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// Trotting on solar rays 
// Story: The Dreaded Love Bird 
// by Darkonshadows 
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Twilight was busy writing out each and every fact she got about Kazooie onto a piece of parchment with a hovering quill.  Transformation powers since she arrived, possible with limitations to the transformations abilities.  Fire breathing no matter what form she took.  The ability to fire egg shaped elementally charged projectiles, notably favoring the green ones that explode violently.   She can stretch her legs to incredible length to jump ridiculously high.  She has the ability to perform a Sonic Rainboom from a standstill… she had to ask Rainbow about that one.  These were the abilities that seemed naturally occurring to her.  The last thing to note was the abilities of her backpack, that of which no magic can possibly replicate.

That backpack had the ability to hold vast quantities of anything, including theoretically an airship, a lot of pudding, money and everything else in the known universe could possibly fit in there.  She only knew it held lots of stuff on the account that Fluttershy had seen her pull out a lot of stuff from it without it ever changing size or acting full.  It would be a big breakthrough to figure out how that things magic worked, but it probably didn’t work without the owner holding the backpack.

Twilight stopped to give thought to what Applejack told her about Kazooie running fast enough that her momentum allowed her to defy physics and stick to the side of a building temporarily.  Apparently it was exactly long enough to launch a powerful attack involving a flaming falcon, but shouldn’t she have launched a phoenix instead as that would have made much more sense with her similar natural appearance of one only bigger.

There was also that news of a time travelling version of her popping up, apparently Dr. Whooves lost his TARDIS again to that alternate version of Kazooie and ran off to do who knows what.  He could handle that problem on his own; Twilight did not want to get involved in time travel again.

The solution to combat with Kazooie should work as follows: first separate her from her backpack, make sure she can’t fire projectiles from her mouth or rear end which would coincide with stopping her fire breathing, make sure she is in a wide open space but not wide enough to gain speed to do that that falcon blast thing and maybe just possibly they could stop her.  That was if she didn’t have more tricks and surprises in store for them, like the elements of harmony not working on her.  If that were the case they’d need her brother and Cadence, not to mention the princesses in attendance for any fight with her

Still it was a minor concern that Pinkie was a friend with a supposed nutcase who has an alternate version of her that gave a sword to Applejack, sure it wouldn’t hurt any pony but the point still stands that it was a foreign magical weapon.  Pinkie tried to explain the concept of the world Kazooie came from, where death seemingly had little meaning and evil plays tennis and ride go-karts for fun with heroes that frequently end their lives on a constant basis like it was all some sort of game.  That was around the point that Pinkie exclaimed to her the word ‘exactly’.

Twilight condensed everything Pinkie said to one simple fact; Kazooie was from a realm built entirely of chaos on purpose. In fact the realm she’s from probably was even more chaotic then even Discord… Distress could handle, yet from what she hears Kazooie is amiable even if she’s really strange.

Finally finishing the documentation of the shape shifting bird Kazooie, she decided to just sit back relax and read a book.  Whatever her friends were doing in Canterlot didn’t really concern her much.  Though Rainbow and Fluttershy might have been a bit odd lately, Rarity was probably looking for a stallion and Applejack was possibly bored to tears already by being away from the comforts of the apple farm.  Pinkie Pie was perfectly… normal… scary thought there, especially when her parties seemed to have the same flair they usually did considering the underlying tension.

In the next few minutes she saw Luna and Celestia trot into the throne room to find her reading silently in a corner of this room instead of the library for privacy reasons.  That and Rainbow was still a loud reader at times.  Twilight immediately noticed Celestia was not smiling or looking as regal as she usually did, in fact the look on her face was bordering almost close to displeased, Luna on the other hand looked well relaxed and jovial.  Luna has been a lot happier lately since she discovered the concept of fun and took to it, along with the idea of clubbing and making lots of good and very real friends.  She was both a big fan of Vinyl Scratch’s rough beats and the cellist Octavia who tended to play a wonderful moonlit sonata.

“Sister thou doth protest too much, she helped the city Manehatten and even paid for the element of Honesty’s food.” Luna was chipper whereas Celestia was muted, it was a stark contrast between them and Twilight could tell Kazooie had definitely been involved in souring the usually bright and sunny princess’s mood.

