So, there we were, me and my friends, wandering through the forest. The birds chattered all around, and the forest crystals glowed with beautiful light. I hadn't lived here all too long, but it felt like home already to me. Probably because my journey began here all that time ago. The others had faces lit up with wonder as they looked at the scene.
"Maybe I should take a selfie?" Pipp asked, before reaching for her phone.
I dashed over and put her hoof down. "I don't think you wanna do that."
"Why not?" Pipp asked.
"Unicorns don't have phones. If you do that you'll expose yourself as a pegasus!"
Pipp's eyes widened. "Ohhhhh. That makes sense."
I then noticed Sunny looking closely at some crystals. I bounced over. "We have loads of lovely crystals, but I don't think that's the one you want to collect. The real one is in the Crystal Tearooms- but you'd already know that."
"We all have watched the film," Hitch said. "We're on a level page, somewhat, but there are some things that I don't recognise. Lore that has changed since we were in the human world?"
"Maybe?" Sunny suggested. "All I know is I want to write it all down!"
Hitch trotted forward and spotted several unicorns lying about. "What's got them down?" he asked. "Why aren't they using magic?"
Oopsie! Hitch shouldn't have done that! I made that exact mistake when I got here!
A colt looked over, in the same accusatory tone he had for me earlier. "You said a bad word!" he said to Hitch. "Quick, before we get jinxed!"
They then proceeded to do the usual ritual before returning to doing nothing. For a few seconds the scene was permeated only by the sound of several apples dropping on a mare's head, followed by her saying 'ow'.
Hitch glanced back. "Sorry. I'd forgotten about the jinxies. Remind me what they are again?"
"They're forbidden words," Misty said. We all looked at her in amazement. "What? I'm just filling in Zipp's lines of dialogue!"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Perhaps break the fourth wall a little less?" I suggested.
"Funny that, coming from you," Pipp commented.
Sprout, who had said nothing the entire time, then spoke up. "Perhaps you could tell us what the jinxies are? I could use a refresher on that front."
I nodded, dropping my voice as low as I could. "Wing, feather, magic, mayonnaise."
Pipp's eyes widened. "Yeah, we know the reason why now."
"Reason for what?" I asked. They weren't being clear.
Hitch then decided to clarify. "Why unicorns seem to be so afraid of ma-"
I slammed my hoof over his mouth. "I don't think you want to say that out loud."
Hitch calmly removed my hoof from his mouth. "Uhh, noted. Now then, shall we get on with our mission?"
"I was wondering when we'd stop goofing off and get on with the plot," Sunny interrupted. "Let's go get that crystal."
So we continued on our way, into the Crystal Tearoom. It was just as I remembered it! Full of low ceilings, and a series of oil lights which gave the place a charming, rustic atmosphere. A band played on stage, playing jaunty and cheerful tunes- precisely what you want at your local watering hole. Ponies sat around tables exchanging things, and enjoying drinks, all whilst looking very deflated.
No real surprise. I saw a unicorn slink over to a table and sit down dejected. I sat next to him.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"I just lost," he said. "I swear Alphabittle has two different rubix cubes he swaps between when winning bets. If I could just catch him in the act of swapping them over..."
Sunny looked over, and spotted something interesting about the Rubix cube sitting on the table. "I think I've got the pattern figured out," she said.
"Sunny, you sure?" Pipp asked.
"I'm a champion at getting those things solved in nothing flat," Sunny smiled. "I know precisely how to get him to bite."
I was about to ask how she knew, but then remembered she'd seen the film, like me. "Good luck!"
Sunny walked over and talked with Alphabittle for a bit, then she signed a piece of paper before placing the pegasus crystal down as her bet piece. They then went over to the Let's Prance machine and began to compete.
And boy was it wild. Unlike in the movie, Sunny knew what she was doing from the off. Watching her move was like watching poetry in motion as she wracked up combo after combo on the machine. Unicorns watched in amazement as she bounced between the floor pieces as combo after combo blazed away under hooves.
