“C-captain… Are… are you sure that the information is correct?”
“Right or not, I don’t care. If there exists even a one-percent chance that evidence of Anonymous is here, I’ll take it.”
Shining Armor said with a determined look, despite the bags, and bloodshot eyes, the captain refused to grant a moment of rest as he stared at the blocked off cave in front of him... Flash Sentry gulped as he stared at the boulder that blocked the cave.
“Sir… I understand how you feel but…”
Shining Armor’s eyes snapped onto Flash Sentry.
“It’s been months… Sir… I think it’s time to…”
“Flash.”
“Yes, sir?”
“Do you have siblings?”
“N-no sir, but…”
“Then you better shut the fu-buck up before I strap you to the mana bomb and this boulder.”
“Un… Understood, sir…”
Flash Sentry backed away and went back to join the rest of the guards. Shining Armor huffed and glared at the boulder forward.
“Mana bomb!”
Quickly, a pair of unicorn guardsmare run up to the boulder. With a deep inhale the pair place their horns against the boulder and form two mana balls, slowly dragging the two balls together they formed a larger mana ball together and stick it onto the boulder.
“Back up!”
The guardsmare quickly retreat. Shining armor sighed and lit his horn before blasting a magic bolt at the ball. Everypony watched as the bolt collided and exploded, throwing up dust and launching rocks deeper in the cave.
“CHARGE!”
Instantly, all eight guards charged into the cave with Shining Armor following behind. Everyone charged in an even straight line, rushing down the strange man-made stone stores and through the strange hallway filled with human-sized fist impacts on the walls. The ground would eventually halt as they entered the end of the cave. Shining Armor pushed forward and looked around the dead end.
Along the walls held three different doors. A black door, a white door, and then finally a very familiar green colored door with cutesy letter stickers that spelled out “A N O N’S TEMPLE.”
Shining Armor sneered at the door, and looked over his shoulder at the remaining guards.
“Split up, groups of two. One stays here in case he comes back.”
“Yes, sir!”
Two guardsmare entered the black door, with horns lit. The two quickly stuck by each other’s side as they walked inside.
The room they entered was a kitchen. A very… neat kitchen. The tile floors sparkled, the dishes were cleaned, the cooking pans twinkled, the cabinets were organized. One of the guardsmare nearly collapsed from the sign of it.
“If my lover’s kitchen was like this… Whew, the things I’d do to him…”
The guards approached the fridge and opened it. The duo blinked as they as ran their eyes over the overstock shelves of boxes of Iron Will’s Muscle Bars™. Hesitantly, one of them grabbed the one of the boxes and looked it over.
It was forty bars per box and packed to them brim with protein.
The guardmare looked at the other with a horrified expression.
Shining Armor scanned the bedroom as he and the other guard stepped further in. It was a complete mess. Toga’s scattered over the floor, iron weights laid on the floor near the punching bag and the bench press. In the far left corner was a stack of hay with a loose blanket and pillow. What was next to it was what caught Shining Armor’s eye.
Stopping himself, he picked up the three different colored books in his magic. He scowled as he read the titles. They were all passports, one was an Equestrian, the other was to the Griffion empire, and the last one was… for the Crystal Empire. He gritted his teeth and opened them all up, finding various ID’s in each one of them.
He narrowed his eyes as he looked over the various ID’s. The Equestrian ID had normal Anon in his suit, but the other two were Anon in his toga with two different mustaches attached to his face. Shining Armor really needed to convince Cadence to change out the Crystal Empire border guards. He glanced at one of the names.
“Anon Sparkle.”
Shining Armor threw the ID at the poster of Anon flexing.
Flash Sentry and the guardmare stepped in through the white door. Finding themselves in a living room. Across them was a very nice couch, lamp, bookshelves, fan, TV, an armchair, and another doo-.
“How in Tartarus did that man get all this stuff?”
Flash Sentry walked up to the lamp and looked up under the lamp's shade, staring at the tag the very bluntly stated “From the Griffion Empire.”
“Huh… Looks like the griffons are funding him…”
“Don’t just casually say that! That means the griffons are trying to use him to take over Equestria!”
Flash Sentry blew a raspberry.
