Twilight let out an awkward chuckle. This was rather embarrassing on several levels.
“Alright, I supposed I owe you an apology or two,” said Twilight.
“Oh no, it’s fine. I’m a changeling. Fading into the background just means I’m doing my job. And being friends with you meant dealing with your muzzle constantly in a book. You’ve always had a habit of missing the small stuff, you know,” said Minuette with a wave of her hoof.
“I know, but that’s no excuse for failing to recognize that an old friend worked in Ponyville. Especially my dentist! I can’t believe I never realized you have a clinic right here after all these years. It would have saved us both so much time and trouble if we didn’t have to go back to Canterlot for my appointments,” asked Twilight.
“Well, to be fair, I never thought to suggest you switch to my main clinic either. We’re both just creatures of habit, I guess, and never thought to break up the routine. Plus there’s the fact that we never really talk while you’re in the chair because of how effective you are at taking care of your teeth. I don’t even need to remind you to floss!” said Minuette with a giggle.
“I guess. Still seems kind of rude,” said Twilight.
“Well, I for one have already forgiven you. And again, I'm a changeling, so I was kind of subconsciously trying not to stand out. Blue’s a fairly common coat color, an hourglass cutie mark is nothing special, and everyone in town knows me by my nickname, so there’s really little for you to connect a pony in the background with your dentist anyway,” said Minuette with a shrug.
“About that. How did you get that nickname? I mean, well…” said Twilight nervously.
“I know, I know. My mane looks like toothpaste, even without my disguise. That’s part of the reason why I got it. You see, before I set up shop here, I was contacted by a certain company who thought my mane would be perfect for a little advertising. I needed the extra bits to start up after getting my license, so I figured why not. By the time I came to town, the ads had already circulated, so everypony already knew me as “the Colgate pony,” explained Minuette.
“Huh. I don’t think I ever saw those ads,” said Twilight.
“Not surprising, considering your dental history and your habit of keeping a book on hoof at all times. The contract expired ages ago, so they don’t print them anymore, but I kept a few for myself. I even posted one of them on the walls in my Ponyville waiting room,” said Minuette, pointing to a nearby wall.
Sure enough, there was Minuette, smiling at the viewer as a giant toothbrush hung over her. The angle and scale of the poster gave the impression of toothpaste being spread onto the brush. The text read: “Remember to brushie brushie brushie!”
“Huh. That’s… actually really fitting for you, I think. You always were the energetic one of the group,” said Twilight.
“And proud of it! Not even Lyra could beat me for raw energy!” said Minuette with a smile.
“Unless humans were involved,” said Twilight with a giggle.
“And that’s why she was happy being the weird one,” said Minuette with a giggle of her own.
“Hm… Nope! Not doing anything particularly interesting today, Gummy. Might as well just head on out and read about somepony else,” said Pinkie.
Gummy just flopped over on the table, lost in his own thoughts. But then, the bell at the front door of Sugarcube Corner suddenly rang.
“Oh! Nevermind, Gummy. It looks like we have a customer!” cheered Pinkie.
Pinkie pronked her way to the entrance, and saw Berry Punch hobble her way inside.
“Good… *hic* after… after… afternoon, Pinkie. You got… *hic* the goods?” slurred Berry.
“Oh, I have all kinds of goods! Baked goods, cold goods, a good hug…” rambled Pinkie.
“Aw… *hic* I could always go for a… a… *hic* hug. Come ‘ere, Pink… pink… *hic,*” choked out Berry as she awkwardly threw out her front legs.
Unfortunately, the drunken mare had forgotten to stand up on her hind legs first, causing her to crash face first to the floor.
“Mmm… *hic* I’m is OK,” she mumbled.
Pinkie Pie giggled, but reached down and helped the drunken mare back to her hooves, as she did more often than not. Not that Pinkie could ever think of a time when Berry wasn’t drunk. Rumor had it that Berry sleep-drank so she always woke up sloshed, but Pinkie never believed that. Berry Punch would never drink anything if she couldn’t taste it. The mare’s cutie mark gave her certain standards.
“You’re looking a little more topsy than usual for this time of the day, Berry.” said Pinkie.
“Yeah… *hic* I know. Bit early to get… *hic* this washted. But business calls and… uh… *hic* gotta do whash I gotta… *hic* do,” said Berry with a lopsided grin.
“Wow. Must have been a lot of drinks to test at work today. Hope they paid you well for it. Anyway, what can I do for you today? You have something special planned?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh! Yesh, that’s… *hic*... that’s right! Mah baby… *hic* baby’s birthday’s in tree… tree… *hic* three days! Gotta… gotta make sure she… *hic* gets the best of the… the… pink! *hic* Yeah… pink,” said Berry with a smile.
