//------------------------------// // Road Trip // Story: Lightening the Load // by Silent Bob //------------------------------// "But can you believe it though?! I mean I knew Rainbow Dash was fast, but that fast?!" Pinkie beamed, her, Ditzy, and Chrysalis making their way to the TARDIS later in the day. "Heh, you're not kidding there. I never thought I'd ever see a sonic rainboom twice in my life. First at the flier competition and then at the weddi-" She suddenly paused, realizing who she was talking to. "Er, sorry Queen Chrysalis. I know Pinkie said you feel really guilty about that," Ditzy said. "It's alright," Chrysalis said in a no big deal kind of way, her tone an odd contrast with her distorted, naturally somewhat menacing voice. "I'm reminded of that wedding more often than not. I'm pretty much over it." She couldn't have told a bigger lie, though nonetheless she shrugged if off. "Oh, and call me Chrysalis." Ditzy gave her a small smile. "Sure thing." "You know, I wonder what the Doctor's been working on?" Pinkie pondered. "Eh, probably TARDIS repairs or something like that," Ditzy said, sighing slightly. "I swear, sometimes I think he cares more about his stupid spaceship than he does about me." Pinkie narrowed her eyebrows in concern as Chrysalis turned towards her. "Hey, you're his assistant, right?" The swarm queen said, surprising even herself in her attempt to comfort somepony. "I'm sure he cares about you... he's just very...." "Aloof?" Pinkie said. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it," the swarm queen smirked. "I guess..." Ditzy sighed. "I just wish he'd show me that more often. Sometimes I think he only keeps me around to bolster his ego." "Well, he certainly has one the size of a house," Chrysalis chuckled. "But if he's done as much as you say he's done, I'm sure he doesn't need you to remind him of how 'awesome' he is." "Heh, a good point I guess," Ditzy said, smiling again. "You know... mind if I tell you guys a secret?" "Oooh! You can tell me! I'm the queen of keeping secrets!" Pinkie beamed, though her tone soon turned serious. "Because breaking them is the fastest way to lose a friend..." She took a deep breath before bellowing, "FOREVER!" Every single bird took flight from the island at that. "Sweet Celestia, Pinkie," Ditzy said, wincing as she rubbed her pointy ear. "I think you could give Princess Luna a run for her money with that lung ability." The pink mare smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." Chrysalis glanced at Ditzy curiously at that. "So, what's the big secret?" With that, Ditzy inched closer to Chrysalis and Pinkie, signaling them into a huddle, her cheeks rosy. "You guys... I think I may... like the Doctor as more than just... a mentor." "Noooooooo," Pinkie said. Chrysalis rolled her eyes, smirking. "So much for a big secret." Ditzy's eyes widened. "Wait, you mean you two already knew?!" "Heh, hate to break it to you but my people can sense when love is in the air," Chrysalis winked, before sticking her tongue out slightly. "Sarius told you this yesterday!" "I didn't know!" Pinkie said, bouncing. "That's so awesome!" With that, Ditzy let out a sigh. "It'd be awesome if he'd actually... you know... acknowledge it." "You know he likes you back, right?" Chrysalis said. Ditzy nodded. "Yeah... I kind of sensed it but..." She then let out a large growl. "Why won't he say anything to me, though?!" Pinkie and Chrysalis shrugged at that. "Maybe underneath all that ego he's hiding the fact that he doesn't think he could ever hold a decent relationship?" the swarm queen suggested, before throwing her arms up. "I'm not Cupid or anything, though. The only books I've read up on love were for..." She glanced away from the two. "Well... the wedding." "Daw, it's alright, Chryssy," Pinkie smiled. "We both forgive you for th-" With that, Pinkie walked right into an invisible barrier with an 'oof', before stumbling back in a daze. "Woah, what was that?!" Ditzy squeaked. Suddenly, blue door appeared out of nowhere, swinging outward to reveal the strangest thing Chrysalis had ever seen, not counting the Doctor who was standing at it. Through the door she could barely make out a room of metal, with a circular device in the middle of it that seemed to house a series of levers and other controls. "Whoops, sorry about that!" the Doctor said. "Just got the cloaking device working." At that, he darted over to the control console and pulled a lever, and suddenly a blue, eight foot high box appeared before the swarm queen and company. She quickly did as double take at that. "W-Wah? H-How is it bigger on the inside?!" Ditzy let out a chuckle. "Everypony asks that, and no it's not shrinking magic." "I bet the TARDIS' interior is a pocket dimension of some sort!" Pinkie beamed, grinning wide. The Doctor's eyes widened. "How did she