Diamond coughs at the black smartphone in her right hoof, while keeping it perched on her neck, “Well, you know me! I won’t miss a day unless I ABSOLUTELY have to!”
I hear a voice on the other end say, “Well, that’s fine Miss Diamond Tiara! Get well soon!”
“I’ll be in as soon as I can!” Diamond says before using her tongue to press the end button on her screen and lowering the phone to stare at me, smiling at her with a freshly rolled joint in my mouth… “So we’re doing this?”
“You could’ve said no, you know? I never forced you to do anything!”
Her azure eyes widen, “But you!”
“But nothing, Diamond Tiara! You had a choice! You chose irresponsibility! Time to get stoned and eat pizza with me!” I point my left hoof at her.
She frowns, “But I haven’t ordered yet?”
I widen my eyes, “Better get on it, huh?”
She finally smiles, “Alright babe, you want your usual?”
My turn to frown! “Usual?”
She giggles, “Oh, yeah! You don’t have one? What’ll it be?”
“Baked potato pizza with extra chives!” I don’t know where that came from?
She leans forward slightly, “Uh, is that what you usually get?”
I’m taken aback for a moment before I realize that she’s actually not wrong! “Well um, yes!” I think so, actually? Never really thought about it...
She nods, “Baked potato pizza! Got it!”
I hear the voice on the other end of the phone say, “Uh, what?”
Diamond sighs, “Yes please! I’ll take a large baked potato pizza and an order of cheesy bread sticks!”
“Extra chives!” I bark at the pink mare!
Diamond’s eyes widen, “With extra chives! On the pizza, I mean!”
“Got it! Will there be anything else Miss Diamond Tiara?”
I smile when I think about what this mare is doing for me…
She nods and says, “No, thank you! That will be fine!” before staring at me, “Can I fire it up, this time, please?” and bats those pretty eyelashes of hers at me…
Okay, I know tradition dictates that the pony who rolled or packed, gets the first few drags… I know this… I also know that Diamond doesn’t know how to roll, and she probably just wants it this time?
… Maybe I should teach her how to roll today?
<*****>
AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I’m bucking off for Cozy Glow! I’m screwing my CEO responsibilities for her!
She doesn’t even need me to! I’m doing this just so I can be with her!
What the hay is wrong with me?
I bring the hoof lighter to my snout, thinking I’ll be able to think better if I get a little high!
Wait a minute? I use my right hoof and ignite the blue plastic lighter held in the cleft for force a flame to go up and I move my snout towards it, so the end of the joint is in there…
I inhale and soon feel warm smoke going down my throat… Just hang on, here!
“Golly gee, are you alright, Diamond?”
“I’m fine!” I quickly bark out while holding the smoke in my lungs… This is crazy! I am insane now! I’m going to ruin my life, just to get high with my marefriend!
… Oh, sweet Celestia! I’m gay now! I have a marefriend
“Um, okay, if you’re sure!”
“Extra sure!” I say as I purse my lips for another pull… Should I talk to her about this? Naw! I’m the one in control! You’re Diamond hard and have Rich blood in you! Never forget that!
I then grab the joint with my left cleft and raise my hoof for her…
I soon feel the joint taken from me as I exhale and watch the cloud of smoke exit from my mouth… I should learn how to roll a joint today…
I soon raise my view to stare at her...
I see the smiling pink mare as she brings the hoof lighter to her face with her right hoof and clicks it to make it spark and create a flame, so she props the joint up in her muzzle so that it’s forward, and she moves her head to the flame and inhales to bring the fire to the end and ignite the weed inside…
I frown, “Guess it went out?”
She smiles while inhaling from the cigarette, “It happens!”
I’m so unsure of myself! Confidence Diamond! Confidence!
Wait! I’m actually doing this now?
I witness this beautiful pony taking a hit from the joint as her brown eyes narrow in blissful satisfaction…
Wait! When did she become beautiful?
Why am I doing this again? Oh, yeah! I’m insane now! How could I forget?
I see her relax her shoulders as her lips purse the rolled paper in her snout and her abdomen soon expands to fill with smoke…
She looked so cute there, taking a draw from the stoge…
Wait, what? I decide to test the waters, “We’re going to make out after we’re done smoking, aren’t we?”
I need to know what’s on her mind…
Her eyes widen like she’s taken by surprise before she frowns, and the joint falls sideways for a moment as she says, “Uh, probably?”
I giggle because I know I got her now! “I love you so much Cozy Glow!” Wait, what? Got her?What is happening to me?
