Through the pink portcullis of Snow Castle, I can just about see Light Heart and the others playing. As usual, her laughter stands out from the cries of everypony else. Occasionally, I see a flash of pink from what might be her tail above the battlements, but it might also be Dainty Dove’s. It is probably hers though, since Light Heart bounces higher than anypony on her magical canopy bed, and Dainty is such a softy that she will not jump for fear of falling.
Today, they are celebrating Dainty’s birthday, so the games will be especially fun.
Not for me, though. I was so naughty this time that I had to leave the castle ‘forever ever’. Last time they said I could come back after a little while, and the time passed so fast I barely even noticed it! But ‘forever ever’!?
“Can I at least say goodbye to everypony?” I had asked
But Clever Clover hates me for being mean to her, so she did not reply and just sucked on her sour juice box instead.
“Isn’t that naughty?” says Jealous Jasmine. “Not to reply, or say goodbye? They judge you for being naughty, but really they are the naughty ones.”
But I ignore her, because I am thinking about what I did.
I did a lot of naughty things inside the castle – from putting puppy-dog’s tails in ponies’ packed lunches, to putting snips and snails in everypony's manes.
“We know you didn’t mean to hurt anypony, and we don’t think you’re a bad pony,” Clover had said, when she was sending me away.
Clover told me that I had to leave the castle, just like the trolls. Clever Clover did not say that she thought I was a troll, but I know that most of them thought I was part-troll – even Light Heart!
Light Heart had spoken to me alone at the time I was sent away, using her scary, serious voice. Light Heart always laughs, so her serious voice is extra scary. Much scarier than Clever Clover’s serious voice.
“You may not look like a troll,” she had said, frowning. “But you act like one. So I think you are part troll.”
I told her I really, really was a pony, but there is no changing Light Heart’s mind when she uses her ‘steel’ voice. She had used that voice on the trolls to send them away, and it always made me feel very guilty when my naughtiness meant she had to use it on me, because I think using it makes her feel sad.
“Good,” says Jealous Jasmine, nastily. “She should feel sad.”
Jealous Jasmine likes to say nasty things.
Jasmine is not a troll and looks like a pony, like me, but I do not know what she is really, because she does not act like us and, even though her body is like ours, her eyes are black. I do not like looking at her eyes, so when we talk I always turn away, like I do now.
“She should feel sad, because she is a hypocrite.”
“What’s that?”
“A phony pony who gets her ‘friends’ to pretend she’s wonderful but who sends you away just for having fun!”
I smile. It had been fun being naughty. Sugar and spice is nice, but nasty puppy-dogs’ tails are also fun.
“Exactly! Ponies are meant to have fun. And was it really naughty? Says who!?”
Jasmine often asks questions which she knows the answer to.
“You did nothing that they wouldn’t do. But they call themselves ‘nice’.”
I nod along. Jasmine likes to talk about naughtiness and niceness.
“Maybe the puppy-dogs’ tails made a few ponies cry, but being sent away ‘forever ever’ would make one of them cry for weeks!”
I do not cry, much. Clever Clover says you have to feel sorry to cry.
“And maybe putting snips and snails in their manes made some of them squeal, but only the stupid ones who thought their manes would fall out. And if you are stupid, you should be made to squeal.”
I keep nodding along, but the thought of Light Heart frowning makes me feel a little sad.
“You’re not stupid.”
I shake my head. Jasmine thinks that hurting other ponies proves you are clever.
“You are cleverer than Clever Clover!”
This makes me smile very broadly.
“And more fun than Light Heart.”
I stop smiling, feeling ashamed.
Braving Jasmine’s horrible eyes, I turn to her and shake my head. I know I am nothing compared to Light Heart.
“I don’t like your friend,” Light Heart says, surprising me.
Light Heart likes jumping out and surprising ponies but, unlike Jasmine, she is nice.
I love Light Heart, so I try to impress her.
“Jasmine is not a friend. Tell Light Heart I am not your friend.”
But Jasmine has gone.
“Of course she is your friend! I always see you together, planning naughty things.”
Light Heart sometimes says things with her normal voice that are quite steely. When you have two voices, sometimes they get confused.
“If you are friends with Jasmine, why didn’t you agree with her about me?”
Unlike Jasmine, Light Heart likes to ask questions she does not know the answer to. Even I do not know the answer.
I suddenly feel very sad, so I cry and look down.
Even though I am a naughty pony, she comforts me, like she does for everyone.
I must have dozed off, because now it is quite dark and there are lights on in the castle.
I look around for Light Heart, but she is not there, and nor is Jasmine. Jasmine will return soon though, because she likes the night time. She is very scary at night.
With no one to talk to, I return to the castle gate. I place my forelegs on it and try to poke my muzzle through one of the openings in the pink portcullis.
I must look very silly, because a few ponies laugh.
