//------------------------------// // Chapter Eighteen // Story: Head Full of Cotton Candy // by TheManWithTwoNames //------------------------------// Head Full of Cotton Candy A “My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic” fanfiction By TheManWithTwoNames I do not own any of the characters contained in the following work. “My Little Pony” and all subsequent properties belong to Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Holy. Shit. You guys. Lauren Faust and Hasbro’s Board of Directors are here. They’re the ones who kidnapped me. And they want to give me ownership of “My Little Pony” in exchange for my T-Shirt. “Okay, Screwball, I think we’ve had enough time off.” “You think? We’ve been traveling for two months.” “If you’re so upset about it, why didn’t you mention it before?” “I haven’t stopped saying it ever since we stopped at that Spider God temple when fire shot out of the floor at me!” “But it dried you off after the giant fish tried to eat you, didn’t it?” “I think that the point I’m making is that I wasn’t expecting fire to shoot out of the floor at me.” “Then what’s the point of traveling if you’re not counting on fire shooting out at you?” “Discord!” “Fine, fine! You sound like an old mare sometimes, you know that? So, let’s return to my royal duties. And I’ll need your advice on this one. Should it rain strawberry milk or whipped cream today?” “I’d suggest water.” “What? But that’s so—” “Necessary for things to live?” “Boring!” “Too bad. You told me to keep you in check, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” “Fine. How’s this?” “Very funny. Now how about instead of just over me, you make it rain everywhere?” ---------- “Pop quiz, Discord. Tell me the Virtues of Sovereignty.” “What?!” “You heard me. Answer the question or no dessert tonight.” “That’s no fair! You know I don’t remember them!” “I must bring them up every other week.” “They never sink in.” “Ugh... Truth, benevolence, positivity, generosity, loyalty, and magic.” “They don’t exactly roll off the tongue. Maybe if we made a limerick out of them...” “I wish you would pay more attention to what I say.” “I do!” “You know, one day I might not be around to help you.” “Psh. Like you could ever leave me.” “I still wish you would at least act like you paid attention to me.” “I already said that I do listen to you!” “No, you said that you pay attention to what I say.” “Yeah—But... You must think you’re very clever.” “One of us has to be.” ---------- “Never in a hundred years would have imagined it... but I still miss him.” “I miss Masky, too, Patsy. He was a rarity.” “Sort of like you, Screwball. How precisely are you still...?” “I’d rather not talk about it.” “Very well. Where’s your jabberwocky?” “I think he wanted to see how high he could climb up this mountain with just his feet as an exercise.” “Some things never change, I suppose.” “I said I didn’t want to—” “I wasn’t talking about you. Don’t be so sensitive.” “You’re right. I’m sorry.” “Anyway, at least the old mule left me some grandchildren to look after. Hmhmhm! They’ve all got a little piece of him. I’ve never known a family of ponies to be so fascinated with gems.” ---------- “So, are you going to apologize? Or do I have to throw more tomatoes?” “You awful... Fine! Yes, Screwball, I’m sorry about... whatever! The thing with Duke Hootington, I’m sorry. ” “It’s fine. I forgive you.” “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it, Celestia?” “Then why do you keep throwing tomatoes at me?!” “Because that white coat would look so much better in red!” “That’s enough, Discord.” “You’re lucky Screwball is watching out for you. Oh, look at my wrist, I’m running late for the coronation of the heir to the squirrel king’s throne. Come on, Screwy! No time to waste!” “I think he forgot you behind.” “Yes, he does occasionally forget. But I just do my best to laugh it off. Sometimes I feel it’s all I can do.” “Hmph. I don’t see why you’re even bothering staying with him.” “To be honest, Celestia—” “That’s Princess Celestia to you!” “I used to think that I was doing it because I had a duty. But now... I know.” “Know what?” “...I don’t think that you would understand me. You still have too much of your father in you. But I do honestly hope you discover this feeling for yourself. And that you are able to share it with somepony one day, Princess.” “There you are, Screwball! Nice try, but I’m not letting you get away that easy.” ---------- “Happy birthday, Dear