She lowers her muzzle towards the floor with the joint still in it, so the smoke begins to rise towards her eyes and I note a single tear coming from the right side of her face when she removes the burning cigarette from her mouth with her right hoof and says, “Totally!”
<*****>
WHY DID I DO THAT? I think to myself while blinking and feeling another tear going down the right side of my muzzle…
“Are you okay?” Diamond asks me from a few feet away.
I decide to act tough! “I’m fine Diamond!” And then I bring the joint to my lips again to purse them and take a powerful draw… I feel another tear welling…
“Well, as long as you’re sure!”
I’m an idiot! I think to myself while drawing on the joint again and feeling warm smoke go down my throat… Another tear soon goes down the right side of my face…
I finally hold my hoof up with the joint while practically crying…
I can hear her snickering as she takes the joint from my hoof and I still have my muzzle pointed at the ground… “You’re a goofball!” before silence again…
I raise my gaze to see this startlingly beautiful pink mare with her lovely white and baby blue mane taking a drag from the joint… I can also feel tears streaming out of my eyes by this point…
Her eyes widen, and she frowns, “Oh, gosh! Cozy Glow! Are you okay?” she says as smoke pours from her mouth and soon, she exhales the rest of the smoke from her lungs.
“I’m fine!” I say while wiping my face with my hoof…
“I really should get you something to drink! It’s morning! You’re having iced coffee!”
I close my eyes and lean my muzzle down to breathe now… I can’t really argue with her! “With cream, please!”
I hear her take a final drag and then, I’m pretty sure she put out the half-joint in the ashtray, and I soon feel her hooves enveloping my body…
“It’s okay, Cozy Glow! You don’t have to be tough!”
What? “Uh, okay!”
She giggles, “You got smoke in your eyes, didn’t you?”
“Maybe?” I say back…
She giggles some more and holds me, “I don’t know what it was like with Tirek and Chrysalis, but you don’t have to be strong around me, okay? Now, I’ll be right back, okay Cozy Glow?”
I’m silent for a moment… “Are we lovers?”
She’s silent too… “I think so, maybe?”
I blink… “I kissed you earlier, didn’t I?”
She’s quiet again… “Yes! Yes you did!”
I think again… “And you seemed to enjoy that, huh?”
She’s quiet… “Yes… Yes I did… “
I open my eyes and think to myself… Okay, we’re apparently lovers now, and we’ve been kissing… I say flatly, “I love you, Diamond Tiara!”
“I love you too, Cozy Glow!”
“Weren’t you gonna get coffee!”
I feel her body jerk as she suddenly starts, “Oh uh, right! Iced coffee!”
“With cream!”
“With cream! Yes! Of course!”
She keeps silently holding me… I say to her, “When were you gonna do that, anyway?”
“Eventually!” She says while continuing to hold me…
I finally just move my hooves to return the hug and say… “I love you, you stupid idiot!”
“I love you too, moron!”
We’re quiet again… “The morning won’t last forever, you know?”
“Shut up, Cozy… “
<*****>
So I stared at the light pink mare as she showed me with her hooves and said, “Okay, so it’s important to roll the joint up from the bottom and to keep it tight with your hooves!”
I frown, “Too bad we don’t have flexible hooves! Like, little appendages on them might prove useful?”
She giggles, “Yeah well, you roll enough joints, you get used to it, Diamond! Um, I was just wondering though!” she says before showing me how to roll up freshly ground weed with her hooves and then, she licks the sticky part of the paper, before sealing it all together… She puts it on the table, stares at me with those sparkly brown eyes, and asks, “Where’s your butler, anyway? I mean, shouldn’t he be rolling joints for us!”
I sigh and then stare at her, “I got tired of it!”
She frowns, “What?”
I smile, “Yeah, with Jeeves around, I didn’t have to do anything! I mean, it was nice for a few years, but later in my teens, it started to get really old! I got bored!”
Her eyes widen, “So you fired him?”
I sigh, “Well, I did give him a good severance package!”
She’s silent… “So I guess the new Diamond Tiara does things for herself then, huh?”
I grin wider, “Would you want me any other way?”
She smiles and giggles, “Nope!”
Suddenly, the doorbell sings! DING DONG!
I say, “The pizza is here! Stay put! Uh, we were gonna watch Sleepless in Ponyville, right?”
She smiles, “Sure thing, honey!”
I blink. Honey? She called me honey? Oh, right! I’m insane and we’re lovers, now!
(To be continued… )