Arcane blinked, his eyes aching as a bit of sun streaming in through a crack in the blackout curtains. The stallion shifted on the beanbag he was curled up on, hugging the pillow a bit tighter.
Morning.
It had been a bad night. The nightmares had jolted him awake multiple times, and sleeping spells only made the memories more vivid. He had another therapy session with Fluttershy in a day or so. It helped, but slowly. Fifteen years of daily torture couldn’t be undone with a few months of therapy, no matter how effective. The containment spell emitters had done their job in containing any magical outbursts at least.
Before he got them calibrated, Arcane had accidentally destroyed half of the house. Twice. Thankfully, that wasn’t a thing anymore.
The golden-hearted mare she was, Fluttershy had offered multiple times for Arcane to bunk at their guest house on bad days. But he didn’t want to keep intruding. It wasn’t Fluttershy’s job to comfort him, as much as Arcane appreciated it.
Sometimes, yes, if things got really bad. But he needed to figure out how to live on his own with that support system. That meant learning to cope with nightmares. The chaos magic helped; powerful runes built into the home helped make sure any energy surges were dampened and re-routed. No altering of realities or matter, just unpleasant dreams or memories.
He managed to get up and wash his face, a rather futile attempt to wake himself up. A headache already began to gnaw at the stallion’s temples.
Thankfully, he only had a single goal today; visit a magic shop and try to find their most powerful stabilization potion. Discord had suggested it’d help with the headaches and generally feeling like garbage. Something about the normal part of Arcane needing to be balanced with the chaotic side. But it had to be something that’d make a normal unicorn’s horn melt clean off. Once he had a reference, he could replicate it. Arcane didn’t want to bug Discord about this.
Find a magic shop. I can do that.
His defensive spells abruptly activated, the chaotic matrices spinning up with enough power to melt the intruder without hesitation. Arcane paused them, a pony shimmering into existence in his living room.
Oh. Well, better late than never, I guess.
“Huh. Harmony,” Arcane muttered. “What do you want?”
The mare frowned at his dismissive tone, looking at the stallion cautiously as he sat down in front of her.
“I am concerned about your interference,” she said slowly, Arcane stifling an abrupt laugh.
“W-wait, really?” he asked. An almost physical pain made the stallion’s chest ache, an emotional lump forming in his throat.
That’s what this is about?
“You’re concerned about my actions. Ok, that’s nice. And?”
The mare’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
“I’d like you to do less of it.”
“Too bad,” Arcane huffed, anger driving out the despair in his heart. Both threatened to overwhelm him; he chose the fire instead. “I don’t play by your rules. I never will.”
Harmony blinked, sitting down as she looked at the chaos unicorn.
“You are angry,” she said slowly.
“Oh, that’s a very astute observation,” Arcane growled sarcastically, Harmony’s head tilting to the side.
“Why?”
The stallion stared at her for a moment.
“Wow. Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“The so-called Guardian of Equestria shows up, and the first thing they say is to tell me to stop meddling? And then you have the guts to ask me if I’m angry? Ok, one question for you. What did I do wrong?”
“I do not understand,” Harmony said, eyes darting to glance around the home. Chaos magic began to spark along the wooden walls with black tendrils, and the mare started to visibly become nervous.
“You help creatures, right? The Elements of Harmony, Twilight, Astral, Sassi, random creatures, and so forth, correct? You look out for those who need help.”
Harmony winced, nodding slowly.
“Yes, but I make mistakes.”
“Then you should have led with that,” Arcane said, bitterness creeping into his tone. “I can’t help but wonder if leaving me to rot in that silo was just a mistake. Or was that an active effort to try and get rid of me?”
“I didn’t know!” The mare exclaimed, her demeanor cracking. “I told Sassi this and she understood! I’m not omnipotent! I didn’t know she was in the Silo, and that lack of knowledge extends to you!”
Arcane looked at her with a barely held-back sneer.