“Was that before or after she led Cancer through the city melting the office buildings to the ground from the superheated claw blasts, destroyed the market district evading a rain of acidic bubbles and terrorizing the ponies that were working the early morning shift at the docks?” Celestia was not a happy camper; the crazy nutcase even had the gall to confront her with several rather well placed words she’d rather not hear in the first place.

“She still caught the culprits that summoned Cancer, thy actions of bravery should be commended even if a lot of the buildings that were knocked to the ground may or may not have been her fault thereafter.  I think it admirable that she admitted to destroying the publishing company that made that horrid book named after your faithful student.”  It was this at that bit of information that Celestia actually did smile.

“Maybe she’s not so bad after all…” Celestia slowly said a smile creeping up her face as many a pony had always wanted to do that and couldn’t by law, but in a heated battle some property casualties were very much allowable.

“Oh right, I remember her admitting to destroying all the banana shipments while at the docks as well… weren’t we supposed to receive a restock on those soon?  Why in the world did she do that or even manage to find the time while fighting off Cancer?  Mayhap she tried to quell it’s anger with tropical tastes?”  Luna looked to the ceiling in wonderment, it was kind of odd to her and at least Kazooie hadn’t destroyed the Manehatten moon pie factory that was nearby.  If the moon pie factory went down then Luna would have at least asked Kazooie to be more careful next time.

“She crawled out of the anus of Tartarus itself, her evil knows no bounds!  I don’t even remember how she managed to put us to sleep along with most of the ponies in Manehatten.”  Celestia voice had gotten slightly darker and was almost hitting the level of royalty Luna used to use her voice at.  Her face was almost close to a frown if it weren’t set in a stern blank barely concealed angry scowl.

“From what I remember all I can think of is mother and warmth of her body from when we were foals… whatever she did apparently makes a pony feel pleasant and happy.  Also gives them a good eight minutes of rather comforting sleep.  At least the fires were put out before she did it so there wasn’t that much more damage to the city.”  She was honestly trying hard, but Luna was finding it hard to console her sister.  It almost felt like the Nightmare Moon situation in reverse, but at least Celestia had better control of her anger and at least it wasn’t jealousy related like it was for her.

Twilight blinked confusedly, Celestia’s mood had done a one eighty almost immediately upon hearing that her banana shipments were not coming in anytime soon.  In fact over the years Twilight has never managed to figure out what she used them all for or why she needed so many. Celestia used magic to keep them fresh and apparently loved them a lot to have that kind of reaction.  She didn’t seriously think Kazooie came from Tartarus... right?  That was a bit much for a friend of Pinkie’s.

“Princess Celestia are you feeling alright?”  Twilight said deciding to take an interest in her mentor’s mane as it started to wave a bit more wildly almost like it was a living flame waiting to be let loose.  She was going to add this sleep ability that could even affect the princesses and lots of other ponies over a widespread area, she hadn’t forgotten that detail that Applejack told her, she just wasn’t exactly sure it was because of Kazooie.  Now she knew to certainly add it to the list of things Kazooie was capable of, but was unsure of the method of execution.

“Oh yes my faithful student, I’m feeling quite fine indeed… as long as I don’t have another run in with that creature only to find out later what else she has managed to achieve when no pony was watching her carefully.  You wouldn’t happen to have a friendship report for me… it might help me calm my nerves.”  Celestia could barely keep up her regal composure at this point, but she managed somehow.  Celestia’s hair returned to normal and her left eye stopped twitching at random intervals as she watched Twilight take on a thoughtful look.

“Hmm… I don’t think I have a new report... give me a moment.”  In all honesty she didn’t think she really had much to go on as she trotted out of her corner to stand before the princesses.   Kazooie however seemed to have made good acquaintance with four of her friends. “Yes I think I have something.  Somepony can be a good friend to you even if they don’t always make a good first impression.  You can’t judge a book by its cover and only by reading the book can you honestly judge it.”

Celestia smiled at that, it was good to know she was making friends outside her circle of six elements and here she thought Twilight was hopeless unless you literally threw ponies at her or vice versa.  Sending Twilight to Ponyville had really helped her out socially, except for the fact that she still had that obsessive compulsive problem and was a book loving maniac.  Celestia didn’t mind the book loving part as that was what made Twilight cute, it was her obsessive compulsive nature that was grating and one of these days she was going to learn that not everything had to be just perfect. 

