My name is Misty Brightdawn and for ten years of my life, at least what I can truly remember, I served an evil fire alicorn named Opaline. She took every opportunity to make me feel worthless, alone, and lower than dirt. For the longest time, I tried to do everything in my power to make her proud. After all, she found me when I was but a vulnerable young filly. She didn't have to do that, and she made sure to remind me of that every day. I owed her my life. Had she not found me, I would've died from starvation or some wild beast out there.
However, no matter what I did, I was never enough. In her eyes, I was nothing but a worthless failure, and she always made sure I knew it as much as she did. And I believed her. How could I not? For ten years, she was the only pony I'd ever known. It wasn't like my work reflected otherwise either. I constantly failed her, whatever mission I was sent out to do, whether it was cleaning, organizing her potion bottles, or even just when I'd draw her a picture, there were only a few times I can remember coming to her successfully.
Naturally, my motivation would decline, even to the point where even the hope of earning my cutie mark wouldn't be enough to raise my spirits. After all, if I kept failing, what was the point of trying? What was the point of continuing if all I ever did was let the only pony in my life down? If all I was was a worthless failure, why aspire to be anything else?
I remember the lowest point of my life the most. I was thirteen. I was falling into a deep depression. Nothing was like it used to be. My mission to make Opaline proud seemed suddenly meaningless. My desire for a cutie mark was no longer important to me. I felt numb inside. I had barely even felt my love for Opaline. Yes, I had loved Opaline. She was the pony who raised me after all. For those ten years, she was like a mother to me. But, even that seemed to dim until I barely felt it. I felt like a zombie going through life with nothing to win or lose. I failed at more tasks until I no longer succeeded whatsoever. Opaline would take her anger out on me, only confirming the horrible thoughts in my head.
It all built up, until one day, I refused to get out of bed. Opaline had come to my room, demanding to know why I was being so lazy. That I'm useless if I can't do anything. That shame on me for making her come all the way here and drag me out of bed. I remember her walking up to me, but besides a few tears, I barely reacted.
At this point, in our usual song and dance, I'd start apologizing profusely, begging her to show me mercy, though she never did. However, that day I didn't say a word. I just continued lying on my bed, tears streaming down my face. It must've hit her that this method of manipulation wasn't working. That she had to try something new.
It was then that she crouched down and whispered something into my ear that she thought would cure my depression once and for all. After all, feeling worthless to the only and most important pony in my life was the source. However, what she said simply kept my depression at bay. After all, depression isn't just a low point, it has its own ups and downs that make it so hard to spot. Those ups and downs though are just lower than normal.
Still, though, I'll never forget what she said to me. "Misty dear, do you know why I'm so hard on you? Because I believe in you. I see so much of the young pony I once was: strong, determined, destined for greatness. But that doesn't come easy. I'm preparing you, my dear. You can be so much more, I know you can. So show me. Show me the strong, powerful great pony you are."
That was the first compliment Opaline had ever given me and it meant the world to me. Every kid wanted to be just like their parents when they were little and they thought their parent was the coolest. Opaline was the only parent I had ever known. So for her to say that she saw so much of herself in me, motivated me to prove her right. To make the burden she took on by taking me in all worth it to her.
And that was the cycle we went through. She'd promise me a cutie mark, motivating me into doing everything she asked of me, I'd keep failing and she'd call me worthless and make me feel useless. I'd get depressed again and when she couldn't motivate me with a cutie mark, she'd say something along the same lines, motivating me again. Over and over for the next four years.
And then magic came back and everything changed. For one, it was actually the first time I had ever stepped hoof outside the lair. It was like a dream come true. All my hard work finally paid off. It wasn't a cutie mark, but I got to see other ponies. I didn't ever want that luxury taken away from me. So I was determined to succeed. However, the cycle remained the same.
My life, the manipulation cycle, was all normal. I didn't know better. For me, everypony my age went through the same exact thing until their parent finally felt as though they earned their cutie mark and would give it to them. I didn't know anything different. I had repressed my memories from before Opaline so I didn't remember life with Alphabittle.
