"Alright Caramel. What's it gonna be this time? You're late for an important board meeting at the quill shop? You've got to go feed your pet guinea pig?"
Cloud Kicker's voice was sarcastic, but lying underneath, Caramel could tell, she was genuinely hurt. After all, this was the second time he rejected her at the last minute.
"No, Cloud, I-"
"The buzz wore off, now you realise that I'm not as pretty as I looked through your bucking beer goggles?"
"What? How could you even-"
"Or is it that you've got to leave to go blow some more money on card games?"
"Cloud," Caramel said firmly, "that really hurts."
Cloud stumbled, her anger fading for a moment.
"Well, what is it then?" she asked in an accusatory tone.
Let's think about this. Obviously, the best way to fix all this is to tell her the truth.
But... What would she think of then him then? Would she view him as a liar for not telling her earlier?
The longer I wait, the more flustered and angry she’ll be when I tell her.
If he was going to try and maintain a standing with Cloud somewhere above the level of “complete idiot”, there would be no better time to start than now.
"Cloud, this is completely explainable. But you need to be patient, and hear me out.”
Cloud said nothing, and instead just eyed him suspiciously.
“There’s a reason I’ve been trying to dodge your... advances. But... It’s a bit of a long story, alright?”
“About five years ago...”
Caramel outlined, for the first time to another pony, the events that took place at Camp Horseshoe Lake.
Cloud sat back on her bed, leaning against the lavender wall and staring at some faraway object that only she could see. Her expression was a piecework mosaic of astonishment, sadness, comprehension, and vague amusement.
“Wow. Well, that does explain a lot. Is... Is it all true?”
“Every word. And every time I’ve seen Mac since then, I’ve wanted to say something... But I’ve been afraid of what could happen between us, and...”
At this, Caramel gave a hopeless sigh.
“Well, I’m afraid of what my father would think.”
“Your dad? Why?”
“Well, he’s not exactly approving of that sort of thing.”
“Seriously?”
Caramel gave her his most sarcastic “are-you-kidding-me?” face.
“Okay, okay. Of course you’re serious. But that’s just... I don’t understand how he could be prejudiced against someone based on something so irrelevant... If you’re gay, it has nothing to do with who you are as a pony, or as a son.”
Caramel was surprised by how liberating it felt to have somepony call him gay.
“Thanks,” he said with a weak smile, “but I don’t know... I just feel like that sort of logic wouldn’t have much of an effect on my father. I mean, he’s been taught that all his life. He tried to teach me that. If I wasn’t... Well, if I wasn’t gay myself, I might even have the same mindset as him...” Caramel gulped at the thought.
“I doubt it. I don’t think you buy into those macho-stallion stereotypes.”
“Thanks.”
“But what do you plan to do? Just keep it a secret from everypony forever?”
“Cloud, I don’t know. When you found me, that night in the Dragon, what did you think I was doing? I tried to stop gambling, tried to stop drinking... But without those things, I’m just a deadbeat, with a deadbeat job and a deadbeat life.”
Cloud leaned back against the wall again, taking in the truth of his words.
“You know, Caramel, you can’t go on this way. Keeping feelings pent up inside you just isn’t healthy!”
“But I have to go on this way. For the sake of family, I ca-”
“Whoa whoa whoa, stop there,” Cloud cut him off, “what you’re doing isn’t for his sake at all!”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re not doing it for him. You’re doing it for YOU. Because you’re afraid.”
“Excuse me,” Caramel said again, anger rising in him.
“You need to get over your fear, and realise that if you just confessed and came out, your life would be a whole lot easier. Regardless of what happens with your father.”
“I’m leaving. I didn’t agree to go on dates with you so that you could insult me.”
“You’re right, you did it to try and convince yourself that you aren’t gay. And that’s another thing, what in Tautarus made you think that was a good idea?”
Caramel ignored her and made for the door.
“Alright, that’s fine. What do I care if you keep living a lie? You’ll see that I’m right, whether it’s in a week or on your deathbed.”
