//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: The pink menace // Story: Pinkie Teaches Physics and Stuff Happens // by Yuki Harima //------------------------------// //----------------------------- // Story: Pinkie Pie teaches physics and stuff happens // Chapter: Chapter 1: The pink menace // Writer: Yuki Harima // Editor: CloppleJack // Creamy filling: excerpt1 //----------------------------- The sun is out and not a single cloud can be seen in the blue sky over Ponyville. The shopping district is busy as usual with some ponies buying goods that they might need, others selling to make a living. In the district we see three little fillies making their way to the local school for another day of learning. “Race you to the school!” Scootaloo challenges her friends. “Y’all ain’t gonna beat me this time!” Applebloom shouts, catching up. Sweetie Belle is behind, eating the dust of her two friends’ hooves. “Hey guys don’t leave me behind!” She yells out, trying to catch up to the two racing fillies. The three run across the busy market place, dodging ponies left and right as Applebloom and her orange friend, neck in neck, try to outrun each other. Scootaloo almost runs into a stallion that is carrying a package of groceries. “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” He shouts at the group angrily. “Sorry mister!” Sweetie apologizes as she runs by. Heedless, Applebloom and Scootaloo keep running their race to school. Galloping even with each other, they can see other colts and fillies making their way to the building as well. Neither of them can gain the lead and they reach the school in a flurry... “First!” they both shout. Glaring, Scootaloo declares, “I was first!” “No! Ah was first!” Applebloom argues. “I was” “Ah was!” “I was!” “Ah was!” “Sweetie Belle, tell me that I won instead of Applebloom over here” Scootaloo says. “No, tell Scootaloo that ah won this race.” Applebloom insists. After not hearing anything from their friend, they turn around to see her panting from the run. “You…left me…behind” Sweetie Belle pants. “I couldn’t…tell.” “Well whatever it is, I won.” Scootaloo proudly states. Applebloom just rolls her eyes at the pegasus’ statement and heads towards the school building. The rest follow their friend, with Scootaloo beaming about her win and Sweetie Belle trying to recover from running the entire way, shopping district to school. In the hallway outside of their classroom, they notice that the entire class is outside, instead of in the school building as usual. “Why is everyone outside?” Sweetie Belle asks. “I don’t know,” Scootaloo shrugs. Then she gets an idea, “Maybe school is canceled for the day!” “Ah highly doubt that Scoots” Applebloom shakes her head, “Let’s just ask around to see what’s happenin’.” Seeing Snips and Snail by the door, Applebloom asks, “Hey Snips. Hey Snail. Do ya know why we’re standing outside?” Snips replies first, “Miss Cheerilee isn’t here yet. We’ve been standing outside for hours” “Noo Snips! Remember, we just got here and tried to get into class! …but the door was locked.” Snails says. .... Snips eyes widen as he starts to speculate, “Maybe she was struck by lightning!” Snails joins in with his friend, “Or maybe she got hit by a cart!” Snips replies, “Or maybe she got lost in the Everfree forest!” “Or maybe she was taken away by those parasprites!” Snails says, terror mounting inside him. “Or maybe…” The duo begin, when Applebloom shoves her hoof in both Snips and Snails mouth. “Or maybe she’s coming late to class.” Applebloom reasons with the two frantic unicorns. “I’m sure she’ll be here any minute now. “ Snails took Applebloom’s hoof out of his mouth. “If she’s running late, then why is the principal walking over here with Pinkie Pie?” Snails points to the brown earth pony with grey hair and a ruler for a cutie mark, walking along with Pinkie Pie who is bouncing right next to him while jabbering and gesturing exuberantly. “…And that’s when I said, ‘Oatmeal! Are you crazy?’” Pinkie Pie happily bounces next to the principal. “Yes, Pinkie Pie,” The principal says as he brings his hoof to his head from the headache generated by the jabbering pony. With the mention of the principal, all the fillies and colts run over to the two earth ponies to see what’s going on. They all start to ask the principal multiple questions at the same time. “Where is Miss Cheerilee?” “Why isn’t she here?” “Do we have school?” “Did she get hit by a cart?” “Can I go home now?” “Settle down, settle down fillies and colts!” The principal raises his voice to quiet down the students. With a small hrrmph from the back of his throat, he announces, “Miss Cheerilee will not be here for the next couple of days. She was involved in a slight accident which left her with a terrible illness.” The principal shuddered at the thought as Pinkie stared at the ground, guilt splattered on her face. The