However, the ponies all seemed so happy in Maretime Bay. That was the only place she'd send me of course, since there wasn't anything else of value to her anywhere else. But still, everypony was so lively, so unique, so perfect. It was as though my life was different and theirs were normal. It started to make me question whether what Opaline told me was true or not.
And then I met Izzy. Or, rather, she met me. Opaline had actually told me to be discreet on that mission and to watch the alicorn and each of her friends closely, and not get caught. I was studying Izzy when Sparky saw me and soon, so did Izzy. I tried to make my getaway, but by the time I did, in typical Izzy fashion, she had already introduced herself and invited me to a unicorn sleepover.
Since then, my life has never been happier. I had everything I ever wanted. Friends. Love. Worth. But, it went against everything she taught me. I had asked her a couple of times, and, in typical Opaline manipulation, she told me that they get to live that life because they have their cutie marks. If they found out I didn't have one, they'd cast me out. They'd hate me. They'd treat me worse than Opaline ever did. That if I had my cutie mark, I'd be just as happy as they were.
As always, it worked, but not like it always did. There was always a small voice in the back of my mind telling me that it wasn't true. And always, when Opaline's words rang through my head, somehow the five ponies Opaline hated so much would combat them. When I found that picture in the photo album, I realized they thought of me as one of them. I couldn't explain the immense emotion I felt just by that one picture. And when Opaline found it, I was terrified, but for once, I wasn't terrified of what she'd do to me. I was terrified that she'd prevent me from leaving the lair because I couldn't be trusted, taking away the time I spent with my new friends.
When Zipp found out I was a blank flank, I thought I'd beat her to the punch and just go back to Opaline's where, as Opaline told me, I had it good. But…she had stopped me, told me they needed me. Told me they loved me for who I was, cutie mark or not. I was never told I was needed or loved for who I was. The concept was foreign to me. And yet, it made me feel for the first time in my life like I wasn't worthless. Like I meant something to the world, no matter how small that world was. I never felt that before.
But still, two moments of pure happiness couldn't erase an entire lifetime of being told I was worthless and a failure, and a nuisance. While a part of me questioned Opaline's words, another part, a bigger part, still believed them. Which was why I stole Sparky. But when Opaline finally became proud of me, it didn't feel right. To earn her love, I lost myself and who I was. I didn't even know what that was until I lost it. I didn't know who I was until I saw my friends in danger. It had unlocked something in me. Me. And who I am is somepony who would never betray a friend. I believed Opaline was my friend, and I had never imagined betraying her. I made myself true friends, and I don't dream of betraying them.
Once I realized that, for the first time in my life, everything finally clicked into place. I got my cutie mark. I discovered who I was. I found my father. I found a home. A real home, with a true family, in Maretime Bay. And, together, we defeated Opaline. All the hate, all the torment, and every horrible thing I went through made me who I am. Strong. Determined. Destined, not for greatness, but for love.
But still, everything I went through was caused by one pony, and one pony alone. Opaline. And once we defeated her, I vowed to never forgive her for as long as I lived. That's what I've done my whole life. I've made excuses for what she did. I told myself that what she did was okay. That's what forgiveness was to me after all. That's what she taught me. Forgiveness is excusing one's behavior. It's submission. It's an admission that they can do anything they wish to you and it'd be okay because you'd forgive them. I told myself before that what Opaline did was okay because she was preparing me for greatness. She was shaping me into the pony she knew I could become.
Not anymore. What she did wasn't okay. I wouldn't excuse her torment. I wouldn't submit anymore. I wouldn't forgive her.
But, that all changed when I learned the true meaning of forgiveness…
"Good morning, Misty. I'm assuming you want your usual?" Sunny asked as I approached her smoothie cart.
"Yes, please," I answered with a smile.
Sunny winked at me, reached below her counter, and pulled one out. "I already have one ripe and ready for the picking. Here you go!" Sunny handed me the smoothie.
I took a long drink as flavor burst into my mouth. "Yum…thanks, Sunny. Your smoothies are the best."
