//------------------------------// // Episode 89: (Shining Armor) tnuH-tsirF-First-Hunt // Story: Pony POV Series Season Six: Dark World/Shining Armor // by Alex Warlorn //------------------------------// Pony POV Series Shining Armor Part 6 Written By lz0291 tnuH-tsirF-First-Hunt Edited by Alex Warlorn, Kendell2, And Louis Badalament. "All callsigns, armed Intruder, second floor west corridor, code red!" I was shouting into the newly-installed radio inside my armor, even as the Diamond Dog tried to reload his weapon. In his panic he managed to jam the thing. Spirling pistols work by basically having a long slide on the top that is pulled back, compressing a spring and pulling a metal sling-bullet into place from a small magazine inside. Pull the trigger, release the spring and catapult the round down a barrel. Unicorns can get good rates of fire out of them, but if you pull cheap ones too hard, they jam. And this one was cheaper than cheap. It was safe to say this guy was non-professional. "Crud! Stupid junk!" The Dog wailed as he fiddled with the weapon for a second, then in desperation, threw it at me. The Diamond Dog cut his losses and jumped out of the window. I followed, casting a quick spell around myself to block the rushing air from interfering with my radio communications, as well as soften my landing. Shield magic is pretty handy, if I say so myself. (Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Yeah! You're cool!) "Intruder has exited window, Misfit Actual in pursuit, I am leaving a magic trail behind for other Mages to follow, break. Actual and One-Three to my position to reinforce, all other Misfit callsigns secure VIPs and position, break. Misfit Actual on my position, and someone let the LCPD know to give us a hoof, over!" (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): I'm sure Twilight's happy to know smart Guards do more than 'fall back and regroup.') That's only for land wars in Neighsia, angry Alicorns or COs, and mothers of guard cadets coming to try and deliver a cake. (Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Did ya catch the bad doggie?) One trot at a time. "Misfit Actual, Misfit One-One, roger your order, code red in effect, over," Foaley replied. The Diamond Dog was quick, but so was I. He was sprinting down the street, away from the embassy, and I could see a cart rushing away down the street in the moonlight. Possibly his escape plan abandoning him, so I made a mental note of the direction it was heading. "Misfit Actual, this is Goliath, Marine Corps Overwatch Command. We have your traffic of intruder, we have notified the LCPD, but they report that nearest unit response is at least four minutes out, break. Advise you continue pursuit with your own assets and continue to guide in further units, over." "Goliath, Misfit Actual, roger that, over." By this point, the Dog was still running, and the cart was long gone. I reported that in, but I had no real way of letting anyone know anything specific - just a black shape leaving the area. I gave what description I could of our intruder. Looking over my shoulder, I could see no one coming out of the embassy yet, but a rather puzzled Samurai guard at the gate of the Neighponese embassy watched me chase the dog. "Misfit Actual, Misfit One-One, uh, Princess Cadenza would like to have a word, over." "...Go ahead?" "Shining, what's going on here?! The troopers say there's an intruder and they all just stormed into my room while I was getting ready for bed and told me to head downstairs!" "Standard procedure, Cadence, the platoon is defending their principal -that's you by the way- and other elements are in pursuit. Over." "Okay. And where are you?" "I'm presently pursing the intruder down the street, ma'am!" "Shining, why are you after him?! You're the Captain!" "Because I saw him first and if I lose track of him it means he gets away, meaning either the LCPD get him which is unlikely because they're four minutes away, or he escapes. Odds are without me chasing, he'll escape, we won't find out who sent him and why the west corridor was empty when he entered..." Then I cursed myself for saying that over the air. The same spy who'd tipped off Makarov about Luna might well be in cahoots with the Dog I was chasing now. "Er, that was me. I asked the guards to stay out of there to keep the noise down... They can be kind of... stampy during the day and since you went to bed early..." "Mystery solved then. Princess, I've ordered over twenty troopers to secure the embassy and the Marines will be doing that too, you and the civilians are quite safe now, please don't worry." "I know I'm safe but what about you?!" "I've got the rest of the platoon coming to back me up. Don't worry on my account." As all this took place, the Diamond Dog had vaulted a fence in the next street, running by a building that seemed to be a bank. The chase took us over a few more fences (sometimes not having digits is very painful, I'll say no more), and made me wish I had Twiley's trick of teleporting without stopping dead in your tracks, powering up, and figuring out the math and built-in secondary safety spells that won't let you teleport till you got them figured so you don't teleport inside a solid object (shame her mind blanks whenever she panics). Oh, and the fact I was so sloppy with it a single teleport could drain ten times more of my mana in one second than a decent sized barrier could drain over a whole day. And with all these twists and turns behind and between buildings I could lose him too easy without air coverage. I was beginning to hate fences (and splinters) when he reached a road overlooking train tracks and a tunnel. He leapt onto the tracks and made a run for the tunnel. I radioed this, knowing if I followed the tunnels would certainly block my radio signals soon enough, but I had no real choice. It was at this point reinforcements caught up with me, but not quite what I expected. "Captain Sparkle?" The Griffin above me shouted. His voice sounded slightly electronic, like it was coming from a radio. "Yes. Who are you?" "Call me Frost, sir, I'm part of the embassy detail, here to give a talon." Frost didn't have the dark blue dye-job the rest of the local troops at the embassy wore, nor did he sport white belts and Spriling pistols in white holsters. Instead he wore a patchy grey-blue oversuit, goggles, a helmet, an odd mask over his beak (the cause of his radio-voice), a lot of pouches, and carried a pump action style Spriling gun. Similar to the pistol but bigger, stronger and able to shoot metal balls more effectively. He also lacked any markings other than a Sergeant's rank symbol. I wondered how he flew with all that weight, must be the same how Pegasi fly with their armor. "Well, thanks, Sergeant. I think he's heading for the tunnels. I want him alive and conscious, but he's running a bit too fast for me to try trapping him with a shield spell." If I blew it, I might only catch half of him. (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Don't you have a much larger force field you could project to catch him in?) It doesn't work that way, if he was inside the radius of the spell, it would have just sent him flying. Both of us followed the dog already in the tunnels. I lit up my horn, shining a searchlight down the route. The dog was still in sight. The Griffin landed and ran alongside me. The dog picked that moment to turn around, notice a Griffin chasing him, and swear loudly. His loudly barked expletive echoed off the tunnel walls. "Well, if you want him alive I'll hold my fire, but flying here is treacherous so I'm not going to be able to chase him that way. Trains going past, the air currents are inconsistent... and I also think our radios will stop working soon." "...Trains? This late?" "The metro runs all-day services on some lines, and they move stock around at night on closed lines, Sir. If one passes, the steam engines make a lot of cover for a while. He picked a good escape route." "...Hang on, did you say steam engine? How big?" "Pretty big, but they're sort of magic-boiler things powered off some kind of battery." Looked like Princess Celestia's investments weren't so reckless after all, though I still wondered if they could get something small and clean enough to work in Canterlot. "We'll see one coming then?" "Or hear it," He replied. The tunnels led off into an underground mini-junction, with a service platform ringed by dull red lamps. The Dog was by now on that platform. At that point, a loud honk roared down the tunnel from behind. Frost quickly had me dive to the side, and sure enough, a moment later a rather large train rushed past, choking the platform in smoke. I threw up a shield to prevent getting asphyxiated. Frost was unaffected: clearly that mask was for more than sounding cool. Our canine target however was not so lucky. He should have picked a better cover. Even with train smog fogging our vision, the dog made up for it gagging and wheezing like a dishrag was caught in his throat. We advanced again. The smoke cleared and the dog was staggering and sputtering, I shone my light on him, Frost drew his weapon and shouted, "On the ground!" And that was when the other dogs hiding in an alcove began shooting. "Rifles!" Frost helpfully pointed out as lead balls bounced loudly off my shields. "I think this might have been an ambush," I helpfully observed. No way dogs rich enough or clever enough to get their paws on weapons of that caliber would send in one