“It’s just griffons, and it’s just Anon. They’re not that dangerous. Plus, It’s well known that when Anon came, he was at Griffonstone first.”
“Flash, are you dumb!? This is clearly a situation of them using Anon’s vengeance to sway him over to their side so he can get vengeance and when he does then they’ll swoop in and take Equestria!”
Flash Sentry sighed and walked over to her, patting the nervous guardsmare on her shoulder.
“Do you really think Anon would really put Equestria in a situation so bad that another empire can swoop in and take over because Spike told the guard that he was the one that stole Princess Celestia’s sweets?”
“Flash! Spike was in ICU for a month after Anon beat him! Last time I heard about him, I heard he was taking physical and mental therapy!”
“Ah… uh… Oh! Hey! Look, there's an audio recorder on the coffee table!”
Flash quickly bounced over to the coffee table and pressed the play button.
“FEE! FI! FO! FUM! I, THE HOLY ONE, SMELL THE MUSK OF A SINFUL ONES!”
“........”
“..........”
Flash turned around to the guardsmare.
“Alright, look, don’t freak out.”
“What the BUC-FUCK is this! Flash!? Let’s get out of here while it’s safe! Leave Shining armor to his cliché revenge story!”
“I told you not to freak out, Celestia damn it…”
“I’ll be calm when we leave! That tape clearly means he’s planned this! Has to be coming back by now! This is a trap!”
“We have someone outside on watch, and knowing Anon he’s loud and brash. Caaaaaaaaaaalm dooooooown.”
“Then tell me flash! If he’s not going to come in through the front, then where is going to come from!? Huh!? Where is he, Flash!?”
Instantly, the door the two had ignored kicked opened, revealing a far more muscular toga wearing Anonymous.
“THIS! IS WHERE I WAS!”
Flash Sentry and the guardmare froze in place as they stared at the green toga warrior. It was enough time for Anon to run at the guardmare and perform a dropkick. Launching the poor mare into a nearby bookshelf. Flash watched the mare slide down the bookshelf, blood dripped from her nose as the side of her helm showed dents.
“Oh… Oh, my Celestia!”
Anon’s head snapped towards flash with a disgusting crack. He snarled and started to approach the young stallion.
“GET THAT FAT-ASSED SEXY SUCCUBUS’S NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”
Anon gritted his teeth and veins bulged from his face.
“YOU WANNABE FUCK TOY!”
Flash wasn’t even able to pull out a reply as Anonymous towered over the stallion, raising his right arm up high into the air. He performed a holy karate chop onto the stallion’s skull, breaking through the helmet and making a sickening crack upon impact.
“AIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!”
Flash crumbled like a sack of potatoes being dropped. Anon huffed and spat on the sinful stallion.
“May god help you find salvation, you damned lustful beast…”
“Holy… Holy Celestia…”
Anon’s turned around mechanically as if he was a statue to face the new voice. Finding a lone guard at the doorway, staring at the scene in disbelief. The guard shook in place as he gazed over the man new holy body.
“Y-you’re actually here!”
“Did you just say rear?”
“Wha… What?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
The guard screamed in pain as the two rolled across the ground.
Another lost soul to be cleansed, by the holy Rolling Death Cradle.
Shining Armor charged through the green door as he heard screams. His whole body froze as he looked at the scene before him. Anonymous in his toga, standing over the broken body of one of the guards. Shining Armor felt nothing for the guard at the moment, as his eyes stared into the green muscular frame of Anonymous all that flashed through him was seeing the broken body of Spike.
The tearful anger his sister held at him for using Spike like that. The disapproval of his parents for what he did, and the gut crushing guilt that resided in him. All caused by one man who refused to pay for his petty crime. Shining Armor saw red, veins in his face bulged and he gritted his teeth so hard that they cracked.
“EVERYPONY ENGAGE NOW!”
Shining Armor charged with his guard at his side. The guardmare rushed out of the kitchen and charged at the human with horns lit.
Anonymous laughed as he saw everyone charge at him.
“My hands must be holy temples! Because these fists are open for you!”