“Goodbye, Cloud,” Caramel said politely through gritted teeth.
“Goodbye, Caramel.”
Caramel didn’t go straight home after leaving Cloud Kicker’s house. Instead, he strayed through the streets of Ponyville, his mind a warzone.
On one side, the forces of conservatism, maintaining the stance that taking Cloud’s advice could only lead to harm. Their weapon was fear - Cloud was undeniably right in that regard. But who was to say that this fear was unjustified? Silver Shield was not one to be trifled with. Caramel couldn’t know what the consequences would be if he came out to his father. Maybe, maybe, Silver would accept him. But it was far too slim a chance to bet on, when on the opposite of the spectrum was disappointment, rejection, a broken bond between the only pony he truly knew loved him.
But the opposing forces were determined. They fought the fear with promises of happiness and freedom, and their words were tempting. As Caramel walked the empty roads and alleyways, the two sides battled back and forth constantly.
There were other factions, too, intervening in the fight. Caramel’s pride, for one, wouldn’t let him entertain the idea that someone who had just called him a selfish coward was actually right.
Caramel considered paying a visit to the Drunken Dragon. But that, he decided, wouldn’t help matters at all.
The lone golden stallion looked up at the sky, wondering why his life had turned out this way. His thoughts turned to Mac, and that one brilliant kiss that had sent his life into a miserable downwards spiral. That stupid, stupid insect, Caramel mused.
By the time Caramel turned to make his way back home, the sun was nearly rising. Caramel was dead tired, and still hadn’t been able to reach a conclusion. In a way, he supposed, that was more or less a victory for Team Keep-Your-Feelings-Locked-Away. Caramel resented that.
As Caramel approached his residence, he saw Ponyville’s mailmare, Ditzy, leaving something in the mail for him.
Great. Bills, no doubt. Just what I need right now.
Caramel opened up his mailbox and took out a sheaf of letters and a newspaper in his teeth. Taking them into his house, he dropped the load on his kitchen table and began to sort through it.
Junk mail. Bills. More junk. Caramel sighed, and looked at the newspaper.
MAGICAL EXPLOSION IN CANTERLOT
SEVERAL PONIES INJURED, ONE DEAD
Can nothing go right in the world?
Caramel began the tedious process of examining his letters and determining which were ones that he actually had to open. He had just thrown out a few ludicrous sales offers, when he noticed that there were actually two letters in the pile which were addressed in hoofwriting. One was amusingly simple - it had just one word on the envelope, “Caramel”. The other was important-looking, with bold writing that gave his full name and address. Caramel decided that the latter seemed more prudent to open first.
He tore the envelope with his mouth, and unfolded the paper inside. Neat and tidy letters marched across the page, spelling out,
Dear Mr. Caramel,
We regretfully inform you that your father, Chief Security Officer Silver Shield, is deceased as of this October the 17th.
The currently listed cause of death is the misfire of an experimental magical weapon prototype. Your father was CSO of the experimental project, and was overseeing its protection on-site when the weapon was accidentally detonated, causing severe damage to the facility and killing your father.
The Royal Guard extends its very deepest regrets and condolences at this untimely passing. In recognition of his consistency and dedication to his work, the Royal Guard has posthumously bestowed...
Had Caramel kept reading, a long list of accolades and medals would have followed. At this point, however, Caramel had let the letter fall from his shaking hooves to flutter gently to the ground.
Is this... Is this real?
Of course it was. Caramel urgently reexamined the newspaper article he had skimmed over earlier. The magical explosion, it seemed, had taken place in a research facility below the streets of Canterlot. The article said little about his father besides noting that he was military personnel, and the sole death in the incident.
The news was... Well, to call it shocking would be a severe understatement. Caramel sat down on the chair facing the table. The other letters lay forgotten on the tabletop. They seemed pitifully insignificant now. Minutes ago he had been worrying about how many bits he would have to pay to keep water running to his house - how could that have possibly mattered?
I... I never got to say goodbye...