packmate with a cheap pistol. I shot a few bursts of stun magic back at them (and missed, of course) as we advanced, now seeing three Diamond Dogs run into a small entrance. Their one-shot muzzle loading weapons had been useless, and they had to fall back unable to reload and we followed. Please note that guns are worthless in close quarters except as clubs, and tunnels are about as close quarters as you get. Now, if you made one that could fire a lot of bullets in quick succession that reloaded itself like in sci-fi books and games like Call of Cutie, that'd be extremely useful. I might hit something with one of those! Remember what I said about thinking about things like that? "Service tunnel, watch corners in here, Sir!" Frost advised. This tunnel led towards yet more tunnels. Eventually, about ten minutes later, it opened into a sort of underground mini-depot for the trains. A few carriages and another service platform dotted the area. One of the dogs tried to draw a pistol, but I cheated and used my telekinesis at long range to fire it for him as he drew it. He yelped, but he didn't seem to have hurt himself. ...Actually, at this point, the foal might want to leave. (Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Uh, I'd rather not, I want to hear the end of the story.) (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): She stays, Captain, we already covered this.) (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): I'm sorry, Shining, but we agreed she stays. If she leaves we'd have to leave. Besides, she's more resilient than you think.) ...But her tender, innocent young ears are unfit for such indelicate... (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn&Pegasus&Earth Pony): Get on with it!) This was the point the floodlights switched on, dazzling me and Frost, so I threw up shields just in time to hear a rapid succession of shots and a barking voice scream out at us. "Screw you, Mule and Bird! Leave my pack be!" We dived behind a carriage. It helped to have something other than my mana between us and a hail of nasty bang bang. "They had a whole volley line waiting for us?" I shouted over the shooting that continued for an unusually long time. Diamond Dogs lived for ambushes but this was too professionally coordinated for their style. "Sounds more like a volley gun, Sir." I peeked out, and sure enough, it was one massive gun on a carriage waiting, well-positioned up against a wall so nothing could sneak up on it or indeed teleport behind it. But strangely, unlike any volley gun I'd seen before, this seemed to only have six barrels rotating and shooting. A volley gun is a weapon with a lot of gun barrels side by side, and this only had six. Yet it fired far more than six shots. The rotating bit was odd too, volley guns normally just fire in succession. Additionally, it seemed to operate by rotating a crank. But it was way too small for this parade of shots! At least the way the shots were coming from ruled out invisible guns. "I think it's safe to say they were drawing us into an ambush now." "Sir, can you give me a shield? I'll try take a shot at the gunner. He's covering the other three, and they're getting away. I know Equestrians don't like lethal force but I think we need to do it the Columbian way for a moment..." . I obliged. Frost jumped out and fired... cursing as his shot was punctuated by a loud ricocheting ding! "He's got steel plate covering him! How did we miss that? We'd need a sniper with a good bow to get the hit..." I sighed. The bullets were making a mess of the carriage and a few had bounced off my shields. "Well, on the plus side he has to run out of shots before I run out of mana..." The shooting then stopped. "See?" We jumped out, shield still up, only to find the gunner slumped in place with an arrow between his eyes. "Sorry I'm late, Sir," Private Audience said, crossbow in his grasp. There wasn't an arrow in it at the moment, but he was presently reloading. "...Audience, you just killed him." "Yes, Sir. " "Are you okay?" "Of course, Sir. The other three are getting away," Audience reminded me evenly. "...We'll talk later," I said in reply, but I found myself looking back at the dead Diamond Dog. I knew as a whole they weren't evil, sometimes they're offered a ridiculous fortune by somepony who had no intention of paying them, but more often than not they were simply bullied into being somepony else's cannon fodder. "Come on, Captain!" Frost urged. (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Was this what you were worried about her hearing? You're looking at her again.) It was. In fact I was concerned about you all hearing it, to be honest. I just told you one of my troopers killed someone. (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Who was trying to kill you and didn't have any other real options. Besides, you let the Griffin take a shot.) Griffins killing is different, Equestrians... We haven't had a war in centuries, Equestria's not had a pony kill another pony in... I can't remember if ever. A few non-ponies have... died as a result of Pony actions and non-ponies have killed ponies but even those incidents are few and far between. Why do you think most ponies use pies instead of arrows? Ponies don't expect the guard to be armed, and when it became clear the Royal Guards carried swords for more than just decoration sometimes and archers were trained to do more than shoot targets and apples off heads, public outcry reached fever pitch. It led to changes and the Guard being further scrutinized. As a compromise the guard pledged to never use gunpowder weapons in cities or towns, and the non-lethal approaches were emphasized even further in training, but the anti-weapons campaigns still blew a gasket five years after that pledge was made, when a guard was involved in an incident with an intruder that led to an accidental fatality. That had been another Diamond Dog, up against one scared little colt cadet who thought he was a big stallion soldier realizing he was way in over his head and... (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Shining, it's okay. I know you, Thunderchild, or any of your troopers don't like killing. And I don't hate you for killing in a trap like that. I know Griffins have different values from you. It's worse when you know her name. But that proves you're still a pony, that you have a heart.) Hey, whoa, thanks for the hug. (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Think nothin' of it.) (Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Thank you.) (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): You're welcome Shining. Now Captain, you were chasing the Diamond Dogs?) Yes, mind if we take a quick break? I could use it for the rest of that night. (Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Of course.) Alright, we ran after the dogs. They seemingly had heard the gun fall silent, and had stopped to reload. They seemed to be trembling greatly, as if they'd done the math and come up with the correct answer as to why. The shorter one practically dropped his weapon. "Drop your weapons!" Frost yelled. "Put the weapons down and stay where you are!" Audience. "I'd listen to them!" I, Mr. Bad-Shot, said. They did so, then ran away again: the larger of the two grabbing his shorter packmate and carrying him piggyback. "Let's go, Bro!" He barked. I heard a noise behind us, and turned. Another dog-shape was heading for the volley gun. "I think there might be more behind us. Something went up to check on that one we left behind." "Noted, sir. I'll keep an eye out," Audience nodded. The running dogs before us however, were heading for light at the end of the tunnel, and it wasn't another train. It was an exit. "Frost, do you have a way to contact the police and have them head for our position?" I asked. He gave me the frequency I'd need to tune my radio to, but said he'd rather stay in contact with his own unit for now. I kept glancing behind, making sure the dog behind us wasn't a threat. It seemed to be ignoring us. But . . . I felt an urgent need to get away from him! It was crazy! Logically, this dog could very well reman the gun and shoot us all in the back... but this wasn't even a logical level of fear I was feeling! I just had to get away from this dog! "Audience, where are the others?" "Gag and Sergeant Thunderchild took to the air with the Pegasi from Misfit One-Three, Sir, they ought to be flying overhead somewhere. Apple joined the other ground units from One-Three, they were about a minute behind me. I left my own trail as well, Sir, they'll catch up." "Good. You get in touch with the air unit the minute we've got comms again," I ordered. The dogs were now outside, bathed in the bright moonlight. Our radios would soon be back up. And then mine blared to life. "...Officers in need of assistance at Firefly Island Promenade..." "...Repeat, code ten-fifty-nine, requesting emergency teams and fire department at Cisco Street, we have a major fire underway and numerous casualties..." "...Ten-twelve, requesting arrest wagons to Sixth Avenue..." "...One-Adam Twelve requesting update on status of EMTs to Comrades Bar, Mohawk Avenue..." "...Shots fired at Aesir Plaza, an assault in progress, repeat, assault in progress at Aesir Plaza! Ten-eighty-five, dispatch, need additional units immediately, officers in danger!" "What in the name of Celestia is going on here? The LCPD radio's going nuts!" Frost was listening to his own at the time, and turned to face me even as we kept up pursuit. "My CO tells me about a minute before we went into the tunnels, the Dukes and Broker gangs over in the west island started attacking each other! Looks like they're having a full-blown gang war!" "Dukes and Broker?" I asked. "Mostly they're all Hooviet expats." "Hooviets..." Audience noted, before trying to contact our air unit. I frowned hard. "In the twenty minutes or so we're underground, out of radio communications... a gang war just HAPPENS to break out and the local police get drawn away..." "Probably not a coincidence, I agree. