My Roommate Is Onto Me

by AGhost


Toast

Octy was in the kitchen making breakfast for all of us as I sat in the living room with my folks.

“Yeah, the apartment’s been awesome,” I said, answering my mom’s question. “No complaints really. Kinda like that we’re on the third floor. Harder for ponies to rob us.”

"That's vonderful. I'm glad you're happy here," Mom nodded. She then put one hoof over the other. “So... do you have anything you'd like to tell us?”

Oh no. When Mom said that, it was never a good sign. That phrase was only said when she knew I had something to tell her, but wouldn’t spill.

The events of the past few days quickly flashed before my eyes.

“Naw. Nope. Nothin’ to tell,” I said grinning nervously. She paused.

“I noticed the bandages on Octavia’s neck,” she commented looking towards the kitchen.

“Oh yeah. She… hurt herself… at band practice.”

“At band practice?”

“Yeah, yeah, she… did the swishy thing with the bow across her cello and… poked herself in the neck,” I explained making it up as I went. I acted out the motion of it happening as I said it. “Mhm, cut herself pretty bad. It was terrible.”

“That does sound terrible,” she agreed. There was something in her voice that made me think she didn’t believe me.

Maybe I was just imagining it.

“So, I found out something very interesting,” she said, seeming to change the subject. “Octavia’s name sounded very familiar to me, so I did some research last night. I was right; she is the same pony that I’ve met a few times at music events. And vouldn’t you know that the most recent article involving her happened last night. Isn’t that odd?”

Oh no. Ooooooh no. Okay, okay, don’t panic. She... she might not know.

“Uh… yeah, that’s… that’s interesting,” I said sheepishly. “She… probably has a gig coming up or something. Sooooo how was the trip over? You take the train?”

“Vell, actually the primary focus of the story was her mother,” she explained, ignoring me. “Apparently she vas having dinner at a Canterlot restaurant last night and slipped in the bathroom.”

“Aaww, that sucks. Was the train bumpy? You run into any-“

“And vas discovered by her daughter and a... ‘friend.’”

… Oh, I’m dead.

“It was reported that her mother now has a bruise on the side of her head… from hitting it on the… sink.”

… Oh, I’m so dead.

I felt a bead of sweat run down my forehead.

“Ahh yeah, Octy told me about that. Horrible. Just awful. How was your photo shoot last week? I heard it was-“

“And interesting enough, her ‘friend’ vas described as having an 'electric blue mane.'”

AAHHHHHHHH-

“Yeah, that is… interesting. Didn’t know Octy had another friend with a blue mane. So how about-“

“Vinyl, how long are you planning to keep this up?” Dad asked me raising an eyebrow. I paused for a moment as I tried to think of how to fix the situation, but then let out a sigh of defeat.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“Vat vere you thinking, Vinyl?” Mom asked disappointedly. “Knowing that you vere involved, I’m fairly certain that Octavia's mother didn’t fall on her own.”

“Look, you don’t know what… Hold on… You guys didn’t come here just to meet Octy, did you?” I asked in realization. “You… you knew who I was living with already.”

“Do not change the subject,” my mom said sternly. “Now explain, young lady.”

I sighed.

Great. Can’t get out of this.

“Okay, so… Octy’s folks found out that we were living together…” I confessed, “… so they wanted us to have dinner with them so they could meet me. Near the end of dinner, her dad accidently cut himself with a knife and I started to lose control, so Octy rushed me to the bathroom. Once I’d calmed down, Octy’s mom came in, saw us, and screamed, so I had to knock her out. Luckily she didn’t see my eyes or fangs, so it wasn’t a huge deal. I haven’t reported it to Princess Luna or anypony else in the Inner Circle cause it’d be pointless.”

“Wait... If she didn’t see you were a vampire, why would she scream?” my Dad asked.

“Oh. Uhh… well… Octy… she, ya know… kinda kissed me,” I said turning a little red and looking away from them.

“Oh no! So terrible!” my mom exclaimed in mock terror. “Ach. Most Canterlot ponies make me sick.”

“So, yeah, that’s what happened,” I continued. “My body sorta acted on its own. I had to do it. Not just for myself or The Inner Circle, but for Octy.”

“So,” Dad said smiling at me, “you really care for Octavia.”

“Absolutely. She’s amazing,” I said grinning and nodding. “Actually, I should go see if she needs help. Be right back.”

I stood up and walked to the kitchen to see her standing on her hind legs moving around something in the pan with a spatula.

