After the service, the caretaker went up to them with an envelop in her hands. Fluttershy had just said her goodbyes to her mother's body laying delicately in the casket, and preparations for cremation were commencing— the same way Blossom Shy mourned her husband's body.
"Mrs. Shy. I apologise for not giving this earlier."
"Thank you. May I ask what this is?"
"A parting letter from your mother."
This immediately had Rainbow intrigued. Her own letter stuffed in her left pocket. The caretaker must have clicked on what Rainbow was thinking or noticed the frown creasing her forehead. "It was supposed to be in your possession much earlier, however Mrs. Blossom Shy was unable to finish it, which is why we were not able to send it in rightful time."
Fluttershy still had red puffy eyes and lips painfully parched. "T-thank you so much. We will stop by the services later tonight to pick up her belongings."
"Take all the time that you need."
Leaving Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash alone and sitting on a bench watching the view outside the window. Fluttershy's head leaning sideways against Rainbow's shoulder. Her hands fidgeted on the corners of the envelope instead of her wrists. Years ago, it became a slight habit where Fluttershy would scratch and pick the skin on her wrists, leaving temporary, yet noticeable marks. It didn't take long for Rainbow to notice it when she was talking to people she didn't know or when the teachers would made loud and demeaning remarks about her for being so quiet. When Rainbow brought it up to Fluttershy, she gently placed kisses over the striking red marks on her particularly light skin, comforting her shame and letting Fluttershy drain her panic through her tears. The hurt that she saw on Rainbow was enough to stop doing every time she found herself vigorously itching her skin.
"Are you going to read it?"
"Not now. T-This is too much right now."
"It's okay. Even the strongest people need breaks."
"Says you." Fluttershy turns her head and Rainbow relaxes when she sees a slight smile. "You're the strongest person I know and you don't take breaks."
"Which makes you a better stronger person than me." They both let out hallowed smiles. Fluttershy's speech echoed through a valley of blurred grief clouding Rainbow's head.
"Flutters, I know and I will be apologizing for it for the rest of my life that we fell apart last year, and I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that on your own. I never knew that she kept her health status away from you or that you had another guardian."
"Which reminds me, I have to contact her. She lives in Canterlot near to where Pinkie lives, and she has a son of her own. My mom knew her from work. They weren't really friends, but she owed my mom a huge favour. Somehow she agreed to be my guardian and be legally responsible for me until I'm nineteen."
"Do any of our friends know this? Have you told them?"
"Not particularly. Rarity I've told the most, but never the whole thing. And when Twilight organized that field trip, she saw my guardian's signature on the forms. I know I should lean more to my friends, and it's not like I don't want to, it's just, I don't like burdening people with my life, unless it's someone like you who has already seen my worst. Obviously, people have seen me cry over and over again. But you've seen my night terrors, panic attacks, stage frights— all of it." She corrected herself. "Most of it."
Fluttershy shifted, leaning more towards Rainbow, her skin jumping and tickling from her heavy heart. "Can we talk about something else please?"
"Yeah, of course. Um... you said you helped deliver Winona's puppies?"
Fluttershy lit up, and her body felt lighter at the mention of animals. Only now she realized how long she has gone without a critter's company. Before the animal shelter shut down, she was able to interact with dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes, bunnies, fish and birds. Now, she was deprived from it. Twilight was currently looking after Angel and Pinkie Pie was looking after Tank. Oh how she wished to see the familiar critters again.
"Yeah, five of them! Applejack told me that she's keeping two of them and the rest are in the process of getting adopted. She still needs to wait a bit for the younger ones to be able to be away from Winona, but that time should come soon."
"Do you know what she named them?"
"I think Apple Bloom came up with names. In honour of their parents, I think it's Buttercup and Bright. Here I have photos, hold on." Fluttershy spoke with a smile Rainbow wished she could capture like a butterfly, instead she admired its beauty and watched as it eventually flutters away.
Dear Fluttershy,
I think I have to be honest and say that I have put off writing this for a while. Because as much as I have accepted that I am going to die, I don't think I can say an acceptable goodbye. My goodbye for your father was stolen, and rather poetically, I repeat history. I hope this letter finds you well and that you are willing to hear my cowardice goodbye, my limitless love for you and my most profound apology.
All year, I tried to justify myself for shutting you out. And when I finally couldn't, I was already too far gone. Originally, I thought that if I kept this from you, then you wouldn't care as much and you wouldn't be in much grief or pain because of me. I somehow convinced myself that it was reasonable and played the part. Now it is the deepest regret I have in my life, but I am still too ashamed that I let it get this far and cowardice to change it with the limited time I have left.
I tried to raise you right. And I am so proud of you for being such a kind and caring soul. But I know that I also gave you traits that you would get bullied for and made fun of and I am sorry for that. You watched me cower in fear each time a landlord or a coworker asserted their dominance or you saw me choke up and panic when talking to others I am not familiar with. I unintentionally taught you my fear and timidness.