know that?" Chrysalis shook her head incredulously, letting out a chuckle. "She's Pinkie Pie. Don't bother asking." She then cleared her throat. "Er, Doctor. I know I only wanted you to advise me on the whole IGOM matter but..." She threw him a smile. "Would you mind if we use your..." She squinted an eyebrow, not really sure if a blue box could count as what Ditzy had said it was. "Ship to pick up a few things in Equestria?" The Doctor did a double take himself. "D-Did you just smile?" "Yeah, she's been acting super happy today!" Pinkie said. Ditzy gave a small laugh. "By that she means she's been getting her mind off all of this IGOM stuff by hanging out with us." With that, the Doctor straightened a new tie he had on with a slight cough. "Well... I don't normally let ponies.. or changelings in this case use the TARDIS as a moving van... but you know what, why the bloody hell not? I've got nothing better to do." Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. "You mean you're not angry at me for still hosting IGOM now?" The Doctor narrowed his eyebrows slightly. "Well, I wouldn't say I'm angry... but I still think it's a bad idea. However, it seems you're between a rock and a hard place at the moment. I'm willing to go along with it for now. I'm still going to have a word with Admiral Thrawn to make sure he's on the level, though." "I don't think we need to worry about him, Doctor," Chrysalis said, holding up a holey hoof that whistled in a slight breeze. "I talked with the Nameless Man yesterday." The Doctor's eyebrows raised. "Y-You actually spoke with him?" The swarm queen nodded. "Yeah, I think he... likes me.. which is kind of creepy and reassuring at the same time." She then through him a questioning glance. "Do you know anything about him?" The time lord brought a hoof to his chin. "I don't know much other than that he holds a position of some power in the Order of the Nameless Men." "You know, if he's called the Nameless Man than what are the rest of the Nameless Men called?" Pinkie pointed out. "Joe, Steve, Bob..." the Doctor joked, the two Equestrians and changeling raising an eyebrow. "Er.. sorry, it'd be a better joke to humans. But back on topic, I'm not sure if you can trust him or not, we'll just have to see." He then put on a chipper smile. "Anyway, let's get this field trip underway, shall we? Come on in and put your feet, er hooves up," he said, gesturing for them to enter. With that, Chrysalis and company complied, the former gazing about the interior in awe. It wasn't like anything she had seen or imagined; it was simply something that had no business being within their just barely post-medieval world, a technological anomaly... though soon it wouldn't be the only thing. "So Doctor, what have you been working on all day?" Ditzy asked curiously. The Doctor gave her a care free expression. "Oooh nothing much..." He then grinned. "Just got done installing the TARDIS' NEW SOUND SYSTEM!" The Ditzy gave him a blank look. "You mean so we can listen to your theme song, right?" The keeper of time rolled his eyes. "No, Ditzy. I figured since we've been fighting so much lately I'd try to make it up to you..." He then darted over to what Chrysalis guessed was the control console and pulled down a lever. "WITH THIS!" And suddenly, a sound blasted through the interior of the TARDIS, a marvelous, epic sound: "I'M THE SCATMAN! Skiddididat, dadadadat! Skiddididat, dadadadat! Skiddididat, dadadadat! Skiddididat, dadadadat!" Ditzy then let out the most adorable squee in history. "Oh my gosh! Scatman John?! He's like the best human singer... ever!" "Everybody stutters one way or the other So check out my message to you. As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back. If the Scatman can do it so can you. Everybody's sayin' that the Scatman stutters But doesn't ever stutter when he sings. But what you don't know I'm gonna tell you right now That the stutter and the scat is the same thing. Yo I'm the Scatman. Where's the Scatman? I'm the Scatman." With that, Ditzy paused in head banging to turn towards a very confused Pinkie and Chrysalis. "When I was younger I used to have a bit of a stutter... and Scatman John is a major supporter of people with that disability on Earth. He makes me so happy," she beamed. "Ahhhhh," Chrysalis and Pinkie mouthed. "So this is human music, huh?" the former said. "It's kind of..." She smiled. "Catchy." She then quirked an eyebrow. "Where'd you get it from, anyway, Doctor? I thought you were stuck here." "Oh, just something I've been carrying around, and there's time to listen to it on the way to Equestria!" the Doctor grinned, before raising an eyebrow. "Er, where are we going, anyway, exactly?" "We need to get to Ponyville," Chrysalis stated. "I've gotta pick up all the food I can for the party for Chryssy to make copies