Dead Space: Valor in Laughter

by Kishin


"....And fight like hell for the living"

Hey guys. Gonna have to skip to a more dramatic portion of the story to build up the intensity. Enjoy!



USM Valor. 2508.

Aegis VII system. 1355 hours Normal Time

Crew Deck. Medical Checkpoint.


"How was I supposed to know that they didn't like confetti?"

"Pinkie, you fired a carnival cannon point blank in someone's face at an armed checkpoint!" Joon shouted above the sibilance of rounds flying past his head.

"They looked grumpy! Especially when they saw you! Being the mood-killer you are, I was only trying to cheer them up! Ooooh! Is that a shiny bit I see? Today must be my lucky day!" Pinkie ducked as a stray round flew past where her head would have been.

She got back up and innocently chided, "Awww. This isn't a bit. Only a 10 million credit chip. Whatever THAT is. Worthless." She threw the plastic human monetary unit over her shoulder and ran towards Joon to catch up to him.

He slid behind a column of rubble and wildly fired his Seeker Rifle above cover, hoping that his returning fire would distract the former crew from firing at the arriving Pinkie Pie. Speaking of the Valor's crew, Joon was hearing an awful amount of footsteps on the other side of the rubble.

Joon looked behind him. There was no pony there. I swear she was right behind me.

Pinkie Pie tapped his shoulder.....upside down, "Here I am!"

"Christ! Don't scare me like that. Nearly shot-."

A human in a crewman's jumpsuit hurdled over the cover, swinging about what looked- scratch that- what was a Plasma Cutter. A miner's solution to all problems: Welding, slicing through meters of rock with precision, and even hunting down varmint infestations in mining settlements and caves. Harmful on the weakest power node setting, deadly accurate with power node upgrades in all the right places. Not taking any chances, Joon sidestepped to avoid any fire from the crewman, and quickly drove a knee, the force multiplied by his combat RIG, into the man's groin. He then proceeded to reach for the arm holding the plasma cutter, twist the wrist past its breaking point, and caved in one of his knees in one fluid motion. Wrestling the Plasma Cutter out the man's grasp, Joon held the man's neck in a half-nelson and forced the man to walk, barely, in front of him as a "meat-shield". The pair strided into the open, though Joon had to drag forcefully his make-shift hostage the entire way, with Pinkie hopping behind them. Joon noted the location of each of his former comrades, and if push came to shove, he'd be able to dispatch them quickly. The "hostage" was stuttering pleas of mercy, telling Joon that his crewmates would "Fire anyway, man. They've changed. Not a fucking smackering of humanity left in 'em" and was shaking from the agony that his wounds supplied.

"I'm running out of patience. Let me see Cadigan. Now. I don't want to hurt anybody. We're all in the same boat here...literally."

The man seemingly in charge of the checkpoint, considering the way he held himself with authority, shouted, "Got a digital blacklist of who to shoot-on-sight, and you're one of them. Commander's orders. Now...surrender and we'll make your death quick and painless. And that hostage won't help your case. We'll carry our orders nevertheless."

Joon only blinked, "Just know this. Fire at me, and I'll fire back. I've lived through enough of the Resource Wars to know how to kill our own, even after all this."

The hostage pleaded further, "No, please! Let me go! I don't want to die!"

The leader of the checkpoint personnel stated without a hint of compassion, "Very well. Open fire!" The men under his command directed a wave of Pulse Rifle splinter rounds at the hostage "meat-shield" and Joon himself. Blood splattered on Joon's RIG as the hostage had his insides and jumpsuit torn away by the bullets mushrooming into his body and eventually having his cranium pummeled away from the torrent of fire until nothing but a bloody stump of his neck remained. Joon unceremoniously dropped the body and returned to his previous location of cover.

Unsurprisingly, he already found Pinkie Pie there....wielding a SWS Motorized Pulse Rifle, it's fully-retractable stock wielded precariously over her shoulder.

"Pinkie, put that down! You're not certified to handle that weapon!"

