//------------------------------// // Cheese and Spiders part 4 // Story: More Dreams // by totallynotabrony //------------------------------// “All right, it looks like there’s no fire burning down the town in this universe. That’s a good start.” Twilight walked through the library and checked out the windows. He turned around, looking pleased. Princess Luna—or perhaps Prince now?—walked over to have a look. I began combing the library for clues. Nothing was immediately apparent. “Perhaps we need to go out to check the town and talk with ponies,” said Twilight. “After all, we don’t have memories of this universe.” I supposed that made sense, although hopefully I wouldn’t have to be seen in public as a mare for too long. In the usual universe, it seemed like mares outnumbered stallions five or six to one. At least that’s what I had observed. Maybe there was some special place in Equestria where there was a town filled with stallions… …like the version of Ponyville we stepped into upon exiting the library. Seriously, there were dudes everywhere. Luna had re-disguised as Cheese and we walked down the street pretty much unnoticed. I wondered what girl-me did when it was that time of the month. Probably kill ponies that hit on her. It’s what I would do. We headed through the market. Applejack was there at his apple stand. “Howdy y’all! How are things?” “We’re here on a secret mission from another dimension.” Applejack cocked his head. “Twilight, are you feelin’ okay?” I nodded. “Yeah, ‘We’re here on a secret mission from another dimension’ sounds like something I would usually say.” “Well it’s true,” huffed Twilight. “So you aren’t really the Twilight Ah know?” asked Applejack. “That’s right,” replied the unicorn. “I’m usually a mare.” The farm pony blinked at his friend and then cracked up laughing. “That’s the craziest thing Ah’ve ever heard.” “I’ll admit that I’m not the usually the calm head here,” I said, “but do you think you could maybe serious up? We’ve got a bit of a problem.” The orange earth pony kept laughing. I sighed. “Shut your mouth and quit rolling on the ground or I’ll geld you.” Applejack serious’d. “All right, how can I help?” “We’re looking for cues on how our two universes are different,” said Twilight. “Can you think of any way to determine that?” “Well…do y’all have pears where you come from?” asked Applejack. “Yes.” AJ made a face. “Darn.” “We should go talk to Pinkie,” suggested Twilight. “If anypony knows anything about crazy dimensional things, it’s probably her. I mean, him.” Applejack seemed to agree with that. Cheese, Twilight, and I went to find the party pony. I figured I was probably non grata at Sugarcube Corner because the last time I was in this universe I kissed Caramel in a complicated scheme to divert Mr. and Mrs. Cakes’ attention from asking me to babysit their kids. The plot I had concocted was based entirely on the Cakes’ über fear of teh gay. I only knew about it because Pinkie was a lesbian in the usual universe. I wondered how that translated to this one. We didn’t get to find out however, as Pinkie met us outside. “Ohmygosh, I’m so glad to see you guys! Well, Valiant’s a girl, but you know what I meant. Anywho, we really need to get going right now!” Generally, when Pinkie knew something you didn’t, it was in your best interest to play along. We went with her to the local music establishment where she told us where to sit and then disappeared. A waitress came to take our orders. After sitting for a few minutes, Luna asked, “What is this place?” “It’s a karaoke club,” explained Twilight. “I’ve read about these places.” She went on to explain to Luna how they worked. Pinkie came rushing back. “We really need to go. I brought you to the wrong place, and now Mr. Ears is after us!” “Who’s Mr. Ears?” I asked quietly. “That would be me!” shouted a stallion from across the room. His name suited him. If I thought Featherweight was part bat with his big ears, this guy must have been part elephant. “He hears everything!” squealed Pinkie. As Mr. Ears made his way across the crowded room towards us, I grabbed a nearby pencil and paper and scribbled: Luna, why don’t you go try the karaoke? Royal Canterlot voice, please. She quickly wrote back, What should I sing? I penned out a quick sheet of lyrics and sent her to the stage. Mr. Ears stepped up. “Sup?” I asked. “I heard that you’re looking for the Eight Legged Freak,” he said. “That’s right!” exclaimed Twilight. “Can you tell us where to find him or her?” “Yes,” said Mr. Ears. “But I won’t. I’m in business with said Freak.” “Well, I guess then I don’t feel bad about doing this to you.” I looked at the stage where Luna belted out the song I had given her. BOOM BOOM ACKA LACKA LACKA BOOM BOOM BOOM ACKA LACKO BOOM BOOM IT WAS A NIGHT LIKE THIS FORTY MILLION YEARS AGO I LIT A CIGARETTE, PICKED UP A MONKEY, START TO GO THE SUN WAS SPITTING FIRE, THE SKY WAS BLUE AS ICE I FELT A LITTLE TIRED, SO I WATCHED 'MIAMI VICE' I WALKED A DINOSAUR, I WALKED A DINOSAUR OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE FLOOR EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE FLOOR EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR! Mr. Ears fell to the floor screaming in auditory pain. I calmly knocked him over the head with a nearby bottle and he went limp. Twilight asked, "Do they really dance to this music where you come from?" "Sure, disco's dead so we had to find something else to get weird with." I turned to the comatose Mr. Ears. "All right, let’s go interrogate this turkey.”