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they had more trouble waiting for us up ahead," Frost added. Audience then spoke up. "Sir, I've got the Sarge on comms. He and the others spotted that cart you reported, they caught it. They're handing the cartponies over to the LCPD, they'll be back in the air to help as soon as the police have them in a cell." "Finally some good news!" The train tracks were still set below the main street level, but were slowly starting to reach upwards. A station lay ahead, thankfully rather empty, but in hindsight that was a bad sign all things considered. It had a platform on our level, and an upper-level track built on a rail highway above. We were close behind the dogs as they entered the station. Frost took to the air to watch the exits as Audience and I continued pursuit. "The rest of my unit is coming, Captain Sparkle. We'll help out." "Thanks!" I shouted up as we raced into the station's ticket hall. Only for another blasted volley gun to be lying in wait. This one was the more normal kind with about a hundred barrels though, not the odd one back in the tunnel. "Horseapples!" We dove back around the corner. "Where the hay did they get those, Sir?" Audience wondered. "I dunno... mail order? Look, see that bathroom door, right over there? We'll break for that behind my shield." "Bottleneck them through the door?" "Or make an exit through a window. On three... one, two, THREE!" We ran, the hail of shots bouncing off my shield. Audience shot off a few bursts of magic out of it, not well aimed, but would at least keep our enemies' heads down. "Volley guns. Who ambushes you with Volley Guns?" Audience grouched. "They used one before... You shot the gunner." "Sir?" "Anyway, while we were running into here did you spot the ticket barrier? I think we can make it to that, use it as a little extra cover on top of my shields." There are such things as shield-breaker spells. Physical barriers, however, can help thwart such magic. Just because I'd A) never encountered one that could brute-force my shields and B) hadn't seen an enemy unicorn amongst all the Dogs, I was still going to take advantage of extra cover where I could. "It'll slow their shots down at least, Sir." Audience said, far more of an expert in the field on ballistics. The arms race being what it is... I knew I'd be needing a lot of training in this newfangled weaponry, if I wanted to keep my job and/or life. "And they were all behind cover themselves in the ticket office kiosk. If we go now..." I hoped that the station had been empty BEFORE the Diamond Dogs set up camp. "And if they're sneaking behind us, Sir?" "Well, we're probably better off moving to them now rather than waiting on someone coming to us..." I said, and was promptly proven wrong. "Captain Sparkle, this is Sandgriff. I'm Frost's team leader. We're moving in from the East entrance." "Roger that, thanks. There's at least half a dozen in the ticket hall. Do you see any of them coming up behind us, Sandgriff?" "Negative, we see some of your guys though." "Misfit-Actual, Misfit-Actual-Three. Sir, we're coming up the tracks behind you, over." I grinned to hear Lance-Corporal Apple's voice. Being an Earth Pony meant he had to bite on the button while talking, but it was still a most wonderful sound to hear. We had the Diamond Dogs on the leash! "Misfit-Actual-Three, roger. Did you encounter any problems on the way?" "Negative to that, sir. Private Party, she's Misfit One-Three's unicorn, she had trouble finding your trail though, Captain. We followed Captive's instead.." "Yes, Sir, I meant to say, your trail stopped before the tunnel. It was sheer luck I caught you, to be honest." "I see." I didn't have time to figure that one out. "Prepare to move in from the rear on my mark, stay behind the corner unless Party has a good shield spell." "Got that, we're ready to move on your mark. Out.." Sandgriff confirmed his team was ready too and agreed to try to prevent fatalities, and a moment later, Audience and I ran out. "Move in!" My shields now protected the four other troopers, Apple and the three ground members of One-Three, that were behind us. I extended spells around Apple and Private Star Dancer, both Earth Ponies, as well as Lance-Corporal Marelowe, a Zebra. The three of them charged in under the cover of Audience and Party's magic, while the Griffin team hit the dogs from the side soon after. It was a total success. In seconds we had all the Diamond Dogs down, alive, and restrained. "Well met, Sandgriff," I said, nodding at the Master Sergeant. His team was dressed almost identical to Frost, except that one of them carried a bulky clockwork automatic crossbow slung by his saddlebags, while another had a slimmer pump-action style bowgun furnished with a small telescope sight. "Likewise, Captain." "Oh, hey, you guys are Unit Metal, aren't you? Griffin Special Forces! Kick-flank!" Apple suddenly exclaimed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that but I'm not actually a Marine. I work for a living, Sir," Frost said sheepishly while he tied up a groaning dog. We'd placed all the captive dogs off to one side for the LCPD to pick up, while we examined the area. We'd collected all their munitions, piling them beside the volley gun. As for the dogs, a few of them were still out cold, some of them were awake and whining, and others were snapping off angry curses at Equine and Griffin alike. The smaller one from before was whimpering, and his presumably elder brother was one of the more vocal angry voices, ranting away. "Arrow Pony Kill Scruffy! Monsters! Scruffy good dog! Our mother hate you forever! You and me! One on one! I eat stupid picture on stupid pony-butt!" "Oh come on!" Sandgriff snapped at the Diamond Dog, "You were all just trying to kill us! And we're supposed to feel sorry somepony killed one of you in self-defense?" "I'm sorry I had to," Private Audience said. The Diamond Dog and Sandgriff both stared at Private Audience jaw and beak dropping. "Hey, did you hear something?" One of the Griffin soldiers asked. "Sounded like a train pulling in on the upper platform." Another replied. "We'll need to keep any civvies away right now..." Sandgriff said, but as he did so, two shapes in black oversuits leaped down the stairs, holding strange weapons in the grip of antler telekinesis. "Deer!" some observant Griffin soul observed loudly. Hooviet agents? Gangsters? Disgruntled acupuncturists? Didn't really matter who. They were armed and taking aim at us. Their weapons had strange wooden rears and front portions, (I just KNOW all the future generations must be having a good chuckle at my ignorance of gun terminology,) apparently to let creatures with hands use them. I also could see a metal blocky portion above the trigger, bulky barrels below metal shrouds, and long banana-shaped protrusions below the metal middle just in front of the trigger. They looked much like some larger sling/magazine fed crossbows, but these were a whole different class of weapon. Fortunately, I knew just the right spell to use against deer; shining my horn-light into the eyes of the nearest Buck, who froze in place for a second. It's where the phrase 'Deer in the headlights' comes from. My head, my light. The other two behind the buck, were at bad angles, did NOT freeze up in place, and just opened fire. And that was when it became apparent they were some form of hand-held volley gun. My dream weapon from before had just become a nightmare. I threw up shields, covering most of my troopers. The Griffins sprang for cover, but amidst the roar of gunfire, I heard one yell out in agony. The report of so many shots was deafening though, and I was a little dazed. That slowed my reaction when the Deer raced back upstairs, but the one I'd startled was slow. Apple tackled him. "Everyone all right?!" I shouted, a bit deafened and therefore a bit loud. "Aw, shit, Grinch is hit!" Frost shouted. "I'm fine, just winged me, no pun intended..." I looked at the soldier in question, the one who had been carrying the pump-action sniper bow. Grinch had a nasty-looking wound on his wing, but nothing major: His armor seemed to have taken it mostly but his wing was grazed. "Aw, horseapples, they shot the dogs!" Audience shouted. Indeed, our diamond dog captives had absorbed the bulk of the gunfire. In all likelihood, they'd been the shooters' primary targets. I'll never described what was left of them. Apple was shaking at the sight. Party had rushed over to them to do what she could with the few medical spells she knew, and I was about to check on them myself to see if my cure-spell deficient abilities could make any difference, when the Griffins began moving themselves. "We're going after the Deer!" Sandgriff said, moving towards the stairs. "Wait, Sandgriff, you'll need shielding! I'll come with you. My guys, keep that Deer guarded and the area secure!" "Yes, Sir!" "Grinch, wait