Sorry, But Your Princess is in Another Dimension

by Mr AJ


5

CHAPTER





I came to with a violent shudder. "So. Much. Twilight. Ohhhhh....." I groaned with a shiver in my voice. I forced my eyes open only to be blinded by technicolor overload. I was still in the library and everyone was staring at me. The unicorn in question was standing over me with a confused expression.

"So much me? What are you talking about?" She asked. I never was one to pass up an opportunity like this. I curled into the fetal position and pointed an accusing hoof at her.

"You! You were in my mind! Telling me things, Showing me things! You and Spike and some owl!" I murmured.

"Who?" A brown blob of feathers asked.

"You! Oh God! Unicorns! Dragons! Roast Owls! Blblblblblblblblblblbl" I said twiddling my hoof on my lips. The orange one just placed her hat over her heart.

"Twi, Ah think y'all done broke him." She said solemnly.

"Ha-ha! Nah just messin with ya. I could use a cup of water though." I said, sitting up and looking around. A pink ball of energy bounced up and tossed a can to me. I caught it with my magic and floated it up to take a look at the label. It look suspiciously similar to a drink that "gives you wings".

"Here! Try this! it always helps me recover after a big party." Pinkie Pie told me.

I shrugged, popped the tab, and downed it in one go. The resulting belch caused her poofy mane to stand back like it she had been in a wind tunnel. After her mane sprang back to normal she held up a "9" scorecard. I floated her over and gave her a hug so hard, I heard her back pop. I let her go, and it hit me. I had just used telekinesis, or some variation thereof. I turned to thank Twilight, but the smug looking mare just smiled and said, "You're welcome. Your first round of lessons begins as soon as we get a safe distance from town, just in case something goes wrong. Though, it shouldn't as long as you listen to me. Let me know when you're ready."

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A few hours later, I had found out just how much experience she had shared with me. I now had minor telekinesis, elemental control, and teleportation, which according to her, I still needed a lot more practice with. (I don't think we'll ever find that sonic screwdriver again.) The sun was setting as we headed back into town. Wait. If the princesses were gone...

"Uhhhh..." I said looking up.

"If you're going to ask about the sun still moving, the princesses always have a spell in effect in case one or the other can't move it. It should hold for a few days, don't worry." She said as we walked up to the library. Pinkie and Derpy had elected to go with us and were talking quietly to each other. We went in and sat on the benches in the main room. Twilight paced around us.

"Okay, so your crash course in unicorn magic 101 is over. I think it's time we start working on a plan." She said in a deadly serious tone. The others had gone home so it was just us. Apparently, while I was out cold, she had seen fit to send Spike to the castle to help field messages coming in for the Royal Sisters. I kind of felt bad for the little guy. My stomach grumbled slapped me in the face to remind me it was empty. I raised a hoof. Twilight stopped and rolled her eyes.

"Anthony, this isn't a classr-"FOOD! HUNGRY! EAT NOW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE!"-oom. Well, alright. Let's take a break for, let's see. What time is it?" She asked looking at the clock.

Pinkie spang up to her hind hooves. "ADVENTURE MMPH!" She tried to shout as a blue hoof was jammed in her muzzle. Ha! This is fun. Derpy's eyes focused on me and she frowned. Uh-oh. this might be trouble.

"Anthony! That wasn't very MMPH!" And there went my other hoof.

CHOMP!

"OWOWOWOWOWOW! GET IT OFF ME! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF! AAAAAAAARGH!" I yelled and ran around failing trying to get the pegasus dislodged.

"Ptoo! Mmm, blueberries...." She said as I saw my escape and bolted to the kitchen.

Twilight turned to Pinkie. "And I thought you were random."

I threw a quick meal together. Nothing much, just some grilled cheese and a box of something called "hay fries". I brought out four plates and a pitcher of tea I had found in the fridge and sat them on the dining room table. The three mares just stared at me.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked.

"No, we just didn't expect you to be done so fast." Twilight said. We all sat down and ate our sandwiches. I was halfway done when Twilight asked what I did for a living back home.

"Oh, not much. I was just a short order cook. I was usually stuck in the kitchen unless something needed fixing. So, Derpy, blueberries?" I asked with a grin.

"Hm?" She asked with her tongue sticking out from licking the salt off her plate. Seeing her with one eye looking up, one eye looking down and her tongue hanging out was too much and I fell over laughing. Twilight sighed.

"Pinkie, let's get the dishes cleared so that whenever he calms down, we can get down to business." She said collecting the plates. She looked around. "Pinkie? Huh? I wonder where she went. For that matter, where are the plates?" She muttered to herself. The pink mare came bouncing from the kitchen.

"Done and done!" She said merrily. twilight just shook her head. She should have known.

"Alright. Now that everypony is settled, any ideas on how we should go about this?" The studious purple mare asked. I looked around. Derpy was deep in thought, and Pinkie was..... I'm not even sure what she was up to, but involved balloons and oatmeal. SIGH.

"I have something. The teleportation spell works of memory or line of sight, correct?" I asked. The unicorn nodded. "So, it would stand to reason that we could use it as long as there was power to back it up. Using the knowledge I got from you earlier, a portal style spell might work best to get us there. Though that presents another problem." I said rubbing my chin.

"Really? What would that be?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, just the minor issue of that being first contact for humans. We would be carted away to some government laboratory, dissected, analyzed and whatever was left would be locked away in some hidden vault." I replied with sarcastic joy.

