//------------------------------// // Chapter Three: Explanations. // Story: Help! I've Been Kidnapped By An Alicorn! // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// “Mmmmmm…” I woke up and stretched profusely, still only half-awake but well aware that I was surrounded by pitch blackness, a faint sense of displacement… and most vehemently of all, a gnawing sensation coming from a very empty tummy. Must be time for one of my famous patented Kevin Late Night Feast Specials. Doritos, salsa dip, white chocolate, Diet Coke. Hold the cheese and coffee though please… don’t want any nightmares now, do we? Real life is bad enough… I tumbled out from under the ocean-like proportions of my capacious bedspread funny, I don’t remember my mattress being that immense and clumsily attempted to balance myself on two legs.  For some reason I kept falling onto my front, almost as if my body was instinctively willing for me to crawl to its destination… fine useless limbs, you win. Geez, did I finish off the last of that hash earlier? It must’ve been some seriously powerful stuff, to have such an intoxicating effect on my brain. Maybe I should reduce the dosage by half in the future, until I get accustomed to it. Whatever off-kilter effect the cannabis was having upon my standard equilibrium also seemed to affect my long-term memory, as it took me at least another five minutes to locate the bedroom door (which was a chore to even open, like I was wearing a pair of oven mitts) until I was at long last out in the corridor.  Now, where are the stairs? Let’s throw a little light on the subject… aanndd of course, I can’t find the light switch. Weirder and weirder. Am I ‘round a mate’s house or something, and I ‘forgot’ to tell my parents I was staying overnight? Won’t they be pissed off. Heehee, good. Despite the seemingly endless dark void which surrounded me from every conceivable angle, my addled brain had somehow reached the foolhardy conclusion that if I fumbled around long enough, I’d be able to find my bearings. Also add to the equation I was currently so hungry I could literally eat a horse (a comment that would come back to ‘bite’ me, no pun intended), the complete absence of light or recognition of my layout was never going to stop this trooper from finding the kitchen to stuff himself with copious amounts of snack-related digestibles! Ow… spiky wall. Ouch… pricked by the wall again. Whoever designed this house must be some kind of masochist, as there seems to be sharp edges at each turn. Every time I bumped into something on my perilous quest for the fridge it hurt like hell, almost like having the tip of a knife sticking into me. Ever-so-slightly annoying (not to mention painful) but who am I to question interior decoration which must resemble some kind of hedgehog? Despite the numerous obstacles in my path though, I’d come this far already and wasn’t about to give up yet. After all, did my forefathers lay down their arms when Nazi Germany tried invading the British Isles during World War I and II?  …Okay, that was only number two, but you get my point. If my grandparents and their parent’s parents could fend off invading forces during times of great hardship, then surely I shouldn’t back down in my aimless pursuit of high-calorie sustenance. Let’s try over…ARRRGH!! Yes everyone, once again I let common sense be usurped by my own inflated bravado and ended up falling head-over-heels for roughly ten seconds straight, finally coming to a dazed heap on the floor below. I’d found the stairs alright, but not quite descended them in the casual manner I’d planned. Some people might say this was karma for trivialising the two Great Wars, to which I’d respond by calling you a heartless bastard and block you on Facebook, Insta, Tik Tok… all that. So there! “...Hello? Who’s down there? Summer, is that you?” A female voice I knew only too well at this stage rang out from just above my bruised and confused head, before a light finally came on so I could actually see what I was doing. My head quickly began to clear after my somewhat hurtful run-ins with the crystal walls and the subsequent trip down these steps, my eyes swiftly moving to reappraise my body like I did earlier, this time with a great deal more lucidity. Yep, still just as tiny as ever, with a mess of orange and yellow hair everywhere and four blunt hooves instead of the fingered-and-toed hands and legs I was far more acquainted with. There was nothing else I needed to confirm. I screamed. Cried. I even tried calling out for my Mum and Dad just to give you a view of how desperate the situation was for me (not that they would’ve cared, but I was despairing for any familiar face at this point) before I felt the waft of something softly landing nearby, and being held close by a comfortably furry and feathery presence. “Shh Summer, everything’s okay. You’re safe now, back in Equestria. Sorry I didn’t stay with you while you napped, but I had so much paperwork to catch up on while I was away I asked Spike to watch over you for me… Spike? Where are you? I thought I told you to keep this young one under supervision for just a few hours while I worked. What were you playing at? He could’ve been seriously hurt!” Twilight Sparkle’s harsh words permeated the atmosphere as her horn lit up the surrounding area like a Christmas tree (is there anything that handy dandy attachment can’t do? Manipulating matter, blasting things, transformative magic… yeah. I’d rather not dwell on that last one). All of a sudden, the diminutive draconic figure I noticed from before I lost consciousness the second time appeared close by, blearily yawning but appearing genuinely apologetic in his remorse of letting his ‘charge’ give him the slip. “S-Sorry Twi. Must’ve just dozed off there for a second. I spent all day queuing up for the latest limited edition Mane-iac comic. It was supposed to come with this cool holographic poster, but