Another day, another way to screw up everything. That was the mentality of those two fillies and more particularly with Poh, who was still deeply sleeping while her friend was preparing to go to school like a responsible foal.
The sun had barely risen, a time Eugene had never seen before for he always woke up unbelievably late, sometime spending up to 20 hours asleep. But now that Discord gave him a new life, he had to change his habits whether he wanted to or not. He was not a grown man anymore, he was a filly, a child that couldn’t get anything without an adult’s approval. It sucked but hey, that’s life in general.
“Poh, you are going to be late for school! You need to hurry and get your things ready.” Flutttershy calmly said as she was knocking on the filly’s door.
“Oh, am I? So sorry, ma.” Poh said while she was quickly preparing her stuff and trying to brush her hair with the brush her mom gave to her recently. It was much harder than expected, because she had no fingers obviously. “Argh, there are some knots in my hair! Mom, could you help me pwease?”
While Fluttershy was busy brushing Poh’s mane, Bo left the cottage to sit outside, basking in the warm sunlight. The town was slowly coming to life over the distance as the shadows were cast away by the sun. The small pegasus smiled, feeling a bit nostalgic as she watched the world open up to her. It reignited an adventurous spark in her, one she’s forgotten ever since she left to live in a concrete jungle.
“Look, ma, I'm really sowwy for how I act pretty much evewday. I can’t just help myself and I must be a horrible filly to take care of. I ... I ...Twilight told me evewthing.” Poh calmly said, on the verge of crying and looking down on the ground. This new body was making her much more sensitive than before. It felt awful to act like a jerk and cry like a little baby afterward.
Fluttershy stopped brushing momentarily. “O-Oh, I don’t think-”
“Can you stop with the baby talk? You’re not fooling anyone nor is it as cute as you think!” Bo screamed from outside.
Poh’s eyes widened, anxiously gazing over the kind mare. “Shut up, you are breaking my +1 stats in charisma, you dummy.”
“You have –1 charisma. Does the +1 even matter?” At this point, Bo Peep returned inside to berate his friend some more, letting out all her repressed anger.
“Hold on now, girls. School is starting in fifteen minutes. You need to hurry up.” Fluttershy interjected to save the situation before it got any worse... as always. Still, she had quickly realised just how out of her depths she was. These two fillies were too hard to handle, especially in their current behavior. If only there was a way to make them more “civilised”...
Another day, another wanking fest in the mare’s toilets. Bo Peep and Poh were getting better at keeping their heat in check thanks to the tried-and-true method of masturbation. They were really good, with Bo Peep relearning her special “no hand” technique that allowed her to jizz everywhere she wanted, at any time. She branded it, ATAWAP (Anytime, Anywhere, Any pussy). She will soon be the goon queen.
“It was really nice, but they should really clean the brush after using it. It’s fucking disgusting dawg.” Poh confess after her gooning was a successful operation. One that brought out the joys of the mind and the body alike. “How about you, bro?”
The quiet sound of a sticky liquid falling down the toilet bowl answered her question. “Ah... Ah, fuck.”
“I don’t know if I'm more disgusted at myself to use this shit to masturbate, or the fact that your jizz reached the roof of the bathroom.”
Bo raised her head, noticing the stains going above the stall somehow. Her squirts were powerful, more so than even a fully grown mare, which was cause for concern. “Be more disgusted at yourself, please. I have to dodge the falling cum to keep my mane clean.”
“Ok and try to imagine the shame of the janitor who will be cleaning your mess. At least when I'm done, I clean myself ... Literally.” Poh stuck the brush back into her marehood, cleaning it in a rather rugged way.
“Meh, I’ll just use toilet paper... Aw, shit.”
“Dude, you're ejaculating as hard as a fire hose, you're destroying that shit with your stream, you prick! Are you going to be featured with these ASMR videos of machine cutting metal with an ultra-powerful water jet?”
“I can’t believe my juicy pussy is stronger than my dick.” Bo stared blankly at the empty toilet paper roll, realising she should have looked before choosing this stall. Now with a wet vagina, she had to find a way to dry it off before class would resume. The brush? No way. She’d never touch Eugene’s goon, not even with a ten-inch pole.
Her tail? Won’t really help, it’s just moving the goon somewhere else. No choice, Bo pulled a move worthy of an action movie hero. She unlocked her stall, dropped to the floor and rolled to the adjacent stall, making sure that her vagina didn’t touch the floor. There, she found salvation in the form of a full toilet paper roll.