"You scare me worse than she does." Twilight spoke up and flicked her tail at Pinkie. The pink one looked a little crestfallen. I walked over and patted her on the back.

"You still scare me plenty." I told her. She perked up a little. Twilight shook her head.

"Anyway, you're right. The spell should work like that, though it's never been done on this scale. There's no telling what could happen. You may even get stuck in the Void." She said making some quick calculations on an abacus. I perked my ears up.

"The Void?" I asked.

"Yeah. The space between worlds. It's been called a few different things over the years; the Void, the In-Between, The Never-Never, just to name a few. You really don't want to get stuck there." she said finishing with her abacus. I sat there blinking and shaking my head. It couldn't be THAT Never-Never right? I mean the odds of that are-SNORE! I nearly jumped out of my pony skin. Derpy had fallen asleep next to me and had slumped against me at the same time as that snore. I wrapped her in a blue field of magic, got off the bench and eased her back down and tucked a pillow under her head. Quietly walking away, I sat down next to Pinkie.

"Wow, she really looks comfortable." Pinkie said as a rather impressive puddle of drool started forming under the sleeping mare's mouth. I was just glad I didn't have to wash the pillow.

"Yeah, well, she needs to rest. She said she was going with me whether I liked it or not." I said watching said drool spill onto the floor. I was starting to wonder if I should be looking for life rafts at this point.

"She must've really taken a liking to you." Pinkie giggled. Twilight just rolled her eyes.

"That's something that's been bothering me. Why is everyone-er pony, so sweet and kind? If you acted like this back home, you'd be likely locked up in the looney bin." I said gravely. After a few minutes of thinking, Twilight spoke up.

"Haven't you ever noticed that you feel and act differently with your friends than any other time? That feeling, that energy is what ponies here thrive on. We encourage friendship with everypony from an early age. Annnnd random inspiration strikes again!" She shouted with manic glee catching Pinkie and myself off guard. Derpy just rolled over.


"Well, don't keep us in suspense, what is it?" I asked.

"If you could make a portal strong enough for three ponies, I could cast a temporary disguise spell that would make us homan for a short time." She said looking at her bookshelves. Pinkie quickly ran up beside her.

"Psst. Twilight. It's spelled human not homan." She whispered in the others ear. Twilight jerked back and the both of us just stared at her like she had grown an extra set of legs. "Ugh. Someponies just don't understand comedy. It's time I went home anyway, I have a huge cupcake order to fill in the morning. Goodnight!" She sang out and headed out the door. It shut and I looked to my host.

"Twilight, could you demonstrate that disguise spell? I'm wondering how it works." I asked and we moved to a back part of the room so as not to disturb the sleeping Derpy.

"Of course. Just give me a minute." She said and closed her eyes in concentration. A mist surrounded her and began glowing after a second or two. After a moment the mist cleared and I could see the result. Before me stood a young woman, roughly my height. She had purplish hair that ran down to just past her shoulder and a pale complexion fitting of someone who inside a lot. She was also sporting a set of huge, shiny..... purple eyes. She was also stark naked. Having to look up to her, it was very hard to keep eye contact.

"Well? How do I look?" She asked, doing a little spin. Ye Gods!

"U-um, very h-human. I stammered.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, I wouldn't say wrong but, for humans, it's a little more awkward to keep certain body parts concealed than it is for fur covered ponies." I explained. She looked a little confused.

"I'm afraid I don't follow." she said. I facehoofed and pointed to a mirror on the wall. She looked. "Oh,wow! Is that me? I look awesome! Hey, is that my-oooh. I guess then these would be- ooookay, I think I understand now." She mumbled, turning a shade of red. I floated a nearby blanket over to her and draped it around her shoulders.

"But hey, you got the look down damn near perfect!" I told her with a cheesy grin.

"Yeah, but it's only temporary. The spell only lasts about six hours or so. We'll need a place to stay while we're on your world." She said and tied the blanket around her neck like a cape. I shrugged and yawned.

"It shouldn't be much of a problem. I've got a tidy little sum saved up so a motel shouldn't be a problem or hell, we could stay at my place. It's not much but, it'd be free." I said doing a double shrug and face planting. Twilight let out a loud laugh that faded into a loud yawn.

"I think it's time to turn in for the night," she mumbled. I nodded my agreement. I stood and rubbed my face.

"So, I take it that other bed is still available?" I asked hopefully. She sighed.

"No. There was an unfortunate incident involving Spike and a spider not long after you left the other night. To be blunt, he torched it. Missed the spider completely. It looks like we'll have to share a bed." She said as we went up the stairs. My parents raised me better.

"No, the gentleman would let the lady have the bed. I'll just curl up on the rug. No worries." I said, already half asleep. She giggled.

"You're right. A gentlecolt would, but we're talking about you." She snarked. My eyes snapped open. Aw, hell naw! Think quick Anthony!

"Sure, why not?" I said and trotted over to her bed when suddenly... "Hey! What was that on the balcony?" I whispered. She walked over and poked her head out the balcony door.

"What? I don't see any-WHOA! HEY!" She shrieked as I yanked the towel away and pushed her out the door, which was locked behind her. I stretched out in the comfy, spacious bed and watched my handiwork as sleep slowly took hold. Hearing her shout and seeing her jump around out there almost made me let her back in. I cracked an eye open for a last look. Almost.