of," Pinkie said. Doctor Whooves raised an eyebrow. "Make copies of-" His eyes then widened, a smile of approval coming upon him as he turned towards Chrysalis. "Ahhhh, you're going to use your hive to duplicate it, aren't you? That's just brilliant!" Chrysalis nodded with a slightly thankful smile. "In the meantime, Ditzy and I are going to try to convince a few musicians to play for us. After that, we still have a pretty huge supply list to cover. I'm hoping we'll be able to put our heads together to figure out how to get what we need." "Well, it won't be that hard. Princess Luna might be able to help," the Doctor stated. "I take it you're getting Vinyl Scratch? I loved her at that fashion show I went to." Pinkie nodded. "Yep, and a few others! Hopefully we can convince her whole band to come." "I'm hoping they'll also be willing to head to the hive four days early, just to get used to the place," Chrysalis said. "I'm sure it'd be awkward to just be shoved into." "Whelp, that'll be no problem. The TARDIS has plenty of storage space to host all their equipment," Ditzy announced. Chrysalis gazed at her, dumbfounded. "Wait a minute, you mean it's more than just this room?!" The Doctor nodded with a slightly prideful smile. "You've got it!" With that, Pinkie turned towards the swarm queen with a hopeful smile. "Er, Chryssy..." she said. "While we're there, would you mind if we picked up the rest of my friends? I'm sure they'll be willing to help..." "My good word could convince them you're fine and dandy," the Doctor added, before putting on a slight smirk. "Unless of course you mind controlled all three of us." "Erm..." Chrysalis said, thinking it over. To be honest, she had been having one of the most care-free days of her life, just hanging out with people, even if they were actually her former enemies. She should have tried this with Sarius years ago.... though now it seemed Pinkie was going to be spending time with friends who may not be as accepting towards her as the Doctor, Ditzy, and Pinkie. To put it bluntly, she was actually feeling a bit protective. Still, she couldn't think of any excuse as to why they shouldn't be able to come, so.... "Well, alright Pinkie...." "Yayyyyyy!!!!!" the pink party pony beamed, literally flying so high into the air in joy she almost hit the ceiling. "H-How did she-" the Doctor gasped, before gaining a small wink from Ditzy. "Ah, right. She's Pinkie Pie." "Come on, Doctor! Let's fire up this magical blue box up!" Pinkie grinned, before moving over to the console as if she were about to attempt to pull a lever. The Doctor put on a look of horror before jetting in front of her. "Er, Pinkie, please let me handle the driving." "Dawww, alright!" she beamed, completely unfazed, before bouncing over towards Chrysalis and Ditzy again. "Hmmm, hyperactive ponies plus a technologically advanced time machine might be a bad idea to combine together," Chrysalis muttered to herself, though with a slight smirk. "You know, my friend Twilight could sooooo help organize this whole thing! She's the best task master Ponyville has!" Pinkie suggested. "Maybe, kid," she said, sighing slightly. "I just hope she'll be willing to forgive me..." Pinkie shook her head incredulously. "Of course she'll forgive you! If I can, so can she!" Chrysalis let loose a sigh, turning away from the pink mare. "I did more to hurt her than anypony at that wedding... except maybe Princess Cadence. I'm still not sure if doing this is such a good idea..." "I'll handle talking to her," the Doctor offered. "Ease her into the whole idea and everything." "That'd probably be the best way to go about it," Chrysalis nodded. With that, the Doctor smirked. "Then it's settled. TO PONYVILLE!" "Doctor, aren't you forgetting something?" Ditzy said, winking. "Oh right," he said, nearly facehoofing. "ALLONZ-Y!" With that, he pulled a lever and... nothing extraordinary happened except for the fact there was now a strange whirring sound filling the air over the top of Scatman John... which was now on a loop. "Common, Pinkie! Chrysalis! Let's party this time machine up!" Ditzy grinned, before beginning to head bang again to 'I'm the Scatman', Pinkie soon joining in. Chrysalis raised an embarrassed hoof. "Er... I'm not sure if I should... I don't want to ruin my mane..." Pinkie gave her a blank look. "Oh come on. Your mane isn't even made of hair! It won't get ruined." The swarm queen sighed, before giving a reluctant, "fine..." "I hear you all ask 'bout the meaning of scat. Well I'm the professor and all I can tell you is While you're still sleepin' the saints are still weepin' cause Things you call dead haven't yet had the chance to be born." And the four proceeded with their shenanigans all the way through the spacetime continuum. Across the void between universes, on a planet so distant from Equestria a