my copy didn’t even have it inside! So naturally I had to stand in line yet again to receive it, then stand in another line to complain, then…” “I’m not interested in your excuses! We have a child staying with us for the foreseeable future, and I want to make sure he’s properly protected. Can I rely on you to help me out on this very important matter…?” “Y-Yes, of course Twi, and I'm really sorry. Do you want me to take him back to his room now? I can help tuck him in, but I’m not very good at bedtime stories.” “No, it’s alright Spike… you go back to bed and let me handle this. You don’t have to keep apologising for an honest mistake either, but this is an adjustment all of us are going to have to get used to. Thanks for coming down to check on him anyway, and sweet dreams.” “Okay. Goodnight Twi… and, Summer.” The flightless reptile apparently named ‘Spike’ acknowledged me with a wink as he staggered his way back to his sleeping quarters, assuring once and for all that any potential career as a babysitter was gazumped before it’d even begun. I suspect he didn’t mind that much, though. Twilight waited for a few minutes until the coast was clear, then she looked down sympathetically at my discombobulated form caught somewhere between her hooves and wings. “Kevin, I can’t apologise enough. If I’d known my friends would be here all day upon my return and refuse to leave… if I’d thought that Spike would neglect his duty by allowing you to wander off like that in my castle… I never would’ve…” “A dragon? Cohabiting with a pony? How does that work?!” Out of all the millions and trillions of possible questions which had just formulated in my ailing brain, my very first coherent sentence in this new world of ‘Equestria’ (I’d already done a bit of moaning and groaning before, but I don’t think that really counts) why did it have to be that?  Not ‘why the heck have you taken me to the other side of the universe’. Or even ‘change me back now, you interfering purple hoofbag’. But something as low-key as enquiring as to this odd couple’s living arrangement. I don’t know, maybe I was so wigged out at this stage that I craved the banality of normal conversation for once. Wait, is that my voice? I sound like a squeaky prepubescent kid. Maybe because I am now. Drat it…  Twilight seemed equally surprised by the nonchalance of my query, but quickly answered with a warm smile. “Me and Spike have been together for years. I’ve known him since he hatched from an egg whilst I attended Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. But I don’t think you want me to get into that now. I’m sure you’re much more eager to hear why I brought you here, why I transformed you the way I did, how I ended up on Earth and what our next steps are regarding you going forward…” “Yes! Please! In that order!” I snarled at Twilight, slightly taken aback that she’d managed to cover all the bases so easily. “And do it now.” “I was going to, seeing as we’re finally alone and you seem much more relaxed and alert. By the way, sorry about the name. It was something I had to think of on the hoof quickly, when Applejack was interrogating me earlier. I believe it matches your appearance quite well though, don’t you? Orange? Yellow? Summer Delight? Don’t worry, I’ll only call you by it when I think others are listening…” “Never mind. Let’s just hear the explanation, then I’ll decide if I want to phone for a lawyer or not.” I tried to sound threatening, but in my new higher-pitched voice I just resembled a moody child who’d been refused an extra ice cream cone.  Still, Twilight politely deposited me back on the floor and (on all fours, more difficult than it looks) I followed her glowing horn back upstairs to what must’ve been her study area, if the desk and the hundreds upon hundreds of hardback books stacked haphazardly around and lying open on the ground were anything to go by. “Let me guess… you like reading? You need to be more careful with hoarding on that scale: my uncle started up a collection of Games Workshop board games and miniatures in their original boxes which ended up being worth thousands; he still got evicted from his bungalow, though. It’s all fun and games ‘til you can’t get out the back door and friends refuse to visit… then, you’ve got a problem.” Twilight visibly blushed at my strident critique of her cramped living quarters, but responded in a defiant tone. “It’s okay, Kevin. These are just on loan from the library on the bottom floor, which I assure you is large enough to hold many thousands of volumes of this size. You could say it’s one of the perks of living in a huge castle compared to a treehouse, but I still miss Golden Oaks, and… oh dear, I’m going off track again. Let me just make a mug of my student Starlight Glimmer’s special cocoa, it always helps me concentrate. Would you like one?” “...No, thank you. I’ll take a few of those humongous marshmallows though, if that’s alright.” ‘Starlight Glimmer’. Another name to forget. And I thought I drew the short straw with ‘Summer Delight’...  “Here you go.” She passed me a few of the aforementioned squidgy edibles as she slumped down in her easy chair, which I wasted no more time in shoving down my ravenous throat. “Now where should I begin…” “I usually find ‘the beginning’ is a good place to start.” I could appreciate that Twilight was trying to keep things calm for my sake, but her condescending attitude bordered on being patronising. Just because I resembled a foal now, didn’t mean that mentally I was one. “...Yes, of course. It all began on one normal day in Equestria. Quite boring, really. Which is why, when Discord… you’ll probably meet him later… materialised in The Map Room suddenly and said he wanted to ‘do something fun for a change’, I didn’t think and only said ‘okay, as long as you don’t try any of your usual tricks’. Little did I know of course, that just saying that to Discord was asking for trouble…”