//------------------------------// // 2 // Story: Are changelings... Ants???? // by ImClinicallyDepressed //------------------------------// Being a bartender fucking sucks -Every single person who has to deal with bad customers I opened my eyes, I could barely see anything. My body feels odd, like really odd. My hooves feel like noodles taped onto my body, my head feels airy and lucid. Was this another dream? "Hey uh, you look like you drank a little too much. You alright?" It was the same voice as the dark blur from my last dream, and like the last one I could my voice come out of my throat forcefully. "yeheh! Ah'm ay okary! Gib me anather won!" I was definitely drunk, why was I drunk? I never drank this much apple cider before. "I'm not gonna serve you another drink, you are completely drunk um," "-light! Tas may mane!" "Look I'll see you out myself Ms. -light, where do you live?" "Way dew yew wana noe zat?" The more J listen to myself the more I get embarrassed. "You are in no shape to go to your home," "Ay noe I look magnificent but I like mare's more ohcay? Yew lewk cute don't get mi rong," Wait I don't like mare's more! What was my drunk self saying?! "Ma'am you look like a drunken hobo, no offense." Ow. I may be running from the royal guard but I still take care of my looks! "Offence taken! Hay, weight, yew lewk familiar," Wait he does? "Wait. You're..." "Uh...?" I felt my horn light up and everything went black with a resounding thump. CHOMP CHOMP "Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the hungy one." I said while chomping on the last piece of the hydra. Poor Mr. Hydra, you will definitely be forgotten. As I cleaned myself up or tried to atleast, I decided to check more of my nifty cool powers. "Zero!" Name: Rimu Age: 1.65 days (14) Gender: Female (male) Level: 0 Skills: Best hoof skills! (Lv: MAX) OVERDRIVE! (Lv: 0) Basic magic (Lv: 0) Love meter: 0% Now, I know all of you are very curious about my first skill (I am too) but I think the skill it self is uh, self explanatory to say the least. So for now let's just avoid that, anywho what I'm kinda curious about is 'basic magic' Basic magic Let's you use magic as long as you learn how to cast it, it also makes you a very fast learner (unless your stubborn). Will upgrade to Intermediate magic with a revelation. Level: 0 Mastery: basic Wow who would've guessed. 'not me'. "Aughhh I'm full as shit dude," I said tiredly as I plopped on the grass. Eating an entire Hydra is no easy task, especially if the Hydra got blasted in the stomach. Seriously who did that? Oh wait! I did. "Still need to clean up though," Yeah no kidding Sherlock you look like absolute shit, "Hey! Who's idea was it to blast the Hydra's stomach in the first place?" You, dumbass. The nerve of this guy I swear. ... ... ... I'm slowly loosing my mind, I need to find a town pronto. I swear one more day out here with this Idiot inside my brain- hey! -Im gonna actually blow. As they say, righty tighty lefty probably cool-y! Nobody says that. Shut up me. I walked to my left, hoping to god or some deity that there's a river up ahead. I mean, what's the worse that can happen that hasn't already happened? ... Wow even other me didn't find that funny. 'Dude I really can't talk to you if you're focusing on something you know? You literally just made me up on the spot. ... Wow I'm really depressed huh yup. "Okay okay, I've had these dreams for a week straight now. What do they mean?" I paced around in my makeshift house made out of wooden planks that I stole and a tent that I borrowed from a dead pony. "Think! They all revolve in meeting something. That something is either a really big changeling or an alicorn since in all of my dreams, the pony had both wings and a horn." It didn't make sense! Why would a changeling try and find me?! Well technically I found it- Wait. I get it now! I need to find the changeling or alicorn! "Yes! I figured it out!" Now the question is what do I need to do when I find the pony? In all of my dreams the pony either towered over me, or talking to me, or both. It feels like I'm missing something. In one dream I seemed to know the pony, the other I was drunk and didn't know the pony. "AUGHH! