//------------------------------// // I Love You... // Story: All Of My Unrequited Love For You // by ButterflyEclipse //------------------------------// Fluttershy smiled like the sun. Rainbow wanted her lips to burn onto her and taste the sunlight. In a faint whisper, she asked, "Can I kiss you?" "Can I kiss you?" Rainbow said, clearly in a wrecked state. Fluttershy tilted her head at that question. It was after school and Rainbow texted her asking to meet her at the bleachers, on the field behind the school. It was a cloudy day, but it wasn't that cold. No one else was there that day. "Of course you can, Dashie." Rainbow pulled her in, Fluttershy's legs on her lap and cradling her. She leaned in and kissed her out of selfish desperation. Even from that kiss, Fluttershy could tell something was happening. Rainbow never kissed her like this. She never kissed her like it would be the last one. She never held her so close she would leave marks. She never breathed so few the moments passed by slower. When they leaned apart, Fluttershy saw a world of devastation in her eyes. With her delicate hands, she wiped her tears away, kissing her cheeks and embellishing them with a red glow that spread across Rainbow's cheeks. It looked like it hurt Rainbow when she took Fluttershy's arms away, kissing the back of her hand before gasping out, "I love you." Fluttershy's heart should've jumped in glee. She should've felt like she was on cloud nine and frolicking down a field of sunflowers. She should've wanted to cherish that moment for all of eternity. But she wasn't. Words that should've sounded like a promise to her heart, sounded like a goodbye. "I love you too." Fluttershy spoke confusingly, but she meant each word. Those words impacted Rainbow Dash more than it should've. There were a lot of things that should have gone a certain way, but fate and perhaps its players struck a misfortune. "I-I love taking nature walks with you, and I love our late night instrument practing sessions, and I love napping together when it's raining outside. I love loving you." Fluttershy gleamed at those words, but each time she was happy, it got struck down by Rainbow's words breaking down and the tears that were streaming down her face. "But—" Rainbow started, getting interrupted by the shatter of her heart. "But what?" "I-I need time apart." "What?" "W-we need to break up." "I don't understand." "This isn't because of you. Please don't ever think that. But I need time to not be in a relationship." Rainbow felt like dying when she saw tears mirrored on Fluttershy's face. "You just said you loved me." "And I do! So much. But that's also why we need to break up." "You're being so confusing." She spoke whilst choking back sobs. "I know. I'm sorry. And I'll make it worse by being unable to tell you right now. I can't even explain it right now because I don't even know." Her own tears ruined her. It broke her down to smaller and sharper pieces for her to later rebuild herself like a kintsugi. Fluttershy still sat close to her lap, yet she distanced herself away, trying to process it all and it will take a dozen of moon cycles before she can. Rainbow Dash swore in her head, trying to resist the urge to comfort her out of habit, even if the reason she's crying was because of her. Eventually, it won over, bringing Fluttershy close so that they can cry in each other's arms. At first, Fluttershy flinched and even tried to fight it, but her emotions got the better of her and no matter how many times she told herself to in that moment, she couldn't let go. Fluttershy held her head between Rainbow's neck and shoulder, hearing a hurting heartbeat that she couldn't identify as hers or not. The words she now spited rang in her ear, I love you... I love you... I love you... continuously until all the lights of the world shut down. I love you... I love you... I love you... She had previously choked up on tears trying to say those words the last time. Her eyes foresought a tsunami as she said them and still sailed right into the thunderous wave. Now the words were as easy as breathing, like it could bring her back to life. Fluttershy was still traumatized by those words from the last time. Can I kiss you? I love you.It has been engraved into her veins and has flowed her blood and her tears to the pounding chambers of her heart. So when she heard those exact words said by the same lips she used to worship, it had her hesitate. It quivered and ached as a reminder of what happened the last time. I love you... I love you... I love you... Just when she started to make her foreign too. Her smell wasn't in her room or in her car anymore. The scent of an autumn breeze and a clean cloth flying through it that she loves when she hugs her. Her gym bag wasn't in the corner of her room with her school bag. The bag that she embroidered Rainbow's name on. Her sport games and practices schedule nearly became unknown to her. She would come to as many of the games she could to support her and had her practice times memorized. Her songbook wasn't on the bedside table next to her. The notebook that she'd annotate with her pretty pens about lyrics that were about her. The small gestures she does when she kisses were becoming foreign. She was starting to forget how Rainbow would press herself onto her to deepen the kiss or the way she would lace her fingers on her jaw and neck on quicker kisses. I love you... I love you... I love you... But the one thing she once feared she could never make foreign, (I love you... I love you... I love you...) was that she loved her. No matter how many moments and objects she tries to forget, she remembers