“Well, the Fates with Last Light knew!” he said. “They knew all about me. But at least they showed up to explain.”
He wanted to believe the utter shock on Harmony’s face. Maybe she didn’t know about that. But that wasn’t the biggest issue.
“They appeared three months ago in tears after knocking at my door; they even had that courtesy. Fide had to do all the talking because Clari was crying too hard. They had to conceal where I was because the alternative was the death of myself, them, and tens of thousands of innocent creatures! I wouldn’t want them to have rescued me at that cost!” he then pointed a hoof at the shocked mare. “But at least they showed up and told me! They apologized, and even said they didn’t expect my forgiveness.”
His tone then softened, the unicorn lowering his head.
“But I gave it to them. I have an idea what it’s like to have so much power and need to set limits, lest the consequences be too severe,” he whispered. “I can understand their position, but I certainly don’t trust them.”
The snarl then returned, Arcane glaring at Harmony.
“But they at least had the guts to show up and apologize. That was the first thing out of their mouths! “We’re so sorry.” At least they treated me like a creature with feelings. Sure, you say you didn’t know. Okay, what about months ago? Or maybe the fifteen years before that?” he asked, his voice deadly calm and carrying an edge.
“What about the days I got my face punched in? It took everything I had to keep my magic from killing those bullies if I lost control. Where were you then? I was just as dangerous, if not more so! I could have hurt creatures- I almost did! Sassi is a very different case, so that’s not even relevant right now.” His tone then darkened, multicolored eyes sparking crimson. “You could have explained why you weren’t there before. Yet even now, it’s taken you three months to show up. Why?”
“I was worried.”
A dark chuckle left Arcane’s mouth, the unicorn rolling his eyes.
“Oh really? Is little old me able to make the Tree of Harmony worried?”
“Yes.”
The honest and immediate answer made Arcane’s heart sink into his hooves.
“I assume due to my chaos magic, hence wanting me to not interfere?”
“Correct.”
Arcane couldn’t keep the distasteful snarl off of his face, the stallion standing up as the migraine pounded inside his skull.
“Okay, Harmony. I’m already not having a good day, and you’re really starting to tick me off. I’ll spell this out for you as nicely as I can,” he said, gesturing around.
“After meeting with Sassi months ago to apologize, you show up here, out of the blue. After everything I’ve been through, the first thing the guardian of Equestria and Friendship asks me is to stop meddling. That’s the first thing you said. You didn’t check in to see how I’m handling fifteen years of daily torture. You didn’t even show up to say hello. You did that much for everyone else. Instead, you come here trying to get me to behave. Do you see anything wrong with that?”
Harmoney’s eyes widened ever so slightly in realization. Arcane’s form began to drip with chaotic sparks, the unicorn pacing.
“You probably should have led with something a bit more realistic. You know, like apologizing for the fifteen years your failure cost me. Clari and Fide at least dared to do that! But you, you apologized to Sassi within a few days. You seemed to care deeply about how your screw-up hurt her.”
He stopped moving, locking eyes with the mare.
“But I guess I’m different, huh? Your concern with me has nothing to do with my well-being. Is it just because I have power? Is that all I am to you? Some creature with power to be contained? Perhaps a resource to be used if needed? Y’know, I was held captive by creatures with the same viewpoint. So, I find your behavior disgusting. Vile.”
“No, I didn’t- I meant-” Harmony said franticly, shaking her head. The mare’s demeanor began to fragment, confidence shredding in an instant. Regret, horror, and borderline panic shone in her expression and gaze as chaos magic made the house creak.
She jerked in shock as the ethereal mare found her muzzle gently closed with a magical tap, the unicorn in front of her glaring.