"But I'm helping! See?"

She let off a burst, and surprised by the kicking recoil, she let go of the weapon's grip with her hooves, resulting in the impact of the butt of the rifle's stock flying into Joon's face. He grasped an upper portion of his head in anguish and fell on all fours.

"MY FUCKING EYE!"

"I'm so sorry! Wait....you have an eye?"

On the flooring, Joon viewed from his other non-swollen eyeball the rounds fired off by Pinkie ricocheting off the deck walls. As cartoon-like as her personality and physical nature, the bullets flew and bounced into every obstacle in and around the checkpoint, until some of them finally made a definitive hit on a series of Stasis containment tanks meant for use in medical Urgent Care units. The elements within the stasis tanks, now exposed to the surrounding atmosphere, violently heaved their effects in a large radius, nearly freezing the motion of everything in the deck level.

After what seemed like an eternity, the ship (at least on the level the skirmish was taking place on) knew peace and quiet. A little too quiet to the liking of a certain pink equine. Swimming through the catalyzed stasis field, Pinkie Pie dolphin-undulated through the field until she reached a statue-like Joon. Biting his shemagh, she dragged him through the field until they reached the boundary of the stasis field's limits.

Joon landed on the deck, continuing his interrupted action for a moment, and directing a bewildered stare at Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie apologized, "I'm sorry for....that." She pointed at the frozen "wonderland" that Joon would have called his gravesite just a few moments ago.

"Why should you say sorry?"

"Huh?"

"You saved our lives. That doesn't exactly require an apology." Joon shakingly got up. He never really got used to the tingly "sleeping limb" sensation/after-effect of Stasis exposure.

"But what about that eye?"

"I've had black eyes before. And I'd take a bruised organ over what would have happened if we stayed over there," Joon gestured sloppily at the stasis field.

"But what are we going to do now? It's not like any more oppurtunities are just going to fall into our hooves, you know!" Pinkie inquired with her hooves held out wonderously. She closed her eyes as she shook her head.

At that moment, a few intact stasis tanks flung themselves through the slowed-down effects of the Stasis field's epicenter, and landed into Pinkie's open hooves. Joon watched in silent amazement as the tanks stacked on eachother perfectly and Pinkie's seemingly oblivious expression as the scene unfolded about her.

Pinkie Pie sighed, "I have no clue what to do next." She dropped her hooves, along with the neat stack of medical stasis tanks.

"Do you?"

Joon looked down at the pile of medical stasis refills, and up at Pinkie, and down at ths pile again. Maybe he expected too much of her to make the connection.

Joon slowly mused, "Oh, I think I might have an idea."









USM Valor. 2508.

Aegis VII system. 1355 hours Normal Time

Outside Commander F. Cadigan's Private Quarters.


"Hey Greer, stay awake."

"Yeah, Corporal, like I can actually sleep after all this shit happened," Greer yawned. "And I didn't even close my eyes."

"I know a tired sailor when I see- What the hell?"

"What?" Greer asked.

A disproportionate mass floated down the hall. To Greer's tired eyes, it seemed to be a trio of Stasis tanks wrapped around with duct tape attached to a balloon decaled with cartoonish face that had a rather hypnotizing gaze. It took a couple of seconds for both Marines to realize that there was a concussion grenade taped on the Stasis tanks. Without a pin.

"Oh shi-," The Corporal was about to swear, but the resulting explosion froze his expression and body, as well as Greer's.

A lone figure followed by a pink equine raced down the hall and passed the near-motionless bodies, still affected by the applied stasis field. They quickly entered the room that the two crewmen were ordered to guard, and behind them, they locked the door.

Joon turned with a 211-V Plasma Cutter at the ready, which he had policed from the....scenes of massacre.... in the bottom levels on the way to their present location, and aimed the targeting laser at the back of an almost-expectant Cadigan.

"Commander Cadigan, by Maritime Law Article 54-69, I declare you mentally unfit for leadership and command of the USM Valor. I hereby place you under arrest and relieve you of duty. Do I need to repeat your rights?"