here. The Equestrians might need your bow if more trouble shows up!" Sandgriff ordered his wounded trooper. The three Griffins and I raced upstairs, just as the train was pulling away. We jumped onto its caboose, barreling into an unfortunate Deer in the process, and knocking him off the train. Then we discovered that the door he'd been guarding was locked. The four of us were now on the small rear caboose platform of a moving train. As the Griffins fiddled with the locked door, the train pulled out away from the station, and then more shots hit my shields. "Watch out, there's another one back on the platform! We've also left one on the tracks but he's a bit out of it..." I said into the radio, then I noticed something. A huge black canine shape had jumped down from the rafters of the platform covering, hitting the Deer we'd knocked off the train. Judging by the sensation of ice encasing my stomach, (thicker and thicker the longer I gazed)... this could only be the especially-scary-dog-thing from earlier. I assumed the dog was angry at the Hooviets for killing his packmates. Of course, if I were a Hooviet, myself, I would've killed the dogs anyway and left their bodies in the station with the dead Equestrians, so as to make it look like we killed each other. Deer give us ponies so many reasons to be thankful we're not them. But the huge black dog took a swipe at the state-of-the-art gun the Deer wielded. And the moment his claws touched the weapon, it simply... vanished. I blinked. The Deer's fancy gun was gone. Poof. I blinked again, and the Deer was standing up, nocking an arrow to the drawstring of his longbow, as the huge black dog rolled off him. But before the Deer could fire, Marelow and Party rushed up to the platform and tackled the antlered archer. The fact the closest thing we had to a medic was now upstairs confirmed my fears for the unfortunate Diamond Dogs. They might have been trying to kill me, but unlike the Deer, they were not professional, they had shown fear, and they had felt like living things. The fanaticism of the average Hooviet made them more like automatons than flesh and blood, the kind of enemy Equestrians dread. Not just because it's all too easy to forget they're living beings, but because it means they're not going to hesitate to use lethal force on you if they get the chance. And in this case, even at the time I knew it would likely see the Griffin Special Forces I was accompanying respond in kind with little mercy or hesitation. That was part of why I was there. Without me, the Columbians would probably have been slaughtered with their gung-ho pursuit of the better-armed Deer. The black shape was now bounding after the train which I was on. It occurred to me that this canine had been running upon all fours this whole time... so WAS he even a Diamond Dog, as I'd originally assumed? However, the speeding locomotive soon outdistanced the canine who then promptly... vanished into nothingness in the darkness behind us. Like some manner of phantasm. "Did you see that?" I asked Sandgriff. "See what?" "That black Dog shape just... never mind." I looked away. Over the radio, Bitter Apple informed me that the LCPD had finally arrived, and were securing the area while waiting on higher-ups to escort the two Deer to someplace above a regular jail. The Griffins meanwhile had their pump-action spring slingshots ready, something I wasn't happy about but I knew they would want to be able to shoot back going in, even if they were outgunned. "Okay, I got the lock. Shields up, Captain?" Frost said. "Yep." "And can you do that horn-light thing while maintaing a shield up at the same time?" Sandgriff questioned. "Yes, I can, but double-casting uses up my mana about three times faster than each spell by itself. I'd better go in first though. I might be able to take them down with stun spells." "Alright, let's go on three..." The Griffin soldier said, and counted down. The door was slammed in and I shone my light in as strongly as I could. The Griffins piled in behind me, and the two deer in the carriage froze up, startled. I tried stun bolts on the Deer, but they were ineffective. Probably something to do with the futuristic-looking body armor they were wearing. I then tried to fire a Gravity Burster spell. It's basically just shooting out a number of small shield-balls rapidly. Those barely made the Deer flinch... indeed, they were broken from their funk by it. They began raising their weapons. The clack-clicks of the spring-slingshots and the auto-crossbow behind me led to those deer falling down a few seconds later with unwanted holes in their heads. Splitting up my magic three ways like this was eating up my reserves and making the spells themselves less potent but we couldn't sit around waiting for me to rest up. I was happy that it was me who came along, unlike most Guards, I had seen killing once before. One Deer had been carrying the same strange sort of gun as before, but with a round, flat, drum portion connected where the banana-shaped thing had been. There was also an odd box with a circle of glass at one end attached near the back of the weapon. At the other end of the carriage, though, the door opened. Liberty City's metro carriages had a corridor down the middle, and benches at the sides. This meant there wasn't much cover, so in a way we had an advantage right now thanks to my shields. The doors, however, were solid, so we couldn't see further down the train. "Captain, you think you can use that weapon?" Sandgriff asked. Given how much risk we'd all be in if I were to try dropping my shields in order to cast magic... the gun seemed like a reasonable compromise. "I can try, but I won't promise I'll hit anything..." "Sir, with respect, you may need to set your Equestrian values aside and..." "It's not that! Guns are newfangled technology to me! And I'm a bad shot normally! And this one's got this box thing blocking the posty bits you shoot with on other shooty things!" Okay, it was partly that. I couldn't help but think for a few seconds that, for all their fanatical coldness, clinical and eerie silence, and their well-displayed capacity for violence, that they were still somedeer's sons, somedeer's brothers, maybe somedeer's fathers. Then I recalled I was somepony's son and somepony's brother, and that they probably didn't give a feather about that, making it a little easier to shoot back. Not much, though. "...You mean the sights?" "Maybe? Why is this box even here, it's just got a little red T-shape thing floating in the glass..." The door at the other end of our carriage opened. Two more deer entered, and unfortunately, these Deer seemed to have second-guessed what a unicorn like me would try and do. Their eyes regarded me behind black tinted lenses. Worse, they also had advert frames held in their antler telekinesis: crude impromptu shields to guard against projectile fire. Deer can't perform shield spells themselves, but that was some pretty clever thinking on their part really. I gave a quick try at telekinetically yanking the advert frames away, but the Deer had a slight advantage of better grip and there was no time for a tug-of-war I'd lose. My mana reserves startle most ponies: but the first thing EVERY unicorn learns is: "conserve, not waste." I'm not my sister, even at M7 I can exhaust my magic if I throw it like confetti. "I hate sunglasses!" I cursed as I tried to fire my gun. Nothing happened. The Deer's guns, however, operated much better. Turns out the worst time to learn the fundamentals of gun-based warfare is in the middle of a shootout. Who knew? "Why isn't this working?!" "Maybe you can ask the Deer?" Frost suggested, firing his slingshot. "Take the safety off!" The other Griffin, who I'd learn was called Truck, shouted at me. Frost reached over with his left talon and flipped something down a notch for me. I tried again. While bullets DID fire from the gun's muzzle, the weapon was still very hard to control. Most of my shots wound up perforating the roof. "Try firing in short bursts, the way the Deer are!" Sandgriff advised, even as one startled Deer dropped his shield at my wild shots and got an arrow in the leg for his troubles. This worked far better, but I still couldn't hit a thing for the strange box in the way. Nonetheless, it gave the Griffins an opening and cover fire. Soon, the two Deer were down. "Move up! This train has four carriages plus the locomotive, we just cleared two!" Sandgriff shouted, racing ahead. The next carriage was empty, but the Deer now held the door shut, or had locked it. "I'll open it now that we have room to stand back," I said, dropping my main shield, and charging up another spell, my Gravity Ball. Basically, I shot a very dense ball of shield magic at the door. First though, I readied a quick scan spell. It was enough to detect three unshielded magic signatures in the next carriage: two of them at the door. This was probably going to be messy. I told the Griffins what I could see. They nodded in reply. I fired the Gravity Ball spell, and the door simply buckled inwards. The Deer were flung back, I raised the shield again and the third Deer at the end was fortunately too slow to raise his weapon. The Griffins rushed in, charging the Deer, punching them down and out rather than killing them. Frost, however, draw a knife and threw it at the further-away Deer. Even with my ears ringing a little from all the gunfire, it was not a pleasant sound to hear it hit home. I'd seen more death in