Her friends threw her a going away party and even gave her a few presents. Rarity gave her an embroidered backpack so she could take her clothes with her. Pinkie Pie naturally did most of the catering while the rest of the ponies had chipped in together and given her a set of miniature statues of themselves, made of some kind of fancy stone. The workmanship was even more exquisite than the broach Rarity had given her and each little statue was the spitting image of the pony (and one baby dragon) it represented. Even the wooden box the statues were nestled in was a work of art, warm wood stained and carved with Equestrian script she was told read:
Nach bhfuil dearmad Capaill
In order to return to Earth at the same location she’d left they had to travel to the Everfree Forest, to the spot she’d arrived in. When she protested there was no way she could find the spot again Princess Celestia had just laughed and told her that was the simplest part because of her strong bond with the Bridge of Days.
Crush had proven to be a problem. The club refused to be parted from her. When she’d left it in the armory the club had made itself so heavy it literally crashed through the armory floor and the three floors beneath.
That’s why Crush was slung over her shoulder, she was taking it back to Earth at both Celestia’s and Sun Hammer’s insistence. The princess assured her having Crush in the hands of an ally who could actually use it was politically more useful than keeping it in the armory. The princess confided it would make relations with the trolls far less quarrelsome.
Sun Hammer had declared he’d be just as happy never to see the great lump again and good riddance to it. But he’d smiled as he said it.
So now she stood in the clearing along with her friends, dressed in shorts, shirt, and sandals. The goodbyes were tearful. She hugged Spike and each of the ponies, and even hugged Celestia and Luna who were there to open the Bridge for her. The Sun Shield pretended to notice nothing, staring straight ahead as they were so famous for doing.
“Goodbye, dear Lady Teelo.” Princess Celestia said, her horn flaring. “We will miss you. Fare thee well.”
An archway formed in the air. A rainbow hued tunnel seemed to arch away to a second portal, through which she could see her own bedroom.
“Good-bye everybody! It’s been amazing!” She said, taking one last look at her assembled friends. Then she turned and stepped through the archway. A couple of steps was all it took to cross the Bridge. As she stepped through the archway into her own room there was a gentle puff of wind. When she turned around the portal was gone.
“Well, so much for my adventures in Equestria.” She chuckled to herself, picturing what would happen if she actually told anyone where she’d been.
“Come on, Crush. I want a bologna sandwich! Been way too long since I’ve had meat!” She slipped off the backpack and let it thump to the floor. Feeling inordinately cheerful she clattered down the stairs and headed to the kitchen.
She was in the middle of spreading mayonnaise on bread when her mother shouted.
“Teagan! You’re home!” She was grabbed from behind, feeling Crush mashed between her and her mother.
“Mom! Let go so I can turn around!” Teagan said, laughing, barely able to put the knife down before she was spun around and her mother buried her in a hug that said she was never going to let go. Teagan hugged her back, laughing, her mother was almost incoherent, laughing and crying at the same time.
She looked at the kitchen doorway as she hugged her mother to find her father and two strangers watching her. Her father looked happy and relieved, but he slumped against the doorway in a way that signaled exhaustion. There were lines on his face she hadn’t remembered seeing there before.
Once her mother let her go she rushed over to her father’s embrace, squeezing him hard.
“We were so worried about you.” He whispered, stroking her hair. “You’ve been gone for nearly three weeks, pumpkin.”
“Wasn’t my idea.” She said softly, finally pulling away. She looked at the two strangers, a heavyset man in his mid thirties and a short slender blonde woman maybe a few years younger.
“Teagan? My name’s Detective John Nickels and this is my partner Detective Sarah Long. If you feel up to it, we’d like to hear what happened to you.”
“Hmm. I’m sure you would. But since I’m starved I’m going to make myself a sandwich first, if you don’t mind. Would either of you like one? Bologna, cheese, and mayo.” She said, smiling at them.
“Um, no thank you. But please, go ahead.” In spite of his polite and casual demeanor Teagan noticed his eyes were taking in every detail, flicking here and there. She wasn’t fooled, she’d seen the same behavior in Sun Hammer and she knew what it meant, because she’d asked the keeper about it.
She also noticed Detective Long said nothing, letting her partner draw the attention while her own eyes were taking in everything. Teagan bet these two were good at their jobs.
