//------------------------------// // Sunstone: Burning Bridges (Part 1) // Story: Oxidized // by Online account //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle was making her way up the steep streets of Canterlot. On the outside, she appeared calm and collected. But behind her plastic smile, a great deal of worries surged. Spike, meanwhile, was a bit more annoyed than he was concerned. He was on her back, his arms folded onto his tummy. He took another tentative gaze at the sky: Still as gray as it was when they woke up in Ponyville this morning. He was mentally cursing the thick curtain of clouds that did a mighty fine job blocking any sunrays that desperately wanted to pierce through the wispy layers. Bit of a depressing scenery, really. And a smidge cold as well. His clattering jaw just had to remind him of those subnormal temperatures. The small dragon had no idea what exactly the teams of weather pegasi had in mind, but one thing was for sure: He wasn’t jiving with their questionable decisions all that much. Since when did polar vortexes become acceptable at a time where his scales should’ve been drenched in sunscreen? Every other cold-blooded creature in Equestria would’ve agreed with him there. Summertime was their time to shine; a perfect opportunity to laze on a reclining chair with a nice lemonade on the side. But nope, the warmth had decided to go AWOL. Even though it was semi tolerable in Ponyville, now that the two of them were strolling in the bustling city of Canterlot, the higher elevation made it all the worse. Spike, for a moment, could’ve sworn he saw his own misty breath, thanks to the condensation of the cold ambient air. Oh what a summer to remember! “Brrr! S’kind of chilly up here, don’t you think?” he complained. “And to think the summer solstice was a few days ago only, bleh.” “I have to agree with you there, Spike. We’ve certainly had hotter days.” She looked up, almost expecting a droplet from the heavens to damp the tip of her snout. Other unicorns in the street were more proactive: They preemptively casted magical umbrellas over their head, protecting hundred bits worth of manecuts. “We should hurry; looks like it’s going to drizzle any moment,” rationalized Twilight. She hastened herself, now in close range to her destination: Her parents’ house. “I wonder what was so urgent to warrant us coming on such short notice?” A question she could no longer keep to herself. She thought about it long and hard during their train ride, but now that she could see the first few houses of her childhood neighborhood popping into their view, it became virtually impossible to not let the cat out of the bag. “Yeah, never seen a letter like this from Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle,” confirmed the freezing drake. “Sounded like they really needed you to move your butt, presto!” “Language, Spike,” she scolded. “But you’re right. Not even leaving me a day to prepare? That’s not like them.” Her pupils lost themselves to the corner of her eyes. She still had, oh, three minutes to think some more about it? Their old house was fast approaching. “Maaaaybe they want to congratulate me about the whole Nightmare Moon affair? Throw me some kind of celebration?” Spike sighed and chuckled, strangely at the same time. “Whoa there Twi, good to see that you’re not letting all of the glory go to your head!” To which Twilight lowered her neck, her cheeks reddening in guilt. “And eeeeeh, I’m not so sure either way. Wouldn’t they have given a few hints in the letter? Congratulating you instead of telling you to come urgently?” He wasn’t wrong. The word ‘urgently’ had even been written in all-caps, before being highlighted, underlined, and circled three times on the parchment. That erred more on the territory of bad news than anything. “Yeah... I didn’t like the tone of what we read, I’ll be honest. It sounded super pressing, not to mention cryptic, like something bad happened and... and...” Oh. Wait a minute. An idea. Could it have anything to do with...? “You don’t suppose it’s about Sunstone, do you? Oh heavens, I hope he didn’t get in trouble again,” nervously chuckled Twilight. “We haven’t, um, seen him much since he returned from Manehattan. I should’ve probably checked on him more often now that I think about it. It’s a pity I’ve been so busy with my studies,” she sighed. “Who knows what he’s been up to lately?” “... Probably off ruining somepony’s day,” lowly grumbled Spike. Twilight frowned. “Spike...” “Look, I’m sorry Twi, but that pony is just... so mean and rude!” he admitted. Been a long time coming since he wanted to address that. “He’s always super negative, he’s always found the dullest excuses to dodge me, and frankly? I don’t think he appreciates either of us all that much,” he pouted. “I hate when he’s around, he makes me feel so nervous.” “I understand where you’re coming from, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be there for him. Yes, he’s a bit difficult to work with, but I firmly believe that with enough effort, he’ll... eventually warm up to us better,” she said, as if trying to convince herself. “Isn’t that what my friendship reports to princess Celestia are trying to teach us? That everypony can be redeemed with the right amount of care and dedication? That a supportive group of friends can bring the best out of us? If there’s anything to learn from these reports, it’s that Sunny, I’m sure of it, will wind up having a change of heart.” “Pfff, I’m not even sure he has a heart.” Twilight abruptly stopped, turning her neck back to gaze at her somewhat sardonic number one assistant. “That’s quite enough, Spike! Sunstone is my brother and I love him. And I’m sure he loves us back. It’s just... Well, like my mom used to say, he just has a hard time showing it. But that doesn’t make it any less true!” Spike preferred to keep his doubts to himself and answered with a few discontent grunts. Twilight started walking once more. “I mean, think about it. He must feel so alone being all cooped up with mom and dad at his age... If only there was something I could-” She brightened up, even going so far as doing a victory bounce that perturbed Spike just a little. “That’s it! I know! I should invite him to come live with us at the Golden Oak!” “Wuh-what!? Are you... are you sure about that?” She nodded with confidence. “Mmmh hmm! Spike, it’s a great idea! Getting him out of Canterlot oughta make him feel better. And don’t we have a spare bed in the library for sleepovers anyway? That really shouldn’t cause any issues.” She looked ahead, picturing an hypothetical future where the two siblings could finally connect, sharing kooky but fun adventures. Spike, meanwhile, really wasn’t looking forward to spending more time with the stallion that always treated him like he didn’t exist, let alone share a roof with him once again. “And then I’ll present him to the rest of the girls,” Twilight continued to extrapolate. “I’m sure he’ll fit right in! Befriending new ponies did me a lot of good, and I’m sure it’ll do him a lot of good as well. Ooooh, I can just imagine Pinkie throwing him a big