Aside from that, my greatest accomplishments are what I did right by you. After your father passed, I strongly debated what I had to look forward to in life and the answer was always you. I kept fighting and persisted so that you could have a happy childhood and success in the field that you love. That is also a reason why I am still so against you moving here. Stardome Veterinary University would be so fortunate to have someone as gifted and passionate about fauna as you and the idea of you leaving that dream of yours terrifies me.
I hope for when you hear about my death and fully register how bad of a dying mother I have been to you this past year, that you are surrounded by those who deeply care for you and that you can be supported by them. Whether it's Rainbow Dash or someone else, you find that reason to keep breathing despite the grief trying to suffocate you. You were mine a few years ago.
As for my possessions, I pass down everything to you. You decide what you want to do with them. As for my ashes, I have one request.
Fluttershy screamed in frustration, the first time she ever has. Somehow the last sentence that her mother ever wrote was the one that involved her ashes, the very ones that she was cradling in her arms now. She could imagine her mother writing the sentence with a thought in mind, but thought that she would have another day to write the rest.
It was just Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, watching the ocean bleed the colours of the sunset on a log bench that looked out from coastal, rocky shores. Her plan was to spread the ashes, make them soar into the sky as high as they could fly, and watch as it falls down to the ocean, letting her soul to rest in beautiful waves and swim with floating petals from the flowers her death received.
But what if that wasn't what she wanted? What if her one request was to be spread in her garden and used to grow flowers that outlive her? What if it was to be free in the same place her father was, back in Canterlot? What if she wanted her ashes to be immortalized, encased in a ring or a necklace?
Rainbow tried to reassure Fluttershy, but for the first time in her life, it didn't work.
Fluttershy was crumbling under pressure and the sun trying to hide beneath the horizon was mocking her. It was getting exhausting, being this fragile and crying over and over again in this short period of a day. At a certain point, her bleeding heart lulled itself to sleep, a numbing cry tearing herself apart.
Distancing herself from the bench, she closed her eyes and profoundly exhaled, seeing only black. Her arms cradled the urn and her letter she left behind, Rainbow Dash holding it so that it doesn't fly away. She imagined her mom's words, the ones she never said and finished the last line of her letter.
Gently, she opened her eyes, and she went back to hold Rainbow's hand. Rainbow put her letter in her pocket to keep it safe and followed her. They laid flower petals— only a few— on the ocean surface, the wind drifting them further and further away. With only a few moments before the sun tucked itself to bed, Fluttershy kissed the urn and carefully opened it. She exhaled, and so did the breeze as it brought gray ashes with it. It flew in the shape of a butterfly before it fell down gently to the idyllic waters, some even landing on the petals.
"Goodbye mom," she whispered, watching the scene as a moment that she will never let go of so long as she lives. She side hugged Rainbow, craving for warmth for her body and heart. Rainbow's arms fell into the perfect places— she moved so that she was behind Fluttershy, and had her arms over her shoulder and across her body. Fluttershy couldn't even try to fall if her body so desperately wanted to fold itself in. Instead, she melted into the warmth as Rainbow kissed the side of her head, and like it was a daily habit, cried until the moon crawled across the sky.
Fluttershy's letter was in the right pocket. Hers was on the left. That's what Rainbow told herself.
They stopped by the nursing care home and picked up Blossom Shy's belongings. By the end, it was like she never existed to the place at all. It was clean and ready for the next soul to either fall into an eternal slumber within those walls or survive to see their room become vacant.
Rainbow loaded the trunk with all the belongings for Fluttershy to fully sort through when she was back home. The home of which she wasn't sure of. Shining Armor and Cadence were stopping by so by the time she gets there, the guest bedroom of Twilight's will be occupied. That's when Rainbow suggested she could stay with her.
"Dashie, you've done so much for me already. I feel like I owe you something."
"Flutters, we're long past the stage where we 'owe' each other things. That's just our relationship and how it works."
"What about your parents?"
"My mom loves you. She'll be fine with it. My dad doesn't love much, but I don't think he'll care. I actually think I'll have to talk to them when we get back." Rainbow was driving. Fluttershy tried to do it, but she was reminded that her grief will be the one controlling the wheel. The thought of them getting into an accident because she triggered some deep emotional turmoil within her tormented her— instantly getting reminded of how her father died.
"About what? If you don't mind."
"Just— about me and how they've been making me feel. I haven't had that conversation in a while. I never had it with my dad. My mom— I know she's trying to be better. And she has. It's just not always enough when she talks about my games with me."
"What are the kind of things she'd say?"
"I mean when I passed out last time, she saw me wake up and nearly immediately told me 'it's a shame you have to miss your basketball game because of this'. Which, yeah sure, but it felt like she prioritized my game over me. And there have been times where similar things happened."
She listened to her words and sat through the silence. It was nearing midnight and she'd been trying hard not to sleep. She reclined her head to rest and closed her eyes temporarily. "Dashie, can you promise me something?"