“Hey there, beautiful,” I said wrapping my arms around her waist. She jumped and held up the spatula defensively, shaking. When she saw it was me she sighed in relief. “Jeez, somepony’s jumpy.”

“Vinyl… sorry… just a little nervous,” she said going back to working the pan. It had a sunny side up egg in it and she scooped it onto a nearby plate.

“Hey, you got nothin’ to worry about. I know, I know,” I put on my best Octy impression, imitating her Canterlot accent. “’It’s bad enough that I’m meeting you’re parents for the first time, but they’re also vampires! I’m going positively out of my mind with worry!’”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” she said unamused.

“Yeah, cause you’re too polite,” I smirked at her. “Man, it’s fun to imitate you. ‘Tea! Tea and cellos! Vinyl, you’re such a good kisser!’”

“Stop that,” she said trying to hide her smile from me.

“Ah! There’s a smile!” I said grinning at her. I wrapped my hooves around her waist again as she cracked another egg into the pan. “You’ll be fine. Nopony’s gonna hurt you. And my parents are gonna love you, I know it.” She took a breath in, then let it out.

“Thank you, Vinyl. I… I needed that.” She sounded relieved. Good.

“So, you need any help in here?” I asked looking over all the cooking stuff on the table.

“I’m actually all set, thank you for asking,” Octy said sliding two pieces of bread into our new toaster then scooping the egg up and placing it on a second plate. I stared at the toaster with an iron gaze.

So. We meet again, my old adversary.

I slowly reached a hoof towards it as I glared.

“Don’t even think about it,” Octy said not even looking at me. She was still focused on the second plate. I sighed and retracted my hoof, but put my face up to the toaster.

“This ain’t over, buddy,” I whispered. “I got my eye on you.”

I pointed at my eye, then at the toaster, then back at my eye.
_________________________________________________________________________

“So… would you like anything else to drink?” Octy asked nervously as she poured us all glasses of orange juice.

“Oh, I don't need any vater or anything. The juice will be just fine, thank you, dear,” Mom responded as I picked up my egg and placed it on a slice of toast.

“Well, I mean… That is, I meant anything to drink besides the juice. Anything... special? Besides the juice?” she said hinting a little harder.

No, Octy, no no no. Stop right now.

“Nope, we’re all cool!” I said happily before things got even more awkward. Now that my egg was on the toast, I added another slice on top to make a sandwich. I took a bite of the egg-toast, (egg-toast? Egoast? Tegg? Eggwich? I’d have to think about the name,) and chewed happily.

Food just tastes better in combination.

Chocolate and peanut butter.

Chocolate and pretzels.

Chocolate and… well, I guess that’s just chocolate, but other stuff goes good together, too!

It was pretty quiet as we ate breakfast. I could tell Octy was still nervous. First time meeting a marefriend’s parents and all. Oh, that and the fact that any one of us could murder her with both hooves tied behind our backs if we wanted to. That was probably freaking her out, too.

Eggs, toast, jam, usual breakfast stuff. I was hoping for pancakes again, but Octy already had enough on her mind without me messing with her breakfast plans. Guess this relationship was moving pretty frickin’ fast. In just one day, I’d met her parents, she’d met mine, and we’d… ya know… “made music” together.

Hmm. That reminded me that Octy and I should start working on our collab. I’d suggested we write something that mixed my beats with her cello. A sorta fusion of club and classical. A mashup for the ages.

Anyways, this was going way faster than any relationship I’d ever been in, so Octy wasn’t the only one a little flustered. Luckily, I’d gotten past the toughest part: meeting Octy’s monster- uh, I mean parents.

Octy poked at her breakfast with her fork.

Well, Octy never told me her parents were unicorns and I never told her that mine were Earth ponies, so I guess we’re even now.

Dad coughed.

"It's a good thing you know how to cook!" he said gleefully. "I don't know where our daughter would be without you." Octy turned a cute shade of red.

“Thank you,” she answered, giving him a small smile.

"Hey!" I said with food in my mouth. "There's nothing wrong with cup noodles."

"Three times a day?" Mom asked. I sighed and swallowed the bite of egg-toast-wich-thing I had in my mouth.

As a matter ah’ fact, there wasn’t anything wrong with cup noodles three times a day. Buuuut I had to admit; Octy cooking a meal for me definitely wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Far from it.

“So,” Octy said, bringing the awkward silence to an end, (at least for now,) “I really had no idea you two were together. How did you two meet?”

Then Mom told the long ass story about how Dad and her hooked up that I’d heard a jillion times, so I tuned out for a bit. Octy had insisted on excusing herself for a bit before making breakfast to brush her mane even though I told her she looked great the way she was. It now sat on her head with its usual poof levels, smoothed down to perfection. Not a hair out of place.