If only Celestia knew Twilight was referring to Kazooie, a book filled with puzzles she hasn’t quite finished looking at yet and she can’t really judge the character of the book by second hoof knowledge given to her by her friends.  Twilight trusted Pinkie having a good sense of judgment when she said Kazooie was still her friend;  as there was no pony that made friends for life like quite like Pinkie.  Kazooie wasn’t the only being on Twilights mind; she was oddly enough thinking about Trixie… she had often wondered what had become of the poor mare after she lost her little traveling carriage.

“Well is there anything you would like to discuss Twilight?” Celestia needed a bigger diversion from the topic of the otherworldly intruder who was making a very severe mistake in messing with her.

“Well actually, yes there is something I would like to ask you.  Why are all of the elements of harmony here in Canterlot?” Twilight left the question hanging in the air.

Now that Twilight had time to think while Celestia pondered, wasn’t she going to ask Fluttershy about her new friend to maybe make a friendship report?  It seemed like Fluttershy has been busy lately getting her friendship back in order with Rainbow, so Twilight didn’t really want to bother the two.  Why does Luna seem bored?  Maybe she should spend some time with her, perhaps invite her to a sleepover with all of her friends?  She’d better stop thinking; it looks like Celestia finally came up with an answer to her question. 

“You are all here to prepare for the worst Twilight, who knows what will happen next.  I need the elements of harmony ready at all times and I do not wish for you or your friends to come to harm.   We are living in troubled times when beings like Cancer can be summoned to this plane of existence.  With all of you within our sights not to mention your brother and Cadence, I can actually feel at ease.”  Celestia wasn’t about to bring up her failings with the changelings or how she reprimanded Twilight, they didn’t ever bring it up nor has she ever apologized for it.  The incident did make Twilight look upon her almost like she was any other pony, only once in a millenia  of blue moons does she get treated normally by somepony.  It was important to Celestia that she protect these ponies close to her heart from any perceived threat, especially one that called her ‘fat flanks’.  It was also important that the elements could possibly magic away a thousand or so gallons of pudding via aerial bombardment.

Who knows what could happen next, a shortage of Pony Joe’s donuts?  Celestia would die if that happened, because she wouldn’t have anywhere to get her snacks from and not many a pony knew that it was all the sugar that kept her from getting a migraine headache from dealing with aristocracy day in and day out.  In truth she was scared, she had no idea what was coming and no plan for how to go about fixing whatever calamity was going to inevitably befall Equestria this time.

“I really don’t understand how we are going to prepare for anything, since we don’t have any clue what will happen.   Sure we can carry our elements around with us, but I doubt we’ll be able to prevent anything from happening.  My friends have a lot of obligations in Ponyville, Applejack especially. Though I think Rarity would actually want to stay here.” Looking at the worry in Celestia’s eyes, Twilight decided she would relent a little. “We can stay as long as we’re needed, but I’m sure we’d be fine in Ponyville too.  What could possibly happen?”

At the lake in Ponyville, Kazooie was casting a rather specific shaman spell that required the sun in its use as she stood by the water’s edge and chanted; currently she was an earth pony. When she finished with a twirling flourish and a loud ‘ommanaka’ she smiled as the sun responded, its rays getting brighter over the lake for a short amount of time before it went back to normal.

“Okay the waters fine now, even a hedgehog couldn't drown in it.”  Kazooie watched as Screwball dove into the water and did not come back up for air.  Kazooie simply walked into the lake till her head went beneath the water, neither she nor her companion would be seen for hours as they frolicked among the one eyed lake krakens.  Learning whatever ways a lake kraken could possibly have, before leaving to get some rest for tomorrow.

Back in Canterlot, Celestia sat wide eyed and soon the left one started twitching.

“She just… she accessed the sun!”  Okay that brought the attention of her sister to her; Luna was toying with a magical Rubik’s Cube she got in Manehatten up to this moment.  Twilight thought Celestia was going to say something else until her face got that odd look on it; she started to worry when the princess had that outburst.

“Who accessed the sun?” Luna said with an admittedly large amount of intrigue.

