//------------------------------// // Royal Birthday // Story: Adventures of Zebra Anon // by ImNew2023 //------------------------------// Trying to sleep in on his day off, Anon was rudely interrupted by the noise of his purple pony housemate. “I will pimp slap that mare” Anon groaned as he dragged himself downstairs. Scattered in an unorganised mess were various pieces of paper with unreadable penmanship on them. In the centre of that mess was Twilight herself. Her mane was frizzy and unkept and her eyes were bloodshot. “Still going to hit her” Anon commented as he walked downstairs. “Twilight. What is this?” Anon asked as he reached the ground floor. Wandering if he should pimp slap with his right hoof or bonk with his left. Almost snapping her head towards him, Twilight gave him an unsettling smile. “Anon! Good! You’re here! Help me pick out a present!” Twilight yelled, using zero context. “Ok, she can have a pass. For now” Anon thought to himself. “A present for whom?” Anon asked. “The Princess of course! Her birthday is in a week and I haven’t got her anything!” Twilight stated, her coat practically dripping with anxiety. Celestia. Of course all this fuss had something to do with Celestia. “Maybe a student with less issues?” Anon muttered. “What!?” Twilight asked, turning her attention away from a piece of paper with a drawing of herself giving Celestia a sweater. “I said maybe some custom tissues? Like embroidery with her initials on it” Anon suggested. Shaking her head Twilight threw another piece of paper aside. “No Princess Celestia doesn’t sneeze she has a passive spell to prevent that!” Twilight dismissed. Seeing how stressed she was, Anon attempted to calm down the bookworm. “Can’t you just get her a card? She’s a princess she probably has too much stuff already” Anon pointed out. That was when he knew, he fucked up. Finding himself in the telekinetic grip of Twilight’s spell, Anon was lifted off the ground.  “Get. Her. A. Card!? Do you realise how insane you sound!?” Twilight snapped. He had to choose his next words carefully, Anon’s life hung in the balance. “Or maybe a funny mug?” Anon suggested. “Anon. Princess Celestia is THE Princess of Equestria! She’s ruled over all of Ponykind for a thousand years. She’s entertained entire dynasties and has guided my entire race. I NEED to get her a great gift or what has all those years as her pupil been about!?”  Hearing her rant, Anon was starting to get a little motion sickness from the weightlessness. With a knock on the door, Twilight dropped Anon before going to answer it. “Oh hello Mayor Mare” Twilight said in surprise at seeing Ponyville’s mayor standing at her door. “Hello Twilight, I was just wandering something I think you can help me with” she explained. “Yes! Of course! I’m the helper, the helpiest! I am the help master!” Twilight cackled, her lack of sleep clearly getting to her. Initially concerned and slightly uncomfortable about Twilight’s behaviour, Mayor Mare looked over the unicorn’s shoulder to Anon. The zebra did nothing but shake his head as if warning the mayor not to ask. “W-well, since Princess Celestia has chosen to have her birthday celebration here in Ponyville I-“ Mayor Mare began to say before being cut off. “WHAT!!?” Twilight almost roared. If you hadn’t gone deaf from the noise you’d probably hear the echo all the way in Canterlot’. “I said Princess Celestia is having her birthday here in Ponyville this year. And since you know her better than anypony in town I thought I’d ask you a few questions so we can get the decorations sorte-“ Mayor Mare continued before again being interrupted. “Herfavouritecolouriswhiteshelikesrosesandherfavouritecakeisstrawberryok?Bye!” Twilight spat out before slamming the door in the mayor’s face. “I’m doomed!” Twilight cried before collapsing on the floor from a mixture of dread and exhaustion. Looking down at the passed out mare, Anon shook his head before going back to sleep. Then returned to draw a pair of balls at the base of Twilight’s horn. As the week progressed, preparations were made and countless guests arrived from across Equestria to celebrate their monarch’s birthday. The fields for miles were covered with the extravagant tents of aristocracy. Along with the less than extravagant tents of their many servants. It almost appeared as if the town’s population had grown tenfold overnight. Not that many in town minded. Along with the welcoming nature of the pony race the money brought in more than made