“Shush. You don’t get to talk. You get to listen to me for once in your life. Here’s the thing,” Arcane said, his face a mask of disgust and anger. He felt dirty. Violated in some odd way the unicorn didn’t fully understand. To have someone like her just show up and not even care…
“You failed. Completely and totally. Tens of thousands of creatures died and I was tortured for fifteen years by an organization right under your nose. Clari and Fide don’t have specific jurisdiction in Equestria. You do. And even then, they made it a priority to explain and apologize for what happened.”
He shook his head. “You’ve done nothing to earn my trust, let alone show you care about my well-being, and today is no exception. You might not have acted maliciously, but it sure felt pretty personal I was begging for help as needles drilled into my bones. All those stories I grew up with about peace love and friendship? Some good-feeling, rainbow-hearted entity looking out for everyone? Yeah, that evaporated when I grew up trying to control my magic and only got shunned for what I was. When I lost my voice screaming for mercy in the Silos, all of those stories may have well died. I’m not ok, not even close.”
The unicorn’s anger abruptly faded, and Harmony couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in her eyes. Genuine pain radiated from Arcane’s gaze, the unicorn’s lips trembling as he looked at her.
“I’ve been here for months trying to learn how to live again. Discord and Fluttershy are the only creatures outside of Astral and Sassi who have shown they remotely care about me. It’s taken an Element of Harmony and the God of Chaos to just begin to try and convince me that maybe I’m worth the effort to help. That just maybe, just maybe, I didn’t deserve what I went through. Even Fide explaining the cost of helping me made me feel better. But that’s just it, they were here. They at least tried to make things right,” he said, jaw clenching.
“I don’t have that many friends, creatures who actually care about me. I know that. Most creatures are scared of me. It would have been nice to add you to my small list of creatures who care. I really could have used another friendly face,” he said softly, expression then darkening.
“But instead, you were too concerned about how I was acting. Sure, maybe my actions right now are a way of me coping with what was done to me, but my goal is to still help creatures who need it. And then you show up here as if you have the right to ask anything of me? Who do you think you are to ask me for anything?”
Harmony’s mouth hung open, no words coming. Her eyes occasionally darted around before settling back onto Arcane, his magic encompassing every corner of the room as it begged to be unleashed. Yet it remained on standby, watching.
“I don’t know what you were thinking coming here and telling me to behave. You’re just another creature worried about what I can do, aren’t you?” Arcane said. “You’re just another scared pony desperate for control. My life, my struggles; all afterthoughts as long as you get to try and make me color inside the lines. Does that sound right? Does that sound familiar?” he said with a deep growl.
The tears starting to trickle from Harmony’s eyes did nothing to dissuade Arcane, even if the mare was crumpling under self-loathing.
“Let me make something very, very clear. We aren’t friends. Based on how you acted today, I don’t entirely trust you aren’t my enemy. So, stay away from me, and don’t ever intrude into my home again. If you want to talk, have someone else speak with me first. And no, I will absolutely not stop interfering. Just because you, or creatures like you, won’t help creatures in some sacred name of balance doesn’t mean I’m bound by that. Chaos doesn’t care about order, and if that means I can lessen some of the pain in the world, I will,” Arcane growled firmly.
“Whether or not that makes your kind happy really doesn’t matter to me. I’m not as powerful as Discord, but someday I will be, or more. I’ll try and grow stronger for no other reason than to prevent creatures like you from saying that I can’t help someone. I’ll surpass Discord’s levels of power if I have to!” His eyes narrowed. “And I know there are other fates out there. Clari and Fide told me all about them. And I hope they’re listening.”
The unicorn tossed his head with a wince of pain, the chaos magic in the room dispelling. He turned away, not wanting to look at the ethereal mare any longer.
“Now go away, and maybe practice saying “I’m sorry” a few hundred times. Don’t ever show up unannounced again.” Arcane’s voice then softened, shoulders slumping as his volume dropped to an almost regretful whisper. “I could have accidentally hurt you. I almost did.”
Harmony vanished without a word, leaving the unicorn alone in his house.