“Ah, my pretty pussy shall glisten after this.”
After their physical expression of pleasure and pure beastly dedication, they returned to their class to continue their learning about whatever Cheerilee was talking about, they didn’t really pay attention for this was all basic elementary level stuff. They already knew everything they were taught here. Still, the silver lining was in the homework and exams. Super easy stuff, they don’t even need to study! Except for history...
At the end of the day, it was the moment where their mom would arrive to pick them up. Excited as usual at the sight of that yellow pony, the fillies waved her on. She came today with a ... let's say, an unexcepted surprise.
“Why Rarity?” Bo muttered like a curious monkey.
Poh, however, dreaded the mere sight of the white unicorn, the pony she liked the least. “Oh no! Not that bi-... I mean, that unpleasant individual.” She deeply thoughts before answering.
“It is for your own good, I promise you she’s really kind and knows how to entertain you with fun activities!” Fluttershy reassured while booping her two fillies’ noses.
The green pegasus instinctively rubbed her nose. “Entertain this.” Bo farted loudly, a powerful sound she didn’t even know she had it in her. “Not what I was expecting...”
“And they say I'm the retarded one of the two. Yikes.” Said Poh.
Poor Rarity cringed, already having a bad feeling about her friend’s idea.
“Don’t worry, it will be only for a day. But if you two don’t cooperate to upgrade your behaviour with strangers, maybe we will have to add more sessions every weekend. Do you promise me you will be nice with Miss Rarity?”
Bo put on a forced smile. “Tee hee, this will be easy. Not for you, Poh. ‘Cause unlike you, I studied for this test.”
“What about that flatulence you uncontrollably ripped while our mom was talking to us? Get your priority in check bro, nopony need to know by heart the twelves letter of the alphabet, you nerd.”
“Hey, ripping ass is funny, okay?”
So, off to Carousel Boutique it is. The boutique was chic on the outside, quite extravagant too. It was a place that just screamed “Rarity”. Like tourists on a trip to the country of their dreams, Bo and Poh stared in joy as they got to visit another important location in Ponyville.
“Yo, it’s Carousel Boutique, dude. We are about to discipline our asses.” Bo snarked.
“Can’t wait to see if her clothes are prettier than her face yo. Or else, we will have a reaaaally bad time there.” Poh added.
Fluttershy giggled. “I’d say they are both pretty! But I believe that her generosity is the prettiest thing about Rarity.”
“Exactly, darling. I make pretty clothes, but I take especially good care of my appearance.” Rarity exclaimed in a defensive tone.
“No proof, I don’t believe it. Plus, if Rarity is really that generous by helping others in need, what are you, Fluttershy? Are you not taking care of us?” Poh proudly answered.
“I am taking care of you, am I? N-Not that it matters, you’ll see that Rarity is the most generous pony I know.” Fluttershy responded, trying to keep her voice confident, glancing awkwardly at her unicorn friend who seemed less than pleased.
“I'll show them generosity.” Rarity gritted her teeth. “But first, I suppose a little lesson in respect would do them some good...”
“Greuha.” Poh said depresed, as she didn’t care about Rarity, or what she just said.
"GREUHA!" Bo Peep shouted too, with a ‘little bit’ more vigor than her friend.
Fluttershy and Rarity stared in pure incomprehension, confused as to what these two fillies just said. Nevertheless, the pegasus had an idea in mind and she would go through it, not just for these two foals’ good but for hers as well. Taking care of them is tiring, much too tiring for a single mother. If they could be disciplined, that would at least alleviate some of the difficulties with raising them. She wasn’t willing to abandon them just now, not when they were so young.
“Aight imma head out.” Poh said as she saw Fluttershy slowly and discreetly trying to leave the discussion. The filly tried to leave with her, but unfortunately, she was stopped by Rarity and even her own best friend.
“Where do you think you’re going, mate?” Bo smirked. “You need some disciplinary action.”
“No, I wasn’t trying to go anywhere ... Hum, I just saw a pretty flower far far away. Can I go get it pwease Rwarity?” Poh panicky answered as she was trying to look as natural as possible. “This will take literally like five seconds, c'mon bro.”
Rarity stared at her with a less than impressed look. “Come on now, darling. I’m sure Fluttershy has a reason for bringing you two here today, a reason I can already see by now.”
“O-Of course.” Fluttershy sheepishly said, embarrassed by the filly’s behavior. “I wanted you to teach them some, um, manners. They’re quite rowdy, so I was thinking that maybe you could do something about it.”
