happily find you another mare to lock in your closet and ravage at a later date, but to do so I need to be able to fly. To fly, I need you to let me go.”
Taking a deep breath, I held it for five seconds before releasing it slowly. With it, I let the spell fade away into nothing.
“We shall overlook this transgression, but do not test our patience.”
Gilda rolled to all fours. “Alright then,your highness, would you like to follow me?” She asked in sweet sounding tones.
“Much better,” I beamed. “Lead the way then my pet.”
Gilda blinked. “Alright, you’ve got limits to your dignity, I’ve got mine. Don’t call me pet. Just no.”
I pouted and gave her my biggest, roundest, cutest eyes I could manage. If I was to be stuck in the body of a filly, I might as well use it to my advantage.
Shaking her head, Gilda just turned away muttering, “Freaky murder goddess one second, annoying foal the next.” With that she took to the air.
I took off after her and I flew behind her for about ten minutes until she landed on a ridge with a particularly nice view. She bent low to the ground and wandered back and forth for a few moments until she stopped and made a scratch in the ground. Then she turned and continued to search until eventually she returned to the mark she left. After a moment she sat down and examined it for a second.
“Alright, I think this is her,” she pointed at some hoof tracks. A claw was tapped against her lower beak. “Yeah, this is probably her.” Pausing, she looked back out at the view.
“We thought thou said tracking her would be difficult,” I replied with an annoyed look.
“Hey, if you think you can do it without me then throw me back in the dungeon,” she responded. “Yeah, she went this way.” Gilda turned and followed some mark in the soil that I could not discern.
“So it is her? Thou art certain?”
“It’s my best bet,” she paused. “Look, this ridge was on the map, and it was in the direction she was headed. It’s a landmark, which means she probably came here. There were only a few pony tracks here that were about two hours old. Two were earth ponies, so not her. That left three tracks, two mares and a stallion that could have been pegasus or unicorn. One of the mares was with the stallion, so I assume that was the hiking couple that spotted Trixie. So the final tracks were probably Trixie’s. They didn’t take off, so they weren’t a pegasus, unless they felt like walking. So it was probably a unicorn, and a mare who was the right size and weight for the pony we’re after, so these are probably hers.”
“Thou knowst those tracks were made by earth ponies how?”
Gilda rolled her eyes. “Do you really care? Whatever, earth pony tracks are different ‘cause the dirt that gets moved goes back to the spot it was in as the earth pony steps away. What you get is a hoof shaped patch of dirt that’s darker and more fertile than the ground around it. Real easy to track across sand, let me tell you.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Dost thou wish to maintain the lie of never having tracked ponies before?”
Gilda scratched the back of head and chuckled. “I wasn’t tracking a pony, just a minotaur. It’s basically the same magic so...”
“Both are also sentient,” I remarked with a shrug. “Very well, start tracking.”
“Look, the guy owed me money okay?” She responded defensively. “It’s not like I ate him.”
Ha! As if. Does she truly believe such simple lies and deflection tactics would work on me? After all, I am Celly’s sister and have learned much in the ways of white lies. Truth or not, it mattered not to me. Let her think what she will, after all, she shall die and I shall continue on. All shall perish and I shall endure. In the end they were mere pieces on the board. Toys. Playthings. Sentience mattered not in the great game.
Gilda turned and began an odd gait following the marks in the soil. She would walk a few steps, head to the ground, before flapping her wings and flying a few feet ahead, then she would slow down to pick up the trail again. I followed her silently for what was almost an hour; we travelled at a pace a bit faster than a trot.
The gryphoness continued her odd hopping gate, and seemed to be deep in concentration, so I decided not disrupt what was likely a limited resource. After a while she slowed and turned around to face me.
“Okay, we’re getting close,” she paused. “But you said she was on the run, right? Maybe we shouldn’t just walk up to her, she might panic or whatever.”
“Thy suggestion has been noted, weighed and promptly discarded,” I replied. “Thou shalt find the mare and leave the conversation to us. Thou shalt not talk or make any sound for the duration of said conversation if thou value thy life.”
Gilda grit her jaw at that and opened her beak to speak, but after a moment she changed her mind and turned away. “Whatever, if you want do things your way then whatever. Goddesses, this week will never end fast enough. We should catch up to her in five or ten minutes.”
“That is agreeable.” Stretching out my wings, I could make out the faint glow of a fire from ahead. “Thou shalt stay here while I speak with her.”