It took everything Arcane had to not break down and sob. Even then, a few burning tears slipped out of his multicolored eyes as he nearly choked trying to breathe. He was so close to losing it. The migraine thudded in his temples, despair clawing at his heart.
Even to a creature many believe is a god, I’m just some loose end. At least Clari and Fide had a cosmic reason for not helping. I wouldn’t have been able to live with the knowledge tens of thousands were sacrificed for me.
But if Harmony, the embodiment of friendship and magic doesn’t care how I’m doing, what does that make me?
Could anyone ever…?
He couldn’t dwell on that. It hurt too much. The unicorn cast a haphazard concealment spell and teleported himself to the outskirts of the city. Once he found a potion to at least dull the pain, Arcane could go home, wrap himself up in a blanket, and try to not feel so alone.
Nilli rearranged the potions on the wooden shop shelf with a wave of her claws. It had been a slow day, but her entire business was about quality, not quantity. A single custom potion could sell for ten times what a run-of-the-mill unicorn spell would.
The door chimed, an identification spell kicking in.
Single creature. Unicorn.
The gryphoness turned to look, and couldn’t keep herself from wincing. The most run-down pony she had ever seen dragged himself in, struggling to look up at her.
“Welcome, but wow, dude, you ok?” Nilli asked.
“Not entirely,” the yellow unicorn admitted, wincing. “Just looking for the most powerful arcane stabilization potion you have. Something way above what’s suggested.”
She let out a soft whistle, levitating a few options from a top shelf. His voice seemed familiar.
“I’ve got these,” the gryphoness mage mused. “They’re meant to be mixed and titrated with others. If you want to drink it directly, I can’t recommend that. It’d give you an immediate migraine and probably set your horn on fire.”
“I understand. I won’t hold you liable for anything. I’ll sign something if I need foo,” the unicorn said, words starting to slur. “Oh, horshaffles.”
His entire body shimmered, a concealment spell beginning to fade. Arcane crumbled to the floor. The unicorn struggled to take deep breaths as he barely stood on half a bent forelimb.
“Well. Crud,” he muttered to himself.
Nilli could only stare. She had been wondering how best to approach the unicorn, and he just showed up in her shop?
“You’re Arcane Flare, right?” she asked, the unicorn nodding.
“Yep.”
“I’ve actually been looking for you,” Nilli began, “would-”
Magical alarms abruptly chimed. The gryphoness’s green eyes widened abruptly as Arcane stared at her. Chaos magic flickered around his flame, a rainbow of colors swirling in his eyes.
“Why?” he asked with a narrowed gaze, fangs protruding from his lips. “Normal creatures don’t look for me. What do you want?” One of the unicorn’s eyes was nearly completely closed in pain, the migraine making his own magic blinding. The other was locked onto the gryphoness, suspicion swirling in their multicolored depths.
Nilli was about to reply, but then she got completely, and utterly, distracted. Her magic refused to respond, defensive spells or otherwise. For a second, she was terrified. But then wonder and curiosity drove away the fear with ease.
It was frozen. Every particle of arcane energy was suspended, non-moving. It should be impossible. Her shop’s spells were inoperative, along with every other particle of magic in the area. Even the potions were frozen! There was an odd weirdness to it, an oddity that permeated the gryphoness’s entire frame.
She loved it!
“This. Is. So. COOL!” Nilliana giggled, the usually impassive Gryphon jumping in the air. “My magic is totally paused! How in the world did you do that?! It shouldn’t be possible!”
“W-what?” he stammered, the stallion forgetting about his migraine for a moment as the gryphoness rolled her eyes.
“The magic! How are you doing that? It defies what I know about arcane physics! Oh my gosh, this opens so many doors!” Nilli gushed as she hopped around the shop examining runes and potions alike.
