Discord was trapped, surrounded on all sides with no way out. If he was caught here they would surely kill him or at least try. Moments ago Discord's plan was going perfectly he had disguised himself as one of the castle guards and had told the Kitchen staff Celestia had requested them in the main dining hall. Afterwards he initiated phase two, once all of the cooks were out of the hall he had picked the lock with his talon and made his way in.
Phase three was where everything began to go wrong. All he had to do was grab some food and get out, simple enough he had thought. However fate frowned on Discord’s snacking time and the Cooks and wandered into Celestia before ever reaching the main hall. When the finally realized they had been tricked the galloped back to the Kitchen. Discord heard their approaching hoofsteps and panicked. Now Discord found himself trapped in a pantry.
"Not the worst place I've been trapped in." Discord muttered to himself.
Discord peeked through the crack in the door hoping that an escape route might have opened up.
"When I get my Hooves on that lizard!" shouted the lead cook Flambé. "This is the seventh time he's stolen from our Kitchen"
Discord felt a little proud it wasn't the seventh time it was the sixteenth. Discord did feel a little bad about causing trouble for the poor fellow. When a Flambé wasn't on the job he had a great sense of humor and everything he cooked was like paradise in your mouth. However at this moment Flambé was the enemy and he had a severe advantage.
"Now, tonight we have a large group of High class ponies coming in. We'll need to work the rest of the day if we want to be ready for the feast." Flambé shouted returning to his position as the other cooks returned to theirs.
Discord's hope for escape had been crushed, he could wait the entire day for them to leave but no doubt someone would eventually open the door to grab something and when the did he would be busted.
Twenty minutes later Discord was still sitting in that pantry. He’d finished eating two apples and a one wheel of cheese when suddenly with a silent purple flash a scroll appeared in front of him. Discord was surprised by this not by the fact that the scroll suddenly appeared but by the fact that nobody sent him mail, especially not at a time like this.
Discord unrolled the scroll and silently read to himself.
"Dear Discord
It has come to my attention that you have found yourself in dire need of assistance. I myself could also use some assistance, though I do not find myself trapped in a small room. I believe we can help each other out, if you wish to escape the wrath of Flambé head to the furthest back shelf. Once there you will find several boxes of cereal behind the ones on the middle shelf you will find a lever.
Should you wish to escape Pull it and prepare you bottom it gets bump.
PS: This message would have self-destructed in five seconds but I couldn't remember that spell, so just eat it or something."
Discord looked at the scroll, Judging by the purple flash and the writing he assumed it was Luna. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him but if she could help him escape then it was most likely worth it. He stood up and moved his was to the back shelves sure enough there was the cereal.
"Why do we have this much cereal!? I mean really we have far too much cereal in here" He said aloud to himself.
He moved to the boxes from the middle row and to his surprise there was the lever he shrugged no other way out might as well pull it Discord thought to himself. He pulled the lever not knowing what to expect at first nothing happened, but with a sudden mechanical snap the trap door below Discords feet opened up and he fell into the darkness.
With a sudden thud Discord landed in appeared to be a cart. He looked around all he could see was more darkness and what appeared to me rail road track. Suddenly a loud automated voice rang from somewhere in the tunnel.
"Please keep your hooves and wing inside the cart at all times"
Discord didn't have enough time to fully register what the voice had said before the cart fired down the track. Discord being Discord disobeyed the voice's commands as he raised his arms above his head careening down the track in a manner that could not be safe in any possible way. Discord was sad when he saw the end of the track approaching luckily for him that feeling soon left. Sadly for him so did the track as the cart slammed to a stop Discord was forcefully ejected from the cart and hurled back into the darkness.
When Discord finally regained consciousness he was in a large room. Monitors and large consoles covered the walls and Tesla coils covered the ceiling and floor at various points of the room. On many of the tables sat beakers containing various chemical mixtures eventually a dark shape in the corner of the room caught Discord's attention, it moved towards him.
"Good evening Discord" The shadowed figure spoke.
"Hi Luna." Discord responded cheerfully
Luna stepped from the shadows a look of annoyance clearly covered her face "How does everybody know it's me?"
Discord shrugged "Probably because this place looks exactly like your room." He paused for a moment trying to visualize Luna's room "Actually, this place has less Tesla coils than your room."
Luna glared at Discord as he climbed to his feet "What’s wrong with Tesla Coils?"