Just the same as the night I’d first met her.
_________________________________________________________________________

“… So then that left me with an entire box of hamsters stuck in the middle of nowhere without my wallet!” I laughed, almost at the end of telling my story.

“You’ve got to be joking!” Octy giggled putting a hoof to her mouth in disbelief. “What happened to the colt that ditched you? Baritone?”

“That’s the best part: he got pulled over 15 miles from where I’d gotten out of the carriage and then tried to use my ID card as his driver’s license! It had a picture of me on it! They arrested him right on the spot!”

We laughed our asses off. Felt good to laugh. I needed this.

It was just us at the bar even though it was only around one in the morning. The usuals had gone home and Scotch was still doing stuff in the kitchen, so that left Octy and I to talk for hours and laugh till my sides hurt.

“Gotta say, Octy,” I said wiping a tear from my eye, “you’re definitely not like most Canterlot ponies I’ve talked to.”

“Well, you are certainly not like most Manehattan ponies I’ve met in the area,” she replied, smiling and taking a sip of water. “Most of them are hooligans. I’m quite fortunate that I’m able to hold alcohol so well, otherwise I could’ve been in a lot more trouble than I was before.”

I laughed at her, thinking that was a joke. She stared back confused.

"What?"

“... Seriously? You call the state you were in before ‘holding your booze?’ I couldn’t understand a single thing you were sayin’, filly,” I smirked at her.

Heh. Canterlot ponies.

“R-really?” she stuttered. “Oh dear… I thought I was making perfect sense. Well, even more reason I’m happy you were there to rescue me.” I put a hoof on my chest proudly.

“You’ve come to the right mare, Octy. Stick around me and we’ll get that alcohol tolerance up for sure. In fact…” I levitated over two shot glasses. “Let’s start right now. I was planning on having a drink at home anyways. Might as well do it with friends.”

“So you’ve sobered me up… and now you want me drink more… Why does this not surprise me?”

The purple liquid poured into both glasses, filling them both about halfway full.

“Yup, drinking alone is kinda depressing,” I said ignoring her. “Drinking with friends is a social experience, but you gotta be feeling really down to drink alone. I wasn’t feelin’ super great tonight, but luckily you managed to change that. I drink to you!”

I smiled and lifted my glass up towards her. Then I set it back down and levitated another bottle up, this one with red liquid. It poured into both glasses until they were three-quarters full.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be-“

“Naw, it’s cool. I know what I’m doing. I have my bartending license,” I said waving her off with a hoof.

You have a license in something?” she laughed in disbelief.

“Only test I ever studied for,” I grinned and placed both bottles down on the bar. Levitating a shot in front of each of us, she studied the glittering, dark colored liquid. “Come on, there’s no harm. Plus, aren’t you just dying to prove me wrong?”

I wiggled an eyebrow at her. She thought for a moment then sighed, picking up the shot glass between her hooves.

“This can’t possibly be healthy,” she said staring down into it. I smirked.

“It’s not supposed to be healthy. It’s supposed to be fun.”

I levitated my shot and clinked it against hers.
_________________________________________________________________________

Lookin' back on it now, I kinda regretted getting her alcohol tolerance up. Octy could drink like a champion now and I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I took a long chug of my orange juice.

"Did Vinyl ever tell you about her mane?"

That brought my attention back to the table conversation.

"Pardon?"

"I mean just look at us!" Mom exclaimed. "Is it not obvious? Vinyl dyed her mane!"

I sucked in air, the orange juice in my mouth now rushing down my throat. I coughed for a few seconds, trying to get it all out.

Mom!” I whined, a devastated look on my face. They were cool parents, but they were still parents. Still stern when they needed to be. Still embarrassing sometimes.

"Really now?" Octy asked smiling and raising an eyebrow. "Do tell."

Oh no. No! No, Mom, please!

"Oh, yes, darling. I remember the day.”

Not you, too, Dad!

"She saved up all her bits, you know her mane used to look like a cotton ball—"

"Dad! Don't tell her!" I said turning bright red and sinking below the table. Octy giggled at me, covering her mouth with a hoof.

Kill me now. My marefriend is never gonna see me the same way again. I’ll always just be a big, poofy, white cotton ball to her now.

"Ach, yes,” Mom continued. “I remember when you tried to comb her hair, you'd lose the comb! She came home with that spiky haircut and her blue mane. Oh, I thought it was so unique!"

"Such style and flair," Dad agreed nodding.