Anonymous screamed as one of the guardmares stepped up to the plate. Before she could even send a spell, Anonymous punched her in the snout and sent her flying to the wall. Shining Armor and his guard split up, going over to both Anonymous’s side. The guard swung his spear, only him to get slapped across the face so hard that his body spun in place like that of a LEGO™ ninjago spinner.
Shining Armor ignited his horn and prepared to launch a magic bolt barrage directly into Anonymous’s face, unfortunately, the human spun around and grabbed the captain by his horn. Twisting his head up and forcing him to launch a premature barrage off into the ceiling. Shining Armor’s eyes widened at the action, the man should’ve burnt his hand upon doing this… yet he showed no pain.
“Remember what I told you, Shining Armor.”
Anonymous’s face darkened as he stared down the unicorn and whispered just loud enough for the stallion to hear.
“You better hope for a fucking miracle if I ever see you again.”
Anonymous released Shining Armor’s horn and performed a hop kick to the stallion’s chin. Launching him into the ceiling.
The remaining guardmare stood there, frozen. Anonymous delivered a holy fist to her face. The guard who finally managed to stop his spinning received a jump kick to the chest, launching him across the area. Anon scanned around and saw the guardmare that came at him first was getting back up, with no hesitation he slowly walked over to her. With a kiss to the back of his hand, he performed a backhand slap that echoed throughout the cave.
“ANOOOOOOOON!”
Anonymous didn’t even look behind him. Following his holy warrior instincts and performing an elbow jab, striking Shining in the face as he tried to charge. With a grunt and a bleeding nose the stallion collapsed onto the ground… and Anonymous straddled over his barrel, cardling the captain's head like a wife to her sick husband in his left hand… Anonymous started to pound the stallion face, with his holy right fist.
Over.
And over.
And over, again
Until Shining Armor had passed out from the pain and his face was soaked in his own blood. Anonymous halted his fist as he stared down at the broken stallion. A tear leaped from his eye.
“Shining Armor… I didn’t want it this way… but you just had to be a fucking servant to the fat assed succubus…”
Anonymous drew a question mark on Shining Armor’s forehead in his own blood.
“May god forgive for your sins… because I won’t.”
Anonymous picked up Shining Armor and stood, raising the broken stallion above his head as if he was an offering to the gods before tossing him up into the air. Blood spilled into the air as Shining Armor’s body spun around as it fell before having a meeting with Anonymous’s calve. With a manly grunt, Anonymous landed a perfect kickoff. Launching the Stallion through the hallway and watching his body bounce off the hallway walls as if he was a pinball.
The one of the guardsmare met their defeat at the onslaught of Anonymous’s holy Hundred Lightning Kicks. She crumbled like dust and laid on the floor broken.
The other Guardmare met their defeat at the infamous holy indian death lock chain grab. Leaving behind a twitching and drooling mare, awakening the mare to true holy insight.
The last guard was finished off with a ten-hit combo string. The battered his body to the point where all he could do was lay on the ground and whimper for his mother.
Anonymous would tell him that his mother was next.
Anonymous towered over the broken guards with his wide open and a holy T-pose. He took in a deep breath and exhaled. Finally relaxing his muscles, and holy justice that smoldered inside him. That was until he heard movement. Mechanically, he turned around to the noise and saw Flash crawling away. Flash briefly stopped and glanced back, panic came across his face as he saw Anonymous staring at him. He crawled away faster, but it was a pointless struggle.
He picked up Flash by his neck, holding him up off the ground.
“W-wait! Anonymous Wait! I-i was following orders! I-I think you were right man!”
“Were?”
“I-I mean you are right man! C-celestia she is an uh... Succ-ever you call it! J-just let me go, please, bro!”
“There are no more bros in this word, Flash.”
Anonymous slammed Flash down onto the ground, creating a crater under the stallion.
“Only traitors who work with fat assed wenches.”
Anonymous stared as Flash shook in pain, the light in his eyes nearly fading away.
“Flash, tell Celestia this. That Spike will is going to become a eunuch soon and free from her influence. As well as the rest of Canterlot soon.”
Anonymous stepped away from the quivering stallion and walked down the hall. His pilgrimage has finally ended with this.
It was now time for the crusade.