it all once she looks at Rainbow Dash and is reminded over and over again: I love you... I love you... I love you... And so when she is asked that question again, in a motel room that is as cold as that day on the bleachers, she says yes. Rainbow pulled her in with a similar tone of desperation as that lonely day many moon cycles ago. But it was laced with something different this time. She handled her desire with care and hope. Her hand moved so that her fingers lightly drag her neck towards her, her thumb still caressing her cheek. She guided her to her lips, a place they both cherished as their Neverland. Fluttershy missed this. She missed Rainbow's gentleness with her and the slow bite she does on her bottom lip. She missed her hands finding new places to make her shiver. She missed the way her heart fluttered and in an instant, it felt like they were floating. Rainbow felt like she was already pushing the limits, so she separated, but Fluttershy immediately countered, their lips reuniting once again. Rainbow smiled into the kiss, Fluttershy feeling the curving of her lips on hers. Just like old habits, Rainbow leaned into the kiss, deepening it until Fluttershy fell back onto the bed. Her arms went around Rainbow's neck and they breathed into the kiss, her body feeling ticklish with lovebugs crawling on both of them. They're foreheads leaned against each other after they separated, both gasping for air. Suddenly the motel room didn't feel so cold. In a sultry voice, Rainbow whispered, "I love you." "I love you too." Fluttershy smiled beautifully. Rainbow kissed her again, "I love you". Then she kissed her forehead, then her cheek and continued from her jaw to her neck, each time repeating those three words. And each time, Fluttershy felt it as those lips cherished and re-explored her body. It was like training a puppy or a kitten, associating words with treats so they react to their owner's commands. Previously, Rainbow ruined I love you's for Fluttershy. Those words only reminded her of the devastating breakup and her broken heart. She was haunted by those words and would cry fear that someone else will leave her from them. Now the same person is trying to re-teach the meaning of the words to her. Through a trail of kisses and warm hands, maybe her relationship with those words could be healed. Rainbow looks up when she reaches her chest. Fluttershy tilts her head back and closes her eyes when thunders rolls through her body. Rainbow asks before she goes further and Fluttershy kisses her in response. She jumps out of her body the further down Rainbow's loving lips explore the deeper parts of her. And in her head throughout it all, she screams, I love her... I love her... I love her... When she wakes up, she felt light kisses on her shoulder and warm arms wrapped around her waist. Rainbow groaned when she stirred, realizing the sun wasn't even out yet. She turned around so that she was facing Fluttershy and smiled. Fluttershy placed light kisses on her cheeks and played with her hair that was recently cut into a wolf cut. "Mmm... What time is it?" "Six-forty. We need time to drive back home and do any homework. You also said you wanted to talk to your parents." "What if I don't feel like doing that anymore?" Rainbow spoke, her eyes still closed. "What if I just want to stay here with you?" "For how long?" "Forever." She giggled. "I think you'd get tired of me by then." Rainbow smiled and pulled her in closer, her head laying on the side of Fluttershy's chest. "Never." Fluttershy wrapped her arms around her head and kissed her calming hair, Rainbow burying herself into her warmth even more. "I think we can maybe risk another hour." Fluttershy whispered. She felt Rainbow's lips turn into a smile against her skin, "Perfect." "Hey, can I talk to you guys?" Rainbow asked her parents. Her mom was finishing up putting the dishes in the washer and her dad was sitting on the couch. Fluttershy kissed her cheek before going upstairs and starting on her homework in Rainbow's room. "Yeah sure. What's going on? Is this about Fluttershy?" Her mom asked. "No. Can we sit down?" Rainbow's dad made room for her mom on the couch and Rainbow stood across from them. "What did you want to talk about?" "So, when I was at Blossom Shy's funeral, it made me really reflect about you guys and how you affect me. And I am so grateful that you raised me as a champion and always supported me on my wins and achievements. But it has been a noticeable that I struggle a lot sometimes because of your support. And for the first years I was able to handle it, because I didn't have as many things to do at school and I had more time for extracurriculars, but I don't think I can keep doing this, especially when college comes around." Rainbow saw compassion in her mom's eyes. The same ones she showed when she told her a similar conversation a few months ago. Her father, however, scoffed. "What is this? We pay for all your competitions and your practices and now we're the bad guys? I didn't make you a star just so you can quit now." "Honey, she has been struggling because of it." Her mom spoke, her head now turned to her husband. "I don't care. I was all sad and depressed for most of my life, that doesn't mean I suddenly turn into a failure. This sad bullshit is not acceptable." This led Rainbow to speak up. "Do you not care at all that I've been so mentally messed up until it affects my sports performance?" "Sports is a mental arena. If you are not fit for it, you have to work past it until it sticks." "You are proving her point. You should care that she ends up hospitalized or needs a two hundred dollar