The Super Exciting, Chimichanga-filled Interdimensional Story of Epic Proportions, starring Deadpool and Pinkie Pie!

by Awesomedude17

World 20-6B: Insanity and Hats Part 1

(A/N I noticed that people had a hard time reading Deadpool's lines, so here a suggestion, change from light to dark. Enjoy!)

Dell Conagher, better known by his teammates as the RED engineer, was just sitting by his sentry nest. He was keeping a watchful eye on his Sentry gun and his Dispenser. They were built into the intelligence room in 2fort. One of the worst things to see was a spy come in and ruin one's work, so he brought a Frontier Justice, a Lugermorph, and a Jag to help with his buildings. A RED demoman, known as Tavish Degroot, already laid out a few traps with a Scottish Resistance, and was staying in the room with the Texan. The two began to speak.

"So Engie, ya think we have a chance to win 'ere?"

"I hope so, it's not like a new guy is gonna appear out of nowhere and help us, right?"

Speak of the devil, a man appeared out of nowhere riding a pink pygmy horse and was holding a half eaten pizza slice in his hand, which made the two mercenaries look in confusion, but they had seen weirder. The man began to talk.

"Alright, where my second chapter at?"

"I dunno!" Said the horse.

Tavish looked at his bottle, then at the duo that just appeared, then back at his bottle. He then said, "I've got to drink less."

Engineer also expressed confusion. "What the hell is going... did that horse just talk?"

"First off, she's not a horse, she a pony. Second, we're hopping from dimension to dimension, and this our first stop. Deadpool started off.

"Yeah, what he said!" Pinkie said.

The two killers looked at the two travelers, before a soldier, whom dubbed himself as Jane Doe, walked in.

"What are you..."

"HOLY CRAP!" Deadpool then shot the soldier in the head, revealing the man as a BLU spy. The two killers were shocked, as was Pinkie Pie.

"How the bloody hell did ya know he was a spy?" Demoman asked in a surprised tone.

"He was a spy?"

"Yeah. He was..." Tavish said, before downing his entire bottle of moonshine in one go. Engineer then got a thoughtful look.

"Hey buddy, we could use you. What's your name?"

"Deadpool, I also go by the merc with the mouth! The guy who won't die! The badass of the..."

"Alright, alright, I get it! Who's your steed?"

Pinkie shook herself out of the shock of Deadpool killing a man and began to talk in nervous tone. "I'm Pinkie Pie, and I love to party!" Pinkie finished the last of the sentence with no lack of enthusiasm.

Dell just stared, and then said, "You know what, ya'll just stay here, and I'll call mah boss. Kay?"

"Alrighty!"

"Sure, why not?" Deadpool asked.

"Good, we'll go in 'bout 15 minutes, alright."

"Ahh, what! That long?"

"That's boring."

"Well, we're working."

"This is work?" Asked Pinkie Pie.

"Yep, we got to..."

We have got the intelligence.

A few seconds later...

We have dropped the intelligence.

"Dammit, I would have celebrated just getting it halfway through." Engineer said.

"Aye, me too laddie!" Demoman said.

"Umm, why?"

"Because Deadpool, here in 2fort, nothing ever gets done but killing. We try so hard but we can't get the intelligence here or lose the intelligence over there." Engineer said in exasperation.

"Hmmm..."

Wade, you're not really thinking...

Oh, yes he is!

Oh God, why?

'Cause we're under a contractual story written by the author.

"Right Yellow Caption Box! We are!"

"Who are ye talking to?" Demoman asked.

"My peeps in the comics up 'dere!"

Demoman looked confused, but decided that he might be as insane as Pyro. God was that guy... girl... person insane.

"I am going to kick all the ass!"

No, you're not Deadpool. You're an unauthorised personnel, and you have to be terminated.

"Helen, wait." Engineer wanted to see what the two could do.

Why should I?

"Cause, they might be the only ones that might end up breaking the stalemate here."

Really? I'll have to see for myself. Very well, you two, go to the spawn room so you can have check-ups.

"Alrighty, how do I get there? And also, you got yogurt?"

We have no yogurt, but the spawn room is up the staircase and you should see it. Now get out my face so I can see these morons kill each other. 'Helen' began to laugh a bit.

"She seems to be a grade S bitch, ehh."

"Even S-rank's too low for her pardner. Head on out, and watch out for our medic."

"Why?"

"Yeah, why?" Pinkie asked.

"He can be... a little eccentric."

"So can I!"

"Ditto."

"Just go."

Deadpool fired his weapon again, killing a cloaked spy who was just at the intelligence.

"Nice shot."

"Thanks. To the Deadpool Cave!"

"Heck yes!" Pinkie said as the two rushed out the room. Tavish began to speak again.

"Why are we helping those two?"

"Because..." Dell started off, "they may help us win in 2fort for once."

Tavish got a skeptical look, but decided there was little point anyway for arguing.

"I cannot believe it was another bloody tie!" Demoman groaned.

"I know Demo, the spies were a bit less predictable for once, so that's good." Engineer said.

The two packed their stuff and the two went over to the spawn. They saw the rest of the gang looking at both newcomers when then came in.

"Vhat is vith zat mask?" Medic inquired.

"Lemme show ya." Deadpool took off his mask, showing his hideously disfigured face. Most of the crew got a little sick, Pinkie got very sick, and medic...

"Oh wow! Zat is such beautiful scars."

"Yeah, it is cr... wait what?"

"Umm, Medic." Engie said.

"Vhat is it?"

"Let me introduce you to Deadpool..."

"Check me out."

"...and Pinkie Pie."

"Hello!"

"They are dimensional travelers."

"Really!" Medic started off. "Zat is very interesting! Tell me, how did you do it?"

