//------------------------------// // Basically Cannon // Story: A Study In Nonsense // by Professor Piggy //------------------------------// “Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash asked hesitantly “Not that I don’t trust you or anything but…are you sure you know what you’re doing? I mean, no offense! It’s just you don’t, you know, really seem like the type.” To her surprise, Pinkie didn’t seem at all offended – rather than pouting that adorable, offended pout of hers and getting into a huff like she normally did when she thought someone didn’t believe in her, the pink mare just snorted happily and let out a little giggle before nodding her head. “Of course I am, silly! I mean, I can’t think of a single pony in all of Equestria better qualified, can you?” Dash considered that, and she had to admit that Pinkie had a point. It wasn’t a good point, or a point in her favour, but it was definitely a point. And it was even relevant. Well, almost relevant. Pretty close. On the whole, it was a good argument. Or at least it was one of those arguments that you couldn’t really argue with – and that was like a good argument. Sort of. Probably. The point was, it was the kind of argument that Dash normally would’ve accepted from her friend without bothering to argue the point, if only so she didn’t have to bother trying to argue a point with Pinkie – because really, her chances of winning any argument she did get into with the crazy pink pony were about the same as her chances of winning the most talented unicorn contest. But today was different – today was important. Today, she had to match wits with Pinkie Pie. Or at least, throw her wits at Pinkie Pie’s big, impenetrable wall of…impenetrable not-logic stuff and hope they came out of it the same as they went in. She didn’t want to do it. She had no choice. With a nervous chuckle she turned to look into Pinkie’s wide, gorgeous blue eyes and her heart skipped a beat. Their eyes met, and Pinkie tilted her head a little as her smile – that amazing, heartstoppingly brilliant grin, grew a little wider. Dash felt her cheeks grow warm, and fought the urge to run away and come back after she’d calmed down – but she pressed on. She had to. She opened her mouth, and began to speak. “Well…no, I guess I can’t. But I kinda can’t think of a pony less qualified either – and there are lots of ponies who might know more about this kind of thing than –“ “You have really pretty eyes,” the pink pony cut her off cheerfully, still beaming, and she found herself struggling to remember what she had been saying. “I…I do?” Whatever it had been, she was pretty sure it wasn’t that. She was also pretty sure that she’d sounded more like Fluttershy than herself when she’d said it, and that she’d just lost any coolness points she might’ve had to spare. And if she’d been blushing before, now she had to be glowing bright red. Celestia, she felt stupid. “Yeah, you do! They’re kinda a little like Gummy’s, but less empty and terrifying and more really pretty and sparkly! I kind of wanna kiss ‘em, sometimes.” “….You wanna what!?” She felt herself taking a step back, away from her completely insane girlfriend, and wished desperately that she could think of something to say that wasn’t really, really stupid. “Kiss ‘em. What’s the matter? Don’t you like when I kiss your eyes?” “I…it…I…I like it just fine, I guess? It just sounds weird when you – hold it! You’re just trying to distract me so I’ll let you do whatever you want, aren’t you!?” The pink pony giggled and bobbed her head up and down rapidly. “Yep, I sure am – it almost worked, too! I bet it would’ve worked if you weren’t such a smarty smart Pegasus pants. I bet there’s not a Pegasus in all of Ponyville – no, all of Equestria – who’s as clever and pretty as you! What’d you think, Dashie?” Dash grinned, and waved a hoof to dismiss Pinkie’s totally true words. “Nah, I’m sure there are probably lots of Pegasus who’re almost as –“ She caught herself, and let her head sink into her hooves with a groan. “Stop doing that! I’m not letting you shoot stormclouds out of the cannon!” Pinkie’s smile vanished at once, and she stomped a hoof against the basket of the balloon. “But…but…but you said yourself that all your weatherponies are sick! You wanted help with the storm!” “Yeah, I did – and I do. But there are a couple of holes in your brilliant plan: first, you can’t even move clouds, you’re an earth pony!” “That’s not fair! Don’t be mean!” “Second, stormclouds are dangerous. Really dangerous! You could get hurt!” “I’ll be careful – I know what I’m doing! I have a doctorate in firing stuff out of cannons!” Dash let out a sigh, and stepped forward to place a gentle hoof on the shoulder of the pony she loved. “Pinkie, a piece of paper with ‘Doctorate in Cannonology’ written on it – in crayon – isn’t a real doctorate. Did you really think you were gonna fool me with that?” Pinkie’s face fell, and she looked away. Quietly, sullenly, she mumbled, “It totally would’ve if you’d given me more time to forge it.” Dash bit her tongue, to keep from laughing, and nodded solemnly. “I know. Trust me, I know.” Pinkie didn’t answer, instead just staring up at her with those sad, tear filled eyes, and Dash let out a low sigh, before offering her girlfriend a weak grin. “Pinks, would it make you feel better if I shot some stormclouds outta the cannon?” Pinkie’s delighted grin, and the squeal of joy that accompanied it, was all the answer she needed.