principal continued his announcement, “So, Ms. Pinkie Pie insisted, and she really did insist, that she will be attending Ms. Cheerilee’s class until she gets better.” Pinkie Pie faces the Principal with determination set in her eyes, “And don’t worry about it because I will really really try my best in teaching these students everything I can like math and history and grammar and reading and cooking and partying and…” The principal interrupts her mid-sentence, with a headache pounding on his head. “Yes Miss. Pinkie Pie, I am sure you are capable of teaching these students all of that, but you'll only have to attend the physics class, the rest has been taken care of." Upon hearing such news Pinkie frowns, but not for long before the principle says " Now why don’t you go start class.” and her grin is back on her face, physics was one of her favorite subjects after all (third after partying and baking). “Oh my gosh! I need to get started on that right away!” Pinkie Pie exclaims. She turns to see the principal walking the opposite way towards the school. “Hey! Mr. Principal where are you going?!” Startled, the principal darts his eyes around as he tries to think of an excuse to not be near the pink menace. “Umm…I have…an important meeting to attend to! I think that you’re perfectly capable to watch these students by yourself! So I will be seeing you after class!” He runs towards the marketplace as fast as he can, dust pluming behind him. “Wow, he must really be late for that meeting!” Pinkie Pie giggles. She turns around to see the crowd of fillies and colts in front of her. “Well come on in! It’s time for science!” Pinkie Pie emphasizes the word ‘science’ for effect and starts to bounce into the school house while the students just followed her from behind. They all walk into the classroom. It is a simple classroom. It has an easel, a chalkboard; a bookcase filled with books on many different subjects, a couple windows with green drapes on them, at least a dozen desks for the students, a desk for the teacher and on it is a bright shiny red apple from Sweet Apple Acres. The classroom is pretty small as it can only hold 10 adult ponies in it. It has a basic paint job with a beige coat and the frames were done with a green finish. All the students take their usual seats and get ready for class. Pinkie Pie walks over and stands in front of the classroom. The students just stare at Pinkie Pie and she stares back at the class. The awkward tension is broken when Twist asks, “Umm, sthouden’t we sthart class miss?” “Oh…um…yes we should” Pinkie Pie responds. In her head, she gives herself a little pep talk. Alright you can do this Pinkie Pie. It’s just teaching a group of foals. She takes a look at the class, most of who are getting bored of just sitting around. Scootaloo is already sleeping soundly but snores like a manticore. It’s probably no different from baking and I have experience from taking care of foals. I took care of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake just fine. Come on Pinkie Pie, let’s do this. Time to get serious. Pinkie Pie then takes out a pair of glasses from nowhere and puts them on. She then picks up a piece of chalk and starts writing her name up on the chalk board…very slowly. Miss. Pinkamena Diane Pie she writes. She also decides to draw flowers and other stuff around her name. By the time she is done the class has almost fallen asleep due to the intense boredom of watching Pinkie Pie trying to fill every little space on the board with representations of happy objects and dancing plants and...*yawn* Pinkie Pie suddenly stops writing and faces her students. "Uh sorry about that, even the author is getting bored.“ she mumbles. “Okay dokey class, let's begin. My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie but you may call me Miss Pinkie Pie. I will be your substitute teacher until Miss Cheerilee gets better from her sickness. I really really really really really really look forward to teaching you guys today. Now first things first. Do you have any questions to ask Miss Pinkie Pie?” She then smiles awkwardly at the class. Pinkie’s rant was loud and fast. This wakes up the class, except for Scootaloo who remains in a deep sleep about Rainbow Dash. A grey earth pony raises her hoof. “Yes you, Silver Spoon.” Pinkie Pie points at her. “Pinkie Pie…” Silver Spoon starts. “Miss Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie Pie corrects her. “Miss Pinkie Pie, what exactly happened to Miss. Cheerilee?” Silver Spoon asks. Pinkie Pie gets nervous and remembers the tragic event that happens to the teacher. Yesterday, while working at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was planning her next big prank on Rainbow Dash, one to top the Nightmare Night incident where she had struck her friend with lightning on the rump. “This is perfect!” Pinkie Pie cheered, examining