Cadigan was silent as he revolved around to face Joon and his affectionate pink friend.

To Pinkie's partial shock, Cadigan appeared not himself. His face and arms were carved with Unitologist scripture in a scraggly manner to suggest that they were self-inflicted. Joon was less surprised, as he expected Cadigan's appearence to be concurrent with his mental status, which had not faired well according to the announcements over the Valor's PA system that he had made while Joon made his way towards Cadigan's quarters.

Two words to describe those announcements: Completely disturbing.

Ignoring the Marine's rebellious order, Cadigan calmly stated, "This is the end game, Gunny. Don't treat it like anything else."

Joon threatened again, "Do I need to repeat your rights, sir?

Cadigan sighed, "No, you don't, Sergeant. Heh, I can't believe your arresting me. I've tried to kill you, what? Two, three times already? And yet you still persist in keeping me alive."

Cadigan unholstered his Divet service pistol and held it at his side.

"Don't worry. This isn't meant for you. It's for me! Hehehehehehahahahhahahhhahhahaha! I'm going to burn in damnation for what I've done. But, you? The Relic has plans for you! You managed to survive this far because of it. The Marker...has no use for me anymore. It only needs my ship. If it needs a Shockpoint Drive so badly, then-"

Suddenly, Cadigan stopped, and looked at Joon again as if he had just arrived. Cadigan broke into a frenzied fervor, "It's time for you to do your duty, Marine."

He continued, Joon slowly backing away as Cadigan advanced forward. "They're telling me to make it whole. To make it whole! I have no idea what's letting on about, but I can't let it. It won't let me fight it's influence. If only...yes, yes, excellent idea!"

Joon, worried a few moments ago how far Cadigan was really gone, self-confirmed his beliefs.

Cadigan officially just embarked on the Crazy Train; next destination, Complete Lunacy.

Pinkie whispered, "Is he talking to himself?", to which Joon shrugged in response.

"Cadigan, get a hold of yourself!"

Cadigan struggled out in his moment of lucidity, "It....won't let me. I've tried to...destroy it. I sent Captain Renner with a team of Sappers down to Engineering....to detonate the fusion reactors. It would have stranded us, but it also would have sent us in a collision trajectory with the Ishimura. Hopefully, it would have left the Necros without a Marker to control them, and if the Marker wasn't damaged by the crash...well, at least they won't have any transportation out-of-system. Renner managed to set up some auto-turrets down in Engineering to cover them while he got his boys to place some charges on the reactors, but the necrotic freaks managed to disrupt power to the auto-turrets. Renner's boys didn't stand a chance."

Joon asked, "Are the charges secure?"

"Yes. I managed to route a secondary source of power to the auto-turrets, but by the time they were online again, Renner's squad couldn't be helped. His lot was slaughtered." For a moment, Cadigan's mouth quivered into a slight smile, but the grin disappeared, his face masterfully returning to its calm, resolute state.

Cadigan urged, "And this is where you come in. You gotta help me. You managed to stay alive, but every other person I thought would be completely reliable is dead. The Marker knew of our plans of retrieval, plans to separate it from ever being Whole again. If it gets a hold of me....I'm fucked. I've failed it. Whatever it has in plans for me, it'll be worse than whatever ol' hellfire and brimstone can ever supply. You have to find the detonation device. Last I've seen of it, Renner had it on his body. The charges are originally supposed to run on a timer, so you'll have time for an escape route hopefully before the ship crashes into the Ishimura. Even if you don't want to help me, do this for the people back home. This....this has gone too far. The Unis' experiment has evolved into...something far more than expected."

Cadigan loftily placed the Divet to his right temple before Joon could raise anymore questions.

"Cadigan, sir! Drop the weapon!", Joon commanded. "What did you say about the Uni's? That this is all-"

He grimly smiled, "I only wish I could tell you, Sergeant. But I need to pass on the torch, so to say. The Marker will be watching closely. But you know what? Fuck the Marker. Do what has to be done, Gunny. Like always."