“Well, of course I have the best ready for her! I wouldn’t dream of doing any less! Don’t you worry your drunken little head, Berry. I’ve got it allllllll planned out. Ruby’s going to absolutely love it!” said Pinkie.
“That’sh good. *hic* Very good. I just gotta… *hic* Needed to make shhhure. *hic* Gotta make her spe… spe… *hic* special day special. Cause… *hic* She deserves the best,” said Berry.
There are happy drunks, and then there’s Berry Punch. Despite being perpetually somewhere between buzzed and unconscious due to alcohol, she was possibly one of the most loving and doting mothers in town. One might ask how this is possible, but then one should remember that this is Ponyville. Berry was far from the weirdest pony in town.
“And she will get it. Now, I hope you didn’t hobble all the way across town like this just to remind me to do my favorite job. Can I get you something to help you get a little less wobbly?” asked Pinkie.
“Eh… *hic* I’ll be fffffine. Just gotta… *hic* stay home after… *hic* I’ms done here. No… *hic* no plans tonight. But yeah, I’ll uh… *hic* take a few cupcakks... *hic* Cupcakes. I could use a… *hic* a little pick me up, and a little shome… *hic* something for Ruby when she… *hic* gets home,” said Berry.
“Coming right up!” said Pinkie as she dashed behind the counter.
Fluttershy gave her reflection another careful look over. Her mane was properly combed, her coat was perfectly clean, and her teeth were brushed and sparkling.
Well, her teeth, and her fang.
She just couldn't help herself and once again paused to stare at her fang. It had been there for some time now, but it still startled her more often than not when she saw her reflection. She’d learned a trick to hide it under her lips without biting herself, but that took concentration, so she only used it when necessary.
“Well, I suppose it is kind of cute… if strange being in a pony’s mouth,” she mumbled to herself.
Suddenly, she heard a loud crashing sound. She quickly made her way to her living room, and was surprised to see she had a guest waiting for her. But it wasn’t a pony. In fact, Fluttershy wasn’t even sure what it was. But it was clearly scared out of its little mind, standing up on its hindlegs and pressed against the far wall. All of her other animals were nowhere to be seen, clearly scared away by the sudden appearance of the new arrival.
“Oh, my. Don’t worry little one, I’m not going to hurt you,” said Fluttershy, keeping her body low and moving slowly.
The creature looked at her with dark eyes that emanated fear, but also a spark hinting at some small amount of intelligence behind them. As she moved closer, Fluttershy studied it to try and figure out what it was. It was small, but not that small, just short of three feet while up on its hindlegs if Fluttershy had to guess. Its white coat was fairly fluffy, and its face and paws seemed noticeably feline, mixed with a bit of rodent and having distinctly rounded edges. But its tail was rather unusual: large and thick to the point you couldn’t tell where the line was between body and tail, if there even was one.
“Easy now. No need to be frightened,” said Fluttershy, inching ever so slowly closer.
The creature let out a small cry, or at least appeared to. The sound that came out was a cute sort of rumbling “wa” sound that caused its body to vibrate. Taking the chance to look into its mouth revealed small fangs and flat molars. An omnivore, perhaps? A scavenger? Hm… perhaps a little incentive could calm it down?
“Would you like something to eat? A berry, or maybe some fish?” asked Fluttershy.
The creature stopped its adorable little cry and looked at her in surprise. It didn’t exactly relax, but it didn’t look like it was about to lash out at her either. Taking care not to break eye contact, Fluttershy sidestepped to the animal-proof fruit basket she always kept in her living room in case of fruit cravings (Pinkie’s idea). She scooped out a hoof-full of fruit, put it down in the middle of her living room floor, and backed away.
The creature dropped down to all fours, slowly made its way to the fruit, paused to sniff it, and then took a careful bite. It seemed satisfied with the taste, as it quickly wrapped its tail around the other berries and started eating in earnest.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Fluttershy carefully drew closer, and gave it a more thorough investigation. Even up close, it was impossible to tell where that strange tail started, if it started at all. In fact, under the fur, Fluttershy couldn’t help but think its body structure was more fitting for a mollusk rather than a mammal. An invertebrate feline was far from the weirdest thing she’d ever seen, but she’d never even heard of such an animal before. And if it had suddenly appeared in her house, that could only mean one thing.
“I see. You must be one of those creatures from another world that Discord likes to surprise me with from time to time. Lightning mice, singing plants, they’re all so fascinating to see. But I do wish he’d bother asking if you were interested before bringing you here. You must have been so scared, being plucked away from your home like that,” said Fluttershy.
She carefully reached out to pet the creature. It was startled at the touch, but quickly leaned into her hoof. It clearly wasn’t used to being petted, likely a sign that ponies didn’t exist where it came from, but wasn’t completely unfamiliar with friendly physical contact. It even started purring.