Discord~! Happy birthday to you~!” “Scroob, this is... this looks amazing. Did you do this yourself?” “I did. Do you like it?” “Well yeah, yeah I do. It’s just...” “Just what?” “I think you forgot to bake it.” “No I didn’t, I... Oh, no... I’m so sorry.” “And the candles say I’m fifty.” “Well, how old do you think you are?” “I must be two hundred by now.” “Two-?! Two hundred... The time certainly flies by.” “Don’t worry your little head about it. I’m still going to eat it. But I think to celebrate this special event, how about a nice birthday cake rain over all of Equestria?” “I think that would be alright... If we’re doing it just for today...” ---------- ‘That’s it. I’ve had it.’ ‘What got into you?’ ‘The problem isn’t what got into me, it’s what I got into.’ ‘So what do you want this time? Are you going to shout at me for messing up a word again? Should I have not let Discord get away with blowing off some steam? Or was I daydreaming at an inconvenient time for you?’ ‘...’ ‘You always like having my attention. Now I’m all yours, so let’s hear it.’ ‘I...’ ‘Is... is there something wrong, Savvy?’ ‘Please don’t call me that...’ ‘What? I thought you loved having your own name. Please tell me what’s the matter.’ ‘I want to leave.’ ‘Excuse me?’ ‘I refuse to stay here in your head. I want to go.’ ‘Go? Go where? I don’t understand.’ ‘I live in your head, remember? I can see everything going on in here. This place is falling apart, and I’m through trying to keep things in order for you! I’m done. I quit. I’m not sticking around to watch you... I... I can’t do it anymore.’ ‘Are you... cry—’ ‘Don’t you even think about finishing that word!’ ‘Sorry...’ ‘Just don’t say it again.’ ‘...’ ‘...’ ‘We’ve been together for a long time, haven’t we.’ ‘Yeah. Pretty much my whole life.’ ‘Yeah... It’s hard to even remember when it started.’ ‘Like I said. Things have been slipping away in here.’ ‘And I want you to know that even if you haven’t always been pleasant... I know you meant well by it.’ ‘Is that what you think? Hah! Things are worse than I thought. But I guess... even if you were always a pain in the flank... It wasn’t all that bad. It could’ve been worse, I mean.’ ‘That is going to be the closest thing I get, isn’t it?’ ‘Yup.’ ‘I am going to miss you.’ ‘Stop it, just... stop! Now go tell your freakshow to spring me out of here.’ “Discord, can you do me a favor?” “Just a moment, I have to put it just right or the whole thing will... do that. What do you need?” “I’m, um... sick of Savoir Faire bothering me in my head. Could you do... um, something about it?” “Gladly.” ‘I guess... this is goodbye...’ ‘Just... take care of yourself. Okay?’ ‘I can’t do this! Savvy, please don’t leave me alone! I’m—’ “All done!” ‘...scared.’ “There. She can have fun being alone in Swifty. How’s that? Better?” “...Quieter.” ----------- “Should I make my giant snow monster out of Rocky Road or Mint Chocolate Chip?” “What...? Wait, no. No, neither.” “Lighten up a little, Screwball! I’m just having some fun. There’s barely anypony around here to get upset about it, too.” “Oh. If you say so. How come... it just got so dark?” “I put the sun down so the ice cream monsters wouldn’t melt before their dance recital was over.” “But it’s supposed to be the other... I think it’s still supposed to be day out. It is, isn’t it?” “Is there a problem?” “Won’t everypony get... They’ll be mad. They like it. They like the sun up.” “Then I’ll just keep it up longer tomorrow to make up for it. I’ll call it daylight savings time. Brilliant, no?” “No...? I mean, yes. I think it makes sense.” ---------- “How do you keep beating me? I invented Hopskotch Boomerang Tennis!” “Well, I mastered it!” “I think I need a new 9-iron or something. This one’s broken.” “Well, I mastered it!” “Trade clubs with me, I want to see something.” “Okay, but it still won’t kelp you wheat me.” ---------- “Screwball? Screwball! Screwball!” “Did someone spay my name?” “Yes. Me. For the last two minutes.” “Did someone say my fame?” “Are you even listening to me?” “Dihcor. Discord. Sorry, Discord. I was baybreaming.” “Right... I was asking you if you think the mountains should be made of milk chocolate or dark chocolate.” “...I’m sorry, what?” “Oh for goodness—! Forget it. I’ll just make them candy corn.” “Ooh, I love candy corn.” ---------- “Mnmlnlnmlnlm. Ffvrrmm.” “See? I told you I could get them to juggle!” “Hababaa! Haha!” “And you doubted me before. Who’s laughing now? I suppose that