Discord finished brushing himself off before turning back to Luna "Nothing, if you’re a madmare." he said with a grin.
Luna knew Discord would win this game if she allowed it to go for too long, so she decided to get to the point as quickly as possible.
"So, since you pulled the lever that means you accepted my offer, correct?"
Discord had completely forgotten the offer. The note didn't say what he had agreed to, but with Luna you could never be sure either way.
"So what is it you need me to do?"
Luna turned back to Discord a look of pure insanity covered her face.
"I want you, TO DESTROY THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!" she finished an Insane laugh to match her face.
Discord was stunned he knew Luna was a little crazy but he wasn't aware she had fully snapped again. Just as Discord thought about running Luna's face snapped back to a normal and calm appearance
"Don't worry Discord; I'm just messing with you." She said with a slight grin
Discord was even more stunned if that was her Idea of a joke he didn't want to get on her bad side. He let out a nervous chuckle "Haha Luna that was pretty funny, so what do you really need me to do."
A small amount of Insanity returned to Luna's face "You and I are going to steal Celestia's diary." she finished with a less insane laugh.
Now Discord was sure she was insane "You set all this up just so you could steal your sister’s diary? Just go into her room and take it, sounds pretty simple."
Luna laughed once again "Discord, this isn't a simple school filly’s journal. This is Celestia's personal log of everything she's thought and done for the past few hundred years. It would take a hundred ponies to break Celestia's security."
Discord grinned "Or two gods."
"Now you're getting it." She said as she walked to the large wooden doors. Before she opened it she turned back to Discord "So, are you in or out?"
Discord rubbed his paws together "I'm in, where do we begin."
A few minutes later both Luna and Discord had sneaked their way through the castle and had made it to the Royal Armory where they were to meet their inside colt.
Hammer was waiting at the armory door "You're sure Princess Celestia won't find out that I've helped you two?"
"Yes Hammer, she'll have no idea you helped us and if we get caught you've already got your pay so what does it matter?" Luna finished as she walked into the room, Discord following behind her.
Discord was surprised the armory had everything including Battering rams, grappling hooks, swords and shields. Discord turned to Luna who was eying everything on the walls
"So what do we need?" Discord asked, he wasn't quite sure what they would be facing in order to obtain a simple diary.
Luna shrugged "I'm not sure what we'll need, so just grab anything that seems useful."
Five minutes later Luna had a full bag packed and Discord still hadn't picked anything. Instead he stood in front of a shelf that contained only rope.
"Do you know what we need Luna?" Discord asked with a grin
"What do we need?" She answered
"We need some rope" He said as he pulled the longest rolled up rope he could find.
Luna turned and stared at him "Are you insane? Actually don't answer that."
Discord shrugged "Spies always have rope."
Luna was still looking through the shelves for more useful items. “What are you going to need rope for?"
Discord shrugged again "I don't know, in the movies they always end up using it though."
Luna turned and glared at Discord "Fine take your stupid rope, it’s not going to help though."
One hour later Discord and Luna found themselves dangling above a pool of sharks.
"WHERE DID SHE FIND ALL OF THESE!?" Screamed Luna.
"I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE DECIDED THAT CELESTIA IS NOW THE INSANE ONE!" Discord shouted back
"We'll have to rock ourselves till I can cut the rope and hopefully we can land on that ledge over there." Discord said as began to rock him back and forth. Soon Luna had joined in and they were now gaining enough momentum to either side of the pool.
"Brace yourself." Discord shouted as he cut the rope.
Both Luna and Discord landed on the ledge at the far side of the room. Discord cut the rope off both of their hooves as the both stood back up.
"What are you going to need rope for?" Discord said mockingly.
"Shut up or I'll push you into the shark tank" Luna said bluntly as she opened the next door.
The next room was a plain looking chamber nothing on the walls or floor except for a single chandelier that lite the room. On the far side of the room was a table containing three books. Luna was about to gallop forward to her prize, when Discord put an arm out to block her.
"Think about Luna, so far we've crawled through vents hidden in Celestia's room, dodged spear traps hidden in the walls and finally we've fallen through a trap door and dangled above a pool of sharks. Do you really think Celestia left this room untouched?"
Luna thought about it for a moment "You're right, she probably has some horrible trap set up. That's why you’re going first." She said with a grin as her magic covered Discord.
"What are you doing?!?" Discord said confused as he began to slide forward through the room.
"I just told you, you're going first whether you like it or not. I know you won’t agree to go anyways so I'm just helping you along."
