Chapter 2 I'm The Juggernaut Bitch!
After my, what you could call more than amusing, chat with the ruler of Equestria my stomach and I decided that it was high time that I got some grub. Apparently Canterlot castle didn't agree. My close-to-dying stomach and I spent a fucking hour and a half wandering the castle grounds trying to find the banquet hall where Celestia told me all the delicious goodies for breakfast would be served.
Eventually I wandered my way to the beautiful garden, and saw the door where Fluttershy busted in and yelled "You’re going to LOVE me!!!" I decided this is the door, and plotted an idea to make the best entrance ever. I got what I wanted.
I busted open the door ready to preform, but I tripped on my own hooves, and in the process accidentally knocked over Cory's plate, that had food stacked to the ceiling. Hell, it had so much food on it that it would have made Pinkie Pie jealous. With my awesome luck his muffins, all three of them, landed in my mouth. For what I believe was about thirty seconds, I rolled on the floor, choking on the muffins, while Cory yelled at me for how I ate some, and ruined the other part of his perfectly good plate of food. Soon enough though, I was back on my feet (Hoofs Dammit!) due to Jacob walking in and seeing that my face was a very deep shade of purple, then using heimlich maneuver, which lauched the muffins to high hell, other wise known as Grant's face, which he wasn’t very happy about.
Eventually everything settled down and was back to normal, or as normal as it could get. We were all siting at the breakfast table, then I noticed that everyone else’s appearance changed as well. Grant was a earth pony with brown fur, a blond mane, and a tenor sax as a cutie mark. Jacob was a pegasus with dark blue fur, a light blue mane, and a soccer ball as a cutie mark. Cory was a earth pony as well, with red fur, a black mane and an AC-130 (a military gunship) as his cutie mark. Elliott was a unicorn like me, with black fur, a dark purple mane, and a riot shield as his cutie mark. And finally there was Graham, who had dark green fur, a black mane and a four leaf clover as his cutie mark.
And with my awesome timing, Celestia decides to walk in and steal Elliott's muffin, and he says "Give me my mother fucking muffin you god damn troll." Then, with the slightest smirk on her face, she turns to me and throws me a bow and arrow. I beg with the biggest puppy dog eyes "Do I have to?" her reply was a faint nod, and I said "You used to make of of Celestia, then you to an arrow to the knee!" then proceeded to shot my best friend in the knee cap. He screamed and passed out, then and there, right on the table.
Everyone, I mean everypony, just stared at me with the biggest “what the fuck” look on their face, and I, being myself, look back at them with the biggest pokerface ever and turn to Celestia and say "We’re even now can you fix him?" Again, she replied with a short nod and magicked him back up to normal. I was then screamed at for a good minute, while everyone put on a pokerface of their own. Soon, when Celestia felt I had enough, she said "Pack your things we’re moving in an hour to Ponyville. You will be living in a three story house with 6 bedrooms and 7 baths, one kitchen and a pimped basement with a huge armory in it. Any questions?". I said "I got question, will we meet Twilight and her friends?".
She replied "Yes, you will actually be staying with them your first night there. Van, you’re with Applejack, a hard working, honest mare. Grant, you’re with Twilight, she's a bookworm. Jacob, you’re with Fluttershy, she's really shy. Elliott you’re with Rainbow, she’s cocky and athletic, Cory you’re with Pinkie the party animal. Graham you’re with Rarity, Ponyville's number one designer. Now get ready to leave.". We all replied "Yes ma'am” and rushed to get our stuff.
Everyone but me, I tiptoed off back into the palace after I gathered my few things, because being the super Brony I am, I wanted to meet Princess Luna before I left. Quickly, after packing my few possessions and a map from the lobby, I ventured off to find princess Luna. A short time later I found my goal the library. I entered and wandered around until I saw her sleeping on a table in those adorkable librarian glasses. I decided that nap time for Luna was over. I poked her then quietly whispered "Princess Luna?” *poke* “Luna?” *poke* “Lulu?” *poke* “This isn't working is it” *sigh* “Celestia kidnapped Abby!".
That seemed to do the trick almost too well, but it ended up have her slam a book in my face, while desperately looking for Abby, which was right beside her. She saw it was there then looked up at me to see my muzzle was bleeding. She quickly tried to stammer an apology, but I wouldn’t take it and insisted it was my fault, and I just wanted to talk to her for a while.
We hit all topics, Astronomy, Celestia's trolling, philosophy, education, Celestia's Fear of sock puppets and the nightmare. She said It was like being in limbo, having no rhyme or reason, or a really bad writers block.
Then we began to talk about humanity, more modern topics to be specific, like war, ranging from Assassins Creed, to Modern Warfare, to futuristic times like Halo. Then an idea came to her, she told me to show her a picture of the Assassins armor, so I showed her a picture from Revelations from my phone, which apparently only has the numbers of my five friends, infinite battery, and infinite wifi. She said "wait a sec." Then, next thing I knew, I was enveloped in a dark blue light, then I was in an assassins cloak, and I had the sword, the armor, the double blades, the hood, and everything! I felt pretty fucking invincible.
She said to show her the other suits and weapons, which I did she magicked the bag and told me all weapons and suits should be in there, then I quickly hugged her and she said "I think you should get going". With that and my juggernaut suit, I dashed as fast as I could in that Goddamn suit to the waiting chariot were my friends were waiting. They all just stared at me blandly for the second time today.
Until Graham broke the silence and said "Dude your the Mother Fucking Juggernaut." I replied "Hell yeah I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch, now let's go to Ponyville! Away!"