They all had a laugh as I prepared to die of embarrassment.

Yup. I’m dead. I’ve died. I’m long gone. Play dubstep at my funeral and bury me with my glasses, woudlja?

"If you don't mind me asking," Octy asked once the laughter had died down, "why have you come to visit?"

"I cannot come see my daughter when I miss her?" Mom pouted, receiving a suspicious look back from Octy.

"You're telling me you just came to visit, out of the blue?"

Maybe she’s figured it out, too. Clever girl.

Mom sighed.

"Many ponies think my accent is fake. However, it is very real, much like the place from where my family hails from. Much like how things like vampires and werewolves are real."

Just cause you were born there doesn’t mean that your accent’s real, Mom. You didn’t have it while you were living there, from what I’ve heard from relatives…

Octy glanced up at her.

"Judging by the bandages on your neck, I'm sure you're aware of Vinyl's predicament."

Mom and Dad both pulled off their shades, revealing the red eyes behind them. Octy gasped as their fangs poked out.

Oh yeah. Great way to not give her a heart attack is to do that.

"And I'm sure by now you already know what all three of us are," she finished.

"We are terribly sorry about what happened to your mother, Octavia,” Dad apologized. “A slip and fall like that..."

I was about to take a bite when mom hit me upside the head, making me tense up.

“What have I told you about being more careful!"

"Ouch, mom!" I hissed at her as I rubbed my head.

"We came here to apologize, first and foremost, Octavia dahling," Mom said. "For Vinyl and for what she did to your mother."

"That's quite all right," Octy responded, putting her hooves up.

"You must understand.” Mom’s face got serious. “We must do what is necessary to protect our own."

"Of course."

"We wanted to come here to offer our blessings, and say that we would never, ever harm anypony."

"Thank you,” she said nodding. “If it's not out of line, may I ask how you two came to be..."

"Vampires?" Dad finished for her. "I was originally not a vampire, Octavia. Of course, when I found out my wife was one... There's a reason why they call them love bites, my dear,” he laughed, throwing a wink at Mom.

Ugh. Dad, come on. I’m eating.

Octy’s face flushed and she touched her neck.

"Don't worry. It takes a lot more than just being nipped. And I'd rather not get into the details, seeing as we are eating," he said.

Didn’t stop you from talking about “love bites.” Ugh.

"And how have you managed to subsist like this? Surely the hospitals are not willingly giving out blood packs whenever you ask."

"A little money can go a long way in this city, Octavia. So long as how much we ask for is in reason and doesn't overstep our quota, they have no issue. This condition is more widespread than you think."

"I'm sorry? Are you suggesting that there are more vampires out there?" Octy asked, her eyes wide.

I struggled not to laugh out loud.

"Of course! We all know each other personally. Like that gorgeous model, Fleur.” Octy’s eyes bulged even wider.

"Fleur de Lis? The supermodel?"

"How do you think she maintains that youthful appearance?"

Yeah, Fleur was pretty cute. I’d talked with her a few times at various meetings and stuff. Totally attractive, totally a vampire, totally my type, aaaaaaand also totally straight. Boo. Never even had a shot.

"You'll have to forgive me... It's just that it's hard, taking this all in at once." Octy stuttered, putting a hoof to her forehead and looking down at the table.

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about something much, much more serious," Dad said in a humorless voice. Octy gulped as her pupils shrunk. Her poor eyes were changing size so rapidly, I thought her head was gonna explode.

"We simply must know more about you, Octavia," Mom exclaimed. "If you are to be my daughter's marefriend..."

Octy and I both exhaled at the same time; she was thankful that that was all my parents were talking about and I was thankful that Octy hadn’t passed out from the stress yet.

"Now hold on, Vinyl and I haven't done anything outside of walking next to each other on the sidewalk. What if I told you we weren't together?" Octy asked, almost challenging her.

"Rumors spread like wildfire, dear," Mom said like Octy was a little filly asking why we had to share during playtime. "Surely you of all ponies know that."

Aahhh. Yeah. She must’ve been talking about last year’s Grand Galloping Gala. Tavi had told me about it the first night we met. About how it’d put a giant black mark on her band’s career. About how Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie had made it so that Octy may never book a big gig ever again. Rumors sprung up saying that the band had let Pinkie onstage purposely to sabotage the Gala. Others said that she was a part of their band all along, even though all four members claimed they’d never met or seen her before in their lives. Rivals of Octy's group ranted about how "unprofessional" they were and how they should "never work in music again."

Lucky for Octy, her and her band mates were super talented and motivated, so they worked and worked to get their reputation back. The damage wasn’t completely healed yet, but they were almost back to where they used to be.