welcoming party, that for sure would cheer him up! She’s really good at turning frowns upside down.” “I’m not really sure he’ll even want to-” “Ah, here we are!” Here they were. In front of the house. They haven’t even left Canterlot for a week, and already Twilight was basking in the warm embrace of past memories. Her childhood life had been cradled with all of the love a foal could possibly desire. From the silly Sibling Supreme competitions she held against Shiny, to the tight bonds she formed with her bestest foal-sitter Cadance, all the way to Sunstone’s, uh... Sunstone’s err... to his lonesome studies she could only gawk at? Mmmh. “Now remember Spike,” she advised, “I want you and Sunny to get along, m’kay? Even if he’s a little sullen about his current situation, I’d like it if you didn’t give him any unnecessary attitude.” He sighed. “Yes Twilight...” With that being taken care of, they opened the door. Despite the serious nature of the letter that prompted her to partake in a last-minute family gathering, she was nonetheless happy to meet them again. After all, she already had a few Ponyville anecdotes to tell, and her mom’s cooking was always a welcomed addition in her world. “Hello everypony, we’re here!” Her joyous stance couldn’t have been more out of place with the dark ambience she immediately perceived from the four horned ponies stationed in the living room. For starters, her mother had her front hooves wrapped tightly around her father, her back throbbing with every sob that came out of her throat. She wasn’t a loud crier, but somehow, that made it even tougher to witness. It’s like she was keeping something terrible bottled-in. Night Light was trying his best to make it better for her, rubbing a hoof on his wife’s back with his eyes closed, but she was totally inconsolable. There was nothing he could’ve done to cheer her up, and so, they just remained solidly linked with neither of them daring to speak a word. Shining Armor, meanwhile, was looking ahead with a blank stare, as if he was shell shocked. His soulless pupils had lost any semblance of life, and his overall expressionless visage told a million different horror stories. Seeing him so detached, so apathetic, so unable to react, it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all. And it’s not like he was being callous or anything. Nor was it because his robust training as a captain taught him to stay cool and level-headed during the most critical times. No, rather, Twilight somehow deduced that it’s because her brother simply had no idea how to grasp... whatever it was that had rendered her family on the precipice of depression. Shining Armor’s emotional state had been cornered in an uncharted part of his brain, and he was stuck trying to find a proper response. On his right, a grieving yet compassionate Cadance was nuzzling the neck of the distraught captain. Twilight could tell a few tears had been shed earlier, if the thin droopy lines of her mascara were any clue. She was probably the calmest pony in the room, though that didn’t mean much. Anxiety crept into Twilight’s barrel. She wasn’t oblivious to the overall mood of her family members, and even though she had no idea what it entitled at all, it certainly was infectious. Nopony even said “hi” to her, much less give her a warm welcome hug. It was so unusual, so unprecedented... She gave a puzzled look to Spike who had jumped onto solid ground, and he shrugged in return, being as clueless as she was. “W-what’s going on?” she timidly asked, knowing fully well something foreboding was at play. “What has gotten everypony so down?” Her mother’s head popped over her husband’s shoulder blade. She didn’t even realize her daughter had made it. She tried to say something, but her quaking mouth was at a loss for words. “Where’s Sunny?” suddenly prompted Twilight. It’s true. He wasn’t there claiming his share of the burden. Well, he was never really all too present to begin with, and strong emotions could easily repulse him, but this seemed like a rather serious thing to miss. Twilight came all the way from Ponyville just for this; surely, he could’ve made the tiniest of efforts and left his bedroom. But Twilight’s seemingly naive question was the catalyst that finished off the Sparkles. It’s as if she ripped the world’s most painful band-aid. Shining lowered his neck, Cadance visibly cringed, her dad sagged a bit, and her mother, her poor poor sweet mother, well, after blinking out of stupor three or four times, she melted into Night Light’s back, unable to do anything else but to cry some more. Silently, Cadance left the captain’s ranks, and levitated in a pale blue glow a folded piece of paper towards Twilight. The latter picked it up with magic of her own, and began reading. She immediately recognized the calligraphy as Sunstone’s. Constantly spying on his homework rendered his writing unmistakable to her. On her side, Spike had his arms linked, more confused than ever, but wisely deciding not to interrupt. Explanations would soon follow, right? But the more Twilight read, the more her expression was starting to mirror that of the rest of her family. For each line of text, it became increasingly dreadful. On paragraph one, she was invaded by a strong sense of bewilderment. On paragraph two, the first few tears started to escape her eyes. On paragraph three, she had trouble breathing, her stomach doing flips. She never made it to paragraph four. Her magical grip on Sunstone’s note broke, the paper slid on the parquetry, and Twilight slumped on the floor, ducking under her hooves. She had neither the guts nor the composure to relay to Spike what her eyeballs had just been exposed to. All she could do was repeat to herself that she had been too late. That certain doors had been closed permanently, and that there was absolutely nothing she could do to go back and make it right. This was finality in its most uncontested form. Cadance immediately hugged the devastated unicorn in an attempt to give her the confidence she herself didn’t even have. Shining soon joined in, as did the rest of the Sparkles. They held themselves solidly, wishing they could find the strength to carry on with one of the worst predicaments that could strike a family. And as they remained grouped for what seemed like an eternity, the first thunders brought forth a heavy tide of rain, a deluge of grief and loss that would flood Canterlot for the next two days. The princess and I just kept staring at each other in complete and utter silence. The crickets of the early evening rendered this whole scene even more uncomfortable. I had no idea how to apprehend this. My brain ceased all activity. For the first time in my life, I was speechless, thoughtless, and motionless. The only thing that I was hoping for was that, if I kept blinking hard enough, maybe, just maybe, she’d vanish from my view. I’d rather go to bed with the immense relief that I was going completely insane over having to face her for real. But ah no. It doesn’t quite work that way, doesn’t it? She was still there, immobile, unable to even come up with words due to how