Cadigan added, in the form of his final, last words, "Oh, and Gunny? I'm sorry. Make it Whole again."

Realizing Cadigan was too far gone, Joon turned to Pinkie Pie and shouted, "Pinkie, cover your eyes!"

The loud discharge of a firearm flooded the room, accompanied soon by the gunshots and shouting from outside the room. Damn, exit route's gonna be tricky.

Joon stood in front of the gore-splattered interior of the room, shielding Pinkie from the sight.

"Pinkie, it's okay to look now."

Joon then started to cautiously stride towards the disorganized mountain of datapads, Neo-Altmanist tomes, and torn food packaging encircling what was once Cadigan's desk and the flooring. Among the pile of garbage, and the puddles of blood that must have been the aftermath of Cadigan's self-carving sessions, Joon picked up one of the text data pads that caught his eye, as it was the only one not completely covered in what Joon noted to be....some sort of bodily fluid.

Carefully keeping Pinkie Pie's eyes blocked with her hooves and urging her gently to look away as they approached Cadigan's body, Joon skimmed through the latest message on Cadigan's text log.

EYES ONLY - PRIORITY BLACK
FROM: CHIEF OF STAFF, EARTH DEFENSE
ATTN: COMMANDER CADIGAN, F.
OPERATION WHITE LIGHT
THEATER: AEGIS SYSTEM, PLANET PENDING
OBJECTIVE: DEEP CLEANSE
CEC vessel USG Ishimura in breach of
government order. They are believed to have
recovered Marker 3A. Special Ops has
confirmed the system but has been unable
to provide the planet location.
Special Ops advises caution. If Marker 3A
has been recovered, infection by a lethal
organism is a credible threat.
Shockpoint to Aegis system, move to
position out of local scope range and await
signal from Ishimura to confirm location

The marine tossed the datapad into the interior of the room. That bastard knew this whole time, and he told no one.

If he told the crew, would we've gotten into this mess? No.

Would have their been mutiny? Of course. Mutiny is like rum in the navy. They're traditional past times.

But it wouldn't have hurt to at least arm the crew, or place the hanger in a quarantine.

Yeah, Cadigan. The greatest strategies are the ones that never have contigency plans. Completely....fucking....logical.

She uncovered her hooves from her eyes, and questioned, "W-what happened?"

"Let's just say that Cadigan won't be bothering us for a long time."

"Did he go on a lunch break? Is that why you're covering everything in front of me? Because he might have gotten a super-delicious looking sandwich from Serbway that would have made me really jealous?!"

Joon stared curiously at Pinkie. She had already seen one human attempt suicide before, but was she really naive enough to brush off another attempt as something COMPLETELY different?

Shit. Gonna have to lie...again. Don't even know why I try though.

I've read classified text that would have probably gotten me hung without a military tribunal. Even with dementia, I'm probably the only sane person in this whole damn ship. And I attempted to arrest my ship's skipper right before he blew his brains out.

Is it too early to retire? Like, forever?

Joon chuckled sadly, "Yeah, Pinkie. Now let's go. Cadigan wants to be left in peace....for his lunch break."







USM Valor. 2508.

Aegis VII system. 1421 hours Normal Time

Engine Room.


Joon hit the ground as soon as he vaulted over the barricade Renner's squad had set up. He checked over the cover to view the Necromorphs chasing behind him cut up by the firepower off the auto-turrets. A distant cacophony of screeches and a series of wet, concussive pops signaled the end of a couple of trailing Exploders that Joon hoped would never reach the auto-turrets. With their current condition after their previous interaction with Necromophs, duct tape and thermal grease were all that were keeping the auto-turrets from falling apart.

And the pounding from across the deck wasn't easing Joon's present stress level. Friggin Brutes...

"Don't get out of the RIG pack just yet, Pinkie. I need to do something first."

Joon authorized a system reboot of the auto-turret systems. Not a complete reboot, but only a revision for the target-recognition system. He validated all RIG users and four-legged non-RIG wearing equines-like creatures to be tagged as "friendly".