one night than most Guard ponies see in a lifetime. "We've got these two alive as well, hopefully. Last carriage, then we can try stopping the train," Sandgriff said. I noticed he'd found one of the guns with the banana-bit, and looked at the door. Frost and Truck were held their own little conversation in the background. "You know what's weird? These Deer all have winter antlers, but it's summer in the Hooviet Empire as well." "Yeah, they should have shed antlers that big and only just be growing new ones..." "Stand back, Captain, I'll see if I can make this work," Sandgriff hefted the gun up. "Wait, I could look through the walls fir-" He fired at the door until his gun suddenly clicked. "Hm, it stopped. Wonder what these little brass things it spat out were." "Maybe they're mana containers?" I said, but the door creaked open before he could reply. A dead Deer fell into our carriage through it. "You don't want to shoot any more!" A Hooviet-accented voice then shouted from further inside. "On your guard, sounds like he's shouting from the locomotive," Frost warned. We moved up cautiously. I could see one of the guns lying on the ground with no obvious owner. "Show yourself, no weapons!" I demanded. A stag in a red uniform emerged. "You have done wery well to have defeated an entire Spetznaz unit here, Commander Sparkle..." "Commissar Chekov?" I exclaimed in surprise. "Ah, so now you recognize faces and names. Is it wery common problem in Equestria? Can you only recall those you meet in recent times?" "Wait, you're grouching at him about that thing at the embassy last night?" Sandgriff asked, bemused. "Does everyone know about that or something?" I groaned. "Yup," Truck confirmed. "And well SHOULD they know of it, Commander, wery well! It was a most grave and windictive insult to the Supreme Marshal! Most undiplomatic!" "Whatever, so your boss threw teddy from the pram, he needs to get over himself. What the hell are you idiots doing shooting up Liberty City?" Sandgriff said. "It is simple. We wanted redress for Shining Armor's insult..." Chekov smirked. "What? You were after me?" "General-Admiral Makarov wishes you to die, Commander. Your head is only fair way to amend for the wery serious mockery of him." "Okay, what the hell are you guys smoking in Hoovietsville? That's a pretty big overreaction," Truck wondered. "Well, sorry, Commissar Chekov, but I'm kind of attached to my head," I retorted. "A pity, but you do not have a choice. You will either die when this train stops, or die now!" He tried to raise the weapon lying on the floor. I grabbed it first, and handed it to Sandgriff, raising my shields and aiming my own gun. At least I think I aimed it. Stupid boxy thing. "Actually, Chekov, YOU'RE the one who doesn't have a choice! Now, what's really going on here? You expect us to believe you'd risk an international incident because some high-ranked bodyguard attended a party without knowing Makarov's name in advance? You've nowhere to go, and this seems like a good time to talk honestly and openly. Just you, me, these Gentlegriffs and these guns." He simply growled. "The Supreme Marshal will not have as swift a mercy as an instantaneous death by bullet for you, Shining Armor! The fate worse than death you will get will make you dream of having died by my antlers! For the Greater Good!" And with that, Chekov yanked his coat off with magic. A more conventional pistol emerged: a single shot flintlock. We realized his real plan, but were too late. He stuck the weapon in his own muzzle and fired. "Yeesh. If he didn't want to talk he could have said so," Frost observed. What kind of sick wonderland had I been pulled into? "Well, let's stop the train. I've no idea where we're..." Sandgriff said, but frowned, realizing something as he entered the driver's cabin. "These trains have dead-griff handles." "And?" I asked. "Well, If there's no one holding down the lever, it's supposed to stop." Then I saw there was a red glow of magic around the handle. WHOSE, though? Every Deer aboard the train was either dead or unconscious. My Griffin allies were nonmagical beings. And it sure wasn't MY magic. I tugged at it, but the handle refused to budge. The caster was far stronger, it seemed. An invisibility spell, perhaps? But a swift scan spell showed no one on the train, even on the roof. "Whoever is doing this is far away. That way, to be exact." I pointed with a hoof out of a window. My scan spell showed a trail of magic -- like a red wire -- originating from the direction our train was heading. Towards an urban sprawl, ahead. "Looks like..." Sandgriff began, but was interrupted. All around the train came the noise of windows and doors slamming shut and locking themselves. The door to the locomotive also locked shut. Unfortunately, it was the only entrance or exit, and the small windows were not big enough for us to squeeze our bodies through... even if we COULD overcome the red glow now shimmering over them. "What the griff-hell? Is this from the same guy who's casting the spell on the lever?" Sandgriff wondered. "Probably..." "Boss, Captain, everything okay in there?" "Sort of. We're not dead at least. What about you guys?" Sandgriff shouted as I tugged the lever fruitlessly. "Every window is magically sealed and shielded. The other doors are all locked as well. Doesn't look like we can break out." "Alright, guess you got to stay." Sandgriff sighed as he tugged at a small door in the cabin. It apparently led to the large magic engine that powered the boiler of this steam train. "Access to the magic-boiler is sealed up. Same red glow there, too." I confirmed it. "I'm betting it's either Makarov or a friend of his." Sandgriff looked out the window. "Looks we're heading for the west side of the city." I looked out, and I saw we were presently on a bridge over the river, heading for the side of the city that had undergone the gang troubles luring the LCPD away from our chase. I could see smoke rising from a few fires, numerous small airships floating around, and numerous police Griffins flying around. How could Makarov be doing this from so far away? With such masterful precision? I hadn't imagined even Princess Celestia having this kind of range. Hippogriffs supposedly had the best of both worlds. So would a 'unideer' (deericorn?) like Makarov have super powerful magic? So confusing! I then managed to remember something I'd forgot in all the events of storming the train. "Okay, maybe we can figure out something else. I'll communicate with my troopers back at the... Drat. Guess what?" "Radio signal blocked?" "Yes. Yours?" "Yep." Sandgriff nodded. "Can't even ask for reinforcements and every cop in this side of town is busy so even if we could get in touch with them they'd not be able to help. We're stuck. Maybe you could teleport us out now?" "I have a sneaking suspicion one of the spells cast on this train would block teleportation.  And second, well, we'd be teleporting out of a moving object. Watch." I jumped up. "Oh. Conservation of momentum, is it? We'd be teleporting somewhere while moving as fast as this train is..." He got the idea. "Yep, and I'm pretty bad at compensating that. I'd try to throw up a shield but then we'd be a wrecking ball and destroy anything we hit." "Hey look! We're over a river now! You don't need to teleport us that far! The water can break our impact and nothing for your magic ball to damge!" Truck declared. "There's still the spell around the train, but then again shield magic IS my special talent." I allowed myself a smirk as I applied my knowledge and knack for barrier based magic to try and undo or disrupt the spell Makarov was using to remotely control the train. "YEOW!" It felt like somepony had put a pair of jumper cables on my horn as I instinctively jerked back, now with a splitting headache. I felt it practically sucking my mana away as I had tried it. I even tried to scan the barrier, and that resulted in a huge drain of mana as well. "Okay, that's no good. I think this is specifically designed to leech at my magic." "You know, I'm beginning to wonder if this Makarov is some kind of Hooviet super soldier or something. Less a thing that was BORN than a... lab project, something engineered by magic or science." Sandgriff pondered. "Given what the Hooviets are willing to do for their 'Greater Good', it wouldn't surprise me, Sandgriff. But if so, you don't put a super-weapon in a command spot, you put 'em on the front line where he'll do some good." (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus: Like you, Mr. Super-Shields?) Point taken. We looked out at the city again, and Sandgriff noted where we were headed. The train was now over the island, and had just branched off. "I think this line leads to the Harwood Depot. There's a rolling stockyard there, pretty much a rail graveyard where all the old pony-drawn tram carriages were left after the metro switched to these trains. Lots of sheds to store them, and right in the middle of an industrial estate that's gonna be empty." "Isolated, a maze of ancient junk to get lost in, and lots of spots for his goons to be hiding. Perfect place for Makarov's ambush. Seems like the kind of pun he'd appreciate too: a train graveyard at the end of the line..." I realized. Sandgriff nodded. "Chekov said Makarov wanted to have fun with you, or he implied it, anyway. I don't think he's crashing this train." "Don't remind me. 