"Thanks, Misty. I really appreciate–"
Suddenly, a pony cut right in front of me, knocking me over and causing me to spill my drink and fall to the ground. The mare, who had a pink coat, yellow mane, and red glasses, quickly shot me an apology and hurried over to the counter.
Before Sunny could say a word, the mare was already talking. "I'm so so sorry, Sunny but I am in a huge rush. I'm going to give a presentation soon and I had asked Sprout to put in the smoothie order a couple of days prior but he completely forgot so now I have my presentation in like half an hour and I need one hundred smoothies. STAT! I don't care what flavor, make them all the same, I don't care but I need them in half an hour. Forty-five minutes at the latest. Please."
Sunny was silent for a moment, glancing at me. "I understand you're in a hurry, but you knocked over my friend. There was no need for that. I'm sure if you just asked politely, she would've let you put your order in. Plus you spilled her drink."
"Right. I'm sorry, I barely saw the poor dear." The mare turned and helped me up before turning back to Sunny. "Make that one hundred and one smoothies. Whatever your friend wants. Thank you so much, Sunny. You are a lifesaver." And with that, the mare ran off in a panic.
Sunny sighed, before turning to me. "Sorry about that, Misty. Do you mind helping me? I'm not going to be able to do this on my own. But if you're busy, I completely understand and I can find somepony else. I just thought since you're already here–"
I raised a hoof, stopping Sunny in her explanation. "Of course I'll help you, Sunny. That's what friends are for. As long as I don't operate the blender or hand out orders." I said with a smile.
"Oh, thank you so much, Misty. Now you are the lifesaver. Come on in around back. I'll need to close up shop until we get these done. We'll need to put all of our time into these for the next half hour."
Once I was in the smoothie cart, I began grabbing the ingredients she told me to as she worked the blender. "Who was that mare, anyway?" I asked as I put the fruit on the counter next to Sunny, who began pouring the blended smoothies into the cups perfectly without making a mess.
I grabbed the white lids and straws that go to them and began putting them in the already-filled cups. Luckily, Zipp and Pipp band together to get her the mega blender for orders like this. It'd make ten cups per blend, which was a lifesaver. I made a mental note to thank Zipp and Pipp when we got back to the Brighthouse later.
"She was kind of rude," I continued as I then used my magic to move the smoothie cups from the counter to her portable fridge thing. No matter how many times she told me what it was, I always forgot. Once the cups were in it, I then moved back to the small fridge and began pulling out more ingredients.
"Oh, that was just Phyllis. You know, Phyllis Cloverleaf?" Sunny said with a heavy sigh. "Can you get me more sugar and another bag of ice please?"
I quickly grabbed the sugar and ice from the cupboard with my magic and floated them over to her. "As in Sprout's mom?"
"Yep. That's her. Hitch may lay down the law, but she influences the ponies of Maretime Bay. The earth ponies, anyway. Well, she did. I'm not quite so sure anymore. She's remained pretty much on the down-low since magic came back." Sunny put the lid on the blender. "Warning, second round of loudness."
I knew about Phyllis Cloverleaf all too well, and I knew about Sprout even more. Of course, I wasn't here when Sprout made his big debut, but the ponies around here still talk about what happened. Not that I blame them. Sprout making that big robot machine thing was not only a stupid move but a dangerous one. He was lucky nopony got hurt.
As for Phyllis, well, I didn't know what to think about her. Mostly because I didn't know what Sunny thought about her. Out of all the ponies in Maretime Bay, it was Phyllis who gave Sunny and her father the most grief. From what I heard, she would constantly put them down and basically manipulate the ponies in Maretime Bay to make her and her father outcasts. Sunny only had one true friend growing up. Hitch. Sprout was always just…there. Sunny told me he mostly hung out with her because Hitch hung out with her and since Hitch's dad was sheriff at the time, he wanted to make nice with the sheriff's son so he'd have a chance to become sheriff.
But, other than Hitch, Sunny didn't really have friends. Mostly because of Phyllis Cloverleaf. Phyllis was like a miniature, powerless Opaline on a much smaller scale. That fact alone made me hate her, not that I'd ever tell Sunny that.
