//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3 
// Story: Tooth and Nail 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	The bathroom door rattled.  A muffled voice called, “Alice, are you in there?”
Celestia was reminded again about the unexpected lack of a language barrier.  She answered, “Alice isn’t in here, I can assure you.”
There was a moment of silence.  “Alice, please open the door.”
Princess Celestia lay in the bathtub and considered her rather limited options.  Perhaps if she simply didn't respond any further the creature named Joshua would lose patience and go away.  A slow minute passed before a scratching noise began.  The door moved slightly and then the bolt slid back.  Joshua opened the door, a folding knife in his hand. He flipped a switch on the wall and light flooded the room.
Well, so much for the discretion option, thought the Princess.  She pointed a hand at him.  “Put down your weapon.”
He seemed surprised.  “I just opened the door with it.  I was worried there might be something wrong with you. And I really need to take a leak."
Celestia watched Joshua fold the knife and drop it in the pocket of a pair of shorts he had put on.  He took a step inside the room and faced the commode. She couldn't help but blush as he unzipped something, and began to urinate into the ceramic bowl.  “Alice, what’s wrong?  Are we having an argument? And is that a wig?”
Celestia took a deep breath. At the very least this Joshua seemed friendly, if not particularly modest.  He flexed his knees slightly and finished his business.  He flushed, washed his hands, and lowered the seat cover, sitting down upon it. He still seemed friendly enough as he looked at her expectantly. 
“I’m not Alice.  My name is Celestia, Princess of Equestria.  This isn’t a wig, it’s my natural color.  I’m afraid there’s been a mix-up.”  Celestia thought about standing, but realized her legs were asleep.  She straightened them and attempted to massage the circulation into restarting, while keeping her eyes on the creature.  Joshua leaned forward to help and she warned him back with another upraised hand.  “Stop! Or I’ll stun you again.”
His eyes narrowed and he placed his hands over his upper chest.  “Ouch! Now that hurt.” After a moment he grinned and lowered his hands.  “I don’t see a stun gun on you, though.”
“It was magic.”
This time, his eyes displayed both surprise and concern. It took him a moment to respond.  “Alice…I think you need help.”
It was obvious that he didn’t believe Celestia.  In fact, it was likely that she had merely made him think she was crazy.  Well, there was no point in letting the confusion continue.  Celestia concentrated and an apple-sized orb of bright light appeared, floating above her open hand.
Joshua stared in amazement and reached forward as if to touch it.  Celestia stopped him with a gesture from her other hand.  “Don’t come any closer or I’ll use this on you.”
Celestia got the reaction she had hoped for: he leaned away and raised both hands open wide, with the palms facing her.  She assumed this gesture indicated compliance.  She let the ball of light fade, managing to keep off her face any indication of how much effort even a simple trick like that had required.  
Joshua now had a completely different expression on his features.  It looked like he no longer knew what to think.  Celestia decided the time was opportune to take the initiative.  “Joshua, please tell me where we are.”
He looked confused, unsure exactly what she meant.  “In the Hilton?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Uh…Hawaii?”
“And what is Hawaii?” she asked.
“It’s a couple of islands in the middle of the ocean.  You know, the fiftieth state, where pineapples come from.”
Celestia nodded, ignoring his sarcasm.  “Which ocean?”
“The Pacific.”
Celestia knew intimately the geography of Equestria and that of nearly all of the world surrounding it, as well as the names of all these places in many local languages.  There was a chance she might not have heard of an island chain, but it was highly unlikely that she might be unaware of an entire ocean.  This was clearly not the same planet, and that would certainly explain why she was unable to contact anypony.
“I’m going to go call you some help.”  Joshua got up cautiously and began backing out of the room.
“I’m sorry that you had to be involved,” said Celestia, “but nopony other than us can know about this.” 
He stopped at the door.  “Nopony?”
“That’s what I said, Joshua.”
“Call me Josh.”  His eyes narrowed.  “I’m probably going to regret this, but tell me more.  You clearly believe what you’re saying and that thing you did…”
“Magic,” said Celestia.
He rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, I don’t know if I believe that.”
“Do you want another demonstration?” 
“No!”  Based on Josh’s reaction, it seemed that magic was something new and strange for him.  This had huge implications on what she could do in public, and pointed to some advantages she might have if her situation grew desperate. Celestia made a mental note.  She grabbed the edge of the bathtub and struggled to her feet.  Josh’s eyes we drawn downward.
“What’s that?” Josh asked.  Celestia followed his gaze to the side of her hip.  There was a mark there that looked like a faint bruise, although it was in a familiar shape.
“It’s a cutie mark,” she told him.  “Usually they’re more brightly colored.”
He shook his head.  “Put some clothes on and then we’ll have a conversation.  You’re harder to take seriously when you’re naked.”



Princess Celestia sat by the window of her private chambers.  Luna was still handling the sun.  Her lips tightened with emotion. She felt useless while not being able to perform the duties expected of her.
Celestia had mixed emotions regarding the visitors that would be arriving soon.  Other than her sister, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony were perhaps her best friends despite the age difference.  She was happy they were coming, but somewhat apprehensive about their reactions.  The letter Luna had sent to Twilight had been rather vague about Celestia’s condition.