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! I JUST WANT TO ERASE CU-" *Clop clop* Shit did the guard find me? I just set this tent up! "Hello? Excuse me but you can't set up camp here," The pony outside politely said. "I- uh- nobodies home!" fuck. "Uh, okaay?" Holy shit that worked? After a few seconds of silence, I heard the door to my tent unzip. "Shit" "Uh miss I-" The stallion tried to speak but I cut him off with a magical blast straight to his nose, knocking him back a good few meters. "Time to run!" I quickly packed my tent up with precision and booked it to the other town I saw while crossing the river to here. Hopefully that town is a little more forgiving. Hopefully. "SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR! HE'S BLEEDING!" A mare shouted behind me, nice distraction lady! I won't erase your cutie mark for now. "I really need to drink a gallon of cider right about now" "I wonder if I could do more anime references- WOAH!" I flail my hooves around as I almost fall into the fastest running river I've ever seen. No joke the river is gushing with water, I'm scared for my life just standing near it. "Survival guides always said to follow a river down stream if you're lost, why not confirm if the guides are true?" To be honest I kinda wanna ride the river downstream, sounds fun. Eh why not. I put my hoof into the river to test how fast the waters going and low and behold it's going pretty darn fast, "Fortune favors the fortunate!" I quickly jump into the river and hope for good luck. Ps: don't ride in river's there's rocks below the water. I quickly galloped away with my tent hovering closely behind me, multiple guards are chasing me down for my revolutionary plastic surgery techniques that I'd done on the poor stallion. "Hey! Come back here!" One of the guards says, only a fool would do that! I quickly galloped into the forest. The guards stopping just before entering. 'cowards.' I ran and I ran, only stopping besides a river for a quick moment to breathe. Then I heard it, the creature that's plaguing my dreams for a week. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Ow ouch oof! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! AH FUCK ROCKS!" I look one with wide eyes as I saw a huge changeling tumbling down the river and away cursing like no tomorrow. I finally saw my target. I can finally stop this horrible dreams and get on with my life! I quickly tried to grab the changeling with my magic but failed as the changeling was too fast riding down the river. "How fast is that water going?" Ok noted don't ride rivers next time. "Ow, ouch, oof, shit, UOHG OK THAT ONE HURT," I mean, a bunch of pointy rocks getting dragged across your hard ass would hurt no matter the person. It also didn't help that I could hear a distinct screech coming from my flank. As I rode the river I saw what looked like a pink pony with a robe covering her face and most of her body. "That's weird I don't remember a pony who looked like that other than Cadenza." Look Cadenza rolls off the tongue more okay? Well there was one other pony that I didn't get to see in the animated flesh, but that couldn't be right? Didn't she have a cult or something? No way she would be in a forest running away from bootleg royal guards. "Eh brain put that one in the 'not my problem' shelf," You're the boss. After a grueling few minutes (I gotta tell ya, the ass scratch was not fun.) I came across a shabby looking town at the right of the river, "Hey they listened to me nice!" I quickly grabbed onto a big ass rock and tried to stop my self from going down the river. The rock almost came right off but luckily I got out of the river in time. Kuya kim would be proud *sniff*. Dude most readers won't even get that reference. What the fuck do you mean reader's I'm fighting for my dignity here! Augh, nevermind. "*COUGH COUGH* Oaghhhh I think the river water had shit in it *COUGH COUGH*" Disgusting. Anyways, I haven't completely forgotten what species am I so yeah, how do I uh. Change forms again? Well this is a problem. "Okay time to just wear a fedora and hope for the best!" I pull out a fedora out of my mane and a trench coat to go with it. ... "Did... Did I just do a pinkie?" Eh if it works it works amIright? Achievement unlocked! Eldritch monstrosity! Im gonna ignore that. New skill! THE MOST AWESOMENESS SUPER DUPER COOL NEW AND IMPROVED PINKIE STASH!!!!!1!1!1 (Or if your lame just ASDP stash.) Skill: THE MOST AWESOMENESS SUPER DUPER COOL NEW AND IMPROVED PINKIE STASH!!!!!1!1!1 (Or if your lame just ASDP stash.) Oh wow! Is this what the fancy call a 'game system?' WOW! SO EPICLY COOL! Oh right I'm supposed to explain my nifty skill right? Well my patented pinkie stash works like any other inter-dimentional would! It works because it's pinkie! Anyways you can store anything you like inside my nifty stash! Cupcakes, cakes, balloons, all of Equestria, Twilight's romance novels and Dashie's porn stash! Oops! Im getting off