“Seems tough but... Don’t you worry, darling! You’ve come to the right mare! I’ll get them to act like the Canterlot elite in no time for your sake!” Rarity confidently exclaimed, gesturing for the two green fillies to come inside. She didn’t believe they would make this much progress in so little time, but anything to please her close friend.
“How much is it for her ... let's say, service, Fluttershy?” Poh asked, sexually intrigued.
“Nothing, it’s for free.” Rarity answered, stroking her mane. “It’ll be my pleasure.”
Bo leaned over to her friend. “When she turns around, get ready to admire the juicy pussy.”
“Too late, already busted years ago. Not my proudest fap to be honest.”
Thankfully, the two mares didn’t hear their not so foal-friendly comments.
“Go go Gadget, clopping! Shit...” And that one, they did hear. But they didn’t know what any of that meant, so Bo’s reputation was saved, even though it was already tarnished a while back.
Now inside the boutique, Fluttershy waved the fillies goodbye before making her leave.
“Are you going to leave us already, pwease! DON’T!” As Poh ran and grab on Fluttershy legs and slowly crying on the floor.
Bo, however, had just about had enough of her friend’s shenanigans and slapped some sense into her, literally. “Go go Gadget, shut the fuck up, you clingy bitch.” With a powerful slap, she got Fluttershy to free herself from the clingy earth pony’s grasp.
“Oh dear, they sure seem dependant on your, darling.” Rarity commented.
Poh stopped making any sound and meticulously get up as she had an intense stare down with her now number one enemy. “What the fuck did you say to me you little shit?!” Poh screamed as she punched Bo on the face with her front left hoof.
“I will externalize all my anger on you.” Bo responded calmly, stroking her bruised cheek.
“Bo, I'm going to cut you down, break you apart, splay the gore out of you from across the stars, I will grind you down until the very sparks of mercy. My hooves shall relish ending you here and now!” Poh exclaimed as she slowly cracked her neck, as a menacing sound.
“Thy ass shall glisten before my coooock...”
“Girls, that’s enough!” Pulling the two fillies apart, Rarity groaned, now getting a good taste of what it’s like to be Fluttershy currently.
“Oh dear, um, a-are you sure you can make them more civilised?” Fluttershy whimpered, starting to sense that they were getting worse. Much, much worse than the day she found them. They were getting comfortable, and that was not good. Somepony had to step their hoof down and tell them to stop, and that pony was Rarity.
“Oh, why certainly! I can never say no to a friend, darling! You’ll see, there’ll be some improvement by the end of this afternoon!” Rarity cringed, looking behind to see that her baby sister was peeking from the stairs, looking rather displeased.
“Oh come on!”
As it turned out, Rarity didn’t have the time to spare, but Sweetie Belle did, reluctantly. As such, it was her duty to civilise these two little rugrats.
“Using my deduction skills as a detective tells me she has quite possible never had sex.” Bo exclaimed out of the blue. “I like these brown fabrics. It’s like building brown bricks in Minecrap. It’s the most fun you can possibly have-”
Sweetie Belle groaned before the abrasive display in the boutique, Apple Bloom’s suffering was now being transferred to her and her big sister. She had never met a more insufferable duo in her entire life than Bo Peep and Poh, two names she’d come to dread. Bo was noticeably calmer but had her occasional brain farts while Poh was basically sniffing hers all day long. There is no word to start describing her stupidity, it is even impressing that she got this far to be honest.
“Ugh, can we stop talking about brown bricks and a ‘minecrap’, please? I’m trying to get you to have a nice dinner and act normal!”
Poh’s eyes turned red. “Hum! Firstly, I was kinda hurt by the word you just used to describe us, and frankly I would like you to apologize for that statement you called me and my dear friend. We do not define ourselves as normal ponies, but rather French conqueror. So, say sorry you filthy and meany bitch!”
Sweetie couldn’t believe her ears; never had she heard such vitriol spewed from the mouth of a foal. If they had any good parents, they’d have their flanks kicked for having such a colorful vocabulary. “Excuse me? Excuse me?! Why would I apologise to you when you just insulted me?!”
“You just said we weren’t normal, so that my turn to chew your brain out bitch! You say sorry and I will.” Poh exclaimed, prompting her friend Bo Peep to do the same.
“Yeah, we’re going to kick gum and chew ass... and we’re all out of ass.”
Then, a voice echoed from downstairs. “Sweetie Belle? Is everything okay in there?”