would be you. I would hate to be left out... Muahahaha!” “Vumplits? Grandarda...” “I know a game we could play. Here, walk behind me and do what I do. Remember this? We—agh, no, I said follow me. Come on. That’s... Fine, I’ll just follow you. I have to trust my advisor, after all. Lead the way, Screwball!” ---------- “Screwball, Screwball, give me your answer, do, I’m half crazy thinking of fun for us two,” Discord sang to the pony at the base of his throne. He was mostly singing to himself, of course, he thought as he lounged across the armrests of the chair. Screwball was too busy hopping after invisible frogs, or imaginary frogs, or imaginary frogs that were also invisible, to lend an ear. But she was having fun, so he had to appreciate her for that and let her be. And he did certainly appreciate her. The thought had just struck him by chance earlier in the afternoon that she was one of the better things to happen to him, and she never asked for something in return. But in accordance with Royal Discordian Decree 56Z9Double07╳, “All good deeds deserve repercussions,” that was entirely unacceptable. Something had to happen to her or for her, he just couldn’t figure out what. And he was as stumped as two conjoined twins trying to decide who’s turn it was to clean up after using the toilet. It would be a nice thing to give her something she liked. That would be a good place to start. What did Screwball like? She liked him. So seeing him happy would make her happy, naturally. All sorts of ideas for a Motzah snowball fight or an all-dragon production of a Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant jumped for attention and were dragged off-stage by mental vaudeville hooks. Something about that felt too much like cheating. He had to do something for her. But he could never think straight whenever he cooped himself up in Canterlot. Even when he redecorated it to his heart’s content, he felt confined. He used to think he simply did not like the concept of walls, but replacing the walls with stilts hardly improved the mood. Getting rid of the walls completely only gave him a headache and then he had to spend the rest of the afternoon getting the roof off the ground. Turning the walls into glass helped the most, but it was possible the it was the thought of being inside when there was a whole world to see just rubbed him the wrong way. But Screwball still needed to sleep from time to time, and Canterlot was the best place to get away from the rest of Equestria. So there they were. Screwball seemed content to hop after her hypothetical frogs, and from time to time he swore he heard a ribbit, but content would not cut it. Not for his little pony. He needed something for her. What did she like? It would be so much easier if she had ever talked about herself! The best he could do was try to remember what she laughed at the most. Was it the white-water rafting water slide, or the parade of bouncing gummy bears, or the trees juggling squirrels? He was certain she squealed an extra bit at the juggling trees. So, trees, she liked trees. Maybe they could take a fly in a trebuchet tree? Or would it be a catapult? He couldn’t very well ask her, he had to figure out what she would want him to do. Discord rolled his eyes around in his head a few more times and blearily opened them when he heard the distant clack-splat of hooves against tiled floors turning to pudding. Maybe this would be the ticket. A nice exposition of him messing with his favorite too-dumb-to-quit princesses would be a great gift for Screwball. His back cracked when he rose off of the armrests and into a sitting position with his legs crossed, waiting for the girls to arrive. There was some saying about “Ponies who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” As a draconequus, it was to his understanding this meant he was exempt from this rule. So he supplanted it with one of his own: “Ponies who storm glass palaces shouldn’t try to be stealthy because it looks ridiculous to anyone watching.” Practical in exercise, flexible in meaning, and to the point. He should have written a book full of them. “If it isn’t two of the three stooges,” he welcomed as the alicorns burst through the door, “Larruna and Curlestia! On second thought, let me join in on this. I’ll be Discurly, you can be Larruna, and I guess that would make you Moeles—” “No more, Discord! This ends now!” Celestia declared, her voice resounding against the glass. “If I had a bit