I remained silent for the remainder of the time we made Phyllis's smoothies, and Sunny didn't say a word. It seemed that Phyllis's rude behavior put her in a…not quite grumpy, but more of an off mood.
"Here you go, Miss Cloverleaf," Sunny said with a smile as I rolled in next to her after falling behind, spreading my hooves to try and stay balanced. I am and never was not meant for roller skates, but Sunny insisted so we'd make it there on time.
Sunny already had her smoothie cart unlatched and was already giving it to Phyllis. "Thank you so much, dear."
"Oh, it was no problem, Miss Cloverleaf. Anything to help." Sunny smiled, and as I studied her, I could see it was genuine, though, I wasn't sure why after all the grief she put Sunny and her father through.
"You're much too nice, Sunny." I mentally snorted. Who knew I'd agree with Phyllis Cloverleaf about something? "But, I am sorry about how I came barging in with this near-impossible order. I honestly thought Sprout would remember if he put it in his phone. And when I asked him, he said he did it. Probably lied to save his own flank. He only admitted it earlier when I asked him to pick it up and that's when I came rushing over. Though, perhaps I was a little rude when it came to how I approached things. And for that, I'm sorry."
"It's fine, Miss Cloverleaf. Happens to the best of us. Just try to remember to be a little nicer next time."
"Oh, yes. Which reminds me," Phyllis turned to me, smiling politely, though I could see judgment all over her face. "I'm so sorry, I didn't quite catch your name."
"Misty," I answered shortly, not nearly as friendly. Sunny may be quick to forgive, but I was not.
"Oh, what a wonderful name. Do you mind helping me bring these in? I only ask because you're still attached to your cart and I can't carry two carts on my own."
I very much did mind, but one glance at Sunny kept my mouth closed. Sure I may not have liked Phyllis, but this was Sunny's livelihood and I was not about to let Phyllis give a bad review because I didn't help bring the cart that was already attached to me when I was perfectly capable.
However, as soon as I took a couple of steps, I tripped on my own hooves as I tried to swerve out of the way of an oncoming pony and knocked into Phyllis and the both of us fell to the ground. Okay. Maybe perfectly capable was a bit of a stretch. I swear, one of these days it's going to be these roller skates or my clumsiness that's going to get me killed.
"On second thought, why don't I help you, Miss Cloverleaf." Sunny chuckled as she helped me up.
"Yeah, that might be best," I agreed with a chuckle of my own as I used my magic to unattach the mobile cart and gave it to Sunny.
"You can go on ahead if you have other plans. Thanks for your help, Misty. I seriously couldn't have done it without you." And with that, the two of them walked away, Sunny saying something that made Phyllis laugh.
I sat down on the grass by the entrance, took off the skates with my magic, and walked away, carrying the skates, intending to drop them off at Sunny's smoothie cart before heading back to the Brighthouse. This whole interaction, the way Sunny acted, all of it genuine, confused me. Sunny definitely wasn't a pushover like I used to be, so why did it seem like Sunny forgave Phyllis so quickly? Or at all? Why would Sunny excuse Phyllis's behavior and years of manipulation?
It just didn't make sense…
"Hey, Sunny? Can we talk in private for a moment?" I asked after we've all eaten dinner and our friends were each doing their own thing.
All day, I couldn't stop thinking about the way Sunny seemed to forgive Phyllis so completely, for everything, not just for what happened today, but for how Phyllis treated her for all those years. What Phyllis did was rude, wrong, and mean. Phyllis was a bully in a shepherd's skin, leading the lambs to outcast the little lamb who dared to think differently. So why did Sunny forgive her when it wasn't okay? When Phyllis didn't deserve it.
Sunny turned to face me, and she must've understood the look on my face because her mood quickly sobered up. "Yeah. Sure. We can talk on the balcony if you want."
I nodded and the two of us walked up the ramp, to the elevator, and arrived on the balcony, walking to the railing and away from the Unity Crystals. All of this we did in silence.