"Plus, anypony with a pair of eyes and a brain could tell that you both are in love," Dad teased as Octy and I both turned red. She was blushing in a more innocent way while I was gritting my teeth as my right eye twitched.

And you guys wonder why I don’t tell you when I have a marefriend.

It was a compliment though. Dad was smiling. He was happy for me, so I couldn’t be mad at him for that. Irritated, but not mad.

Come to think of it, I’d never really asked a ton about Octy’s “past” past. I mean, she’d told me about stuff that happened a year or two ago, but she never mentioned her childhood at all. Otherwise I might’ve known about her asshole unicorn parents sooner.

I listened intently as she talked about her younger years. About her dad, who owned a musical instrument company. About her mom, who only married for his money, (not a huge surprise there.) Being treated like crap by her own parents and peers, getting groomed into a "proper mare," starting music lessons. She told us everything.

I didn’t eat or drink a single thing the entire time. I just sat and listened to the answers to questions I should’ve asked a long time ago.

She was so brave. So frickin’ brave. Through all of it. I don’t know if I could’ve done the same.

Must’ve been hell on her. It sounded lonely.
_________________________________________________________________________

After we wished my folks safe travels home, Octy closed the door behind them and sighed in relief. I rubbed one hoof against the other awkwardly.

"Heh, sorry about that. They're kinda weird like that, even if they weren't vampires," I said smiling awkwardly.

"Don't say that,” she said frowning. “They love you. Even if they have a funny way of showing it."

Eh. Yeah… She’s right…

Silence.

"Well, anyways, don't you have to go to rehearsals today?"

"I have to go to rehearsals every day," Octy sighed as she started pacing. "And it's the same thing, over and over. I've only missed two, maybe three days." She put her hooves to the sides of her head and rubbed. "I'm so out of it I can't even count."

"Sorry,” I muttered feeling more than a bit guilty.

"What are you sorry for?" she snapped at me. "Don't be sorry. I should be sorry. I was the one who dragged you to that blasted restaurant in the first place."

"I know."

She glowered at me.

What? You said it.

"You need to work tonight?"

"Yeah," I replied leaning against the table. "Club Canterlot can't run without DJ-Pon3."

"Right, right... And I still need to replace your purple sunglasses."

"It's cool, Octy."

"No,” she insisted trotting towards me. “They were your favorite pair. Where are they now?"

I sighed and titled my head at the kitchen island. What was left of my glasses was on sitting right next to the bowl of fruit. The frame was cracked up and one of the lenses was totally shattered. The pieces were scooped up into a little pile.

She looked a little heartbroken as she picked up the frames daintily.

“Look, it’s fine, Octy,” I said smiling at her. “I got a whole stockpile of em’. Relax.” She nodded hesitantly and went into the living room, falling onto the couch and looking outside the balcony window. "At least Nightmare Night is tomorrow," I said sitting next to her. That seemed to perk her up.

"That'll be fun. You know what I'm gonna be?"

What?! Seriously?

"You didn't tell me you were dressing up,” I said frowning at her.

"Because it was a se-cret!"

"No, you said dressing up was for little foals, and I said..."

As she ran to her room, I wanted to yell after her.

Hey! Don’t walk away from me! Just a few days ago, you were makin’ fun of me for dressing up and now you got yourself a costume?! It’s super rare I get to say “I told you so” and you’re not gonna take it away from me!

Before I could say anything along those lines, she was back.

"You ready?" Her voice came from behind a wall that was blocking me from seeing her. She sounded so giddy, I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head.

"Just show me, Octy," I giggled back.

Out she came, suited up in a black cape with red lining, wearing fake fangs in her mouth. She bowed dramatically.

"Bleh!" she exclaimed holding onto the cape and lifting her arms in the air. I burst out laughing. Of all the frickin’ costumes in the world, she wanted to be that. She truly was a very interesting mare.

"Really?" I gasped, still laughing. "Really?"

"One! One gorgeous mare in the room!" Octy yelled in a Trotsylvanian accent, pointing at me. "Ah, ah, ah!" She spit the fangs out and they plopped into her hoof. "And you can go as yourself."

"What?"

I had to think about it for a second.

"Oh, I get it!"

"Your face is scary enough as it is."

I threw one of the couch pillows at her.

“Shuddup, Count Dorkula,” I smirked at her. Slowly trotting towards her, I looked her up and down. “Though I’d totally let a vampire like you bite me any day.”

She threw the pillow back at my face.

“Ooooh. Scary.”