“No, she is being a huge bitch with us. Can you spank her extra hard dawg?” Poh shouted out to the white mare.
“Ella es una grande puta.” Bo added with a less terribly Spanish accent.
“What?!” Rarity exclaimed in dread, rushing into her baby sister’s bedroom. “Sweetie! Is that true?”
Sweetie’s face turned red with anger. “No! They’re turning you against me!”
“You have done that yourself.” Bo Peep corrected.
“Sauron has manipulated you.” Poh added.
Rarity facehoofed, shaking her head in despair. Even when they were out of her hooves, they were distressing her. “Look, darlings, I have an important dress to complete for tonight, so I’d like you to cause no trouble while I’m working.”
Poh frowned, shaking her hoof dismissively. “Yeah, yeah whatever we don’t care go back to your stuff. But before, just tell her to speak less, she is being annoying, like really.”
“No, she’s being annoying!” Sweetie shouted whilst she pointed an accusatory hoof to the green culprit.
“All of you stop!” Rarity yelled. “I can’t afford to be distracted all the time by such petty matters. If you can’t make amends, then you should leave the boutique until I finish the dress.”
“Damn you Peep, always getting away with stuff, you sneaky bitch.” Poh whisper to her friend as Rarity were scolding them.
“Alright, we will stop and act, um, civilised.” Bo Peep said in a neutral tone, fiddling with her wings. “You see, what we need is a little stimulus. In other words, I want a pet.”
Poh crossed her front hooves. “What does she really mean, is that she wants to be pet. In that particular region right there.” she pointed to the peepee region.
“Um, n-no. I’m not horny right now.”
Rarity snapped. “That’s enough! You two go outside to get some fresh air at the park! That’ll teach you to appreciate the little things.”
Kicked out of the boutique, Bo Peep and Poh were taken to the park and left there, with only Sweetie Belle as a begrudging supervisor. The place was nice, calm and ponies were sparse around here. A nice area to relax, if only these two knew what that word even meant. Sweetie’s suffering continued for a while longer until something rather interesting came to her rescue. It was a stray dog, noticeably lacking a collar. It was anorexic and rather lanky, its skeleton visible through the few layers of skin and muscle present. Despite that, it looked oddly happy and relaxed. The cute little animal trotted to them, seeking company. It stopped before a pile of poop on the ground and sniffed it with great interest.
“Oh, look! It’s a dog!” Sweetie Belle pointed out, putting an end to the nonsensical conversation of the two fillies.
“Alright! Looks like we’ve got ourselves a pet.” Bo Peep said, approaching the animal curiously. “But it looks a bit... sad.”
“Hey, doggie, what your name little boy? Do you have a name on your collar?” Said Poh as she caressed the rather unhealthy but excited animal on the head.
“Are you blind or something? That dog doesn’t have a collar. It’s a stray dog.” Bo corrected. “Oh! That means we get to name him!”
Sweetie Belle saw a golden opportunity. With the two rowdy fillies distracted by the dog, she had an opening to leave for a while and cool her mind from all this bile spewed in her ears. “Oh, it’s so cute indeed! If you don’t mind, I’ll go to, uh, relieve myself, yeah...” She said, smiling awkwardly as she rushed off, making a beeline for Sugar Cube Corner.
Bo Peep and Poh continued to be engrossed by their furry new friend until there was nopony left in sight. Now that they were completely alone with this dog, something unexpected happened. The wind stopped howling and the animal stood up on its hind legs like a human. It’s drooling tongue retracting in his mouth as his face took on a more neutral and calmer look. He now commanded respect, despite giving out the weird and trippy feeling of seeing a dog acting like a man.
“Greeting to meet you my dear compatriots. I know you are Jon and Eugene of planet Earth. I effectively don’t possess any identifier in my possession, but the Great One calls me Jean-Augustin. I am an archangel sent to warn you two about the imminent nuclear danger of Kim Jon-Un.” He said as he waved his mystical paw covered in dirt and poop around.
Jon’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck, Jean-Augustin is real. I thought it was all jokes.”
Eugene bowed as best she could before the mighty presence. “Oh my, dear archangel, please have mercy, we are not worthy of your greatness. Please elicit the reason of thy great presence as we will promise to follow thy path that is requested by the great...?”
Jean-Augustin nodded. “The Great One you shall know him as. Your mission is to go to Canterlot to retrieve the mighty iron gauntlet that will allow you to sway Kim Jon-Un not to start a nuclear war with America.”