Once we got to the railing, Sunny turned to me, her face full of concern. "Is everything okay?"
"Umm…kind of…it's just…I wanted to ask you something. Umm…what Phyllis did earlier when she pushed me out of the way…that was wrong, right?"
"Yeah. Of course it was." Sunny seemed confused, but I was getting to the point.
"And…the way she treated you and your dad before magic came back…that was wrong too…right?"
"Of course. She was manipulating the citizens in Maretime Bay to hate pegasi and unicorns and she made everypony afraid to think differently for fear of being outcasted. Why do you ask?"
I bit my lip before taking a deep breath and looking at Sunny. "If what she did was so wrong…why are you so nice to her?"
"Because it's the polite thing to do?" Sunny said, though her tone made it sound like a question, just demonstrating how confused she was. "I'm not sure I'm understanding what you're getting at, Misty."
Honestly, at this point, neither did I. So, I decided to just get straight to the point. "But…aren't you still angry with her? For what she did to you?! To your father!" I yelled, squeezing my eyes shut. "She outcasted you! She made you feel alone! She ostracized you for daring to think differently! Doesn't that anger you?! Doesn't that make you hate her?!"
Sunny was silent for a long moment following my words, as though thinking them over in her head. I watched her, wondering what was going on in her head, waiting for the answer I knew she'd give. She'd never forgive Phyllis because what Phyllis did was wrong and that didn't deserve forgiveness. Nothing could excuse what she did, which was what forgiveness was.
Finally, after a long silent moment, Sunny finally spoke. "I used to be. When I was a filly. But not anymore."
"Why?" Now I was dumbfounded. Why wasn't she mad at Phyllis? Clearly, that mare hadn't changed, because if she did, she wouldn't have been so rude to me and Sunny. The way she acted, it was as though it didn't matter how she acted because it'd be okay. After all, Sunny would forgive her. Just like Opaline taught me.
"Because I forgave her," Sunny replied after another long moment.
I was taken aback. She forgave Phyllis? Why? Phyllis didn't deserve Sunny's forgiveness. Maybe if she apologized, admitted for all those years she was wrong, made it up to Sunny, and never did what she did again, she'd deserve it. It'd make sense then. But, Phyllis didn't make it up to Sunny. She never promised to never do what she did again. Heck, I wasn't even sure if she apologized and admitted she was wrong.
"But…i‐if what she did was wrong, why…why are you excusing it?"
Now Sunny looked taken aback. "W-what…I didn't excuse anything." Sunny gave me a serious and firm look, not quite glaring, but making sure I knew just how serious she was. "What she did was, is, and always will be wrong. Nothing she says or does will ever make what she did to me and my father right, or okay, or less wrong, or whatever it is you want to call it."
"You say that…but you forgave her! So what is it? Are you or are you not excusing what she did?!" I shouted.
I'm not sure why I was getting so worked up. I'm not sure why this unsettled me so much. Sunny was her own pony. She could do whatever she wanted. If she wanted to excuse Phyllis's behavior, she could. It made no difference to me. And yet…somehow…I couldn't seem to just let it go, no matter how hard I tried.
Looking back now, I think by this part of the conversation, we weren't just talking about Sunny anymore. We were talking about me. Maybe I was scared. My whole life, I believed that forgiveness was something you earned. It was why I never forgave myself. Sure, the others forgave me, but I earned their forgiveness. Yes, I took Sparky, but in apologizing, admitting I was wrong, helping them get Sparky back and fixing my mistake, and going against the mare who raised me, I earned forgiveness. That was how it worked.
Or maybe it was because so much of my life had changed already. Everything I had ever known was flipped upside down and proven wrong. This last thing was all I had left. Sure, that life was horrible, but it was still my life. It was all I had ever known. And I was being told every part of it was wrong. I just wanted this small remnant of who I used to be to be there, just so I knew that even though I changed everything about myself, I was still that mare. I'm still the mare that suffered her whole life, just to come back out on top. But now it felt like that small remnant was being taken away and I was panicking.