track, sorry! Anyways you can store everything you want without question! The only rule is either be me or be as super duper awesome and funnies as me! And don't question it! That's the most important part! Lv: Who cares! Just party! Mastery: FUN FUN FUN!!!!!1!1!1 And that. Especially that. I galloped as fast as I can after the changeling. Unfortunately the river was too fast and I couldn't catch up before the changeling went out of peripheral vision. "CELESTIA DAMN IT!" Well that... Sucks. Let's just hope the changeling stops at the town nearby. Now that the changeling doesn't look like a black blur, I could see that the changeling had a mane, that only means one thing. It's a changeling queen. Why was a queen here of all places? And why doesn't it have changeling guards? So many questions, all gonna answered if I catch that ling. *** I arrive at the town named, 'Gravel mane's' Who comes up with these names anyhow? I discreetly set up my tent in a dark alley, first I need to check if anything was lost during the chase. Notebook: check. Water jug: check. Hay bars: ch- oh come on! My hay bars... They're gone... DAMN YOU CELESTIAAAAAAAAAA! ACHOO!!! "That's why you don't put your muzzle into wet grass Celestia," Sunset calmly explained to a bed ridden Celestia. How did this happen? Well after Celestia's covert mission to get a sample of changeling queen excitement, she decided to sniff the wet grass more closely, for research purposes, of course. "I now my student, you have been lecturing me for the past 4 hours now," Celestia got a little too excited and accidentally sniffed wet grass into her lungs. And that's pretty much the story on how this is happening. "Still, I need to test you my highness so this never happens again!" Sunset exclaimed while pulling out a test sheet out of her saddle bag. "Sunset-" "No! You must learn teacher!" Celestia only sighed and let her student test her. Even though she doesn't like this whole ordeal, her student does, and that's all she cares about. "Okay Celestia, question 1. What is the date of a normal ponies heat?" "The date is April 1-10," Celestia may be an idiot but she atleast knows this. "Good! Now question 2. When is the date of an alicorn's heat?" "There is no date Sunset, I have already told you." Celestia wasn't lying per say, more like hiding information. "That's a lie and you know it teacher!" "Fine, you win-" Celestia almost giggled like a madmare at the face of delight her student was showing but held it in for now, "- only to get you off of this topic. The date of an alicorn's heat is not entirely consistent. Multiple factors determine the month and how long it lasts or even the intensity. Normally, in a perfect world, an alicorn's heat is in December all the way to February. But the older the alicorn, the less likely they will to be in heat, but the harder the heat hits." Sunset was furiously scribbling down this new information, Celestia could see pencil shavings getting thrown like ragdolls all around the room. Celestia tried to continue her explanation until a sudden... feeling dawned on her as she remembered the vile of excitement she had grabbed. "Sunset." "..." "Sunset my dear?" "... Yes your highness?" "Could you... Leave the room for the day?" "Uh, why your high-" Sunset then looked at the now sweating Celestia. Both of Celestia's hooves where no where in sight and her blanket was rather... "... Are you serious Celestia?" "Look! It's my body's needs Sunset!" "..." "Sunset?" "I wish I had a camera right now to embarrass you." "What?" "Nothing Celestia," Sunset calmly stood up and opened the door to Celestia's chambers, "please if you can. Don't be so loud? My bedroom is just across here you know?" "I will try... My... Student..." Celestia's voice went quieter and quieter, almost as if she- really? Im not even out of the room yet! "Celestia I'm not out of the room yet," "Please... Go... Quickly..." Sunset only sighed and went out of the door. Celestia was now giggling and drooling on her self yet again. "I've been waiting for this for the past 4 hours!" She quickly pulled out the vile and poured it into a small handkerchief. She then- hey wait isn't this supposed to be my story? Why is this just Celestia clop now? I want to get clop too! Wait, I do get clop? Why didn't you say so! In a few chapters? Aw man... Ahem. Anyways. Celestia slowly hovered the handkerchief above her snout and said some... Questionable things that are not suitable to write. I'll clue you in the best of my abilities. "Give it to m-! - --ed -t! -lea--! --ck! Hm~! Oh ye-" Yeah no I'm not gonna write that. Sorry mate.