Discord closed his eyes and braced himself he preferred not seeing pain as it approached. He waited for anything to happen but nothing ever did, he continued to wait afraid to peek in case something did.
"You can open your eyes you big chicken!" Luna shouted across the room.
Discords allowed his eye to crack open, he eventually allowed them to fully open. He was glad he seemed to be fully intact he hadn't been stabbed, eating or set on fire all good signs. Luna happily trotted to the other side of the room and an approached the table.
Discord stared at the three books "They all look the same, she probably booby trapped the wrong ones."
"You're probably right." Luna answered "We'll have to pick one and hope its right."
Discord picked up the book furthest to the right and moved it to the middle of the table.
"Are you ready?" He asked.
Luna nodded, and Discord opened the book. At first nothing happened and both Discord and Luna felt relieved. However that was quickly squashed as a small black hole opened up in the center of the book.
"SHUT IT!" Screamed Luna as she was dragged across the floor her hooves having no grip on the floor.
Just before Luna was sucked in the dark abyss Discord managed to close the book. He then slid it as far away as possible.
"Okay then we never speak of that book again. Also your turn Luna, I don't feel like being horrible mauled by some sick and twisted trap your sister has created."
Luna looked at the two remaining books. She decided that the middle book was most likely safe and picked it up with her magic. Just before she opened it she decided to face it away from both of them, she finally cracked the book open as it faced the wall. Both Discord and Luna waited for any sign of trouble, but nothing came. She closed the book and placed it in Discords paws. Just then a small door behind the table opened up.
"Where do you think that leads?" Discord asked
Luna shrugged "Probably back up into the Castle."
Discord was pleased he apparently didn't have to carry the book very far as he followed Luna back up through the dark passage way. Eventually the darkness began to break as light flooded in.
"Ah fresh air." Sighed Luna as they exited through the secret entrance hidden behind a bush.
"Can we hurry up? This book is heavy." Discord said struggling as the weight of the book only seemed to grow.
Several minutes later Luna and Discord had managed to sneak back through the castle and into Luna's chambers. The placed the book down on Luna's desk.
"Are you ready?" Luna asked with an evil grin.
"Just do it." Discord answered completely exhausted from carrying the large book so far.
Luna opened the first page of the Celestia's Diary and read aloud
"Don't worry; I'll come get you in a few hours." Luna was confused who was Celestia going to come get?
"What does that mea-" Discord was cut off as a golden glow surrounded both Luna and him and with a flash they were both gone.
Both Celestia and Hammer appeared as Celestia removed the invisibility spell that had concealed them.
Hammer looked up at Celestia as she picked up her book "Why did you need them in order to get your book? If you don't mind me asking Princess."
Celestia chuckled "For two reasons my little pony. The first being those traps, they really, really hurt and I didn't feel like walking all the way to the secret entrance. The second reason is simple; I found it funny watching them try to plot. Even when Luna was Nightmare moon Plotting wasn't her strong point. I was truly surprised that they even made it down there at all."
Hammer quietly laughed to himself. Princess Celestia and set up this elaborate plan out of laziness and boredom. Which when he thought about it was nothing new from the Princess. As they were walking back through the halls Hammer turned to the Princess.
"If you don't mind me asking where did you send Princess Luna and Discord?"
"To the moon" She said with a giggle. "Don't worry though; I'll go get them in a couple of hours."
Meanwhile on the moon
"So much for your brilliant plan there Luna." Discord said quite annoyed.
"How was I supposed to know she knew what we were planning?" Luna responded equally annoyed.
Discord was now pacing around trying to figure out how to get off the large space rock
"Luna, I have an Idea. We'll crash the moon into the Equestria."
Luna shook her head "It'll take too long and I don't think Celestia would like us wiping out all life on the planet."
Discord crossed his arms "I guess you’re right, what do we do then?"
Luna grinned "I have a plan."
Several hours later in Canterlot Castle
Celestia walked to her balcony window, it was about time to bring those two back to Equestria. She opened the balcony window and look up at the moon just as her horn began to glow she noticed something different about it. She moved her telescope into position in order to get a better look.
Written on the face of the moon in bold letters was "Luna rules Celestia drools. PS Discord says Hi"
"They seem to be keeping busy up there. I'll get them down in the morning, wouldn't want to ruin their work."
With that Celestia closed her window and returned to her bed, diary safely tucked under her pillow.