“Don’t worry. He’ll be here to take you back home before too long. I gave him a lecture on making wild animals dependent on me when I can’t go back to their worlds with them. But I get the feeling that you’re a hardy opportunist when it comes to your diet. I’m sure you won’t forget how to hunt if you have one easy meal or two while you’re here,” said Fluttershy.
The creature gave another “wa,” this one noticeably more happy sounding.
It was a fact of life for the pony who made their living by completing other’s requests: sometimes, you simply had to do something you really, really didn’t want to do to put bread on your table. Even if every fiber of your being screamed in agony at the thought.
“Well, it is certainly an… eccentric design, but far be it for me to criticize a pony’s desires,” said Rarity.
“Oh, I know perfectly well it’s an insult to behold. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this thing in public. Rest assured, I want to be associated with this monstrosity as little as possible. That’s the whole reason I came here to ask you. Not nearly as many paparazzi around to catch wind of this out here compared to Canterlot. And in the event I somehow get outed for this, I swear upon my family name that I will not breathe a word that you were the one who made it,” said the client.
“Sir, I assure you I would never think otherwise of such a gentlecolt. I’m just… somewhat confused why you would want it in the first place,” said Rarity.
“I see. Well, let’s just say being a noble does not make one above a petty bet or two, and I should have taken better care of which carriage I decided to pull,” said the client with a sad shake of his head.
“Ah, yes. Petty bets. Celestia knows how often I’ve been involved in those (and I shall never forgive Applejack for that vile bathrobe). But even so, plaid pajamas? With a purple polka dot cape as an accessory? The stakes must have been quite high indeed to have such a price,” said Rarity.
“Alas, the price is never truly apparent until you have to pay it. But back to matter at hoof. Are you willing to make this for me? With your reputation, I imagine this to be well within your capabilities, likely even beneath them, but I will take no offense if you feel the need to distance yourself. I certainly wish I could do the same,” said the client.
Rarity sighed, giving the horror on the sketchpad another look. She certainly felt the need to distance herself. But the price the stallion insisted on paying? For what was ultimately a simple pair of pajamas? Even with the monstrosity she’d have to force herself to make, Rarity honestly felt she was robbing the poor gentlecolt blind!
And she could really use the money. She was so close now. Between her contacts in the capital and her ever rising reputation as a seamstress, she might be able to purchase that dream store in Canterlot in only a year or so!
But she still needed more funds to do it. And this paycheck would certainly help with that. All she had to do was soil her hooves with the filth on that sketchpad.
…
It took Rarity several minutes to make up her mind, and even then it was a very close call.
“Very well. I shall not leave my signature upon it, and I will indeed insist that you never speak of this, but I will do it,” said Rarity.
“Thank you kindly, Miss Rarity. I promise, not a soul alive shall learn of your involvement,” said the client.
Rarity gave the client a polite smile, while sobbing hysterically on the inside. This next week was going to be one of the worst in her career, but it would be worth it.
Dear Celestia, please let it be worth it…
Applejack considered herself an honest pony. OK, so her record wasn’t completely spotless on that front, but she did make an effort to be honest more often than not. So, unfortunately, she had to be honest with herself: she was bored. Stupidly bored. Bored to the point she found herself playing with a pair of apples like they were dolls.
“Yep, this here’s a fertile land. We shall grow into mighty trees and rule over it for many ages and call it… The Fertile Land,” said the left apple.
“Ah reckon your right. But ya know what would be a better name?” asked the right apple.
“To be honest, anythin’ would be better. What’s your idea?” said the left apple.
“Your grave!” said the right apple.
“No! How could Ah have possibly seen this sudden but inevitable betrayal comin’?” cried the left apple.
“Mwa ha ha! Hear mah laugh of evil! Now die!” said the right apple.
The two apples banged together in what was likely the most epic apple on apple fight in history. Well, not counting the times magic got invoiced.
“Ah! No! The pain! Dear Celestia, the pain!” cried the left apple.
“Ahem,” came a nearby voice.
The apples flew right off the market stand as Applejack looked up in horror, then winced at the sight of Carrot Top, of all ponies, looking back at her with a smug grin.
“Am I interrupting something, Applejack? Or are you suffering an especially bad market day? Not that I’d expect much else from your sub-standard goods,” taunted Carrot Top.
“Clearly not as bad as the one you're havin’, if ya can leave your stand unattended,” Applejack shot back.
“Or maybe I’ve just sold out?” said Carrot Top.
“Considering ya’ve never sold out once in the years Ah’ve seen ya work that half-rate carrot stand, Ah highly doubt that,” said Applejack.
“Well, regardless, I think I can afford to risk missing a potential customer to strike a little business deal with you. Namely, what would you be willing to do for me to buy my silence on the whole “Fertile Land” affair?” asked Carrot Top.
“Ya breath a word of this, and Ah spill about the ‘carrot walrus,’” countered Applejack.