her handiwork, “Rainbow Dash will get these laxative sprinkles in her cupcake and will have the runs for days!” The doorbell rang and in walked Cheerilee. She struck the bell on the counter and Pinkie Pie zipped to the counter, eager to be of service. “Hello there Cheerilee!” She said enthusiastically, “What can I get you for today?” “Hello Pinkie Pie” Cheerilee replied back with her winning smile. “I’m here to pick up the order I made earlier today.” “I’ll be right on it! I just need to add the finishing touches to it.” Pinkie Pie zoomed off into the back to get the marvelous chocolate cake. After she had added the rest of the decorations, she went for sprinkles. Unthinkingly, she grabbed the laxatives instead and littered the top of the cake with the faux sprinkles. Pinkie Pie wrapped the cake up and walked back to the counter. “Here you go Cheerilee! One super-duper extra chocolaty, chocolate fudge cake!” Said Pinkie Pie, handing Cheerilee the cake box. “Thank you Pinkie Pie, I’ll be sure to try some as soon as I get back home!” Cheerilee thanked the baker and trotted off to her house. Two Hours later. “Where are those laxative sprinkles I had before...” Pinkie pie wondered as she tried to find out where she put the one item necessary for her prank. “I know I had it today.” She checked the shelves and the cupboards but couldn’t find it. Seeing them on the counter, Pinkie Pie giggled, “Silly me, I left these on the table after I put some on…Cheerilee’s…cake.” Then it hit her. “OH NO! I GAVE CHEERILEE THE LAXATIVES!” she panicked. Like a road runner from a cartoon, she rushed over to Cheerilee’s house, leaving a trail of smoke behind her. Pinkie Pie arrived at the front door; barging in she shouted, “DON’T YOU DARE EAT THAT CAKE!” Cheerilee wasn’t in the living room. Hearing muffled groans to her right, Pinkie Pie spotted a door. She walked up to the port and put her ears on it. The voice was definitely Cheerilee’s, but the other sounds weren’t so pleasant. Pinkie Pie had just backed away from the house and headed home to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie returns to the present and replies, “Let’s just say…it wasn’t pretty.” Another hoof raises “Yes Diamond Tiara?” “Miss Pinkie Pie, aren’t you a baker? What do you know about teaching?” Diamond Tiara sneers at this question to Pinkie Pie’s ability. “Well, I did get a minor in teaching from Canterlot.” Pinkie Pie proceeds on, taking out from her mane a diploma that states she is a teacher. All the students just stare in disbelief that the party pony even went to college. “I even got this nifty hat with it!” She then proceeds to pull out a graduation cap the matches her mane. “See! It has this little string thingy on it.” She starts to play with the tassel on her cap until one of the students coughs to get her attention. Pinkie Pie just grins awkwardly and puts the diploma back in her mane; however she decides to wear the cap. “Alrighty class, any more questions for Miss Pinkie Pie?” She announces. Since there were no more hooves in the air she asks the class. “Now who can tell me where Miss. Cheerilee left off?” Several hoofs rise in the air. “eeny, meeny, miney, Sweetie Belle!” “We were talking about Science.” She replies. Applebloom adds, “We were talking about gravity.” “Okey Dokey. Now class, can anypony tell me what gravity is?” Sweetie Belle raises her hoof. Being the only one to raise it, Pinkie picks her, “Sweetie Belle.” “The force of by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall towards the center of Equestria.” She answers. “*Cough, cough* nerd *cough cough*” Diamond Tiara admonishes, which causes a small group of giggles from the class. Sweetie Belle just gives Diamond Tiara the stink eye. Pinkie however, is skeptical at the answer Sweetie Belle gave her. “Sweetie Belle where did you hear about that?” Pinkie Pie questions. “I got it from the book. It is said that Isaac Hoofton was the one who discovered it.” “Yea, it says something about an apple hitting him on the head while he was sitting under a tree.” Applebloom explains. Pinkie Pie looks at her students and starts to giggle. This drew confused looks from the students as to why Pinkie Pie was laughing at the answer. Twist decides to ask her, “Why arthe you laughing, Mrths. Pinkie Pie?” “I’m laughing because that is the most *giggle* ridiculous answer I have ever heard.” She then laughs even harder drawing even more confused looks from the class. “But isn’t that what Isaac Hoofton said?” Pipsqueak asks the laughing mare. “Yea it said so in the book,” Sweetie Belle defends. To prove her point, she brings the book they were using and shows it to Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie starts to read it over. “Oh that guy. He is nothing but a mister-knows-nothing-about-gravity-and-got-hit-in-the-head pants.” She tells the class. They just stare in confusion as