Sunny gave me a stern look. "Doesn't mean I forgave both her and Sprout, doesn't mean I'm excusing their behavior."
"Yes, it does!" I yelled back, tears in my eyes. "That's what forgiving somepony means! It means you're excusing their behavior!" I opened my eyes and when Sunny saw my expression, her face seemed to soften. But I only glared at her. I was so confused, so desperate to keep the part that I was about to lose, the only thing left connecting me to the old Misty, that nothing else mattered at that moment. "You're letting them walk all over you by forgiving them! You're saying that the way they treated you is okay! You're giving them a free pass to treat you however they want!"
Sunny's soft look quickly turned hard. "I forgave them. I forgave them for me. Not for them. But don't ever mistake my forgiveness for allowance. I will never allow anypony to treat me or any of my friends however they want."
"But that's what you're doing when you forgive them! Just today, Phyllis walked all over you! She pushed me out of the way and…and just told you to fill her order with no care about you or…or me or anything! She hasn't changed! She doesn't deserve YOUR FORGIVENESS!" I yelled, tears streaming down my cheeks. "You can't forgive her just like that! YOU JUST CAN'T!"
Sunny glared at me. "Don't tell me who I can and can't forgive, Misty! And maybe they don't deserve my forgiveness, but I do. I deserve my forgiveness! Is that what you think we did for you? That we excused your behavior? Because if you think that's what we did then–"
"I don't think that! I don't think that at all! But I earned your forgiveness! I had to earn it, just like everypony else! Now you're just giving them a free pass?! That's not…that's not fair!"
And there it was. The reason why Sunny's quick forgiveness for Phyllis bothered me so much. Ultimately, in the end, I was hurt. According to my definition of forgiveness, Phyllis was just given a hand out for years of manipulation and hurting Sunny, and she didn't even change or done anything to even remotely earn it. While I had to go through great lengths just to earn mine, and I was actually sorry. I had actually changed. And Phyllis just got it for free? It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Why? Why would Sunny do that?
Sunny's eyes widened as my words finally seemed to sink in. She took a step forward, reaching a hoof out, but I just took a step back and turned my face away, tears in my eyes, on the edge of sobbing.
After a long moment, Sunny finally seemed to find her voice. "Misty…"
"Why!? Why would you forgive Phyllis so quickly while I had to work so hard to earn your forgiveness!" Sunny opened her mouth to say something, but I inturrupted her before she could. "And don't even try to tell me I didn't have to earn it. Because I did! It wasn't until I set you free, helped you get Sparky back, and betray the mare who raised me before you finally listened to me! Yes, Opaline was evil, but do you understand how hard it was to betray the pony who raised me? For the longest time, I looked up to her like you looked up to your father. I didn't know any better. For ten years of my life, she was the only pony I ever knew and I wanted to be just like her. She manipulated me to want to be just like her! So, yeah, I had to earn it! While Phyllis literally did nothing to earn hers! So, why?! What's wrong with me that I had to go leaps and bounds to earn it!"
Sunny was silent for a long, long moment. She just stared at me, tears beginning to fill her own eyes. After a while, she blinked back her tears and took a deep breath. "Misty…you didn't have to earn our forgiveness. Everything you did, it wasn't to earn our forgiveness. It was to earn something else." Sunny paused, as though not sure how to explain it. "Misty, you can't earn forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't a pardon or an excuse for your behavior. There's nothing you can do to make another pony forgive you. All you can do is show them how sorry you are."
Tears continued to stream down my cheeks. "Then…then what is forgiveness if it isn't allowance or something you earn!"
Sunny walked up to me and put a hoof on my shoulder. "Misty, forgiveness is a conscious effort for you to make…for you. Not for them. " Sunny paused, biting her lip.
Sunny then sighed and walked over to the railing, sitting down and looking over the town of Maretime Bay. I hesitated, but when she turned and patted the balcony floor next to her, I cautiously walked up and sat down next to her. She was silent for a moment, just staring at the calm and sleeping town. There were a few stragglers, out rushing home after a long day of work.