“You wouldn’t dare,” said Carrot Top with a glare.
There was a moment of tension, but then it broke as the two ponies started laughing. Nothing like a bit of friendly mock-grudging to pass the time on a slow business day.
“Alright, alright, I have to admit that was a good one,” said Carrot Top.
“Really? Carrot Walrus? Ah don’t know where that hay that came from! Ah must be even more bored than Ah thought to come up with that,” said Applejack.
“And yet, I can easily picture myself shoving a pair of carrots in my muzzle and flopping about to break the tedium. Maybe I’d even curl up in a potato bag to really sell it,” said Carrot Top.
“Maybe it’d draw a crowd and we’d actually get some business, too. Ah swear, sometimes Ah wonder why Ah even bother openin’ the apple stand on days like this,” said Applejack.
“Ah well, what can you do? You have your days where you clear out completely before noon, and others where you can’t sell a thing. Anyway, It’s been a nice chat, Applejack, but I should get back to my own stand. Need to be ready in case that non-existent customer pays me a visit,” said Carrot Top.
“Yeah, nice hearin’ from ya,” said Applejack.
As Carrot Top made her way back, Applejack let out a sigh. She pulled another apple out of the nearly full basket and batted it back and forth a bit. Yes, slow market days were just part of the business, but experience really didn’t make them any easier to get through.
“Ya know, maybe Twilight’s right. Maybe Ah should start readin’ more. It’d probably be less awkward if Ah got caught with a book while workin’ the stand than havin’ an apple rebellion,” Applejack mumbled to herself.
“Alright, cloud quota’s been met, got a nice wind going to get ‘em all to the horizon at sundown, and not a raindrop in sight. I think we’re good to call it a day, everypony,” said Rainbow Dash.
“In that case, how about you and me call it a night? A night at my place?” called Thunderlane.
“Even if I was interested, and I’m not, I would never consider it after a pick-up line that awful. Get some better material, Thunderlane,” said Rainbow with an eye roll.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” said Thunderlane as he flew off.
There were some chuckles and giggles around the team, but everypony quickly flew off as well. Rainbow gave their weather duty efforts one last look over, then let out a sigh of resignation.
“I’d never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually going to miss this job when I’m a proper Wonderbolt. As boring as it is, there’s something just so satisfying about seeing your hard work laid out in front of you all complete and stuff. Guess Applejack’s starting to rub off on me. That pony never shuts up about that sort of thing,” Rainbow mumbled to herself with a shake of her head.
Still, she had tricks to practice, so she was about to head out as well when she suddenly noticed a pony resting on one of the clouds who was most certainly not part of the weather team. More importantly, a pony who wasn’t supposed to be up here near the clouds by herself.
“Derpy? What are you doing up here?” asked Rainbow as she approached.
The cross-eyed mare jumped in surprise, nearly falling off the cloud, but then turned to Rainbow with a smile.
“Oh! Hi, Rainbow Dash! Don’t mind me. I’m just trying to get back in touch with my inner pegasus. Haven’t really had the time to rest on a cloud for awhile,” said Derpy.
“Ah. I get you. Celestia knows how often I’ve wanted to drag Fluttershy up here to make sure she hasn’t completely forgotten what the higher altitudes feel like. But still, you know I’m going to have to keep an eye on you until you’re ready to head back down. Mayor’s orders,” said Rainbow.
“I’m just not allowed to work with clouds anymore. I can rest on one just fine. It’s been years since the last accident. I promise I’m not going to break anything this time,” said Derpy.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Derpy. I know for a fact that you’re not going to blow the roof off town hall again (if only because we’re over Sweet Apple Acres). But we both know that we’re going to get yelled at if anypony sees you alone up here. Sorry, Derpy, but I have to stay,” said Rainbow.
“Oh, right. Sorry to waste your time then. I can just…” said Derpy as she got up to leave.
“No, it’s fine. I can do my start-up stretches up here. You go ahead and finish up. I can even wait a bit if I have to,” said Rainbow.
“Oh! Thank you!” said Derpy with a smile.
Derpy sat back down and returned to her meditation, while Rainbow sat down and started stretching. True, the stretches were easier when she had something more solid than a cloud to push against, but it was fine. And it wasn’t like Rainbow really minded Derpy’s company.
Yes, Rainbow often got frustrated with the cross-eyed pegasus, she could admit that. But Derpy was a truly amazing pony. Rainbow had seen that strength herself all those years ago in flight school. It took a special kind of power to just keep smiling even as you fell further and further behind your classmates as your vision got worse and worse.
Spike flipped to the next page of his comic book. This was the most exciting thing that had happened to him all week.
No, seriously, it was. It was the climax of a story arc that had been going on for eight issues. He’d been looking forward to this for months.
“Yes! I knew the plan would work, girls! Now go and fulfill your destinies!” he cheered.