“Huh, forget that, I want to see this. I’m just gonna sit and watch while you screw this up awesomely.”
“Our limited grasp of the modern tongue suggests that, that was a compliment.” I simply gave her a sidelong look. “We hope that this is correct.”
“To quote my old elder, ‘hope ain’t a plan.’ But yeah, alright. Think of it as a compliment.”
“Thou elder was wise then. Hope is for fools, the only thing that matters is power.” Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I began trotting forward. “Thou may come, but do not speak.”
“Yeah, he is wise and I doubt he’d get along with you. Whatever. I’ll just keep my beak shut. Trixie should just be right over that ridge,” Gilda said pointing at a line of smoke in the sky. She shook her head. “Idiot, on the run and she lights a fire at midday?”
“We hope thou art correct.” With one final step, the camp fire came into view as did a pony shaped silhouette. “The Great and Powerful Trixie, we seek an audience with thee. We have travelled far and wide in search of a unicorn with thy reputation.”
“Reputation?” Gilda balked. “She’s dumb enough to light a fire at midday while a wanted mare, and you decide she deserves respect, while I get the ‘let me ravage you or you go to jail’ thing?”
“Many would consider being ravaged by a goddess to be a complement of the highest esteem. As for thy question, different ponies require different tactics. Did thou truly believe we went into your jail cell without any prior information or idea of thy temperament? Trixie is an egotistical idiot. A useful idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. The correct way of dealing with such ponies is to inflate their sense of self-worth.”
Gilda glanced over at me. “So I get to get pushed around whenever you’re feeling insecure, and she gets ego stroked?” She rolled her eyes. “Fuck, this is gonna be a long week.”
I chose to ignore her comment and approach the cautious mare before us. “Be at ease our little pony, we mean thee no harm. We are Princess Luna and our companion here is Gilda.”
“I got upgraded to companion?” Gilda muttered. “Better than pet.”
“Our sarcastic companion,” I amended with a glare. “We desire thy presence on a journey we have undertaken.”
“It’s about time Trixie got the recognition she deserved! She has defeated ursa majors and not once did she get a medal. Does she get the fame and re-”
“Dude, is she speaking third person?” Gilda asked after a moment. “Come on! ‘I’, say ‘I’! It’s not freakin’ hard!”
I could only watch in mild amusement as Trixie continued the tirade of her exploits and somehow managing to miss Gilda’s not-so-subtle mockery. Now that took skill.
“-ful Trixie is at your service!” There was a bright flash and multiple fireworks shot out into the sky. Sure, I was informed that she did such acts, but I thought it was mere exaggeration. It apparently caught Gilda by surprise too, as the gryphon lowered herself to the ground and looked ready to tackle the mare.
“Trixie wishes to know why you want her specifically though. Trixie thought you would prefer that prissy, no talent wash-up Twilight Sparkle,” she spat.
“Well what accomplishments hath Twilight Sparkle to her name?” Defiling the purple mare’s name left an acidic aftertaste on my tongue. “Thou hath accomplished so much more and if we had our way, thy name would be on everypony’s lips instead.”
“Never thought I’d see a goddess kissing someone else’s ass.” Gilda muttered too low for Trixie to hear, but I was an alicorn.
“Trixie agrees wholeheartedly with what you are saying. It is a refreshing change of pace to see someone with the correct frame of mind. It is about time somepony recognised the true master of magic.” More fireworks. “Trixie shall grace you with her magnificence on one condition.”
“And thy condition is?”
“Trixie demands a new cape and hat!”
Demands? This mare dare demands something from us! The impudent foal deserves to be thrown in jail for a couple of years. A thousand years on the moon and this happens, creatures everywhere think they can talk back to me and that they can somehow demand things from us. Disgusting.
“Thou shalt get a new cap and hat then,” I replied. “Now stay close, we shall be teleporting back to Canterlot to make preparations. Trixie-”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie.”
I ground my teeth together. “Great and Powerful Trixie, we hope thou wilt stay out sight of the guards and the general populace while we art there. Thou hath insulted Princess Celestia’s personal protégé and there is little we can do to protect thee from the consequences of thy own actions.”
“Teleporting again? I thought you said we could just fly?” Gilda asked.
“We lied.” Before they could react, I threw my wings open to wrap around their torsos and promptly channeled magic into my horn.
This is going to be a very long week.