for every time I heard that.” “No, Discord.” This time it was Luna who spoke. “There is no hope for you.” It was unusual to see her as staunch as her big sister. They must have found some especially glittery trinket to wave at him today. How rude would he be if he didn’t indulge his favorite friends? Discord folded his arms and sized up the two. Both Celestia and Luna were wearing little jeweled crowns, and on their chests hung two shimmering gems each. He could have sworn that the two had tried to use them before. When he ushered them out, he would have to check the scrapbook he had made for all the assassination attempts on him. He snatched the purple-jeweled diadem from Celestia’s head and turned it in his paws a few times, feeling more interested in the white alicorn’s childish resulting tantrum than the actual object itself. It was nothing special. A little too subtle for his tastes. He would have liked something a bit more gaudy and flashy. But rulers can’t be beggars who can’t be choosers. The trinket was surrounded by a yellow aura and he willingly relinquished it to Celestia’s control. “Don’t worry, Screwball, this won’t take long. And after, we can figure out something fun to do.” Discord grinned when Screwball threw her hooves up and fell on her back in celebration. “Let’s get on with it then, girls. I can’t keep her waiting.” Discord wasn’t interested when the alicorns stood side by side with their eyes closed. He yawned a bit when colorful shapes flew from their gems and circled around him. The white light surrounding them wasn’t even bright enough to warrant putting on sunglasses. The two lifted off the ground like angels rising to heaven and he clicked his tongue. Then, something very strange happened. He had to blink just to be sure he was really seeing the colors. Any pony might have just thought it was a rainbow, but any pony didn’t have a spirit’s eyes. The magic rising from the ponies was no mortal power. He laughed as he realized that this was his family’s final gambit: sending two ponies to do their dirty work. There’d be a punishment in order after this fell flat. He had only gotten stronger over the years, there was nothing that could stand against him now. The light washed over him and his feet went cold. It was like remembering an old song he hadn’t heard in years. Feet like a dead man’s. The cold crept up his skin, not just stealing away any warmth, but replacing it with ice. No, not ice. Ice would melt against heat, ice still had a feeling. He only needed to look down to find the word he was looking for. “Stone? Ha ha ha! Finally, you found a petrification spell that can work on me!” Discord laughed, throwing his claw up to the air. “But it will never last. Keep your eyes on me, Screwball! Just wait and watch for my great escape!” The rainbow held in place long after the tips of Discord’s horns had been ossified. It hung in an arc and split in half, falling to the side in a dome of colors. The lights rushed out like a mighty wave and drowned the world, washing away every last trace of burning gray. Sweeping over every mountain, every valley, every city, and every home, every achromatic flame was doused and extinguished forever. The moment the world had wished for countless years had come and gone in an instant. An amazed stillness lasted over all the world, until somewhere far in the distance, a cheer rose up and chased after the blessed light. Across Equestria, every voice lifted in celebration. The noise carried to Canterlot and toppled the petrified draconequus, unceremoniously dropping the king to the floor of his own throne room. “We... we did it! We did it!!” Celestia was in tears as she hugged her sister tight and jumped for joy. The sisters raced for a window and their smiles shone like sunlight at the sight that greeted them. Green grass, blue skies, and white clouds. Even the sun seemed to be glowing brighter in the sky. “Five hundred years! Five hundred years we’ve waited for this, and now it’s finally here! Luna, we’ve saved the world!” “It feels like waking from a long nightmare,” Luna said wistfully before rubbing her nose against her taller sister’s neck. “I’m certain that Mother and Father are watching us with pride.” “Now we must carry on their legacy. We shall rule Equestria side by side in a never-ending era of peace.” “But what shall we do with—” “We shall place Discord,” Celestia spat the word like a swear, “on display for all Equestria to see. A trophy of our