'Fate worse than death?' He's going to bind my horn, shackle my legs, stick a Trottenham shirt on me and make me listen to Dubtrot, I know it." "Uh, what?" "Is there another fate worse than death?" I asked rhetorically. "Captain Sparkle, has anyone ever told you you're nuts?" He chuckled. "Once I tell you the plan I have, you guys will probably call me WORST things than 'nuts,' IF we get out alive." "If we get out alive, that'll mean your plan worked. How nuts can it be?" "If this doesn't work..." I said. "It's been an honor." I gave a salute, them responding in kind. The train yard was just as advertised. A maze of hulked tram carriages designed to be hauled by ponies rather than engines. I would later learn that though the trains had more capacity and a more consistent speed, they'd seen about two thousand job losses and resulted in a reduction in rolling stock. And apparently, every single old carriage in Columbia, let alone Liberty, seemed to be piled up here. A web of sidings, turntables, junctions and rails scattered around one area, but many were closed off by carriages. A few large cranes also loomed over the area, and about half a dozen sheds sat filled to capacity and then some. It was a scrapyard you could lose a regiment in, even without enemy forces lying in wait. The train decelerated, slower and slower until it gently bumped into some buffers, coming to a complete stop. This was when about a dozen black-clad deer emerged from the shadows, all holding the odd guns with drum-shaped portions instead of banana bits. The red glow stayed in place around our train, however. And then a voice confirmed my suspicions. General-Admiral Solomon Azure Raven Makarov. "Captain Sparkle! You are trapped, surrounded, and out of options! Come out without weapons, and I will let the Griffins leave peacefully. They have not insulted me nor caused me troubles..." "Okay, quick check here but how many of their guys did you kill?" I asked quietly. "Six or so. And we captured three back there plus two here. Plus your guy slotted the shooter in the tunnels I think." Sandgriff answered. "...But you have gravely insulted me. To insult me is to insult my honor. To insult my honor is to insult the Hooviet Empire, to insult the Hooviet Empire is demand your own death! Chekov was being merciful. You should have let him kill you rather than murder him..." "The gun is still in his muzzle for Celestia's sake..." I muttered. "...So therefore, Captain, I will tear you apart now. For the insult to me, to the Hooviet Union, to Father Deer and the Greater Good!  The last thing you will hear as a pony will the epic symphony of my rise to prominence!" Pst. That was the worst this psycho-deer had? "I will rip your horn from your head personally and convert you into a carthorse for the Stalker mines! A device will be inserted into the wound where your horn was, forever claiming control of your motor functions but not your consciousness. You will have your genitals removed..." "Eeesh!" Sandgriff winced. "...You will be fed the cheapest gruel and be left unable to control your bodily functions, dribbling your foul waste behind you for the many, many years I will see you live, converted to the disgusting creature you truly are!" "I bet you says that to all the boys," I muttered under my breath, sweating, my entire body tense. "Yes, Sparkle, you will trapped in a body only controlled by the orders of others. Lumps of the meat of your body that are not needed will be sliced from you to feed the Diamond Dogs of the mines. You will be a foul thing leaking excrement and urine, a mute gelding, no longer a stallion and just a walking pile of filth in the shape of a pony! And now I demand that you exit the train and face your fate, or I will destroy it and you instantly!" "Somehow neither of these seem like great options," Truck noted. "I have unlocked the doors and removed my shields. You have five seconds!" "Well, I think we'll go out. Brace yourselves, and if you get a chance to get away from this, do it," I said. "As long as you're taking the chance too, Captain," Sandgriff replied. "Four!" "Everyone good?" The Master Sergeant asked. "Three!" "Yeah." "Two!" "Here, Frost, take this, you might be able to aim it better..." "One! FIRE!" The Deer opened fire, a dozen of the strange guns chattering away. Two of the smaller six-barreled odd volley guns were present, one perched on a pile of carriages overlooking the train, and one with the ground troops. The hail of shots smashed windows and punching through the carriages in a long sweep. Some of the shots managed to cause damage to the engine, resulting in a small fire. The firing squad raked long tongues of fire down the train. Unfortunately, I'd just teleported the four of us out of the carriage and only two poor unconscious Deer were getting shot to ribbons who I couldn't save in time. We were now perched on the roof of one of the sheds, the two griffins with guns aiming them as I thanked all three of my Princesses the first part of my insane plan had actually worked. I had just done, the biggest and quickest teleportation of my life, my horn throbbed and my vision was blurry. I had brought up my shield inside the train and had bought the extra second or two I needed, before the mana I had put into the hastily constructed barrier broke from bullets. Don't even ask me to do that again because it was a miracle that it worked at all instead of my divided attention causing both spells to fail. I'd probably wasted half my total mana supply on that one combo. "Hey, Captain, I think this boxy thing IS a sight!" Frost suddenly noted. The Deer stopped firing at the same time, and to my surprise, removed the drum parts of their weapons in order to attach new ones. "What? Blast. Oh well, you know the plan." It was two guns, an automatic crossbow, and me firing down. I used my magic, first firing a flare spell off into the air, not only illuminating the battleground and disorienting the light-sensitive cervines, but acting as a distress beacon, visible to all of Liberty City for miles around. "Requesting reinforcements at my flare!" I barked into the radio, on the off-chance that it was working or better yet, that someone would know what the signal was and take a look. Now to begin phase two. I began firing another spell I knew; the flash-ball spell. It was a pyrotechnic spell, creating a bright light and loud bang. You can imagine its effectiveness against the Deer; helping the Griffins shoot down while the hapless Deer were still gathering their wits. Judging by how many of them fell when he shot, it seemed Frost was right. And worse was he later told me he just had to line it up and fire. A device, that would have finally let me hit something, and I thought it was in the way! In retrospect it would have been smarter for all of us to just try and sneak away while the deer searched for bodies, but we didn't have time to come up with a smarter plan. During all the shooting, one of the odd volley guns exploded suddenly when a bullet struck it. I presumed volatile magic was involved. Some Deer were shooting back, but to my surprise Makarov stood in the middle of it all, a red shield around himself, smiling. Not lifting a hoof to help his soldiers. And then I realized he was charging up power in his antlers. "Oh horseapples, GET DOWN!" I yelled, just as he released it. The Griffins scattered into the yard, but as I tried to teleport I was too late. The ball of energy slammed into my shields and exploded. Somehow, I held resolute, even though it had been the strongest magical attack I'd ever had hit my shields - actially cracking it! It tore up the roof I was standing on, and threw me from it. I landed, smashing up a carriage or three as my slowly cracking shield became a wrecking ball, and found myself lying in shattered debris, dazed and confused. I'd lost my helmet and my radio somehow, and I felt like I'd collided into a train. Which is literally what happened, sort of. "Find him and bring him to me alive! Break his legs, smash his ribs, but I want his horn and his life still with him! His genitals are optional!" That sort of reminder served as a very good wake-up call. "Forget the Griffins, they will be fleeing away!" Presumably one of the Spetznaz knew that focusing on me while the Griffins were loose was bad. And then came the howl. Had that big bad wolf been there a second ago? Up close, the shape was CLEARLY more lupine than canine. How had I mistaken this for a diamond dog? "Uh... Nice doggie?" I spoke to the massive black hound pacing towards me, slowly and methodically. "...Stay? Sit? Beg?" Was this wolf even truly black? Or was I seeing some sort of hazy outline? The way it was panting sounded oddly like speech, was this a Diamond Dog after all? "...disruptioN ...anomalY" Then again, my ears had been ringing from the loud explosion and all the gunfire, my head was splitting from all the high-mana use, I had aches all over, and I was also being hit by a massive fear-induced adrenaline rush again. I looked around quickly. The howl would surely have attracted the Hooviets, and running would make the wolf chase. So, being a genius, I threw a tram wheel at it. I either missed or it went right through its body. It wasn't fazed in the least. It narrowed its eyes at me and my heart skipped a beat. It finally clicked in my brain that I was this wolf-shape's prey. "...Eeep." The wolf charged. I did the sensible thing and tried to run quietly without attracting Hooviet attention, as well as maintaining my professional demeanor and stoic approach befitting of