As we sat there, Hitch walked out of the Brighthouse with Sparky on his back. As though sensing us watching him, he turned to look up at the balcony, waving goodbye when he spotted us. Sunny and I waved back before Hitch continued to the sheriff's station.
Sunny sighed before she spoke again. "You know Misty, I had asked my father the very same question. I was only ten. Phyllis would often come over to pick up Sprout, once again irritated that he was hanging out with the town's weirdos. My father stood up for the both of us, but he was never mean about it." Sunny smiled. "One time, I remember how Phyllis had just accused my father of brainwashing Hitch and Sprout with our nonsense, and my father simply said, I'll never forget his words, he said," Sunny dropped her voice in an imitation of her father's, and since I didn't know what her father's voice sounded like, I had no clue if it was accurate or not. "'It's called research, Phyllis. And, by the way, I leave all the brainwashing in Maretime Bay to you. Unicorn cupcake?'
"One day, though, I remember Phyllis had said something particularly hurtful, but my father just played it off in his typical polite fashion. I could see her comment really hurt my dad, but the next time he saw her, he was all smiles and polite. I asked him how he can be so nice to her. Why he wasn't mad about the things she said? He told me he was mad. He was really mad. He didn't care about himself so much, but he hated the way she'd treat me. The things she'd say about us, right in front of me. It'd make him angry. But, he said, that for both of our sakes, he had to choose to forgive her every night."
"Why?" I asked, confused. Why would Sunny's father have to forgive Phyllis for both their sakes? Why would forgiving her matter so much?
"I had asked my dad the same thing. Well, in so many words. Much like how you asked me earlier when it came to Phyllis. I'll never forget what my dad said. He said," As Sunny quoted her dad, she kept her voice her own, just staring out at Maretime Bay. "He said, 'Sunny Bunny, you don't forgive somepony for them. You forgive them for you. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. It isn't condoning or excusing one's action. And it isn't a decision that makes all the pain go away. It's a process that involves letting go of the anger and resentment you feel towards a pony that's harmed you. Because, if you keep hold of that anger, it will fester and grow and take over your life and when that anger's towards another pony, they are still harming you. I have to forgive Phyllis every night, so I don't let the resentment I feel towards her consume me and ruin your life.' He told me that reconciliation is earned, while forgiveness is given. Forgiveness is something you do to bring peace with yourself, so you can move on and focus on yourself."
Sunny paused, but I remained silent. I had never thought of forgiveness like that. Opaline had always taught me that forgiveness is earned. That it's your job to do everything in your power to make sure the person forgives you. Going above and beyond for them to show how sorry you are. That if they don't forgive you, it's all your fault, because you didn't show how sorry you were. And Opaline always made it near impossible for me to earn her forgiveness. I'd go just short of cutting off my own arm for her just to earn it it felt like.
However, Sunny wasn't done. "After that, every night, before I went to bed, I'd forgive anypony who ever wronged me that day. Of course, I was only ten and I didn't know what he truly meant until I was older, when something Sprout did really made me angry. It took me a couple of nights before I was finally able to forgive him. I felt like a horrible pony. I thought I was wrong for holding onto that much anger for that long. My dad told me though that forgiveness doesn't always come easy, and for the most part, forgiveness takes time. You can't expect to always forgive ponies that night. Every night, you just need to check in with yourself, try and let go of the anger, and if you find you truly can't, try again the next night. Just because you can't forgive right away, doesn't make you a bad pony. Trust me, forgiving Phyllis at times was not easy, and forgiving Sprout was even harder. After he destroyed the lighthouse, my home, the home I shared with my dad, it took me months for me to finally find the courage to let that anger go. But I'll tell you, once I did, I felt so free with that burden lifted." Sunny smiled, looking up at the night sky. "And once I forgave him, I was able to truly enjoy the amazing things in my life. I'm not his friend anymore, nor am I friends with Phyllis. I try to talk to them as little as possible. But by forgiving them, I'm able to move on."