Shit, the closest thing for a recognition image for Pinkie was a dog. Meh, close enough

Joon was about to look over cover to check up on the status of the auto-turrets, but ended up slipping on the disembodied hand. He face-planted into the deck floor, which actually was quite soft....and eerily wet.

The marine got up on his knees and confirmed his suspicions. Cadigan was definitely not lying about the team of sappers he sent down to Engineering. Joon was looking at one of the members after all, who wasn't quite as whole and "non-eviscerated" as a normal human being should be.

Confirming the presence of Renner's team's remains, Joon scavenged some ammunition and salvaged plasma cartridges for his modified Plasma Cutter.

Heh. Whatever redneck that had the time and money to improvise a directed energy weapon from a mining tool, I gotta say....I take back all those mining colony inbreeding jokes I've said over the years. Even the one about the Blonde, the Furry, and Unitologist preacher.

Joon had even found some cartridges for a half-empty Detonator, a virtual mine-launcher. Oh, the pain he used to cause with these during his old traffic interdiction days. And he was racking up his streak of luck, for among the ravaged bodies behind the barricade was a strange rectangular object, flush with a plastic safety switch and an activation latch. The det control.

Pinkie Pie burst out of Joon's pack and vibrated down onto the deck.

"I t-t-t-t-h-h-i-n-k I'm-m-m-m g-g-g-e-t-t-t-t-t-i-n-g a-n-n-n-n-o-t-h-e-r-r-r d-o-o-o-o-o-o-z-y!"

"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Joon ducked down and tried to keep Pinkie Pie still. With one hand he started to keep Pinkie Pie from having what Joon assumed was an epilepsy attack, and with the other, he scrambled for the detonation control. He checked the device for a status on the charges laid by Renner's team while fumbling in a retrieved med-pack for a shot of eslicarbazepine for Pinkie Pie. As if a heavenly crack of shining rays had shone upon his shit day....week, the charges were confirmed to be fully operational.

"My Pinkie Sense is tingling! This happened before when I got WHOOSHED over here!" Pinkie exclaimed with a dramatic raising of both her hooves.

"Whooshed?"

Pinkie denied, "Not 'whooshed'. WHOOSHED! That's what it sounded like when I was traveling through the portal-thingamajig! Huh. My Pinkie Senses stopped. Do you think that-"

Pinkie couldn't finish her train of thought, as an immaculate disk of light swirled into existence, blinding both Joon and....well, Pinkie pulled out a pair of sunshades from nowhere, so count only Joon as part of the visually disabled temporarily.

And out from the vortex of swirling energies, two figures hopped out, One of them, a multi-chromatic maned alicorn, and the other a pegasus stallion appearing smartly dressed and professional, despite only wearing a single green tie.

Both of them, Pinkie was quite jubilant to see again.







"Princess, relax! That dimension was only inhabited by dinosaurs-"

The Princess interrupted, "That were trying to CONSUME us!"

"That was a complete anomaly. Will not happen again, I assure you, your Highness! And it appears we are here this time! See, no dinosaurs!"

"Or cheese furniture stores managed by killer statues?" The Princess accused.

"Nor any dairy-themed multi-dimensional Ikeas run by Weeping Angels in sight. Just a normal, ordinary-"

An unnatural roar echoed from the end of the vast, metal-composed passage amongst the havoc, a morbid scent of blood, and the massive hum of the fusion-powered engines.

"-titanic metal deathtrap. See? Nothing to worry about," affirmed the Doctor.

Princess Celestia spotted a pink earth pony behind a collapsible barricade embedded onto the deck floor with the creature she had previously viewed through her temporary form as a sprite/Adjutor Equus encantation.

The human cried out, "Pinkie, that's her...I think! Run! I'll be right behind you!"

Pinkie Pie started to protest, "But-"

"No 'buts'! Remember what I said about following what I say to the letter? Would you really break a promise?"

"...No."

"Good. Now go! I can hear that thing charging towards us. I'll catch up!"