“There are spells that shouldn’t be able to be suspended just utterly stopped! I didn’t think even chaos could do that! If so many types of particles can be frozen, that means they…” her voice drifted off, an extremely bright blush now radiating on her cheeks. The gryphoness composed herself, not able to look at the confused unicorn.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” she admitted. “Nothing formal or anything. I just was really curious about how chaos magic worked. I wasn’t sure how best to approach you, since you’re still working through stuff. I can’t imagine how hard that is.”
The chaos magic faded, the spells in her shop resuming as if nothing had been out of the ordinary. Arcane stared at her, confusion written across every part of his being.
“You’re not scared?” he asked. “I just froze your magic, rendered defensive spells utterly useless. And you got…excited?”
Nilliana shrugged, now more embarrassed than anything. She wasn’t able to look at the unicorn as her face feathers fluffed up, a pink blush still on her cheeks.
“I mean, y-yeah? Duh? H-how could I not?” she stammered. “I love magic theory and stuff, it’s why I run a shop. You weren’t going to hurt me,” she said awkwardly.
“How do you know?”
She actually laughed, waving a claw at him.
“Because you’re not a bad pony. I saw that much back in the throne room.”
Arcane stared at her, eyes widening in realization.
“The-that’s right. You were there,” he said softly. “I wasn’t very composed.”
She walked over to him, sitting down with a nod.
“No, you weren’t. But who would be? I still didn’t see a bad pony,” she said softly. “I saw a pony who was tortured beyond what I can imagine. But instead of lashing out, you showed mercy. And now you’re helping creatures. Why would I be afraid of a pony like that?”
The last thing Nilli expected was to see Arcane stare at her for a second before hanging his head to cry, the unicorn struggling to get control of himself. Just from his demeanor, it was clear that a lot was going on she didn’t know about.
Well. In addition to the years of torture. I’d be a wreck too.
Arcane’s limbs began to shake, and Nilli levitated a few potions off the wall. The unicorn was miserable and embarrassed. That much was obvious. She wasn’t about to try and ignore that.
“Arcane, look, I’m not going to ask if you’re ok. Because you’re not. But maybe one of these will help?” she suggested. “On the house. If you don’t want to chat, that’s fine. You’ve got enough to work through without me stirring stuff up. Just…” her words trailed off, the gryphoness sighing. The poor pony was the definition of misery, so her usually gruff demeanor naturally blunted itself.
“I hope you feel better, for what it’s worth,” she finally said.
Looking up at her, their eyes met. Arcane’s multicolored gaze bore into her own. The unicorn’s body abruptly stiffened, some sort of realization making the tears stem for a moment.
“It’s you,” he whispered. “I know those eyes.”
She didn’t fully understand what was going on in the stallion’s mind, but the look in his eyes made the gryphoness’s cheeks heat up again. There was an immediate warmth, a gratefulness beyond measure that made Nilliana’s heart thud in her chest.
The unicorn looked around as if seeing his surroundings for the first time. Wiping the tears off his face, embarrassment saturated Arcane’s demeanor before he vanished with a *pop* of magic. He left a rather confused gryphoness behind, Nilli rolling her eyes at seeing the potions missing and a pile of coins on the counter.
“Nice to meet you too, Arcane,” she said to herself with a smile.
Twilight relaxed on her throne, glancing through reports. Usual tensions aside, it was a slow day.
A hum of magic made her ears perk up, and the mare dismissed the guards. It was a recognizable signature, after all.
The last thing the Princess expected was to see Harmony appear in the center of the room, the magical mare’s lips trembling, a distraught expression on her face.
“T-twilight?” Harmony asked, sitting down with a faint *thump*.
The Princess immediately trotted down to sit in front of the ethereal mare. She was utterly unprepared as Harmony leaned forward and wrapped her up in a tight hug. Tears fell from Harmony’s eyes and evaporated into mist on Twilight’s fur as the ethereal mare bawled.
“I’ve m-made a mistake. A horrible m-mistake. I don’t know who else to talk to.”
Harmony’s next words pricked at Twilight’s heart.
“I don’t know if I can fix this.”