mind below a god could never hope to fathom it, a small, green, antennae-bound alien sat within a padded pod, deep below the surface of the planet he was sent to 'conquer', the underground area of his hidden base. His red bug-like eyes gazed menacingly upon a number of viewscreens, one of them showing three ponies and their changeling 'friend' as they continued their debauchery. "Look at them..." the alien growled, "Thinking they're actually becoming friends with that changeling." He let loose a slight chuckle. "Fraternizing with your enemy so they don't know that you're using them! Genius, but not genius enough for me! ZIM SEES THROUGH YOUR PLOY, CHRYSALIS!" With that, he leaned over towards the entrance of the pod and called, "GIR!" A small, metallic robot rolled into the pod and took a seat aside his master, his eyes glowing red. "Yes, my master!?" he said, throwing him a quick salute. "Take a look at these screens.. what do you see?" With that, the little droid cocked his head, his eyes turning blue. "I sees three cute little ponies and a big black buggy thing with holes in her hooves!" he chirped. "Yeees... and do you know who that insectoid is?" "Yes!" the insane droid said. "Wait a minute... no." The alien let loose a sigh. "She's the current host of IGOM... and the leader of an entire people with holes in their hooves... they actually feed upon the sickening emotion the filthy humans call 'love.'" "Dawwww, are we gonna go meet em' soon?" The alien let loose a cackle. "Yes, very soon," he said, twiddling his fingers. "However, before I do... I want to give our host a little gift." With that, the alien gestured for Gir to follow him, and they made haste into a large laboratory of a room, bubbling vats of green chemicals lining the walls. In the center of it was a menacing mechanical beast hovering about two feet above the ground, two turrets sticking out of its front. "The nanoprobes I sent to infiltrate her dimension have revealed some interesting intelligence that could come to my benefit," Zim explained. "Luckily, sending inorganic matter across the void to their world is possible for the moment... such as this droid." He then grinned wickedly. "Imagine it, Gir, imagine if I were to do the swarm queen a favor..." "Is it gonna to make em waffles?!" Gir said, his droid eyes somehow widening in glee as he gazed upon the machine. Zim smirked. "I'm afraid it has more... tactical purposes." With that, the invader pulled out a small datapad. "This hunter-destroyer is just another tribute to my genius. It's equipped with shields that should be able to resist most of their pathetic little arcane magics, and with laser weaponry that can punch through solid steel..." "So... no waffles?" Gir said, frowning. The alien shook his head. "No Gir, no waffles. It's meant to turn the swarm queen's enemies, the Equestrians, into glue." His eyes then narrowed. "You know, even if I didn't want to impress Chrysalis, I might have just sent the drone anyway. They're almost worse than the humans, Gir, those little ponies; so filled with joy and happiness... it makes me sick." "Isn't joy and happiness the same thing?" the robot said, cocking his head slightly to the side. "SILENCE!" Zim bellowed. "They're almost perfect test subjects for this! Primitive... weak... unsuspecting." He then shook his head, throwing away his previous line of thought. "Anyway, once it causes enough devastation, she'll be able to move in and make their entire nation her feeding grounds! She'll suck them dry of their precious love!" With that, the little robot's eyes turned red once again. "Sir, this SIR would like to ask why you see fit to help alien scum in their personal matters?" "Because Gir," Zim scoffed. "The host of IGOM is the only one who can give someone the ultimate medal of the entire celebration, the Mastermind award. Helping her out is a sure-fire way to get it! I WILL BE THE KING OF IGOM, GIR, THE KING OF THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Zim then let out a cough, a second of silence following. "Can I still hug the little ponies?" "NO, GIR! WE WILL DESTROY THE LITTLE PONIES," the alien roared. With that, his black, gloved finger began to tap upon his datapad, the hunter-destroyer whirring to life. "The Tallests themselves are going to be at IGOM... and if I were to be given that award..." His eyes then began to actually water. "They would finally have to acknowledge what they've never said out loud; that I am the greatest invader in the Irken Empire!" "Dawww, I'm sure they loves you, master! They gave you this mission after all." "Yes," the alien sighed. "But they never seem to acknowledge my greatness enough for my tastes." He then walked over towards the machine and ran an affectionate hand across its smooth, black surface. "Alright my precious; it's time to hunt down some Elements."