much she was sobbing. Gee, bit of an overreaction, don’t you think? She finally managed to exhaust the last of her tears. Her body had nothing left to give. Leak’s been plugged. She rubbed the lingering wetness out of her face, so she could take a good gander at me again. “It... It really is you... isn’t it?” she hiccupped a bunch more. “It really is me. You’ve caught me alright,” I said indifferently, resigned to my fate. And that’s all she could take. She approached me. Slowly at first, but then, she picked up the pace. My first thought was that she wanted to impale me with that horn of hers (which, by the by, appeared lengthier than I last remembered), but when she opened her front hooves, I realized that she had something far more sinister in mind. She wanted to hug me. What in Tartarus did she think she was doing? I didn’t agree to that – I never have! Hugs were not for me to give or receive! My “no touchy” policy was still in effect; what, did she think my absence voided it? Not at all! Because the last place I wanted to be now, right now, was squeezed in between her hooves. “Hey hey hey!” I warned, taking a few cautious steps back. “What have I told you about hugs?” “Oh... R-right...” she said, lowering her head in shame. Crazy how quick she switched from being in disbelief over my existence to being submissive towards my uncivil demands. Once a Twilight, always a Twilight. She kept getting closer nonetheless. But this time, it was more akin to a newborn foal discovering colors for the first time. Her looks scanned every little detail of my body, as if I was displayed in a museum. Nothing escaped her. Not even the beautiful new addition to my forehead, which made her expose her teeth out of phantom pain. And now she was face-to-face with me. If I craned my neck down juuuust a little, our snoots would’ve booped. But I wasn’t moving, no. I was way too good at cosplaying a mannequin. I was paralyzed by the fact that, yes, all of this was still really happening. Princess Luna didn’t appear yet to blast this nightmare away, so it was as real as it could be. I think this is why I was so... static. Because I was in it all the way to my neck. How does one even move when only their head is poking out of the manure? The princess probed my shoulder with a hoof, just in case I wasn’t some kind of bizarre magical mirage. But no, this stallion was no hallucination, alright. I was as tangible as she was. Bummer. If either of us had been a fake, I would’ve been all the happier. Now her investigating hoof went to my face, pushing my skin against my skull. “Charming,” I said, a cheek squeezing one of my eyes shut. “S-Sunny, how... How are you still alive? H-how can you BE alive? I c-can’t... h-how...” I gingerly removed her hoof out of my personal sphere. “Why do you keep saying that? Of course I’m alive! What, did you think so little of me that you figured I wasn’t going to survive the moment I went on my own?” “W-what? No! I mean... h-huh? Going on your own?” She shook her head, then blinked two centimeters away from my face. “How are you alive!?” This was getting old. “This is getting old.” She started pacing in a circle, her eyes ping ponging everywhere, on the lookout for some kind of explanation. “I cannot believe this. I just cannot believe this!! This can’t be possible, I- Sunstone, the note! That last note you wrote, it... it...” “Yeah, what about it? I thought I made it abundantly clear what my intentions were. But now, it’s becoming obvious to me that I didn’t, seeing as you’ve tailed me all the way here.” She backed away, now seemingly afraid of me? What was going on here? Why was she so neurotic? I mean, she’s always been a little bit like that, but now? She wasn’t making a modicum of sense. Yes, okay, boo-hoo, we’ve been apart for half a decade, but with the way she was acting, it’s as if I accidentally got myself killed or something. Can we tone it down a little? “Do you even remember what you wrote in that note!?” she exclaimed, her denial now replaced by anger. Was somepony going through the five stages of grief, by any chance? “Frankly? Not really,” I replied, disinterested. “I was blowing a fuse pretty hard when I wrote that thing. Totally at my wit’s end. Why? What’s the big deal?” “T-the big deal? The big deal!?” She approached me again, a purple hoof poking me on the chest. “Sunstone, how can you say that!? We thought you... We all thought that you decided to... I... I-I can’t even bring myself to say it!” She did a couple of breathing exercises, trying to control her rising hysteria. “We thought you did something terrible to yourself!” Okay, was she on something? Because if so, could I please have some of it too? Seriously, I had no idea what she was even hinting at... Hinting at... Oh. Hang on one sixtieth of a minute. Was she implying that mom, dad, and the rest of the gang convinced themselves that I tossed myself into a ditch a couple of stories high or something? Quitting the game ahead while I was still young? Wait, why was I even asking this? Of course that’s what they believed. Don’t attribute to malice what you can peg on idiocy. And these idiots, well, leave it to them to find new ways to assume the worst out of an already crappy situation. Wasn’t Twilight the poster child of excellence when it came to dissecting dissertations? How could she fail so badly at interpreting what I wrote? ... Whatever it was? Look, yes, I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t remember half of my goodbye letter’s content, but I was sure, dead sure she did a poor job analysing it out of spite; you know, just to inject a pinch of fear mongering into the family household. And now everypony thought of me as a goner- a real goner. Awesome. Simply bodacious. As if I hadn’t been sufficiently stigmatized in one lifetime. “Well, princess, sorry to break it to you, but you misinterpreted my message. You all did. You can’t pin this one on me.” “M-misinterpreted...?” Why did she keep repeating everything I wa- “We mourned you, Sunstone! We MOURNED you!!” ... I slowly placed my mane back in place, after it had been blown backward by the sheer volume of her voice. Which, by the way, made me look left and right. It was getting a little bit too spicy, and now I had legitimate concerns about being spotted by curious passersby. This would blow my shell game in one easy trick, and my Outer Grove persona would crumble in the blink of an eye. I had to bury this, and quickly. The louder the princess got, the more cracks in the thin ice appeared under my hooves. We were still alone at the train station, but so long as we were in public, it would only take one curious eavesdropper to ruin this new life I’ve built for myself. And that, that wouldn’t do. Call me cold-hearted, but I cared a million times more about protecting my status quo than I did about the princess’ nervous breakdown. I held a hoof up in defense. “O-okay, okay! Mea culpa and all that. But can you please keep it down? I don’t want to attract unwanted attention.” And you know what? Something else badgered me. Couldn’t help myself but address it. “And please, your majesty, would you be so kind as to stop calling me ‘Sunstone?’ I go by Gray Calx now. I’d appreciate it if my old name wasn’t shouted willy nelly in front of everypony like that.” Anger passed, now making room for some deductive efforts. Look at her, flexing the iconic Sparkle brain. It truly was her strongest muscle. She tapped her chin a few times, and finally, neuronal connections synapsed a great realization: “Wait. You? You’re Gray Calx, you?” “The one and only. You were looking for me, weren’t you?” Despite everything, she still found it in herself to perk up. Hey, was that a smile? “... Of course! It makes so much sense! A mining town, a five year anniversary, three ponies holding a sphere,” she returned to pacing, enumerating this and that, “and calxes! You were studying calxes during your curriculum! I remember that now! ... Although I can’t quite recall what the gray one did. But that’s not important! Everything matches your profile down to its last details, Sunstone!” I cringed again, seeing as she completely bypassed my request of being referred to by my actual, legal name. I get that this was news to her, but come on now, try a little. To make matters worse, she still wasn’t piping down, endangering my position some more. I had to do something about it, pronto. “Look, look, you’re passionate and I get that, but I’m serious! We really can’t be seen together here!” “H-huh? What do you mean? Why does that matter?” “Because! The ponies out there could start suspecting that we’re related, and I don’t want them to!” “Wait, wait, are you saying that they don’t know about us? Y-you haven’t told them you’re my brother... even after all this time?” she said, almost pleading. “B-but what about our cutie marks? They’re nearly identical, how could they not know?” I instinctively took a look at my cutie mark as she mentioned it. Yup, that blasted thing still lived on my sides after 27 long years. “It took me a really long time to convince the ponies of Outer Grove that my cutie mark looked like yours out of pure coincidence,” I begrudgingly explained. “I have no desire to go through that again. It was enough of a pain in the ass the first time around!” She winced. Perhaps due to my usage of a big mean word, but more realistically, because of my own admittance about the many lies and hoops I had to jump through to secure the life I had today. It wasn’t sitting all too well with her. Wasn’t she BFF with the Element of Honesty, or whatever? I could practically feel her holier than thou superiority penetrating the marrow of my bones. Sorry that not everypony could live to your standards of perfection, princess! She shook her head like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “But... why? Why does that even bother you? D-did I do something to you?” “With all due respect, princess, I... I don’t owe you a justification!” I protested. Oh great. Now it was my turn to be inconsiderately loud. “Listen, for the third time, I’d really prefer if we could take this conversation elsewhere – say, at my place. At least, there, we’ll be in a private environment, and I’ll be in a better position to answer every little thing I know you’re dying to ask me.” I demonstratively unfolded one of her purple wings like a paper fan. “So get some good mileage out of those new appendages of yours and follow me up high in the sky. I’ll bring you up to my crib, and then we’ll talk. And try to not make it apparent that we’re heading to the same place, m’kay?” She freed her wing from my grip and lowered her head, conflicted. She wasn’t a big fan of my idea, that much was evident. I had just re-emerged in her life, and the first thing I was doing was being overtly capricious and hard to please. “No hugs, princess,” “call me Gray Calx, princess,” “lower your voice, princess,” “I don’t want us to be seen together, princess,” “come to my house, princess...” Certainly not the heartwarming reunion she was hoping for. And yet, she wound up nodding. “If that’s what it’ll take to make you explain to me what has happened to you, then... okay,” she conceded. “But I’ll teleport us there, that’s more efficient and less time-consuming. I’ve been to your house before, so I know where to anchor our destination vector. J-just hang on...” Ah. Good to know I was at least half justified when I made the wise decision of leaving my fort earlier today. Made me feel a little bit smarter. A little bit. But uh, hol’ up for a sec, I didn’t agree to telep- Ach, too late. Her horn was already glowing white and bright. She scrunched up her face like she ate something sour, and with a high-pitched poof, for a fraction of a second, our molecules left the realm of Equus. We popped back into existence on the dirt patch that was supposed to act as a beautiful turf around Casa de la Calx. Look, outside landscaping wasn’t my number one priority; fixing the house was. Renovations start inside, okay, and then they expand over your backyard and such. If you have any motivation left, that is. ‘Sides, I didn’t even have any lawn ornaments to beautify my would-be grass, so, much to the Blueberries’ disapproval, I was quite content with my field of mud. Got all that? Good. Now that y’all are done judging my nonexistent gardening skills, let me take this moment to confirm that no, I will not go into details about how it felt like to be teleported. Because it was my first time being teleported, after all. Let’s just say that it left some residual queasiness, which may not have had anything to do with the spell, but rather, being a side effect of the disgust I was feeling over inviting the princess to poke around in my personal living space. Because that’s what I had to do, really. How else was I supposed to keep this clusterbuck under control? I opened the door, and let Her Majesty in first, as any polite non-royals such as myself were expected to. I even bowed! Let it be known that I knew the rites, and that I couldn’t be fined over my non-respect of our social hierarchy. We owe it to ourselves to lick the boots of the elite, my peasant brethren. She entered shyly, wanting to say something about my over-the-top actions, but thankfully getting over it. I echoed her silence, saying even less than the nothingness coming out of her mouth, and made my way toward the kitchen whilst she stayed next to the entry door. Suit yourself, princess! I did have a pretty bitchin’ coat hanger over there, after all. Varnished oak wood and all that sweet stuff. So, I couldn’t help but notice that all of this was still happening. Was today still today? It was, wasn’t it? Ugh. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to power through the next steps ill-equipped as I was. The princess was in my house. She was in my house! Let that sink in for a moment or two! ... Oh? You wanna know what I was doing to this huge keg wedged between my ice box and the moldy back wall? Simple, really. I was turning the tap, for one. On the little metallic nozzle that protruded near its base. For two, I was holding a mug under it, making sure not a drop of beer that poured out of the spigot would splash on the floor. That right there was liquid gold, and not meant to be squandered. Yes, I needed alcohol in my system. Oh so very much. Judge me all you want. But when you’re born as weak as I am, you need some, shall we say, artificial flavouring to help you through the moments of misery. And this one was going to be merciless like you have no idea. It was either that, or bash my head against the wall until I was dizzy enough to be considered sufficiently hammered. Pick your poison. Now that my ceramic stein was all frothy and ready for consumption, I suppose it was time to finally say something – it’s not like she was about to take the reins there. “Well, welcome to my humble abode, princess. It ain’t much, but it sure is good enough to warrant a huge stack of city taxes, har har,” I guffawed dishonestly. “May I offer Her Highness something to drink? I’ve got a delicious tripel freshly imported straight from Griffonstone, ripe to be served!” I waved a second mug her way, as the tempting deviant that I was. Oh, and looks like she was in the kitchen now, nice. I sincerely thought for a moment that she was going to set camp in the entryway. But nope, she was right there, shaking her head while waving a hoof. “Uh... N-no. No, that’s... No thank you, Sunstone.” I shrugged. “Hey, your loss; more for me!” Well cheers! Down the hatch it went. Get in my gullet, booze! Make me forget the present! “That’s um,” she coughed, her windpipe still phlegmy from her incessant crying from earlier, “that’s a big beer barrel you have, h-heh...” Were my ears deceiving me, or did we have a foray into small talk territory already? Saucy, princess, saucy! I tapped my mug on the counter, now halfway emptied. With a big pant of satisfaction, I allowed my lungs to be oxygenated once more. “Oh yeah. Big ol’ barrel indeed. I didn’t buy it though; didn’t have the bits for it. It simply came bundled with the house. Tell you what, when I found that out, ‘twas like I stumbled upon El Ponyrado!” I laughed. “I get that bad boy filled up every now and then, on the rare occasions where I actually make ends meet.” “That’s... very nice. I like your stylized drink cup too. Artisan work?” Another talking point brought to you by the princess! Oh she was good. That was two for two now. Yeah, I saw where this was going. She was definitely trying to ease her way into pulling whatever she had planned to do with me. Sort of taming me by pretending to be interested with all the shiny new stuff I had in my life. Either so I would let my guard down, or so I would become more open-minded about being bombarded by all the why’s and how’s she no doubt had on the tip of her tongue. I was willing to play the game for the time being – at least, until my mug was dry. “Why thank you, your highness. It was a gift given to me by a good friend who works at a bar.” “... You don’t mean Sweet Pint, do you?” Good thing I was in the middle of taking another swig, because I would’ve growled right there. What I was fearing was slowly manifesting itself. The princess using her charisma and her title to subconsciously coax my friends into befriending her. Took me a while to work my way into a circle of good ponies, but her? Boop. One evening, and everyone wanted a piece of her. She did it in Ponyville, so why not here as well? “Oh. You’ve met her already, golly. What did you gals chat about, if you don’t mind me asking?” “Um, you, mostly.” “Moi? Aw, stop that, I’m blushing.” I wasn’t blushing. “What’d she say about me?” “Actually, I... It’s- I can’t really say, I promised not to tell, because-” “-Because that would put a dent in her reputation, yep, got it. You’ve met her alright.” A third sip. Mmmh, nice and rich flavors, yummy. Good choice of hops too; props to the brewmaster, really. Gotta give it to ‘em, those griffons really knew how to craft a mean beer! “Y’know,” Twilight said, clopping her hooves together in a nervous tic, “it was overall positive. I mean, what she divulged. It was good. Um, same as with the prospector and the town doctor, they also had some pretty nice things to say about you. Not to mention your friend Skybrush and her daughter Honey dream, they too seemed really proud to have you in their life.” “Oh, you’ve seen the whole gang already, haven’t you?” I muttered between clenched teeth, fighting the urge not to jump at her throat. “Pray tell, whaddya think of my pals?” “Well, they definitely strike me as good ponies. It’s nice to see that-” “Just makes me wonder though, and sorry for interrupting: On a scale of ten, how much were they smitten by your splendor? Rough estimate?” “H-huh?” I rolled my eyes. “Ach, nevermind. Forget it.” Sip sip sip. Doooown it goes~ ♪♫. Numb it all with some delicious 10% ABV juice, and- oh? I closed an eye, and peered into my mug, as if it was a pirate spyglass. All gone already? Booo! I’ll take that as my call to speed things up. I was growing bored of her groveling anyway. Telling me how good I had it, yeah, no, I wasn’t buyin’ any of that hogwash. I shuffled out of my seat, and went for my second serving. “So,” I plainly said, my cup getting fuller and fuller, “I think we’ve danced around the elephant in the room for long enough, wouldn’t you agree? Let’s stop pretending that everything’s sunshine and rainbows. At the risk of sounding pushy, what is it that you want, o princess Twilight Sparkle?” She recoiled at my sudden mood shift. She thought she was so in control, didn’t she? Heh, think again, my flabbergasted liege. “Well, first of all, I’d like you to stop calling me princess, or highness, or what have you.” Ah, her soft shell was starting to crack. “You do know I’m your sister first and foremost, right? You don’t have to follow the procedures to a tee; a simple ‘sis’ is totally acceptable. Preferable, even. This isn’t some kind of... political summit or anything: Just a brother and a sister talking things out.” A large gulp of beer later, “If it’s all the same with you, princess, I’d like to stay formal.” “Sunstone...” she sighed. “There! Right there!” I exclaimed, a hoof in her direction. “Why should I abide by your demands, when you have made zero effort at calling me Gray Calx? Seems fair to me that you get your just deserts.” She was about to protest, but right before any counterarguments could escape her mouth, she closed it, and then exhaled deeply, most surely to help her get a grip. “You want to jump straight into it? Fine by me.” Yup, she was done buttering things up now. “Tell me then, why did you leave us? Why did you write that loaded letter full of slander? Why did you exile yourself without even consulting us first? Was there anything to be gained from this?” I looked at her with wary eyes, mug to my lips. I pulled it away, and stiffened a gastric reflux. “Boy, you really don’t have a clue, do you?” “I have a few theories, but nothing that could ever justify making us think that you... harmed yourself in a permanent fashion.” I laughed. Brashly and facetiously. “Harmed myself. Wow, you’re still stuck on that one, aren’t you? But it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter at all. I know that when you’re transfixed over something, there’s