up for any inconveniences. While the nobles rarely left their tents. Their servants spent most of their free time in the town spending paychecks of bits that barely got them back in Canterlot. But here in a small town, those bits were greater in number than the yearly income of entire families. Finally the big day arrived. Being carried in by a golden carriage pulled by four of her pegasus guards. The birthday mare herself, Princess Celestia arrived. As she walked passed with unmatched grace, thanking everypony who she met for their warm embrace, all of town seemed to be as happy as possible. All except for Twilight. Stood at the farthest end of the crowd, many ponies including her friends between her and Celestia, Twilight went through a panic attack. “Sup Book Banger” Anon greeted as he nonchalantly trotted up to the mare. “This is the worst day of my life! Just look at all those amazing gifts everypony else got for Princess Celestia” Twilight almost sobbed.  Indeed they looked like nice presents. Golden carriages, works of art that looked like they cost more than the town, a lot of foreign looking furniture and even a couple statues of the Princess. Seeing the shame in Twilight’s eyes at not being able to top that, Anon let out a small sigh. “Here, give her this” Anon said.  Passing Twilight a small purple box wrapped with a blue bow, Anon took a seat next to the unicorn. “I knew you were going to have trouble finding the “perfect” gift so I found one for you just in case” Anon explained. “Anon, that’s sweet. But nothing in this box can compete with all those gifts” Twilight replied, her ears folding down. “Twiggles. Those are gifts for a monarch, not a mare. Would you honestly give your Mom or any of your friends something like that?” Anon asked, pointing at the tapestry depicting Celestia’s entire rule. “Well, no” Twilight responded. “Exactly, Celestia’s had a thousand years of nobles and foreign rulers sending her these big flashy gifts. This one comes from the heart, I think you’d probably have thought of it yourself if you weren’t so focused on competing with rich folk who have a way bigger budget than you”  Hearing the surprisingly wise words of the zebra, Twilight began to perk up. “Thanks Anon, but what about you? If you give me this then you won’t have a gift for Celestia” Twilight said. “Don’t worry I’ve got something special for old Sun Buns” Anon replied, chuckling heartily. And like that Twilight’s face went flat. “Anon if you try to give Celestia your stallionhood I will cut it off” Twilight warned. “No not that. Although that is a good idea for next year’s gift” Anon replied. Eventually it came Twilight’s turn to give Celestia her gift. Nervously she approached the Princess, sensing the judging looks of nobles on her as she did. “Happy Birthday Princess” she said before levitating the gift up to the alicorn. “Thank you Twilight” Celestia thanked before opening her gift.  It was a mug. A hoof-made one with the words “Bestest Sun Princess” squiggles on it. The entire crowd went silent. Twilight couldn’t tell if Celestia liked it or not, so she already began plans to exile herself to Zebrica where she intended to live as a goat. Looking over the mug, Celestia eyed every inch of it curiously. Finally the tension was cut. As Celestia let out a powerful laugh, looking as if she’d fall over from it. “Twilight, this must be the most considerate gift I’ve ever received. Thank you, truly” Celestia thanked. Suppressing a happy squeal, Twilight bowed before returning to the crowd. Meeting up with her friends Twilight felt a great weight being lifted off of her shoulders. “Well I’ll be. Good gift Sugar Cube, didn’t know you knew pottery” Applejack congratulated. “Well I had a lot of help” Twilight admitted. “Oh there’s one more” Celestia commented, getting everypony’s attention. From under a pile of fabulous gifts Celestia pulled a long green box with a black bow on it. “Dear Princess Celestia. Happy Birthday, this is for those long world days. Love, A” Celestia read out. “Huh, that must be Anon’s gift” Twilight thought to herself. Watching in anticipation as she opened her last gift, the population of Ponyville and its visitors gasped as the present was revealed. Foal’s eyes were covered, Rarity fainted, Rainbow Dash laughed her flank off. Twilight couldn’t bear to look at it for more than a couple seconds. But it was two foot long, had black and green stripes going up  its length and began vibrating. AN: happy b-day Celly.