That might prove to be a problem, she thought.
Teagan finished making her sandwich, deciding on a double-decker. She used a steak knife to cut the sandwich diagonally in two. Crush opened its eyes in her head warning her that the two detectives were paying particular attention to the knife in her hand. Casually she put it in the sink. Crush’s eyes closed and she went to the fridge and poured herself a big glass of diet Dr. Pepper. As good as the food in Equestria had been, they just didn’t have anything like good old DP!
She took her plate and glass into the living room. Out of necessity and habit she used her foot to drag the ottoman over to the coffee table and sat down with her food. She’d been carrying Crush so long it was automatic. Chair backs and the club simply didn’t mix well.
The two detectives settled on the couch across the coffee table from her and watched as she took her first bite of sandwich, washing it down with a heavenly slug of her soda.
“Been a while since you’ve eaten?” Detective Nickels asked her casually. She chewed with closed eyes and a dreamy expression, swallowing before she answered.
“No, I had a good breakfast this morning, why?” She asked, looking at the detective with an innocent smile.
“You really seem to be enjoying the sandwich.” He observed in a friendly voice. “Like you haven’t had one in a while.”
“Well, it has been a while since I’ve had meat.” She took another huge bite to give herself time to think. She decided she wanted to play with them a bit before informing them she wasn’t going to tell them what happened. It was a bit cruel of her but they were adults. They could take it.
“What’s that across your back?” Detective Long asked, noticing Teagan had swallowed again.
“Oh this? It’s a weapon.” Teagan answered casually, taking another bite. Half her sandwich was gone now. She picked up the other half in one hand and her glass in the other to make sure the detectives saw her hands were full.
Sun Hammer had been a wellspring of useful tactical information, she reflected, chuckling inside. As she’d hoped, her bombshell had been defused a bit by her full hands.
“A weapon?” Detective Nickels asked. “Aren’t you a little young to be carrying a big gun around like that? Do you have a permit?”
The comment was so far off the mark it nearly made Teagan choke on her food as her laugher overwhelmed her. She just barely managed to keep from spitting out chewed sandwich onto the coffee table. Swallowing in between ineptly smothered giggles she finally managed to speak.
“It isn’t a gun, Detective.” Still chortling she decided against trying to drink, opting for a smaller bite of sandwich in case she started laughing again.
“Then what is it, exactly?” He asked patiently. She held up her sandwich to signal him to wait and swallowed.
“It’s a club. Its name is Crush.” She took another bite to stall the conversation further.
“Crush? You named your club Crush?” Detective Long asked blankly. She clearly wasn’t expecting the conversation to take this bizarre detour.
Giggling again Teagan shook her head and swallowed.
“I didn’t name it that. Why would I name a club Crush? That would be like naming a gun Bang.” She took the last bite of her sandwich and followed it with the last of her soda.
“Ah! That hit the spot. I’ve been eating vegetarian for the last three weeks. Good food, but I really missed eating meat.” She beamed at the two detectives, who were looking at her with blank cop eyes.
“Oh come on, really?” She said laughing. “That look is straight out of a Law and Order episode! I liked the casual banter much better.”
“Miss O’Gara, you’ve been missing for nearly three weeks. We want answers.” His voice wasn’t friendly anymore.
Crush opened its eyes in her head.
“You know, I learned an awful lot of lessons in the last three weeks, Detective. You want to know the most important one?” She asked with a friendly relaxed smile.
“Why don’t you tell us?” His partner replied in a tone that indicated she was losing patience. Crush was starting to pay attention to the two detectives now. Teagan ordered it to play nice. Crush growled but backed off just a bit. The fact everyone but her was oblivious to the drama made it even funnier.
“The most important lesson I learned, Detective, is that we seldom get what we want.” Teagan’s voice was still friendly, but her gaze was steady.
“We can do this here or we can do it downtown, little girl.” Detective Nickels growled.
Teagan laughed at him.
“What, you’re going to deal with a kidnapping victim by abducting her? Doesn’t that strike you as a bit insane? And you can drop the intimidation, Detective. I’ve spent the last three weeks being intimidated by the nastiest, scariest, most evil creature you can possibly imagine. Compared to him you’re just a fussy little Yorkie. And the dog you’re yapping at is a Rottweiler, Detective.”