no changing your mind. So by all means, keep believing what you want to believe. Whatever helps you sleep at night, champ.” “Stop dodging my questions, Sunstone! You wanted to trim the fat? Then trim the fat! Tell me, plain and simple: Why did you do any of this?” I tsk’d. “Don’t rip your mane out, princess. I mean, between you and me, are you even sure you’re ready to hear the truth? The harsh, stinky, and unforgiving truth?” She sank into a chair, crossed her front legs, and gave me a serious expression. “Pretty sure I am, yes.” “Hey, your funeral. The answer you’re looking for is quite simple, really: It’s you.” “Me?” “Yuppers. You. And don’t act so surprised. You keep yapping about that letter I wrote, so you should know by now that I kind of have a beef with you. Oh don’t get me wrong, there’s more to it than that. But you, my friend? Heh, you stand alone at the top.” She bit her lips, trying not to lose control. “Y-you’re meant to tell me you silently left Canterlot... because of me? Am I hearing this right? I don’t-” A hoof rubbing her mane. “That’s just- That’s utterly ridiculous. I’m fully aware that I’m not a perfect pony by any means, but what could I possibly have done for you to go that far down the deep end? I mean, this is huge, Sunstone! We’re talking about holding a grudge for years, and never backing away! Even my friend Applejack isn’t that stubborn, and that’s saying something!” “Yes, well, your friend Applejack, I’d be willing to bet she never grew up in the shadows of overachievers. And therein lies the problem, princess Twilight Sparkle.” C’mon bro, another shot for some good mojo. Sluuuuurp... Aaaahhh. Alrighty then, let’s bring out the big guns. “Do you have any idea, any idea at all, how soul crushing it feels to be an outcast, not only within a society that clearly wasn’t built for you, but also, within your very household? Desperately trying to crawl out of the pit of mediocrity, only to catch glimpses of two amazing ponies who never stopped making their sibling feel like an underdog? Outperforming him at every task, with it being so natural, so easy to gloss over, to the point that they didn’t even realize they were doing it? Can you even conceive what it’s like, going to bed every day, starting from a WAY too young age, and telling yourself: ‘Well dang, guess I really am going to die unremembered. But these two – oh, these two!’ “It kind of erodes your will to keep trying after a while, princess. It eats at you, it guts you from within. It’s a massive backstab to your confidence. And that there is no way to live. I’ve tried to ignore it; I’ve tried to make it work for twenty odd years. But there comes a point where I just gave up. Frankly, I’m surprised I even lasted as long as I did.” “Right, gotcha. And so, because you weren’t living up to your own expectations, you took it as your cue to sneak out and disappear forever, correct?” arrogantly concluded Twilight with a provocative look. I frowned. “Don’t trivialize my hardships, princess. I won’t take that – not from you. Because, to be perfectly honest? Mom, dad, as prolific as they are with their fancy unicorn magic, I could’ve let it slide. Heck, even Shining! Even him, I could’ve lived with my tail between my legs. I could’ve made it work. But you!? You’re the one who pushed me over the edge. A hundred percent.” “That’s so unfair, I’ve never tried to hurt you, Sunstone!” she immediately protested, bouncing out of her seat. “I would never think about doing anything that would harm my older brother!” “Princess,” I coldly said, “you’re an alicorn. An alicorn! Do you realize how freakin’ monumental this is? There are only four of you in-” “Five.” Five? Were they multiplying or what? Whatever. “-Five of you in existence. Can’t get any more exclusive than that! On top of that, you’ve been princess Celestia’s number one, AND you’re the bearer of the Element of Magic itself. Do you know how second-rate I perceived myself next to that? You’re a princess! And I dig dirt! That’s all I do; that’s all I’ll ever do! You’re everything, and I’m still NOTHING!” You’re losing your cool, buddy. Quick! Further intoxicate yourself! The only realistic way to avoid detaching from reality! Complying with my own advice, I emptied my mug for the second time tonight. Hey, gotta find some form of determination somewhere. After that, I resumed my rant with a sigh. “I’m almost midway through my thirties, and I’m still nothing. I’ve got nothing to show for it. No accomplishments whatsoever,” I panned a hoof around, “e-except for this crummy rathole I can hardly call a house.” Twilight Sparkle looked around, fully soaking in the averageness of my living quarters. “Well... I quite like it,” she admitted after a short moment of deliberation. “Your house, I mean. It’s very rustic, very down-to-Equus. It reminds me a lot of my first house in Ponyville, the Golden Oak Library.” She craned her neck down, saddened. “You know, before it went up in flames...” Ugh, back with the strategic delegations of flatteries? Maybe she felt bad about seeing me getting my knickers in a twist. Or maybe it was her special way of avoiding taking the blame for having scuttled the lingering morsels of my happiness. “Yeah, not the first time I’ve heard that comparison and- wait wait, slow down a minute. What do you mean, ‘before it went up in flames?’” “Oh,” she pouted, drawing circles on the counter with her hoof, “to make a long story short, a few years ago, the Golden Oak was totalled after being targeted by a powerful incandescent spell from the evil centaur, Lord Tirek.” Lord Whom’st’ve now? Not a single clue who she was talking about. And I was going to keep it that way, on account that I couldn’t muster any will to care. For all I knew, she was making stuff up. Firing a bunch of positivity my way by downplaying her situation. “Well, regardless. If you like my shaggy hut and miss yours so much, how about we trade places, mmmh? I’ll happily take your castle if it’s too much of a burden for you.” “... You know I can’t do that. I have duties to fulfill over there, and it’s not-” “Duties,” I snorted. “Ooooh, the life of a princess! Must be so difficult. Sign this paper, stamp this envelope, smile for the cameras. So much hard work having a crown on your head.” She grimaced. “Actually, it is! I have many diplomatic obligations, Sunstone. Take right now, for instance. I had to travel far away for a friendship problem and-” ... Annnnnd? Hey oh, wake up, princess! Did your brain shut down on you or something? Tsk. Happens to the best of us. I mean, look at her: She was just blankly staring at me with two big eyes and the occasional blink. I wouldn’t say it felt uncomfortable, but it was getting there. “Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed, finally rebooting. “It’s YOU! It’s totally you! You’re the friendship problem that summoned me here!” “Are you... Are you calling me a ‘problem’ now? Harsh, princess, harsh. Could’ve sworn you didn’t use to be so blunt.” She whooshed her hooves to deflect. “N-no! Not at all! That’s not- That’s not what I meant! It’s the cutie map. It sent me to, um. Well, probably to patch things up between the two of us?” “The ‘cutie map?’ What the hay are you talking about, now?” I groaned. “Oh! It’s a wonderful magical device that can locate with pinpoint precision various places all over Equus that require friendship-related assistance from me or the rest of the Element bearers. Sometimes other ponies, or creatures too, I suppose, but it’s not the norm. In fact, I can only recount-” “Okay, okay, I get the idea!” I cut her off, before she delved into full encyclopedia mode. “So what you’re essentially telling me is, you crafted some kind of witchcraft bauble to stalk me? Am I off the mark? Because if not, then for an alleged princess of Friendship, that’s a scandalous attack on our privacy.” “It’s nothing like that!” she objected. “I didn’t create- And it’s not up for me to decide; it’s the table. It knows who to send and when to send them. And it recalls them once their cutie mark glows: That’s when the problem is deemed successfully resolved.” “So, what, the table does all of this? On its own? A four-legged piece of furniture spewing prophecies left and right? ... You do realize what you’re saying doesn’t make a lick of sense, right?” Ohhhh my poor meninges. Reduced to atoms by fallacies and make-believes. Massaging my temples did nothing to alleviate my rising migraine, but I knew what would: To the keg! What’s two drinks without a third one, I ask you. Same routine as always. Lever pulled up, a brown waterfall into the cup, my tongue licking my lips, and- “M-maybe you should slow down a little, Sunstone,” warned a cautious Twilight. “Thanks, but no thanks.” A quarter of my beverage swiftly went down my tummy in an act of defiance. “I’m finally beginning to understand what’s going on, and that’s cause for celebration. Yeah, all of your little encouragements and tidbits of praise? At first, I was wondering why you were doing it. I thought it was your not-so-subtle way of earning my trust. Now? It couldn’t be more obvious: You’re just idolizing me so that you can get your stupid checkmark for your table thingamajig! You want me to abdicate so that you can win again!” “Abdicate? Winning?” she burst out. “Now who’s the one not making sense? What even is there to abdicate about? I mean, what are you even fighting for, right now?” Mug back onto the counter with a loud CLANG. “I’m fighting for my right to be left alone, but that clearly went over your head! You just HAD to travel all across the globe to nullify the only good thing I finally had going for myself! Infecting my pals and the rest of Outer Grove with your radiating grandeur and your infinite magnificence.” “Will you stop vilifying me already!?” she spat, fed up with my bad attitude. “I’m just there, trying my best to stay polite and understanding, but you keep portraying me as some kind of boogeyponey. Maybe instead of using me as a hate sink, you should start looking on the inside a little more?” I looked at the two princesses with frustration. Wait- The two princesses? Blink blink. Right, right, the one princess. Hahaha, boy oh boy, I was drinking myself silly, wasn’t I? Well, at least it helped me loosen up enough to continue antagonizing my unwanted guest. “I have e-e-every right to think of you as a scapegoat when I feel this worthless, Twilight Sparkle! And how growing up next to you has done nothing but elevate my worthlessness. And I think, uuuuh, I think this is my biggest gripe I have with you, mmm’yep. You’re a smart pony, so I assume you know about the laws of average, right? Hehe, w-well, princess, you’ve exceeded them all!” I wobbly pointed at her with my stein. Nothing could stop me now. I was going down that slippery slope at terminal velocity; might as well go all in and double down on my alcohol induced folly. “Y-you’re an anomaly, yup, that’s what you are! A statistical fluke. It’s outright impossible to be this good at everything! I mean- I mean, when will it stop? Hmmm? When is enough, enough? D-d-do you need to be the queen of the universe or something? Do you need to become a literal God before you’ve had your fill of wealth and power?” “Sunstone! Stop it!” “Naw. Naw lemme- lemme continue. Cuz y-y-you know w-what my problem was?” I hiccupped, getting dizzier by the second. “I took the regular path. That’s my problem. I d-didn’t shortcut my way into being a c-child prodigy. O-or a superhero. In any other family, yes, in any other f-family, I would’ve done just fine. I would’ve been an inspiration. B-b-but you and that butthead Shining Armor, y-y-you just had to be so damn good at everything. “J-just once! Just once I would’ve LOVED to see you fail. That’s what I kept wishing for. Because, me, I- I was the big brother, y’see, I was the big bro and you were supposed to look for MY guidance! You were supposed to look up to me!” “I’ve done NOTHING but look up to you!!” Whoa. She- Did she just yell at me? And approach me in a threatening way? Uhhh… Well, that sure shut me up. She looked mega pissed now. Deep and heavy breaths, a look that could kill, and a stance ready for combat. That was... that was new. Gotta admit, I was a bit afraid of her now. L-look at my hooves! They shook so much, I could hardly keep a steady grip on my drink anymore. It was now dawning on me that she was an alicorn. I mean, I already knew this, obviously, but I don’t think I fully understood what it meant until she was fed up with insolent ass. Powerful as she was, she could absolutely vaporize me simply by yawning. Thankfully, it was safe to assume that she didn’t have any intention of pulverizing me. Still, it wasn’t whether or not she wanted to destroy me that was so terrifying. It was the fact that she could. To think that I used to be the strongest one in the family when we were younger. In today’s times, however, she overpowered me by orders of magnitude. Should’ve smacked her harder with my pillow when I still had the chance. “It’s been rough for me too, you know!” the princess pressed on. “I too faced my lows. You’re arguing in bad faith if you think I’ve never hit a wall in my life. There was a time when I plagued the entire town of Ponyville with a Want-It Need-It spell, just because I couldn’t bear to miss a deadline and disappoint princess Celestia. You think a perfect pony could’ve pulled that one, huh?” She took a couple of abrasive steps toward me. I was hunched over my cup, trying to not cave in to her intimidation. It was tough, but so far, I managed. “But you know what has been the toughest, Sunstone? What kept dragging me down every day? It was being raised in the same household with a pony who I’m pretty sure has had nothing but disdain for me since day one. It was attempting to catch some sleep while solving an impossible puzzle in my head. Figuring out where I went wrong, maybe even accept that I just wasn’t good enough for my brother. That’s why I’ve kept trying time after time to get you to notice me! I just wanted you to be proud, to be happy to have me as a sister.” Now she was right next to me. I kept drinking. Keep your tough act, Calx. “You know, I’ve always wondered. Mom has repeatedly told me that you