Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare...
There on center stage was the undefeated beast of burden; the one of lopsided eyes and a dismal expression. "Umm... There were more voices last time I was here."
And the gloves were off last time you were here too...
...Life's a horse...
"A horse?"
Yeah...
...Like the kind that trot over all of your hopes and dreams and leaves you crippled on the side of the road so the timberwolves get you...
"...Alrighty."
Yes...
...Alrighty indeed...
Derpy...
...is afraid of waffle-irons...
"Waffle-iron! Who uses a waffle-iron when you can have a muffin made?"
I use a waffle-iron...
...Example...
In a moment, Derpy was clonked on the top of her head with a stray waffle-iron tossed from the darkness. However, Derpy remained unfazed.
And I'll keep throwing those at you until you are afraid of them...!
"...Keep throwing what?"
Darn you're good...
Derpy...
...can't pull the wool over my eyes...
"I don't have any wool."
Sure you do...
...You have the wool of your shroud of lies you carry around...
...Lies that you can't pull on me...
...Because I'm in your mind...
...I'm like a bear in the zoo that has some stupid kid fall into his pin...
"What's a zoo?"
Hush now...
...I'm doing an analogy...
Like I said...
...I don't just kill my new piece of meat...
...I play with it...
...And I've been playing with you for two too long...
...Time to bring you down...!
"But I'm already on the ground..."
Your mind games won't work on me this time...!
"Like hopscotch?"
...
Derpy...
...is just a lonely zombie...
"...You lost me at just."
See...?
You already don't have a brain...
...You're pretty much a zombie already...
"...What was that after 'you'?"
Derpy...
...Is helping me...
"Yay! I'm helping!"
Yes...
Do you want to know what you're helping me with...?
"Oh! Oh! Is it baking?"
Yes Derpy...
...It's a type of baking...
...The baking of your demise...
"...Is that chocolate flavored?"
Better...
...It's the flavor of revenge...
"Mmmm... Sounds yum-tastic!"
Oh...
...It will be...
Derpy...
...didn't hear us come in through the door...
"Oh! Your buddies are here! Now everypony can have some 'revenge' flavored food!"
...What have you been telling her...?
Just something to pass the time...
Derpy...
...takes part in vandalism...
"The Mayor tells me that all the time! She also says I'm 'a lawsuit in motion'."
...Right...
...Well we have proof you vandalize...
"Really?" In answer to her question, a blue police box landed beside her with a loud crash. The box seemed to have been broken in the windows and dented all over; the paint scratched off in many places and the words "Mii Derpee Toetaly did dis' sprayed across the face of it.
See...?
...Your name is written all over it...
...In one places...
...because we didn't have time to--
--clean all of it off...
...Because we're good samaritans...
What do you have to say for yourself...?
"...Muffin?"
A likely story...
But here...
...Have this as a good luck gift...
Before questioning why she would need a good luck gift, a pink doll landed in front of her with dull black eyes. "...What is it?"
A luckydo...
"...Wow. It's pretty."
No Derpy...
...It's beautiful...
A loud bang echoed across the dimly lit stage and a bright light overcame everything. From off to the side, Princess Cadance walked in with two pegasi guards close behind her and a brown stallion narrowing behind them. "Hi--"
"That's the one!" Cadance snapped as she pointed a hoof in Derpy's direction. "She's the one who stole my luckydo!"
The two guards quickly went up to Derpy and looked down at her harshly. "Stealing from a princess? You're doing hard time for this..."
"B-B-But--"
"What did you do to my TARDIS?!" the brown stallion bolted out from behind the group and went to the beaten down box.
"I didn't do anything! I swear!"
Then why's your name on it...?
"I--"
"Vandalizing and robbery? You're going down for this one..." The two guards closed in around Derpy and began to drag her off. "We've also been informed you've been teaching picklenese to insight a rebellion... You'll be brought to court for these crimes. May Celestia have mercy on your soul..." The large group filed out, dragging a confused Derpy out by her wings.
...I WIN!
I FINALLY BEAT HER!
All it took was making a fake police box...
...Paying off Vinyl...
...Filling that luckydo with spatial enchantments so Cadance would think it was actually lucky...
...Two flight tickets--
Will you just let me have this you killbuzz?!
Way to go Cap'n!