She stared at him, gaze steady. Not challenging, not aggressive, just waiting. The same eyes that Crush had studied her with. The lessons of the last three weeks were coming in handy today.
“All right.” Detective Nickels finally said. “Let me lay it out for you, Miss O’Gara. Three weeks ago you vanished from your room. No signs of a struggle, no signs of forced entry, in fact no signs of any foul play at all. The next morning your frantic parents contacted the KCPD and reported you missing. Upon investigation it was decided to treat your case as a kidnapping. For the last three weeks Detective Long and I have been busting our butts to find some hint of what happened to you.”
“So now, here you are, safe and sound in some outlandish outfit with a damned huge club slung casually over your shoulder, playing games with us.”
He leaned forward.
“It makes me cranky when my hard work isn’t appreciated, Miss O’Gara. It’s insulting and we don’t deserve it.”
Teagan blinked, suddenly feeling guilty for her bit of fun. She sighed.
“All right, Detective. My apologies. The truth is I was kidnapped and taken out of the country by a madman bent on world conquest. He was evil and nasty and if it hadn’t been for the good friends I managed to find he might very well have succeeded, because he was in league with a very powerful and evil force.”
“In other words, this is way above your pay grade. So for the peace of mind of everyone concerned, what officially happened is I ran away from home, pick some plausible reason why, and finding the wide world wasn’t as nice as I expected I came home after many madcap misadventures that don’t warrant police involvement. End of problem.”
“Uh huh.” Detective Nickels nodded. “Now tell us the truth.”
Teagan sighed, and then suddenly grinned mischievously.
“Tell me, Detectives, do either one of you believe in magic?” She asked.
“Miss O’Gara I’ve had about enough of your games.” Detective Nickels said dangerously.
“Just one more game, Detective. We play, and then I tell you the absolute truth. I will bet you after that you’ll be only too happy to write up this incident up as a girl simply running away from home. Deal?”
“We’ll see.” Detective Nickels answered, promising nothing.
Teagan stood up and walked to the middle of the room where she drew Crush with her back to the detectives. She squatted and laid the club on the carpet, then rose gracefully and walked back to the ottoman.
“The rules are very simple, Detective. Go pick up Crush and give it back to me. If you can do that I’ll tell you everything and spend the next ten years in a mental institution being poked and prodded. If you can’t then I tell you the whole story, you write this up as a runaway, and we part ways with a cheerful wave good bye.”
“All I have to do is pick up your club and hand it back to you?” The detective said skeptically. “Why would I want to do that? What happens if you take a swing at me?”
“Your partner shoots me.” She said calmly. “Besides, my mother would kill me if I got blood and brains all over her living room carpet.”
“Teagan!” Her mother snapped, appalled. “I’m so sorry, Detectives! I can’t imagine what’s gotten into her. Teagan Laoise O’Gara, you stop this foolishness this instant!”
“It isn’t foolishness.” She said, not taking her gaze from the detective. “But I’ll tell you what.”
She shrugged off Crush’s scabbard and extended it to him. “If you can pick up Crush and put it in the scabbard you win. If you can’t, I win. Deal?”
The man took the scabbard from Teagan and studied her.
“What are you up to?” He asked.
“Proving I’m not crazy.” She answered, smiling. “Remember, you wanted to know, Detective. You’re about to find out you should be careful what you ask for. Now go retrieve Crush. Or go back to your office and write up a runaway comes back home report for your bosses. Your choice.”
“Or I could just arrest you for obstruction of justice.” He pointed out.
“Well, that would be really awkward when they find out about Crush.” She started laughing, imagining the havoc the club would cause if they locked her up.
“Go do it, John.” His partner snapped. “The sooner we’re done with this the sooner we can deal with somebody who needs our help instead of a spoiled brat.”
He shrugged and Teagan turned to watch him. He bent down and grabbed the handle. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.
“What the hell?” He asked, scrambling to his feet.
“What happened?” Detective Long was on her feet, staring hard at Teagan, who had her back to the female detective. Her parents were staring at the scene slack jawed.
“Play nice, Crush!” She called. “Like you did at the armory. The eyes in her head were disdainful. She laughed silently and bade Crush to obey. Sullenly the eyes closed.
