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// My Little Spaghetti 
// Story: I Blame You 
// by Whitestrake 
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	We all know Pinkie likes parties, that's just how she is, and that it wasn’t out of the question that she would want to throw a celebration in honor of our victory over the invading changelings. Well fuck going to that, after being burned alive, I just wanted to relax, and Jay needed the wind-down as much as me. So, apparently Chrysalis and Trixie get along well, because they collaborated with Twilight to host a coed slumber party. Unfortunately for me and my fellow teenager, the broodmother was just as deceptive as she had always been, and lured us both in under false pretenses. Well, that's how they got Jay, because they ripped me out of bed and dragged me to Chrysalis' room.

“As soon as I get out of here, you are all going to die.” It was ten, and I'd been trying to sleep since noon. I was not a happy man by any definition, and they were going to know it.

“Relax, you got less sleep around me and Bons.” Did I forget to mention Lyra was there? Well, she was, and that alone made things more bearable and stressful at the same time. And no, that was not an innuendo about me joining in on the couple's sex, they were just loud and the first-floor ceiling wasn't enough to block the noise. “And that was while you were trying to build an electric engine for your truck.”

“Why not build me a new laptop?” Jay was enjoying this exponentially more than me, of course, zero to the hundredth is still zero. “You seem to be doing everything except what you promised.”

“Eat a bucket of fried dicks.” Before things could escalate further, Lyra and Twilight got between us in an attempt to diffuse the situation. Please note that they were blocking me, because Jay posed no physical threat to me. I'll be the first to admit that he had bulked up during his work at Sweet Apple Acres, but he still wasn't on my level.

“Now listen, I've done all of this to give you guys a relaxing night with friends, the very least you could do is humor me.” Twilight could be very forceful when she wanted, as I had learned twice while working for her. As you know, we arrived during the early spring, so care to guess what happens in the late spring and early summer for equines? Yeah, that had been the second time I'd learned that lesson.

“I'll cooperate as long as he does.” What Jay said was tantamount to my own words, though much less civil. With our mutual, though begrudging compliance, the Element of Magic pulled out what I had thought was a board game, and I had been close. You know those boxed Truth or Dare games that use cards that tell you what to ask or have the person do? Well, apparently Equestria had them too.

“Trixie always hated this game as a foal.” The showmare hadn't actually hated the childish game, so much as never had anyone to play it with. She was a very lonely filly before I came along with my knife and makeshift medical skills. Her disdain aside, we circled around the two stacks of cards and took our seats. Trixie and Lyra where at my sides, Chrysalis was across from me, and I was left wishing for a die to roll to decide who went first and what direction turns would go. Sadly, the mares decided Jay would have the first go.

“Alright, Twilight, truth or dare?” He wouldn't draw the corresponding card until she answered, and the whole setup had me suspicious about the game's intentions. With each passing moment, the odd feeling in my gut worsened, and I knew when to trust my gut.

“Truth.” Twilight had a very slight smirk on her face, and the other females wore the same. Why was this doing nothing to ease my nerves? If anything, it was making me more on-edge than normal, and that was never a good thing. Jay drew the Truth card with the practiced ease of a gambler, it probably helped that we played a lot of Magic before coming to Equestria.

“How many se- what the fuck?!” I have never seen my friend's eyes so wide, save one round of yearbook photos that I'm not willing to discuss. He waved me over to see what had caught his breath, and I can't truly say I'm surprised.

“Well, Twilight, answer him. How many sexual partners have you had?” Judging by the looks I got, they hadn't been expecting me to be so cool with the mature game, but two can play at this game. Well, technically it requires three or more, but you get the point. The lavender Element bearer blushed and stuttered for a bit, clearly unused to being asked such questions, but she did pull through.

“None.” I don't think anyone was surprised by that, I can attest that she got out less than I did. Now, it was at that moment, after I had read the question aloud, that I realized I may have brought some shit down on me. But, the first rule of a war of attrition was entrench your position, and this battle had a mental no-man's-land. My conscience already had its spade ready. “Taylor, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Retreat? Do I look French to you? And yes, I knew that I was likely putting the nails in my own coffin. Twilight magicked the card from the stack like an ace Uno player, yes, those actually exist. The lavender mare thought she had me pegged with her scary and embarrassing dare.

“Put on a pair of socks.” Right, the whole sock thing. You'd think that she would have realized that I wore a pair every single day, but geniuses lacked common sense sometimes.

“You mean like these?” I pointed to my feet, and you could have seen the joy drain from her face when she realized me level of preparedness. She looked angry for a second, really angry, like burn down your house with a glare angry. The lavender mare flipped through the rulebook for a bit, before she evidently found the passage she was looking for.

“Whenever a player already meets the requirements for a clothing-base dare, a new card must be drawn.” Twilight placed the card in the used stack, looking smug that she'd beaten me for the first time since we'd met. Her magical aura enveloped the next Dare card, and for once, I was feeling nervous about my fate. But the die had been cast, let the universe do with me as it pleased.

“Let's see what we've got.”

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Extra – A Lesson in Equine Biology
Week Three in Equestria, a Monday.

“Huh, wonder where everyone went.” I was sitting on the balcony of Lyra's apartment, which was goddamned fancy enough to warrant it. I had been awake for the past two days, another bout of insomnia for me, and through the past couple of days, my sleepless brain had been noting the diminishing numbers of males in Ponyville. Even the Doctor had taken flight, which was rather odd of him, what little I actually understood outside of scientific conversation. Spike and Big Mac had left town yesterday, and they took Jay with them for some reason, so there was one fly out of my ointment.

Like I had done before in my sleepless mornings, I watched the town awaken with the dawn as I sipped a bitter, herbal medicine meant to aid in rest. Just as I thought, married couples and young foals had left town entirely, while the vast majority of the fairer sex had remained, along with the occasional dude thrown in for balance. The mares seemed a bit... off somehow, like they were itchy or sick, but my perch didn't allow me the luxury to take closer observations. I was also too lazy and polite to ask a lady what was wrong with her. However, something in the air was making my head fuzzy, so maybe getting another cup of bitter sleep-aid and knocking out for a couple of hours wasn't such a bad idea. The last thing I saw from the balcony was Bon-bon leaving for work, we always seemed to miss each other in the mornings.

“Oh, hey Taylor.” Lyra was sitting at the dinner table, eating her breakfast like a sensible person/pony, but I couldn't help but notice a tinge in her cheeks. She was slightly flushed, maybe she had a fever, not something I needed to deal with, but still. I placed my own cheek on her forehead, ponies were hotter than humans on a normal basis, but she felt much warmer. “What are you doing?”

“Do you feel hot?” Lyra looked at me like I was insane, before she must have remembered something, then she started laughing. 

“Yes, I do.” She still had that mocking grin on her face, and I could easily pick up the same dizzying aroma that was outside. Whatever it was permeated the air within the dwelling, and seemed to be emitting from the teal mare that sat in front of me.

“I trust you have something to fix this?” Malady should never be taken lightly, especially if it was making my own senses go haywire. The mare just giggled and grabbed my hand, something she had always been rather fond of, and I wasn't about to turn away an ailing pony.

“It's not that kind of sickness, Taylor.”

“So, if it's a virus, just treat the symptoms.” She giggled again, I think I was missing something here, but who cares? A shake of her head told me I still had it wrong, and a point of her hoof hinted that I should look down. There was a certain question that popped into my head, and I just about answered my others with it mere existence.

Why did I have an erection?

Then I remembered what spring meant for equines.

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Do I even need to tell you guys that you pick the dare?