I was silent for a long moment before I finally said something. "So, what I earned that day…"
"Wasn't forgiveness, Misty. It was reconciliation. You earned back our trust. I can't say the same thing for the others, but I would've forgiven you regardless, of whether you knew or not. We may not have been friends, but for me, I would've forgiven you. It just would've taken time. Right then, we didn't want to hear your apologies because it was in the heat of the moment. Our emotions about what you did were raw and new and fresh. We just needed time to calm down, and think it through."
I was silent again. If forgiveness really was what Sunny said it was, it made sense why Sunny would want to forgive Phyllis. But…there was one thing that still bothered me.
For the past two years, I told myself that forgiving Opaline for what she did wasn't an option. That she had far from earned it. That what she did was inexcusable. But, if forgiving somepony was really what Sunny had said, what excuse did I have now for not forgiving Opaline? And yet, I still couldn't bring myself to do it.
"Do…do you think that I should…that I should forgive Opaline? For everything she did to me?" I asked, wondering if my idea of what forgiveness was wrong, then was my refusal to forgive Opaline wrong too?
Sunny was silent, just staring out at Maretime Bay. I could see her honestly considering the question, wanting to give me the right answer. I grew hopeful. All I wanted was to be a good pony. It was clear now that everything I was taught before I found my friends wasn't what a pony should be. So, I needed to rely on others' guidance for me to be a good pony.
"I…I don't know, Misty. That's not a decision I can make. Knowing what you know now, only you can make that decision. I…I don't know what you went through. And even if I did, even if I went through everything you did, I still wouldn't be able to make it. Because I'm not you, Misty. How I'd react to a decision isn't how you'd react, or how Pipp would react, or Zipp or Hitch. And that's okay. We're all different ponies and part of Friendship is embracing those differences."
"I used to know what my decision was. I was so sure of it. Now…now I have no idea."
Sunny put a hoof on my shoulder. "That's okay. You don't have to know now. You don't have to know tomorrow. You don't even have to know next week. There's no time limit. It's all part of the process. Remember, forgiveness is a process, not a moment."
I smiled sadly up at Sunny, but my heart felt heavier than ever. "Thanks, Sunny. Would…would you mind if I had some time alone so I can have some time to think?"
Sunny smiled back. "Of course I don't mind. Take as much time as you need. I'll tell the others not to come up here and bother you, alright? And Misty, they trust you. I trust you. You just need to trust yourself, okay? Don't worry about what anypony else might think. Just…just focus on what's best for you."
I nodded, but as Sunny walked away, a thought occurred to me. "Hey, Sunny?"
She stopped and turned back to me with a kind smile.
"That thing Sprout did, the thing that made you pretty mad…what was it, if you don't mind me asking?"
Sunny chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "After everything we've been through for the past couple of years, it seems pretty trivial and stupid."
I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue as she smiled nervously.
"It was…well, Sprout…he…he kinda dropped my phone on the pavement and it broke. He claimed it was an accident, but it'd take an idiot to fall for his act. Even Phyllis knew that because she didn't even try to manipulate Sprout out of this one. She ended up buying me a new phone on her own accord."
After a moment of silence, Sunny and I both chuckled softly.
Sunny then walked away and I was left alone with my thoughts. If what Sunny said was true, if forgiving somepony meant letting go of your anger for them, being free of it, being free of that burden, there was nothing I wanted more than to forgive Opaline. I wanted to let that go. I understood what Sunny's father said about anger. It had grown and it felt like it was taking over. I wasn't myself when I had snapped at Sunny earlier, and I felt guilty. Would I have still done that if I wasn't carrying around all this anger I felt towards Opaline? All I knew was that it was draining me, and Opaline didn't even know how angry I was at her.
But…despite wanting so much to let it go and move on, I…I didn't know how. I didn't even know how to begin. I felt stupid for that. I felt like I didn't know anything. I wanted to ask Sunny, but I felt like I've asked so much of her already. I wanted to get a second opinion, but I didn't know who. As I thought about everypony I knew, somepony very specific came to mind.
I decided to go visit him in the morning after I'd had time to sleep on everything Sunny just told me…