"Keep it up, Sunny!" I called.
Pipp grinned. "That's the spirit, Sunny! Let the rhythm take you over!"
"I'm certainly feeling it!" Sunny replied, as she generated combo after combo.
Alphabittle looked over in utter confusion. "How... is... she... doing... this?" he wheezed. "I've... never... seen... somepony... play... this... well?"
Just then, the block hit the top, and the machine deployed the winning flag- for Sunny!
Sunny jumped in the air. "Yes! Only had to win one round!"
Alphabittle was muttering to himself, but passed the crystal over anyway.
I dashed over to her. "Sunny, we did it!"
"We sure did!" she said.
In that moment, I became aware of a projectile flying across the room. It was moving to quickly for anypony to interact, but it hit Sunny's fake horn and detached it.
The next moment was like the world had gone into slow motion. My mouth fell open in shock as the horn bounced on the floor, bouncing a few times before lying completely still.
Sunny seemed to notice it too, and her mouth fell open in shock. "Oh shit."
We both looked up. Alphabittle had put down a blowpipe he had presumably fired a projectile through. He looked very unhappy. "Just as I suspected," he said. "An earth pony." He moved closer. "Now give me back my crystal, and the other one too."
Sunny turned to him, her eyes wide with fear. "B- but I won!"
Alphabittle snorted. "No you didn't. The paperwork you signed specified any unicorn who wins. You aren't a unicorn, so cannot win by default. That and you tricked me. I know exactly what you are."
I tried to speak. "Alphabittle, aren't you being a bit ha-"
"Izzy, shut up. Don't concern yourself with things you don't understand."
I recoiled in surprise.
Alphabittle smiled. "You're a spy, purple mare. I always knew you were an earth pony. Your tiny brain clearly couldn't spot we sign with the day first, not the month."
Sunny gulped. "Look, maybe we can come to a deal-"
"There is no deal, spy. The only thing we do with spies is string them up- we have plenty of trees to hang your kind from. Did you really think we'd let you go and report back to your spymaster especially given Fillydelphia recently started rearming?"
I noticed Hitch exchanging looks with Sprout. Ooh boy, this was gonna hurt.
"She's not alone!"
I looked to see Pipp stepping forward, dumping her coat and removing the horn. "I'm not a unicorn either. I'm a pegasus, and she and I are friends!"
There was another gasp.
"I knew it!" shouted a unicorn. "The earth ponies and pegasi have allied to take over our lands!"
"You tried that trick at Thunder Bay, but it won't help you now," Alphabittle. "Now then, you'll have a 30 second headstart-"
"I'm an earth pony too," Sprout said, removing his horn. "I know I don't look like much, but if you let your bigotry consume you then you'll just be miserable."
"I'm an earth pony as well," Hitch added. "And I will not tolerate my friend being spoken to that way."
"And I'm a unicorn!" I said. "But you probably knew that already."
Misty then stepped forward. "And I'm also a unicorn, but you probably didn't know that seeing as I'm not from here."
Alphabittle froze, and looked at her in shock. "Can it really be?" he said. "After all this time... my Misty has returned to me?"
We all exchanged very confused glances. "Ooh!" I said. "That's who you were referring to when we passed on my way to the train station!"
"And why am I not surprised she's with a group of enemies," Alphabittle continued. "Well, you've lost your little hostage."
Hitch then suddenly shouted out. "Wing! Feather! Magic! MAYONNAISE!"
Good, he'd remembered that. Like a chain reaction, unicorns throughout the room began to bing bong like there was no tomorrow!
"Quick! Grab the crystals!" I shouted.
"Got it!" Sunny replied, grabbing both and shoving them in her bag. We then exited to a chaotic mix of noise and sound.
And above it all we could hear Alphabittle bellowing. "You'll pay for abducting my daughter!" he shouted, as we vanished into the distance.
Not that it was any of our concern anymore. We just had to get to safety.