"A guy named Tony Stark gave me the ability to travel between dimensions for a year, today."

"Tony Stark... I'd like to exchange notes from him one day. In the meantime, I'd like to know how Pinkie looks like... on ze inside. Mhh hh hh ha."

"Deadpool, he's kinda creeping me out."

Spy decided to speak up. "Well, he also has a head of an enemy spy in his refrigerator."

"Really?"

"Yes, and he is still alive."

"How?"

I wanna know! I wanna know!

Me too.

"He uses a contraption zat keeps it alive."

Deadpool deadpanned. "Seriously, boring!"

Spy got a amusing confused look. I thought zat would make him seem... "You done quite a lot, haven't you?"

"Yep, I traveled through space and killed a lot of assholes and pedophiles."

"Pedophiles?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah, don't ask. I wonder if my game's out yet though."

"Whoa man..." Scout said, scooting closer to Deadpool to whisper in his ear. "don't be breaking the wall like that."

"Fuck you, I do what I want! And no, this is not a 60's Spiderman reference."

"Whatever, put your mask back on, you're creepin' me out, brotha."

"But I'm pretty."

"Just do it, moron!"

"Fine." Deadpool put his mask back on, Soldier had a thoughtful look.

"Maggot! Tell me how you got those scars."

"Cancer. It's been altered so it heals, rather than kills. Makes me butt ugly, but I can do crazy, shit-your-pants action more often as a result." Medic perked up at the fact that Deadpool's cancer was ironically keeping him alive, rather than killing him.

"Really, no 'loss at the hand of a really big asshat.' Soldier started off. "or 'lost a limb, sew it back on.'?"

"Both actually happened a lot of times actually."

Soldier just stood there. "Are you American?"

"Canadian."

"Jesus, I say Canadian and he tries to strangle me." Deadpool just dislocated Soldier's shoulder, and was talking to Pinkie Pie.

"I know! He's a meany, mean, meany-pants!"

"Yeah! He is a..."

Attention! Deadpool, against my better judgement, you are hired on a half billion dollar a year salary. You're pink friend however is not. But I'll let her live if she keeps quiet.

"What year is this?" Deadpool asked the Heavy.

"It is 1969."

"I'M FUCKING RICH!"

Not yet, you must get a check up from the medic, and you'll only get paid if you work for a certain amount of time, 8 hours.

"Fine, check me up doc."

"Oh ja, ja. I vill. Oh I vill."

"How can you heal so quickly?" Medic said, confused about how Deadpool healed from the Medic's internal organ check almost instantly.

"Just help me doc. I don't mind you checking my prostate or anything though."

Medic just got a exasperated look. This man vill make me insane!

Poor guy.

Thinks he can help Deadpool.

He's more like checking his health.

Medic took out an uber-device. "Now then, I'll put zis device in your heart. Okay?"

"Sure, my chest is ready!"

"Lay down."

"Kay." Deadpool laid down on the table, while Medic prepared to bring out a tool.

"Hey doc, how are you gonna open my chest?"

Medic took out a chainsaw, and reved it up.

"Oh, that's how."

Heavy, Sniper and Pinkie Pie were outside when they heard a noise.

"What's that?" Pinkie asked.

"Bloody hell, if the doc's actually using the chainsaw, Deadpool wasn't lying about his healing factor then." Sniper said.

"I remember feeling of chainsaw, it was same day I first felt ubercharge."

"Ugg, you guys are crazy." Pinkie remarked.

"We've been told." Sniper then put on a hat, the Master's Yellow Belt.

"Hey, nice headband!"

"Thanks sheila. Hats are amazing, right Heavy?"

"Hats are credit to team!"

Pinkie Pie had no idea why they liked hats so much, but hey, they like it.

"I want hats!"

The two mercenaries looked at the pink pony and had shocked looks.

"You do not have hat?" Heavy said.

"But without hats, you're... you're..."

"Poor and Irish!" The two RED members unisoned. Pinkie assumed poor and Irish wasn't good, not good at all.

"Oh no. I need a hat!"

"Here, take shower hat as token of being comrades." Heavy put a 'Pink as Hell' Hard Counter hat on Pinkie's head.

Pinkie took one long look at a nearby mirror and said, "Awesome."

"Now, most hearts couldn't vithstand this much voltage, but I'm fairly certain..." Medic stopped when as he put the heart to the Medigun, it exploded. Deadpool gave an unimpressed look.

Seriously! Your heart blew up, again!

"Yeah, are you really a doctor?"

"I, at least, used to be."

Oh lord.

"Used to be, I am not really worried anyhow."

"Don't worry, I've got it." Medic walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. He looked through its contents and came across the Mega Baboon heart.

"Ah, perfect." Medic picked up the heart, revealing a BLU spy head.

"Kill me." He said.

"Later." Medic closed the fridge. He then put the uber device in the heart. "Now, come on. Come on!" Medic began to laugh maniacally, Deadpool joined in and somehow managed to outlaugh the doctor in evilness. Medic looked confused, but he nonetheless saw the heart was okay. "Oh, that looks good." Medic dropped the heart in Deadpool's chest.

"You want me to hold the ribcage open?"

"Well, um, yes. Do it!"

Deadpool did so and Medic pushed the heart in, and Deadpool...

"YEOUCH!"

Deadpool looked at the rib he pulled out.

"Oh don't be such a baby," Medic took the rib and tossed it aside. "ribs grow back."

"Not usually, but mine can."

Medic activated the Medigun, healing Deadpool in 3 seconds. Really, it was that fast. Deadpool took a deep breath and said, "This hurts a lot more than I expected."

"Don't worry, we can practice medicine now."

"Well that's over. Author, you can end this chapter now."

Bring some tacos for us.

Alright then Wade.