a Royal Guard Officer. "BUCKING TARTARUS! WOLF, BIG WOLF, BIG ANGRY WOLF, HORSEAPPLES!" ...Okay, I ran screaming and swearing like a foul-mouthed little filly through the rat's nest of carriages and scrap metal. My blind terror brought on by the giant wolf meant I didn't think to be surprised by the Deer that leapt out at me, guns drawn with my shield still down. "Chyort voz'mi! Bol'shaya sobaka!" "Your mother would be ashamed of you!" I shouted as I rushed past him. He gave a yelp of surprise as the dog barreled into him instead, presumably. I glanced back and saw the dog had his gun in his mouth, and seemed to bite right through it. At the time, I was a little bit busy running away when a spear sailed over my head. The Deer was now back on his hooves and had found a bow and arrow somewhere. I put my shields back up and ran, because the blooming dog was still after me! Was this some exotic pet of Makarov's?! Then why did it attack the deer too?! Or was it a monster born from all the resentment of carriage-pulling ponies who'd lost their jobs? What was going on here?! Luckily, a couple more Deer distracted it. A few took some shots but they must have missed because the screams a second later were not those of a canine. I dove into an open carriage window. The wolf came through the wall after me! Didn't anyone tell it animals are supposed lost interest if their prey plays hard to get?! I raced out the rusted open back door I saw before diving in (you didn't think I'd let myself get cornered did you?). I saw a deep drainage ditch. It was too deep for me to jump across, so I teleported, landing on the other side halfway, frantically climbed up and kept galloping, my head was going to explode. I looked back just in time to see the wolf leap the ditch and hit the ground running after me. I began tugging at the rubble and wreckage around me, trying to drop things between me and the angry lupine. This turned out to be pointless because not only did it dodge anything landing near it... who should suddenly ram into my side during an unguarded moment, but wonderful old Makarov? I rolled like a hamster in a ball. Probably hilarious to watch but disorienting as pony hell as I came to a halt in another carriage. "No one interferes! He is mine!" He yelled, and cast a spell around us. It encased us both in a wide bubble, throwing aside the carriages around us to make a clearing of about a hundred yards diameter. I was satisfied to see the monster wolf bounce off the shield with a yelp. Of course, it also hurled the nearby Spetznaz away, but they came back. The wolf, curiously, did not. I swear I heard the reverse recording of a enraged frustrated growl that made my blood freeze. Thankfully, the good General-Admiral was there to take my mind off of the beastie. "Now, Equestrian dog, you will have a chance to have a merciful and quick death, if you but beg for it!" I did the first thing I could think of. "...Equestrian? Zut alors, I am not Equestrian, I am Prench!" "...Prench." Makarov repeated in a monotone. Somewhere I heard the world's small muted trumpet give its swan song. "Off courze! 'Ow else do you explain zis outragéous accént?" Hey, I stood good odds of being doomed to a hideous death... or an equally hideous life. Forgive me for having a little fun. "Possibly that you are, as they say in Prance, being le tosser! It is unbecoming of an officer to engage in such childish activity!" "See, Mr. Makarov, you clearly have never actually met an Equestrian officer, have you? I'm starting to think this was all just a big, silly, cultural misunderstanding! Yes, I mistakenly failed to recognize who you were, and tactlessly admitted it to your face, and you, er, don't seem to quite understand Equestrian wit..." "Wit?! Culture?! You have no such things in your wretched country! Your strongest and only weapons are ignorance, petty insults and hiding behind the fat, bloated behinds of Princess Celestia and CadenzOW!" It felt very satisfying to run over and kick him in the face for that. Prick. "Now, see that? What you just did? Just now? THAT is an unpardonable insult to national honor. THAT is a hideous affront to not just one, but TWO unparalleled rulers, who TRULY love their citizens, and are loved by them, in turn. Their graciousness, goodness, and yes, GODLINESS come straight from the heart... not the product of a round-the-clock propaganda machine. You cannot even compare. You're nothing but a vulture desperate to pass himself off as a phoenix." Makarov chuckled while his face bled. "They... LOVE their citizens?" he sneered. "Are loved... BY their citizens? Perhaps you could answer me a question, then, Mr. Equestrian: why have none of your horned and winged princesses ever taken any consorts, the way I have?" "What?" My voice was the most dangerous sort of whisper. "I'll have you know," Makarov continued, in a casual, off-the-cuff sort of voice, "That, over the years, I have planted numerous agents within Canterlot, whose sole mission was to seduce either Princess Celestia or Princess Cadence, become their... constant companion. I've tried everything. Males, females, young and old and very young... every sort of species." "You're full of horseapples." "Zero reaction. Always 'just want to be friends.' Which just coincides with everything the history books say about them... not even Princess Luna had any 'special somepony,' back in HER day. Ever wonder, for all they 'love' their subjects, why there aren't MORE alicorns running around the world? Or could it possibly be that the TRUE secret of immortality is that you need to be as sexually dead as dogsh---" This greasy little pile of dog's droppings was getting everything I had. I readied my magic... ...And nothing happened except I felt my headache get worse as mana drained out like a burst pipe. Makarov laughed where he stood. "...Sparkle, I anticipated all of this. I have let things move to this end, your end! All of this was to bring you here, and to bring you within my Death Dome spell! You cannot cast magic, nor can I, for any magic we use simply feeds the dome spell and makes it stronger! We must fight in an honorable manner, no tricks and no surprises! Hoof-to-hoof is the basis of all combat, something a wretched and cowardly fake-pacifist Equestrian like you would never know! I don't need a gun, I don't need a knife, and I will kill you now!" He kicked out, and he was fast. My armor took most of the blow but it still winded me, and his follow-up rattled my teeth in my head as he kicked me in the face. I blinked away the tears that formed in my eyes to charge at him, spinning in the air to kick, but for all his talk of honor, I'd forgotten he was a bit obsessed with something else as he ducked and then swung his antlers right into my lower parts. "Aaaaaagh!" He juggled me in the air, starting with that blow, then another kick that hurled me into the wall of the dome. The Hooviet Spetnanz around the dome roared with laughter as I crumpled down, but way more than my pride was in pain there. Fortunately for me there was some armor where he'd struck, but it still meant I took a lot of impact force there. I could barely stand for a few seconds as Makarov gloated. "This is too easy! I didn't want this over so soon! I will let you get a hit in, shall I?" He posed. "...I...already... got a hit in..." I wheezed. "You mean before the fight began, coward?! Fine, I retract the offer. Now, you die!" His charge slammed me off the dome wall again and I felt at least one rib crack there and then. I bit something and tasted a blood in my mouth. Another juggling match ensued and I was tossed head over hooves away to the far end of the dome, adding more nicks and cuts to my tally rolling in the gravel of the train yard. He then began to charge as I staggered to my hooves, rushing the whole distance until suddenly, a thunderbolt from the heavens crashed down on the shield, followed by several more, overloading it completely. Makarov screamed as he was flung away from his backfiring spell, his horns releasing the feedback right in his face, landing back where he'd started his run. I think he actually looked shocked for a moment. Well, I said a thunderbolt. It was more of a Thunderchild... "Needing some help, sir?" The Sergeant said. (Interviewer (Pegasus): Wait, wait, wait! YOU couldn't break through this guy's barrier when he was creating one at a distance, and barriers are your trademark, but your buddy could at close range? That doesn't make sense!) And I have a feeling that might be why it worked. Pony magic between races are similar, but they aren't the same, Makarov's barrier wasn't set up for a Pegasus using lighting or a slam-boom attack. The exploding shield had flung the Hooviets away again, and I noticed Thunderchild was alone. "Thanks, but where is everypony else?" "The police had only arrived when Audience told us about the train, Sir. I had them escort the prisoners to make sure they reached custody without surprises, and followed the train. Don't worry, sir, I radioed for some backup." "Impudent dodo! You too shall die!" Makarov roared as he staggered to his hooves. "...I didn't hit you that hard, did I?" Thunderchild asked. "What?" "You're seeing double. You'd said 'you two.'