The detective approached the club tentatively, reaching down for the handle, braced against a sudden push. When he touched the handle and nothing happened, he tried to lift the club.
And stopped, surprised. He tried again, using his full strength. The club didn’t budge.
“Didn’t eat your Wheaties this morning, Detective?” Teagan mocked him lightly. “Maybe I should get you some spinach!” She sang the Popeye theme quietly as the man tried to lift the club with both hands.
The club might as well have been nailed to the floor. Red faced and incredulous he turned to Teagan.
“It’s a trick!” He said angrily. “What are you playing at?”
“No trick, Detective.” She got up and walked over to the club. She picked it up easily in one hand and extended the other for her scabbard. Wordlessly he gave it to her. She sheathed the club and slung it over her shoulder.
“I win, yes?” She asked with an arched eyebrow.
“You win. Now tell us what happened.” He growled.
“John!” His partner objected.
“You’re welcome to try as well, Detective Long.” Teagan offered. “Same rules. You pick it up you win, you don’t, I win. Want to play?”
“No. You’ve obviously rigged the floor with a magnet or something.” The woman scoffed.
Teagan walked over to the coffee table and drew Crush, laying it on the table in front of the detective.
“There. No magnets, see? Now go ahead and try if you like. Crush won’t hurt you, I promise.”
The detective tried lifting the club with no better results than her partner.
“How are you doing that?” She finally asked.
“I’m not doing anything.” Teagan said. “Crush is. Believe it or not, Crush is a magical weapon. The reason you can’t lift it is because it doesn’t want to be lifted. Crush can make itself as light or as heavy as it wants.” She picked up the club and sheathed it over her back, not even having to look any more.
“Ok, let’s say you’re telling the truth.” Detective Nickels said sourly. “We’ll write this up as a runaway coming home but I want to know where you’ve been for the last three weeks. How do you know this maniac that kidnapped you won’t do it to some other little girl, huh? Then how would you feel?”
“He won’t because he can’t. I made very sure he’d never hurt anybody ever again. Well, Crush and I and my friends made sure.” Teagan said flatly. She looked at him seriously.
“Trust me, Detective if I told you the whole story you’d think I was crazy because the whole thing is insane. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. If you say I’m crazy, how do you explain Crush?”
“I’m trying very hard not to.” The man said, shaking his head. “But we did our level best to save your life, Miss O’Gara. For all we knew you were already dead, but we did it anyway. You owe us an explanation at least.”
“You promise you’ll write this up as a runaway?” Teagan asked. The two looked at each other then the woman sighed.
“Yes.” She said. “You obviously aren’t going to cooperate; even assuming what you say is true. Now tell us.”
So Teagan did—every single unbelievable word. She took them upstairs and showed them the figurines, the clothes, the backpack. Each time they protested the ponies were just a cartoon she tapped Crush and smiled.
Her parents didn’t know what to make of it all, but they knew her well enough to know if she were going to lie to them she’d make up a far more plausible story than this. The detectives knew they were beaten; there was no viable alternative to her runaway suggestion.
“You do realize you can never talk about this to another living soul, right? They’d lock you up so fast your feet wouldn’t touch the floor.” Teagan said as the detectives were ready to leave.
“Give us some credit, Miss O’Gara.” Detective Nickels growled. “You’re just another runaway. Only you got smart and decided to come home.” He nodded to her parents and strode away. Teagan couldn’t help but think the two detectives were trying very hard not to break into a run.
“I just don’t know what to think, Teagan. Ponies? A cartoon character that actually kidnapped my daughter?” Her mom said, shaking her head. “That’s absolutely crazy. Oh, and what about that thing?” She nodded toward the club over Teagan’s shoulder.
“Well, I certainly can’t carry Crush around everywhere I go.” Teagan said thoughtfully. “If I need it I can call and it will fly to me. But in the meantime I’d be a sitting duck. Would you be willing to let me take self-defense classes, Dad?”
“What—like judo?” He asked, obviously surprised.
“No.” Teagan said thoughtfully. “I was thinking Krav Maga. I think Sun Hammer would approve.”
That night, Teagan slept peacefully in her own bed. Very peacefully indeed, since Crush was lying right beside her…