“Okay?” Jon scratched his mane with his wings as makeshift fingers. “I thought we would just enjoy our time here at least until Discord sends us back, but I guess we’ll find your iron gauntlet and save the world.”
“Praise thy holy and mighty missive the archangel Jean-Augustin requested us to accomplish. Don’t you worry, divine apparition, as we will enact the fight will all our blood and sweat for the success of that mission. You wisely chose the correct people for that request, and we won’t disappoint you. We agreed and sign with your own blood.” Poh panickily answered, as she was shivering, lying and looking on the ground.
Jean-Augustin stretched out his arms, beautiful angelic wings sprouted from his back. “We have little time. We must convince your foster mother, Fluttershy, to take us to Canterlot to save your world from nuclear devastation. Let us go now. C’est pour le travail.”
Jon cocked his head back, now fully convinced to participate in this endeavor. “Oh, si c’est pour le travail...”
Out of the blue, Jean-Augustin retracted his wings and resumed his dog persona, hiding any semblance of higher intelligence in an instant. Sweetie Belle emerged from a nearby bush, oblivious to what had just happened. She had a smoothie in hoof, looking much happier than before.
“Okay, well, we’re about done here! Let’s go back to Canterlot Boutique, I’m sure Rarity wouldn’t mind now.” The white filly said, throwing a few hesitant glances to the anorexic dog. Her big sister would have a panic attack at the mere sight of that stinky and messy dog.
“Okay, but we’re taking Jean-Augustin with us.” Bo Peep said.
“You named him Jean-Augustin?”
“Uh, yeah. C’est pour le travail.”
Poh nodded. “That’s complicated. Plus, you wouldn’t get it. You are out of the fun zone. So don’t dare ask more stupider questions before I broke your spine in half. The repetition of thy great name Jean-Augustin cannot be pronounced by a foolish heretic. You soil the great archangel by daring to say his name. I hope you know the consequence of thy great crime you just committed.”
Bo groaned. “You can say his name, alright. I’m not going to gatekeep you. Honestly, I think my friend bites more than this stray dog.”
Jean-Augustin barked happily.
“HERESY! DEATH BY GALLOWS.” Poh exclaimed to Bo.
Jean-Augustin nudged the filly in an attempt to get her overzealous attitude to stop for even a brief moment, else she’ll blow his cover.
“Thy archangel has sent me a divine message! I see and understand thy missive you request me to do. I now will ... shut the hell up.” Poh said in a rather depressed manner, as she realised Jean-Augustin asked her to stop her ceremonial and spiritual speech.
Weirded out, Sweetie Belle looked deeply into the eyes of Jean-Augustin. As expected, they were no less different from any other dog. The animal was drooling, staring at her stupidly. Poh was simply acting out again. But the moment she turned her back on him, he wiped out the saliva in a fit of disgust.
Back at the boutique, Sweetie Belle knocked on the door and dreaded her big sister’s reaction. Rarity opened and as was expected, she let out a shriek at the sight of Jean-Augustin, the dirty stray dog. “Sweetie! What is that?!”
“It’s a dog.” Bo answered proudly, petting the animal. “We found him at the park. He’s our pet now.”
“Yeah, his name is the great and mighty Jean-Augustin! But don’t repeat his name, or it will give ya bad luck. C’mon Augustin, present thyself to Rarity!” Poh added.
Jean-Augustin opened his mouth wide, drooling even further. He barked happily at the white unicorn, sending some saliva into her face. Rarity jerked back in disgust, her legs trembling before the horrible stench of the wild animal.
“W-W-Well, if you want to keep him. You s-should give him a bath, but after I go to the bathroom!” Rarity galloped to her bathroom and locked herself in, leaving the boutique open for the three fillies and their new best friend.
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Just don’t let him dirty anything. My sister would freak out if he did.”
Jean-Augustin responded by licking her face with a jolly good smile.
“Like these clothes he’s currently sitting on right now?” Poh asked, rather scared at what the doggie just committed.
“No! Don’t step on that!” Sweetie begged, shooing the dog away.
Just then, somepony knocked on the door. The three fillies opened to see Fluttershy had returned to check on the two little rascals. “Oh, excuse me. Can I talk to Rarity?”
“She’s a little busy right now.” Sweetie responded before being licked by the stray dog again.
“Yeah, she actually crying in the bathroom, drinking a mega pint of red wine.” Poh informed.
“Really?”
“WAAAAAAAa...”