victory, like Father would have done.” “I meant about her.” Celestia turned around and her broad grin fell quickly once she saw a purple earth pony climbing around the fallen statue. Screwball’s face was blank as she turned her head side to side, gibbering nonsensically as she did. After several seconds of inspection, she lifted up a hoof, tapped his open hand, and quickly pulled back as if he would snatch her. “She was an accessory to Discord’s chaos. She can share his sentence. Ready the elements for another attack.” The sound of beating wings came softly, but it may as well been a thunderclap for the effect it had on the two. With all the grace they had come to expect from her, Philomena glided down the length of the throne room to land at Screwball’s side. Luna looked suspiciously at the closed doors, unsure how the phoenix had entered the room, but remained silent and watched the curious bird. Harmony ruefully kept her eyes on Screwball as the pony looked from Discord to her, babbling anxiously. She tapped her hoof against Discord’s nose and then brought it to her beak with clumsy roughness. Philomena lowered her head from the force, but mostly from the shame. But it had to be done. She could not ignore her duty to secure the world’s peace, even at the cost of others. The Elements of Harmony had no power of their own. Even after she enchanted the six gems stolen from the Diamond Dogs, she did not allow any force to reside inside the artifacts. Anyone with the ability to wield a spirit’s power, even her own, could become a dire threat to peace. Instead, the Elements of Harmony acted as a channel for the thoughts and wishes of every living creature in Equestria. And when those prayers united and embraced a single, powerful desire, harmony was created. The world wanted this to happen. That was the only way it could have happened. So while Discord was the mightiest of the spirits, he was a spirit all the same, and a spirit’s strength came from the ponies they ruled over. And in that one instant, Harmony was endowed with strength enough to shake the entire world and defeat her brother. Harmony never would have killed him. Never. She was confident she did not even have the ability to end a life. And she was doubly glad for that. She was older than almost any living creature, and was willing to remember the days that others may have chosen to forget. She could remember clearly the day when Discord proved to those who cared to know that he had good within him, when he risked his life to protect Harmony and save Equestria. She deeply loved Celestia and Luna, perhaps as much as Discord loved his own pony, but she wished that they could know Discord the way she did. So Discord was kept in stone, where he could never cause harm or be harmed ever again. To see him in such a state did nothing to raise her spirits, no matter the good that would come from it. But seeing Screwball was enough to make the spirit weep. To remove the chaos perforating her would mean killing her, but Harmony had still hoped her magic would have restored her senses. But her state was not caused by any spirit’s magic. It was simply a matter of biology. Her mortal mind could only store so much information before it couldn’t hold any more, her perception of time slipped away over the years, and she had driven herself insane allowing her inner conflicts to rip away at her. All for the sake of staying by her Discord. So Harmony’s power, meant to bring peace to all living creatures in the world, destroyed two lives. It broke her heart to see Screwball running her hooves along the statue, as though she was seeing a strange new object for the very first time. And it was possible she was. There was no telling how much of Screwball was left, or how deeply was she trapped in her own mental labyrinth. If she did not understand anything she saw, if she could not know what the motionless creature beside her was, then perhaps there was some small mercy for her. Screwball’s vacant eyes flickered for a brief moment and she forced her face to crease, as if unused to expression. “Dihcuh?” It was gone as swiftly as it had come, and the emptiness returned. Harmony hung her lead low, draped a wing around the pony’s shoulder, and cried for both of them. “Sister,” Luna spoke, “perhaps instead of Father’s example, we could follow in Mother’s?” “You believe she deserves mercy?” Celestia snorted. “Everypony we once knew have long since returned to the dust. We only have one another in this world. And if I were ever to lose you,” Luna said, allowing her attention to return to the three creatures on the floor, “I do not think I could imagine a greater pain.” “Luna... Mercy, then.” ---------- Equestria rebuilt quickly. By royal decree, all recordings of Discord’s rule and the events of the last five centuries were stricken from record and all writings were burned. There were few who survived those dark times who wished to reminisce, and in a century’s time the reign of chaos became like a distant, half-forgotten nightmare. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the daughters of the mighty King Equinox and the kind Queen Cressida, ruled over Equestria in an era of peace and harmony. They watched over their ponies from high above as their predecessors, in their glimmering castle of Canterlot. Stories of the city’s beauty spread all around Equestria, and ponies would travel from miles around to discover the truth. And more often than not, the rumors could not capture half of the truth. If one were to travel to Canterlot and walk along the gilded roads, passing between the sterling buildings of the elite and noble, it was an inevitability that their journey would bring them to the magnificent gates of Canterlot Castle. There was an unexplainable allure to the palace, that no matter how many times a pony might see it and explore its grounds, they would always hear a voice from the marble haven bidding them to return. It was not unusual for the citizens of Canterlot to visit the palace grounds on a weekly basis. There were the public events, the balls, the galas, the festivals, and all manner of opportunities to bolster their social status. But a Canterlot pony’s perfect day would not be complete without an hour or two spent in the palace gardens. There was the animal sanctuary, a menagerie of cute and exotic animals from all corners of the land. The botanic gardens never failed to create a sense of serenity, and the ever-rotating displays of gorgeous flowers made it the most popular attraction. Finally, only a short walk from the botanic garden was Canterlot’s expansive hedge maze. The maze was mainly enjoyed by the younger visitors to the palace. Foals excitedly raced through the winding wall, determined to navigate the maze before their friends. From time to time, a young couple would enter together and let themselves be lost from the outside world for a few hours. When the maze was done, the day was complete. Ponies would follow the combed dirt path leading to the front gate again, letting their attention drift to the impressive sculptures that dotted the side of the path. For the traveling artist and scholar, the statues were often fascinating to study. Every statue was of a pony and intended to represent some virtue or idea, or figure from history, the name of each engraved in a plaque at the base of the pillar. There were the three foals of Friendship, leaping over one another in a playful game. The proud Victory stood tall and proud, flag in hoof, gazing over her achievement with satisfaction. But in the Canterlot Gardens, far from the menagerie, past the botanical garden, through the maze, stood a mystery at the center of the statue garden. The sculpture was not of a pony nor of any creature known to ponykind. It was freakishly crafted as a hideous amalgamation of animal parts standing dramatically on a dragon claw and a cloven hoof, with an eagle talon stretched for the sky. Its eyes were closed and its mouth was stretched wide, as if it were singing, or screaming. The sculpture had no name. It was not credited to any artist. The princesses denied comment on any question regarding it. It was the great, unknown mystery of Canterlot, and the theories surrounding it were endless. Some believed it was a member of a long-extinct species related to chimeras. Others thought it was just a garish thing created by an uncouth pony with poor taste. But the most popular explanation was that it was another allegory, representative of the monsters ponies may become should they ever forfeit peace and turn instead to violence and destruction. Built from many species but belonging to none, it was an outcast and a stranger meant to be shunned and abhorred by all kinds. A creature of hatred and cruelty, incapable of compassion or love. It was the unliving embodiment and antithesis of the harmony ponies cherished. And from that, it was given its name: Discord, the Spirit of Chaos.