to what Pinkie Pie means. How can he be wrong if the textbook says so? It angers Diamond Tiara quite a bit. “If you are so smart Miss. Pinkie Pie, then why don’t you tell us the definition of gravity?” She challenges the teacher. “Better yet, why don’t I show you!” Pinkie Pie looks over to see a sleeping Scootaloo on the desk. A devilish prank forms in her head. Pinkie Pie grabs the book Sweetie Belle showed her and puts it in her hooves. “This is a book! Now pay attention class or I might quiz you on this!” Pinkie Pie excitedly said as if playing teacher was a game to her now. “Now, let me tell you, gravity is what makes everything float!” With that being mentioned, she drops her forehooves on the ground and as the class waits for the book to fall to the ground…it doesn’t. The book just floats in the air without any help from the pink pony. The class just stares in shock at what they are witnessing. If you listened closely, you would have heard the sound of a dozen students’ minds falling apart. As the class continues to witness the book defying gravity, Pinkie Pie giggles at the looks they are giving the spectacle. “Awe…what’s with the long faces?” Diamond Tiara can’t believe her eyes, so she shakes her head and argues, “You must be pulling a prank on us. Unicorns are the only ones capable of pulling that trick.” “Well if you don’t believe me, then why don’t you check the book to see if I’m using something to keep it afloat?” She challenges the class. Each student decides to test out if Pinkie was telling true. They all go up and try to find out if there is a string attached somewhere. They run their hooves over the book, under it, and on both sides, finding nothing. They look at the book and see no magical glow around it; no unicorn could be helping her with it. Then the book floats over to where Scootaloo is sleeping. She is wakes up when the book keeps poking her in the head, ruining her dream about Rainbow Dash. “I’m up!” She yells bitterly, “You don’t need to keep…poking…me?” She sees the book floating and proceeds to mimic the same expression the class has. Scootaloo examines the book by checking the book for strings or something to hold it up. “Alright Pinkie Pie…” Scootaloo starts. “MISS. Pinkie Pie” Pinkie Pie corrects. Scootaloo just groans at her substitute teacher, “Whatever! All I know that this isn’t possible!” She accuses, “I think that you have somepony helping you with this trick.” Scoffing, Scoots proceeds to poke the book and just as she touches it Pinkie says “And before I forget, whatever you do don't touch it” as she quickly ducks and takes cover under the teachers desk. ”Oh horsefeathers,” Scootaloo mutters after touching the book. The book then starts to go crazy in the air, flapping pages like a bird trying to take flight. It whizzes around the room, causing chaos that a certain draconequus would envy. The students hide under their desks as the book keeps causing chaos. Some students were screaming when the book flew around them. ”I’ll give extra credit for whoever catches it!” Pinkie Pie giggles. A few of the fillies and colts take the offer and attempt to catch the rampaging textbook. Some of the pegasi fly and try to grab the book but it dodges them smoothly. The unicorns attempt to trap it with their magic, which is easily disrupted by the law-defying book. The earth ponies try to jump and catch it but just couldn’t reach it. In the end the book crashed out the window, but kept on flapping. The students were left eyes wide at the book sized hole in the window, wondering how in Equestria it came life. They all now face Pinkie Pie who just shrugs at what just happened. “Well, it looks like no one got the extra credit,” Pinkie Pie looks over to the clock and sees that class is almost done. “I guess class is going to be over soon and I had a super-duper extra special fun time teaching you.” The class still stares in shock at a the book flying away. “What just happened!” Scootaloo demands. “What do you mean?” Pinkie Pie says, confused at what Scootaloo is trying to say. “That book was conjured by magic and reacted like something on magic would.” She rages on. “So I think that you were just pranking us on the whole matter!” This outburst from Scootaloo receives several murmurs of assent and a few nods. Pinkie Pie responds, “Well if you don’t believe me then go and ask your family about it. Oh! And get back to me on what they said, as this will be the first homework I’ve ever given!” she starts bouncing around the room happily which receives several facehoofs from some of the students. The bell rings marking the end of the school and the students start to gather their things to leave. “See you tomorrow and remember! Ask your parents or siblings or any adult about it! I want you to bring in those notes for homework.” The students just leave the room, perplexed by what happened in class on that day.