Fluttershy covered her mouth. “Oh, my...” Her concern was short lived, for the presence of the stray dog had fully obtained her attention. “Oh dear, that poor dog! You look so sad! Are you hungry?”
Jean-Augustin stretched out his paw to her, looking happy despite the circumstances of his body.
“We should feed you. I have some food for you at my cottage.” Fluttershy informed.
“Does that mean we get to keep him?” Bo asked with a bright smile on her face. “This dog is pretty damn cool!”
“Well, if he’ll help you behave...”
“You’re the best mother ever! Thank you, thank you so much!” Poh exclaimed as she ran and hug her front hoof. “I promise I will be more ... normal.” And for luck, she gave Sweetie Belle a death stare to which the white unicorn gave one back.
“Okay, w-well thanks for helping out, Sweetie Belle. It was really nice of you.” Fluttershy smiled.
The filly rolled her eyes. “No problem...”
Back at the cottage, Fluttershy tended to the dog’s needs in her living room, feeding him, cleaning him and brushing his fur. Jean-Augustin had found a paradise in the pegasus’ home. After spending days wandering the Everfree forest in search of the two humans, he had run into a lot of trouble, but thankfully he wouldn’t have to worry about that now.
“Oh, it seems I’ll need some bandages to patch up these wounds on your leg. Wait a minute, please, I’ll be right back.”
Once the kind mare had left the living room in search of medical supplies, Jean-Augustin stood up once again on his hind legs, changing his expression to show his hidden sophisticated intelligence. “My dear compatriots, you must convince the great, kind and beautiful yellow pony called Fluttershy to take us to Canterlot in search of the iron gauntlet. But, while we are waiting for her return, I will enlighten you with the knowledge of the gauntlet’s forbidden history.”
Jon took out some popcorn and sat down. “Okay, lay it on us.”
“Yo dawg, give me some. Do you want some of my chips too?” Eugene asked Jon, who was on his side.
Jean-Augustin sprouted his mystical wings as his eyes glowed a bright blue. “It all started thousands of years ago on Earth. The princess of Blabloubla woke up with a strange feeling in her body. It would appear that puberty had struck her like a mace, changing her behavior forever. She had trouble dealing with her new impulses and as such, was a massive bitch to everyone, no exception. One day, she a met a handsome boy named Brad whom she fell in love with. He shared those feelings too and in no time, they began corpulating. The problem was that he wasn’t always around to please her, and she loved the sensation of his strong hands, so she took matters into her own hands and left her father’s castle to reach the market in search of the blacksmith. She demanded he build an iron gauntlet with which to please her, a powerful item to increase the power of the act of fingering. With this holy relic, she asked him one more favour using her authority; to use thy gauntlets on her. The blacksmith complied for he had no other choice.
He fingered her pussy and lifted her high up in the air, bouncing her like a power drill. But unbeknownst to both, the iron gauntlet was too powerful. The princess’s pussy was torn apart by the gauntlet as the blacksmith helplessly continued to swing her around on his finger. Then, her body slipped down and was torn in half by the motion. In only a minute, the princess was but a bunch of bloody bits hanging on the blacksmith’s finger.
He was arrested soon after and executed for the murder of the princess. As for the iron gauntlet, it was casted to another world where none can ever use its evil powers to finger another genitalia, ever.”
The two men stared in awe and confusion, at a loss for words.
“So, I'm sorry to ask this rude question Jean-Augustin, but why the fuck do we need to find a human gauntlets if we are ponies? That doesn’t make any sense!”
Jean-Augustin nodded calmly. “You will use the gauntlet back on Earth, where you will be human again.”
“O-Okay... Wait, why do we even need to know the history of the iron gauntlet? Like, what was the point of that entire story?” Jon asked, horribly confused.
The archangel blinked. “Uh, for the lore?”
Eugene nodded. “Yeah, guess that make sense, even tho I skip every cutscenes in videos-games.”
“In any case my compatriots, you will need the fingering power of the gauntlet to save your world from nuclear destruction.”
Jon stopped the dog before he could continue his explanation. “So, wait a minute, you are actually asking us to go find a mighty metallic gauntlet in a semi-fictional world to then come back in our world and go fist Kim Jung to death to save the world from World War 3?”
“Not fist him, you have to finger his anus until he croaks. That’s what the Great One commands.” Jean-Augustin responded, raising his arms high in the air at the mention of his Lord.
Jon scratched his head, now finding one teeny tiny problem with all of this. “One question.”
“Yes?”
“I’m not gay.”