. There's only one of me, General-Admiral." "Arrogant dog!" Makarov exploded. "Who are you?! You're not supposed to be important!" Thunderchild blushed with pride. "See, that's Equestrian wit that is," I helpfully added, earning an extra scream of rage. "Guess everything didn't go according to your plan after all, General-Admiral, see? I remembered who you are." What? I'd finally found a weakspot in the jerk's armor, why not hit away at it? "Ghaaaa! Curse you! Urrrraaaaaaa!" And then a roar came back. Electronic, loud, and like a foghorn. "Ulllllllaaaaaa" Three massive shapes then rose from amongst the carriages; three-legged walking machines nearly twenty feet tall, like tripods of death as high as the many rail sheds around us. They were all a dull grey metal, but had three red searchlights each on the round armored section atop the legs that I presumed was where the pilot was concealed. Below the crew sections were slung strange devices. Two had long cones surrounded by coils topped off with a brass ball, the other had a strange machine covered in glowing crystals around a cluster of something that looked horribly like unicorn horns. Because they were. I felt sick to my stomach. (Interviewer's Notes Unicorn: Uuuugh, sorry, just brings back some bad memories.) "I grant you an honor not befitting such dishonorable pigs! The first wretches to die beneath my Shagohods, electrocuted by their Tesla Coils or vaporized by their Tnetennba Beams! Shining Armor... Your horn was to have been taken to serve as a power source for one of those beams, but now, it will become ashes like the rest of you, and your fool of a Sergeant!" He cackled, and teleported away. His toys advanced. "Sir, those things look unstable. Can you put a shield around me and yourself?" "I'll try, Thunderchild. I'm a bit conked out, to be honest..." "Huh, and you're only just awake, Shining, You need more stamina, friend..." He joked. "Yeah. You know, it's odd. All I can really think of is that this whole night has been completely insane..." "It certainly escalated quickly..." "Well, let's go then. FOR EQUESTRIA!" We yelled. I threw up the shields, and this was when the 'Shagohods' decided to fire. The coil-things shot arcs of electricity, bouncing off the shields. The beams were pure magic, and if they could fire any longer, they'd have sliced through my weak shields at that time. But they seemed to only last a second before a hiss of coolant cloud erupted around the beam. Thunderchild took to the air, breakneck speed as he flew into the legs of the beam-tripod. They buckled under the sheer force of his speed and my shields, clipping the device and causing a small explosion. It crashed down in a sheet of flame, and I saw a hapless Deer jump out of it as it fell. Thunderchild swung back around, the electric Shagohods turning to shoot arcs of lighting at him. He simply smashed into the crew portion of one, ripping it apart, with a very startled Hooviet now stuck to the front of my shield around him. He dropped the deer in the nearby stagnant algae pool before he turned back around. However, the third and final Shagohods had simply rushed me, and began stomping on my shields. I was forced to release them before they simply fell, and dodged the stamping leg. I tried to hurl a gravity ball into the lower belly, but it simply bounced off, lacking the extra momentum of Thunderchild. Suddenly, shots began slamming off the tripod's crew portion. I looked up, and saw that a volley gun was firing away from atop a shed roof. Three Griffins were beside it. The tripod swung the tesla coil around, and I acted fast, teleporting up beside them just in time to have my shield deflect the lightning away. It bounced back,and staggered the metal warlord for a moment, managing to only grunt from the added pain the further magical exertion caused. "Hello again, Captain!" Sandgriff grinned, turning the crank of the odd machine while Thunderchild flew in and landed beside us. The tripod tried again, zapping my shields, but it was useless. That impact must have damaged its laser, my shield withstood it far better. It began to charge instead. "Thunderchild, go!" I ordered. He flew. The tripod's charge faltered from lack of legs. The crew bay landed with a clang, and a small hatch opened. A Deer poured out, wobbling like jelly. I felt a brief moment of sympathy for him until I recalled he was trying to kill me. "...I don't know about you four but I never want to do anything this insane again," I sighed, slumping against the gun the Griffins had hijacked. My head was splitting in two, my mana was probably lower than it ever had been ever in my life to that point thanks to that leech magic, I was bleeding from about two dozen small cuts and abrasions, I definitely had some fractured ribs and I was probably mostly black and blue with bruises below my coat. Which had been white at the start of the night but was now grey and black from dirt and oily stains. "I'll give you this much, Captain, you Equestrians sure know how to have some fun," Frost noted. I wheezed a vague reply. "Er, what's this?" Thunderchild wondered as he landed. He meant the volley gun, sitting on the two-wheeled carriage, with six barrels below a tall hopper-tower, and with steel plate shields for the gunner. The gun itself was mostly brass, now I had a good look at it in the moonlight. "Oh, a volley gun. Strange one too. See, this crank turns these six barrels, but as they turn a little brass case drops into the barrel from this hopper..." Frost began explaining. It was at this point, our examination of the odd artillery piece was interrupted. "Wretches! You shall all die!" Makarov shouted from somewhere, magically enhancing his voice. At that, Deer began to pour out from the carriages and scrap around the shed. It was at this point I noticed something. Namely another one of his death walkers appearing behind us from nowhere - I hadn't even heard it approach! This one was quadrupedal, twice as large, and carried three of the horn-cannons. And without enough mana to shield us, it shot us dead, story over. (Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): It was funny once, not so much this time.) Now you know what its like to know Running Gag. What actually happened was crazier. And then I heard an unwelcome yet familiar growl directly behind me. "!disruptioN" I turned just in time to see that...wolf-thing charging right at me. I closed my eyes...and nothing happened. When I opened them, I saw it jump right over me, leaping insanely high into the air. It slammed into the walker's armored cockpit and sliced through it like tissue. Simultaneously, Frost had produced a small tube from somewhere on all his unusual gear, which turned out to be a one-shot disposable firework launcher used to take out things with armor, like tanks. He fired it at the walker while the wolf tore into it, the shot striking the exposed charging up array of beam-cannons. With a bright flash, the walker exploded, toppling into the river, taking the wolf with it as it sank. "What are you waiting for, troops?! Kill them all!" It was then, a far more welcome surprise appeared in the air above. "Cease your advance and retreat or we will fire on you!" The Equestrian shuttle proclaimed as it swooped in and hovered above the train yard. Another one was behind it, both filled with unicorn Naval Cavalry and a few other Royal Guard troopers. A dozen pegasi of a similar mix flew behind the shuttles, each surrounded by shields of different colors. The Deer froze in the spotlights of the hovering light airships. "Those are but mere shuttles and a small collection of bothersome flies, proud stags of the Hooviet Empire! It has no weapons, it is filled only with yet more cowardly Equestrians! I said advance!" Those 'cowardly Equestrians' charged in, their shield-augmented attacks scattering the Deer. I saw Master Chief Spartan bowl through about ten by himself, and the hapless Deer simply threw their weapons away and began to flee. "...Hmm, I think the fun has ended, but I had anticipated such a dull ending. That is why I put so little effort and resources into this venture. We will fall back for now. But the honor of the Hooviet Empire will be restored! Your real reckoning will come, Shining Armor Sparkle!" "Yeah right! Take your loss like a stallion...stag.. like your masculinity is worth anything!". I called, not sure if he could hear me. But simply put, by that point I was through with this guy's horseapples. The remaining Deer then began to flee. A unicorn I knew in the shuttles shouted for the Equestrians not to follow as it flew down low enough to let him jump out of the side doors, followed by another. Sandgriff seemed to recognize the first unicorn as well. "Captain Baseplate? What are you doing here?" The Griffin Master Sergeant. moved over and raised a talon to shake the other Captain's hoof. "Me and my lads were supposed to be along to have a good look at that Makarov fella. But it seems somepony got into a wee spot of bother..." Baseplate said with his thick Clydesdale accent, and gave me an amused glare. "Couldn't you have left some more for us, Shining?" Lieutenant Price jokingly complained from behind his Captain. "I'd have been glad to, but right now I think I want to get out of here before Makarov decides his master plan all along was to charge back in again. And before I fall over." "Sounds good to me, Sir," Thunderchild said. I jumped into the airship, and tried not to collapse onto my haunches as I took some rest. The Griffins and the Pegasi all took to the air. I took one last look at the scene and then wondered three things. One,where could I find a medic? Two, how was I going to explain this one? Three, how the heck had I managed to survive it all?