As the distant image of Pinkie Pie began to reach a closer and closer distance, Celestia looked back and forth between Pinkie and the human. And whatever was arriving on the scene, it was definitely agitated.

The human swore, as Celestia believed it had caught an image of the gargantuous monster arriving.

"Ah, shit! Brute!" The human brandished its weapon and fired at the incoming mismatched mass of necrotic flesh and bone.

"Come on, Tiny! Show me the color of your guts!"

The Brute had knocked a few of the auto-turrets, as if they were mere annoyances, leaving a defensive gap for a group of Necromorphs to enter, most of them Exploders.

Noting the evident "kamikaze-wave" tactic, Joon switched weapons to his Detonator, deciding to save the majority of the auto-turrets first. He launched a mine, and waited for one of the chemically-charged Exploders to cross the mine's sensors, leading to a volatile chain reaction of organic explosives. Joon then focused on the Brute, who was also intent with a maddening delight of ripping apart his prey, as Joon did for its kin.

Joon's eyesight shifted about, sleep deprivation finally taking its toll, and he failed to react quick enough to the Brute's rushing speed. The Necromorph knocked Joon onto the deck floor maliciously, and barely dodging in time the full blow, Joon felt the Brute's bludgeon-like bladed forelimb brush against his ribs. The limb penetrated the impact plating of Joon's RIG and had violently trudged on the side of Joon's chest, though his previous dodge had prevented everything left of his sternum from becoming crushed into a bloody pulp.

"GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the human hollered. Celestia winced at the image, and had mere seconds to force her expression to change from one of horror, to another of plastered happiness when Pinkie Pie reached Celestia's protective reach.

She could only hope that Pinkie didn't turn her head back . Celestia wished dearly to help, but she resolved unconsciously, with a heavy heart, that she would rather watch an alien creature suffer, than allow her subject to be in harm's way again.






The Brute slowly raised its freakishly disproportional limb from Joon's side, preparing for a finishing blow...or not.

Last time Joon checked, "quick" and "painless" weren't in the Necromorph vocabulary. If they even have a vocabulary.

Through all the torment, he still managed to cling onto the Detonator in his right hand, and the det control in his left, but his left arm could barely lift from the ground before Joon could feel the sickening pain of his torn muscles struggling to pull on eachother with no avail. The marine tried his right arm, and raggedly took aim at the herds of Exploders charging at the auto-turrets with his Detonator.

Hope this takes care of most of 'em. Celestia's here, so the turrets shouldn't be too much of a defensive priority if I have a ride out. That, or I die from what I'm going to do. So win-win....I guess?

Joon exhaled, "Yo, fatty." Damn, even talking hurts. Must have some broken ribs, too.

The Brute froze in its movements. Hopefully it had a basic understanding of English derogatory terms.

"Have fun burning the calories off from this."

*Poomph!*

Wondering why the puny human piece of filth had fired away from the Brute, the creature turned to view the launched mine activate among the mass of Exploders behind it, the group having ventured far closer to the Brute and its prey since it last observed them. The Brute realized, the moment that the mine's sensor was tripped, that the proximity and sheer aggregation of the Exploders would certainly result in its demise...and the fragmented end of everything in a 50 yard radius.

Joon hissed a chuckle, and rolled over on all fours. He staggered onto his feet in order to attempt his escape, and dropped the Detonator behind him.

He felt unbelievable pain. He was covered in blood. But the bludgeoning aftershock and pillowing shrouds of sharapnel and bone fragments behind him that pushed his body forward away from the scene, was pure bliss.

Joon wanted to leave everything that happened behind him. The Necromorphs. The visions.

Her.

He reveled in the fact that he would escape from all of them, whether as discarded bloody chunks across the bulkheads, a stranded body in the cold, loneliness of space, or as a refugee under Pinkie's friendship.

Any of them were, at the present, welcome.

Landing back into cold, hard reality, quite literally however, his body was tossed on the deck with a thud.

And he felt every moment of it.