an hour therapist because of us." Her mother spoke. "Oh are you two ganging up on me now? I have supported you two through it all and this is the mistreatment I get?" He was getting more and more angry. "You should show me the respect that I fucking deserve. If only you weren't a whore and got me a son instead, then this wouldn't ever been an issue. Now I am living with two disappointments." That was when her mom realized that she didn't love him enough to stay with him anymore. There used to be a time when he wasn't like this. There used to be a time where her heart bounced when he called her name. But her heart hasn't felt that way in decades. Instead, her legs freeze and her hands feel heavy with anger. Rainbow froze. This was the worst she has ever seen her dad. She has never seen him boil so many regrets and so many degradations to her or her mom. Because as much as her dad resents her for not being a boy, he does— if not more— blame it on his wife. She stood up and kissed Rainbow's forehead before she whispered, "Go upstairs and get Fluttershy. Pack a bag. I promise everything will turn out okay." Rainbow, still shocked and her arms shaking, did as she was told, looking back at her mom throwing her ring and shouting at him. She opened the door and Fluttershy sat on her bed reading a Shakespeare poem for English. Tears now swelled up in Rainbow's eyes, red blushed behind her magenta iris, as she choked out, "S-she told us to leave. Now." So overwhelmed, Fluttershy packed her things for her. She remembers which shirts she liked the best and the items she cherished the most. Most of Fluttershy's things were in the car— they had transferred her things from Sunset's van to hers and a storage unit half an hour away. Rainbow put Tank in his cage and grabbed Fluttershy's journal. She thanked herself for leaving her electric guitar at Applejack's garage where the group would practice. Despite it all, she knew her mother's plan. So she sneaked to their bedroom and took a few things for her mom. Still fighting downstairs, the two sneaked past her parents, her mom glancing at the departing figures. Once they were outside, she left as well, leaving a man and his life disintegrate in his striking and furious hands, smashing beer bottles on his daughter's walls and destroying his wife's vanity and bed frame. Her mom knew someone who could let them stay temporarily. They had one guest bedroom and bathroom where Fluttershy was showering after a long day of traveling and constantly moving. Her body has become used to all this change, but deep down she knew that her emotions would be delayed and would soon overwhelm her. She just needs an anchor to stay throughout the ever-changing world, and she is relieved to say she found one through Rainbow Dash. And she is hers. Originally, Fluttershy suggested that she sleeps on the couch of the living room and that Rainbow and her mom can occupy the guest bedroom, however, her mom against it and Fluttershy folded nearly immediately. Rainbow set her things up before collecting the items she stole for her mom. It wasn't too much. It was the necklace her grandmother got her, her phone and her wallet. Her mom cried when she saw them and pulled her daughter into a hug. "I'm so sorry" "Mom, it's okay." "I know I have said this before and I have broken my promise, but I really am trying to be better for you." Rainbow's tears almost instantly. "I know you are, and I feel the changes, it's just the small things you say." "I'm sorry." "What's going to happen with dad?" "Well, I sure want a divorce." "Will we be okay?" Her mom smiled sweetly. "Yeah." She kissed her forehead and hugged her goodnight. Rainbow felt strangely numb when she entered the room, her breathing eased when she saw Fluttershy sitting down on the bed with paper and a pen in her hand. The room did not have a table and had a built-in wardobe, so there was no surface to write. Because even through all of this, they still had school the next day. When she saw her at the closed door, Fluttershy put aside her work and opened her arms for Rainbow to fall into her— her face burying into her hair and collarbone. She breathed in her soft skin and melted into her warmth. Fluttershy's fingers untangled strands of her hair and closed her eyes to soak into the moment. Rainbow fell beside her and they stared each other, laying sideways on a bed, recreating a scene empty ceilings across Canterlot and beyond have seen time after time again. "Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked softly. "Yeah," Rainbow's thumb drew circles on her cheek, "I have you." She kissed into her sweet breath and Fluttershy's heart fluttered. "Are you okay?" "If you're here with me, I'll be okay." The view from their place stretched across urban horizon as sunlight kissed them goodnight. Small sparkles reminding her of stars or fireflies glowed across the city landscape. Their apartment suite was considerably high up and it overwhelmed Fluttershy at first, but she grew to love cloud watching from this height and admiring the view of the park from there. Fortune held their hands and guided them when they chose this place. The location was perfect— it was nearly equal distance to the university and college that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash respectively attended. This part of city was undeniably urban, yet it never forget to shower in nature and spread its luscious vines. Their suite itself is quite compact— it is one of the smallest and cheapest of the building— however, it was perfect for the two. On her desk where she studied, she displayed her favourite books that she continually