“It’s Kazooie; I now have even more reason to dislike her presence in Equestria.” Celestia didn’t know how she got on Kazooie’s bad side so easily, but she was certain that the creature had a vendetta against her and loved to see her lose her composure.

“What did she do with it princess?” Twilight saw a look on confusion on her mentors face, she decided to nuzzled her chest gently hoping to ease the princesses worry.  The princess responded with simple neck hug.

“That’s just it, she didn’t move it or change its course… only accessed it for a moment to do something.”  Celestia bit her lower lip as her horn glowed to life, nothing was wrong with the sun functionally, physically and its energy output was normal.  Whatever Kazooie used it for must not have done too much, but with a being like her... Celestia knew she had done something at least to suddenly put out that surge of power that she felt. “Well everything seems to be in order.”

“Maybe she didn’t do anything with it, maybe she was just trying to get your attention?”  Luna had decided to stop playing with her Rubik’s Cube that she had been toying with again to give this some attention.  Luna thought Manehatten was a fun place to visit if not for the destroyed buildings.

“No she did something with it; I just don’t know what she did.  All I can say is, it felt really strange…”  Celestia just stood there with a faraway look in her eyes. “It had something to do with somewhere near Ponyville.” Celestia started trotting, Luna and Twilight followed. They looked out at Ponyville from one of the balconies of the castle, everything seemed fine and nothing was on fire.  The lake seemed to sparkle slightly in the slowly moving evening sun, but nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Well it doesn’t look like something happened to Ponyville, but me and the girls can be down there to check things out if you want us to.”  Twilight offered obviously worried about the numerous things Kazooie could possibly be capable of; she had many strange and unique powers.

If anything Twilight was less worried Kazooie had done something dangerous and more worried that Kazooie had done something weird, unexplainable and outside the laws of physics.  If you count turning a lake into drown proof swimming hole then yes she just bent physics and sent them out the windows with the help of the sun.  Getting video game laws to work in a cartoon world, it wasn’t all too hard when the chant based sometimes context sensitive magic slotted into place so easily.

“NO!  I mean… that won’t be necessary.”  Celestia did not like the idea of this unknown suddenly doing something to harm her faithful student, there was no idea what motivates this creature but it was undoubtedly dangerous by Applejacks account.  Discord she always knew what motivated him, Chrysalis had told her as much what motivated her and Nightmare Moon she's known that for a thousand years and could do nothing about it until now.

Celestia was even wary of knowing the fact that Philomena wouldn’t tell her anything about Kazooie, just that she had fun and was glad that she had been relieved as a sidekick so she could spend more time with Owlowiscious.  Apparently Twilights pet owl had taking a liking to her phoenix; it was actually relieving to know that the phoenix had finally been found unharmed and seemingly infatuated in return.  Celestia sent them to Spike in the hopes that Philomena could offer or lend some help with raising his baby phoenix; they tend to get rambunctious pretty fast.

The outburst had left both Luna and Twilight silent, they stared at Celestia as she stared out at the horizon.  There was a mix of emotions playing on her face.  The two onlookers had no clue what to do to calm her down; it wasn’t like Discords chaos was on the loose by any stretch of the imagination.

At the lake in Ponyville, Screwball stood on her hind legs holding up a half drowned hedgehog to Kazooie with a stern look on her face.

“Okay to be fair, it’s only half drowned and it’s still breathing.  Even if you panic you’ll still be able to breathe even when your mind tells you it’s impossible to do so, it’s not like the spell innately gives you the idea that breathing in water is a good thing.”  Kazooie crossed her hooves on her chest defensively.  Screwball rolled her eyes and dropped to three legs to go find the hedgehog a safe place to rest.  “It’s not my fault you know!”

“I swear, you try to do something fun for a pony with no childhood and she goes and acts like an adult on you… like a true heroic mime with the coolest pet cloud in the world.”  Kazooie muttered to herself as Mr. Cold Spot floated against her neck rubbing its vapor against her affectionately. “My life is unequivocally awesome.  Well, I guess it’s time to make Screwball get some sleep.  I’ve got a busy day tomorrow and a lot of things to set up before then.”

Kazooie simply gave the cloud a simple pat on its whole body, as she started walking. A musical tune started playing up as she started slowly towards Fluttershy's cottage. “There ain’t no rest for the wicked.”