had a difficult time showing your love, but I don’t believe she was right. I believe you never had any spare love to share with me. So let me finally put the question to rest: Sunstone, do you love me?” What the...? “C-come on now, kind of a loaded question, don’tcha think?” “Don’t dance around it!” she insisted, her face practically pressing against mine. “Do you, or do you not love me?” “You h-heh... you can’t go ahead and ask me to-” “Sunny! Have you EVER loved me!?” “NO! No, okay!? I don’t love you and never have!!” ... Yup, that just sort of came out on its own. Oh, but I wasn’t done. She wanted to poke the bear? Throw down the gauntlet? Pester me until I broke? Well, reap what you sow, Twilight, for I was going to completely obliterate you verbally. If you wanted some, then allow me to give you some! “In fact, let me take this even further. Not only do I not love you, but, but I- I’m pretty d-dang sure I hate you. I hhhhaaate you, p-princess Twilight S-Sparkle! I used to be the sweetest little colt in my younger years, but you- oh you modified me t-t-t-to be something soooo ugly, s-so deformed! You’ve changed my very nature! And I haven’t... haven’t been myself for so long. Y-y-you turned me into an envious little ball of jealousy. A m-miserable self-hating pony who’s had a cloud over his head for uh, twenty? Yes, twenty plus years. Twilight, you’ve filled my heart with hatred... soooo much hatred. “So, no, I don’t love you! I really, really don’t!! And I never, EVER will! I detest you, Twilight. More than any- any other pony in Equestria! I wish you nothing but trouble, nothing but the worst!! I hope- I HOPE you trip, and fall, and bleed!!” I was panting and close to drooling by the end of that. Halfway through orating the vilest speech I’ve ever given, I wasn’t even processing what I was saying anymore. The words stopped making sense. All I knew was, I had to wound her. It was my ultimate goal. Didn’t matter if what I was saying was logically sound or not. At this point, holding a proper debate free of pesky ad hominem was beyond irrelevant. It was all about being vindictive, and making her feel vulnerable. It was extremely petty; it was extremely satisfying. And sweet Celestia, did berating her take its toll on me. More beer! Oil my gears – they pulled some decent work here. The princess, though, she was a few shades paler. Her mouth curved downward, dangling in astonishment. It’s like she aged an entire decade in the matter of seconds. Whether or not she expected me to react negatively, I’ll say, neither of us could’ve foreseen how hard I went about it. For a good minute or two, she tried to make sense of what had just happened. I expected her to rebuke with violence, or at least, to push back a little. But when she slumped, when she accepted the monstrosities I flung her way, I knew it was over. I had won. For the first time, I had emerged victorious over Twilight Sparkle. Turns out, all I needed to do was to become the missing link between a vitriolic curmudgeon and a drunk asshole. Duly noted for the future. Twilight shook her head, awestruck. “Y-you don’t love me? FINE! But I always will. I will ALWAYS love you. With all of my heart! Hundreds of years in the future, that fact will not have changed. You’re my brother! You, Shining, and Spike will always be the most important people in my life. When you disappeared I... I lost a part of myself. I was crushed beyond redemption, do you get that!? I went on for years, smiling my way across Equestria, keeping that burden all for myself. Hidden from my friends, hidden from anypony! I want you to know that, no matter how much you hate me, this is how I felt, and this is how I’ll keep feeling!!” She blinked warm tears and darted to the front door, which she swung open with telekinetic magic. “H-hey!” I stuttered. “You’re w-wasting... wasting y-your time with t-those feelings. T-total waste of time, I’m telling you!” She wasn’t listening to me. I couldn’t let her have the last word. With neither balance nor grace, I sloppily gave her chase, and staggered my way to the porch. After accidentally bonking my face onto the trim of the door, I noticed that she was already up in the air, batting her wings in place. She was on the verge of departing, but right before she did, she turned her head to take a good look at me. One last time. “No matter what happens,” she sniffled, her voice quivering, “you’ll always be my older brother, and... and you’ll always be my hero... Gray Calx.” A synchronized flap, and she arced across the sky, leaving my propriety at impressive speeds. “Hey! HEY! L-l-listen to me!” I shouted at her disappearing silhouette. “If you ever think about ratting me out to mom and dad and, heaven forbid, Shining, I’ll make... I’ll make sure you’ll have a proper reason to mourn me next time around! Y-you hear me!?” No she wasn’t: She was out of hearing range. My epic zinger had been lost to the clouds. Bah! Screw it, right? I said my piece, and I had no regrets. Why dwell on stuff I couldn’t control when I still had plenty more to drink? Now that, that was my kind of jam. I was getting all warm and fuzzy; night was still young! Let’s not spoil it with more Twilight-related poppycock. Had enough of that for one evening. And hey, she was gone, was she not? Kinda what I wanted from the start. So, yay me. I deserved a reward for driving her away. I re-emerged in the kitchen. Barrel, tap, mug, and ka-ching: There was my reward! A fourth tripel, all for me! I sat down and lifted Sweet Pint’s cup. A toast, my friends! A toast in the name of having not only survived, but also, having outlasted Twilight with my mind more-or-less intact. “H-here’s one for you princess! Protector of Equestria! A-an inspiration for us lil’ people! Let us drink f-for eeeeverything you stand for, bwahahaha!” I drunkenly declared to absolutely no-one. I chugged it all in front of my invisible audience. Boy was there a lot to be proud of tonight! Outsmarting the smartest pony in Equestria, that sure will look badass on my trophy shelf! I was good, and I was feeling good. And you know what else? I was happy. So, so HAPPY! CRUUUNNCHH!! I jumped in fear at the loud noise that reverberated behind me. Then I realized what I had done: After I knocked one back, I flung the cup that had been gifted to me over my shoulder. Physics didn’t take the contact between mug and floor too kindly, and what we had now were bits and pieces of glassware scattered throughout the junction between the kitchen and the living room. Yeah, don’t ask, I too had no idea why I even did this. I think it was a poor attempt at venting some leftover ire, as well as being overly slapstick after my disingenuous tribute to Twilight Sparkle. Well, whatever half-assed justification I could find, it still was a stupid move. I was being stupid. And tired. And groggy. And perhaps a little sick, too. The walls wouldn’t stop swaying and wiggling, urk. Didn’t know my house could boogie-woogie with such dexterity. I think... I think I had to lay down for ten minutes. Or maybe ten hours, I dunno. Welp, nighty night then. Catch y’all on the flip side.