rereads, starting with Daring Do to the Power Ponies to Fluttershy's journal. She checked the time and her calendar for the week. She has track and soccer for her extracurriculars and that was it. With her sports schedule being cut significantly, she has been able to focus on her college work. She has gotten a sports scholarship and is studying kinesiology. She knows she wants to be some sort of coach or personal trainer and become a exercise physiologist to help people who were struggling like her. She checked the time again, seeing thick darkness flying slowly in the wintry night and Fluttershy wasn't back yet. Angel was sleeping on her lap— they used to hate each other's company, but they got more comfortable with each other by the second year. Tank always laid beside her desk, eating the last pieces his dinner. Suddenly, she received a text from her mom. Her divorce was finalized months ago, but her dad still bothered her, resulting in involving the police. She has her own apartment now and she lives half an hour away from them. The text is confirmation that they can make it to dinner the following weekend. They meet up at her mom's place for supper once every one to two months. Rainbow sent back a text when she heard the door knob rattle. She jumped out of her chair, apologizing to a very frustrated and tired Angel Bunny who scowled at her before curling his body and sleeping next to Tank. Fluttershy stood with a tired spine at the doorway, and placed her tote bag carrying her three textbooks on the floor, then hung her mint-green puffer coat on the stand next to her after locking the door. Fluttershy's smile turned into a beautiful phase of the moon when she saw her, but glowed the same light of the sun. Rainbow kissed her cheek before fully embracing her into her loving arms. Fluttershy's tired body would slump into the empty spaces of Rainbow's and they would breath the same stars. Every day they replayed the same moment at the doorway, and Rainbow loved it. Every day for the past one and a half to two years, but neither ever got tired of it. "I'm sorry I'm late. I hope you weren't waiting for too long." "Don't worry. How was classes today?" "It's all getting more intense and technical. But I like the pace that it's going." They now separated and Fluttershy started to change into more comfortable clothes. "SeaMeadow asked me out today." SeaMeadow was Fluttershy's colleague and they worked on a report together before. Rainbow suddenly felt a spark of some emotion she couldn't quite place. It was the same feeling she got when she heard that Fluttershy was seeing a guy back when Sunset broke them off. It was the same spark and the same tug at her heart. "Oh. What did you say?" Fluttershy saw Rainbow's face and recognized her thoughts. "Dashie," she cupped her face and kissed away the frown on her forehead, "I told him that there's a girl that I love more than anything waiting for me at our apartment." Rainbow's smile gleamed and it warmed Fluttershy's skin and bones. "I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I just thought it was kind of crazy that someone asked me out." "Why would it be crazy? I can't blame them for trying, I mean look at you." Rainbow spoke before placing kissed on her wrists. "Did you eat anything?" "I had ramen. I bought you another one." "Thanks, but I think I'm too tired to eat right now." They began their nightly routines together. It was near midnight and Rainbow had a test in her first class tomorrow. They brushed their teeth and Fluttershy took a quick shower. Rainbow was done much quicker and was in bed with her laptop, reviewing her notes before the stress-inducing assessment the next day. Their bedroom was still quite empty. Neither had too much money or time to decorate the place. Still, it was all perfect. They upgraded from mattress on the floor to a frame half a year ago. Fluttershy used her fairy lights and vines from her old bedroom to curl around the headboard. She also crocheted a round rug to put underneath. Rainbow put her additions as well. She put up soft grunge style band and sport posters. They share the closet and the contents inside, smiling brighter every time they see each other wear their clothes. Tonight, Fluttershy wore one of Rainbow's band shirts they went to the concert of two months before. When she came out of the bathroom, Rainbow smiled and put her laptop to the side. She opened her arms for Fluttershy to fall into. Rainbow wrapped her arms around her, bringing her close and smelling her freshly shampooed hair that smelled like lavender shea butter but wasn't overwhelming in scent. Fluttershy kissed into Rainbow's sighing breath and laid on her chest after, hearing her favourite song playing on repeat beneath and relaxing her stiff body to it. They both closed their eyes and breathed into each other, leaning into each other's touch because even if it has been over a decade, they still feel quiet sparks in their restless hearts when the other plays with their hair or traces their jaw and cheek. They were each other's maps and they explored each vein and bruise everyday. "Have I ever told you I love you?" Rainbow muttered into her temple. "You may have mentioned it." "Well, I guess I'll have to say it again. I love you." "Which parts?" "All of it. All of you." "I love all of you too." Rainbow turns off the light and they sleep the night that has already passed the horizon of morning and its moon watched the lovers whisper a thousand confessions of love through their words and touch. The stars that ressemble fireflies burn in requited love that survives to see a hybrid solar eclipse and beyond.