The door opened and six mares entered.  The castle guard-pony escorting them took his leave, closing the door.  The Princess moved away from the window, the only sound was that of her steps.  
“My little ponies, it’s good to see you all,” Celestia said, breaking the awkward silence.  She gestured to the arrangement of cushions she had had placed in a circle for her guests.
As they tentatively walked to their places, her visitors didn’t seem to be able to string together complete sentences.
“How are you...
“It’s been so long…
“Your outfit is so…
“It’s good that you’re back…
“Mighty pleased to see ya…
“Hope you don’t mind that we brought Spike along...”
Celestia rolled her eyes.  “Come on, it’s like you’ve never seen somepony swap bodies with an extraterrestrial before.”
Nopony seemed to know what to say, until the little dragon approached her.
“Finally, I’m not the only one on two legs in this crowd!” said Spike, beaming up at the Princess.
Pinkie Pie laughed and the rest of them joined in. 
“It’s an interesting body structure,” observed Twilight Sparkle.  “How do you balance?  I can’t tell how the leg is articulated with that clothing.”
“The ensemble is rather unusual,” agreed Rarity.  “The tailors of the place where you visited must have some strange ideas.”
“What’s that say?” asked Rainbow Dash, squinting at the tags sewn to Celestia’s blouse.  “What’s a Scrivello or an USNavy?”
“Navy?” said Fluttershy, smiling suddenly.  “Were there a lot of sea creatures?”
“It wasn’t a world covered in water, was it?” asked Applejack.
Celestia held up her hands, another human gesture eerily similar to pony body language, which quieted the group of ponies just as it would people.  “I understand that you’re all very curious, and I appreciate your concern for me.  Perhaps I’d better tell you what led up to this.”
The Princess suggested refreshments, and the circle of visitors sat down as the kitchen staff brought in a teapot and snacks.  Celestia told them everything up to when she had first crawled out of the bathtub.
“Nakedness is a social taboo there?” observed Rarity.
“Indeed,” answered Celestia.  “In many places it’s illegal.”
“So these men and women all look like you, save for the obvious gender difference?” asked Twilight.
The Princess shook her head.  “No, there are quite a few variances in color, size, and shape, not to mention the individual things they do to make themselves unique.”
“With all those differences, they probably have a lot of different sports so that all of them can play,” said Rainbow.
Celestia thought it was very astute of her.  “That’s correct, although I’m afraid I didn’t view very many while I was there.”
“What about the animals?” asked Fluttershy.
“There are a lot of familiar ones, actually,” said Celestia.  “Things like dogs and cats.  Josh took me to the Waikiki Aquarium to see hundreds of different kinds of sea creatures.”
“It sounds like it’s actually pretty similar to Equestria,” said Applejack.  “The language, the pets, the cities and stuff.”
Celestia nodded.  “The similarities made the differences all the more striking.”
“Surely they party the same?” asked Pinkie.
The Princess laughed.  “That’s a whole story in itself.  I’ll tell you about that later.  Now, I have a few questions for you.  I told you about Josh’s girlfriend Alice.  It’s my theory that she was sent to Equestria when I took her place.  If that’s true, we need to find her.”
“What does she look like?” asked Rainbow.  “Still a human or converted to a pony?”
“Most likely she arrived in the shape of a pony.  Luna thinks she may have a few clues about Alice's whereabouts,” said Celestia.  “There were reports of a mare roughly matching my description in the Ponyville area during the time Discord was sowing chaos.”
“Ah think I remember somethin’ about that.”  Applejack put a hoof to her chin thoughtfully.  “What happened to her?”
“Well, she apparently claimed Discord had told her that she was the new Princess ruler of Equestria,” Rarity recalled the gossip that had ensued.  “Being that she was clearly not the real Celestia, didn’t seem to know anything about Equestria, and didn’t even have a cutie mark, I believe most ponies in Ponyville simply ignored her.”
“I dunno,” said Pinkie. “I remember some ponies thought she was trying to play a joke on them.”
“Yeah, I heard that she got so mad nopony believed her that she galloped out of town,” added Rainbow.
“Where did she go after that?” asked Celestia.  Her visitors looked at each other, none of them seeming to know.
The Princess sighed.  “I’ll get a team from the Royal Guard working on it.  I’m lucky I had Josh to help me along without making a fool of myself on Earth. It’s my hope Alice encountered a kind pony to lend her a hoof.”
“Princess Luna mentioned you arrived in an explosion of some kind,” said Twilight.  “What happened to Josh?”
Celestia’s face took on a grim look. She took a deep breath and recovered her usual calm expression.  “Before I talk about that, you have to know a little more about the situation I was in.  My little ponies, I need to tell you about Ronald Reagan.”



The late afternoon sun slanted through the windows of the office.  The customers were gone for the day, and cleanup was almost finished.
Colgate collected dental tools and placed them in the sterilizer to be cleaned overnight.  Her assistant finished organizing the supplies and the two of them walked to the door.
“Good job today,” said Colgate locking up.
The other mare nodded.  “Thank you, doctor.”
“See you tomorrow, Alice.”