“Sorry for leaving like this,” I call out to the ponies inside.
I see Clever Clover. I feel nervous, because she does not like me, and I know that when I see a pony I hate who is looking silly, I like to think of clever names to call them. I start to think of nasty things, but I decide not to say them. While I might not look very clever with my muzzle in the gate, I still want to say goodbye, and not call them names.
Clever Clover ignores me and keeps on drinking her juice. Maybe that is a bit naughty, like Jasmine said, but it is nice that she did not make fun of me, so she is not so naughty.
I see Dainty Dove wearing a party hat. She doesn’t say anything, because she is very quiet, but she does pet my muzzle, which is her way of saying goodbye. Dainty Dove is very nice. If it were my birthday I would just have fun and not bother with naughty troll-ponies.
I see Sky Skimmer. She does not say anything either, but she does give me one of the white flowers from her mane. She is a nature-lover, so that is her way of saying goodbye.
I see Moon Shadow.
“Goodbye, my friend,” she says.
After being so naughty, I do not deserve to have friends like Moon Shadow, because she is very generous and nice. She is as nice as Light Heart, which is why she and Light Heart are best friends.
I see Sun Sparkle and her friend Night Star and they both turn away. Night Star is also quite naughty, which is why we used to be friends, but I am not surprised at her ignoring me now, because she will think I am stupid. She thinks she is very clever for being naughty without being sent away. She knows Jasmine, too.
Sun Sparkle is a strange pony who likes ponies like me and Night Star who act naughty, while being nice herself. I do not know why Sun Sparkle will not say goodbye, but I cannot ask her why.
I see Tender Nuzzles, and I smile because I would like to hear her snuffly voice. But she turns away too – she is a very soft and gentle pony and does not like me being naughty at all.
I see Golden Light, and I am worried, because when I lived in the castle she always told me off. I assume that she will tell me off or ignore me, like the others do.
“You are a very naughty pony,” she says.
“I am not very naughty – just a little naughty,” I say, cleverly.
She shakes her head, because she does not like cleverness.
“Even though you are naughty, I will miss you.”
This surprises me a lot, because I thought she would only tell me off, and not be nice.
“Thank you! I will miss you, too.”
While Golden Light was talking to me, I saw that another pony friend, Morning Glory, was listening. She is good at listening. I thought she would just listen, but instead she trots up to me.
“G’day,” she says, simply, in her funny accent.
“Good day,” I reply.
Suddenly, my muzzle is booped.
I cannot see the pony doing it, but I know it is Light Heart, because she always plays funny pranks like that.
“Hello, Light Heart,” I say, happily.
“Hello, silly,” she says, and boops me again.
I wrinkle my muzzle and she giggles.
“I am trying to say goodbye to everypony,” I explain.
“You really are silly, Blackberry. Pony-trolls like you don’t say ‘goodbye’. They go ‘rawr’.” She frowns and waggles her hoof at me. “You’re not doing it right!”
I remember Jasmine calling her a phony, but then I realise that Light Heart is only teasing, as usual.
“Even though you are a naughty pony, I will ask all the others to come,” she says. “They are still pretty mad at you, but at least they will know that you said goodbye.”
Eventually, all the ponies in the castle appear.
Looking back at the assembled faces, I feel a bit sorry about the puppy-dogs’ tails and the snips and snails. But the feeling passes. When you are friends with Jasmine, it is hard to feel sorry for anypony other than yourself.
“Goodbye, everypony!”
Even though it is night time, I feel a bit better, because I can leave the castle now and find new friends.
“I promise I will not be so naughty with my new friends!” I say, out loud, even though nopony is there.
“Isn’t it naughty to tell lies?” Jasmine says.
I am scared, because she is angry.
“It is not a lie.”
“You haven’t changed, Blackberry.”
“Not all changed, but maybe a little bit.”
“Really? You like being clever. You think you are right. You are not sorry.”
I nod, sadly.
“So, you aren’t changed. Saying that you are is a big naughty lie, just like the lies that hypocrite tells.”
“Maybe. But they were kind to me when I left, which makes me want to be a pony like them, and not be a troll.”
Jasmine makes me feel clever, even though maybe I am stupid. If I tell her off, maybe I will just be a weak and stupid pony, like them?
“And I do not want to be like you either, Jasmine,” I finish, my decision made.
The night closes in, blackly. It feels like Jasmine’s horrible eyes are everywhere. I am very, very scared.
But, in the darkness, I hear Light Heart chuckle and that makes me feel better.
After a long journey through the night, the morning sun reveals a new place.
'The Friendship Gardens!' is written on a big, fluffy cloud banner in blue, with a rainbow.
I like it, because it reminds me of home.
Also, there are lots and lots of happy ponies playing.
One of these, a brown unicorn with glasses, looks up and waves at me.
I hope I can keep my promise!