Recently, Rainbow realised that the closer they were and the more comfortable they were with each other, the more Fluttershy uses 'Dashie' rather than 'Rainbow' and it makes her heart flutter every time. Before yesterday, she hadn't heard her say 'Dashie' in so long, it was like having a crush on her for the first time all over again when she says it. "What is it?"
"If I say the wrong thing or I do something that pressures you in that way, can you promise to tell me right away? Of course I'll try to be careful with it, but I don't know how my words come across sometimes."
Rainbow only smiled, "You trying already means so much. And yeah, I promise."
They stopped by a twenty-four hour convenient store and bought four slices of pizza as their dinner. They ate on the bench outside the store and continued to drive for a little more until they reached a motel. It was a different motel than the one they stayed previously— this one was further from Canterlot.
After they both showered and changed, Fluttershy asked while sitting on the bed, "Can I have my letter?",
Fluttershy's letter was in the left pocket. Hers was on the right. That's what Rainbow told herself. "Yeah, of course."
Fluttershy took the letter, almost immediately realizing that this one wasn't for her. She read it almost too quickly, having to reread words and parts again.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
It has been a while, hasn't it? I do hope that all is well. I am going to be quite direct in this letter. I already have limited time left— it would be foolish to waste any of it.
Fluttershy just told me that she will be moving here after high school ends. Actually, I think she's considering moving earlier than that. I truly think she's making a big mistake doing that. No matter how much I try to talk sense into her, she doesn't see that this would be a grave mistake. You know how much Fluttershy has wanted to be a vet and I'd absolutely hate for her not to achieve that because of me. She deserves to at least give SVU a chance. So I'm writing to you because I was hoping that you could convince her as well. Before it is too late, she should live the life that she has worked so hard towards. Unlike the life that I've lived, I do not want grief to set her back too far. And I know how hard I am making this for her— and believe me, it breaks my heart to not be able to see her one last time— but I know that in the long run, Fluttershy will be much happier and loved. That's what I want above all.
I also have one last request. When I am gone, please take care and look out for my daughter for me. I know you have already done that since you were both seven. Fluttershy would always tell me how much she admired you like a hero. She would constantly boast about how you saved her from her bullies and other mean people. You cared for her so amazingly in the past decade that I know that you will do a great job caring for her now. I am sorry if I am putting a lot of pressure on you, but I know when I am no longer here, Fluttershy will need you.
I do not want to pry and ask why you two are not talking to each other anymore. I just know that one day, you hurted her, and that really affected her. But it has been clear since day one that she still loves and cherishes you. So, please Rainbow Dash. As my last dying wish, apologize and make up for whatever young mistakes you have made and continue to be the beacon of hope for Fluttershy that I know that you have always been.
— Kind regards, Blossom Shy
Halfway through, Rainbow realized her mistake. Her eyes widened and checked the other pocket. She read the first line, 'Dear Fluttershy...'. She cursed to herself.
"When did you get this?"
"Um... I opened it the day you told me you're mom passed away. But I think it was left delivered and unopened for a week or two." She was scared. She hoped Fluttershy wouldn't be mad at her for it. Instead, however, she did something even more daunting, and stayed quiet.
"Are you mad at me?" Rainbow asked hesitantly, sitting down on the bed beside her.
"What? No. Why would I be?"
"I don't know. Because I didn't tell you or something?"
"No, it's perfectly understandable why you didn't tell me. I also couldn't imagine the conversation we would've had before I got my letter." But there were still something that bothered Fluttershy about the letter in her hands. Soft fingers lifted her chin up where she met the gaze of her former lover.
"But what?" She asked softly.
"Two things. The first: I'm sorry for the pressure this might have caused you. Now I am realizing how much of an affect my excitement for you might have. Being tasked to be a 'beacon of hope' is such a heavy ask and it isn't fair to you. If this is too much, you don't have to stay."
"What? No, of course I'm staying. Here, with you as long as you want me."
Fluttershy slowly smiled before looking at the ground before hesitantly asking, "And secondly, y-you're not— you're not here only because she told you to, right?"
At that point Rainbow had to laugh. "What? Of course not, silly. Sure, the letter motivated me that day to make you stay in Canterlot, but I'm here regardless of it and would've done everything I did the same."
"Why are you here?"
"Because I love you." Rainbow breathed out like it was the easiest confession she ever said. "Because I love you, and I want to be someone you can break down to in moments like these."
"You love me?"
"Did you ever had a doubt?"
"Evidently." Fluttershy muttered. "The last time you said those words, you broke up with me. I wrote a journal called 'All Of My Unrequited Love For You'. And yeah, of course, now I know so much more, but— I don't know. You never said it much."
Rainbow's heart ached. Everyday, her love for Fluttershy grows expansively and it shattered Rainbow when she realized Fluttershy didn't feel it. Rainbow's hand cupped the side of her cheek, Fluttershy leaning into the comfort, closing her eyes in fatigue and warmth. When she opened her eyes, her breath got caught in her throat from the lovestruck sight of Rainbow Dash— and the look was exclusively and incandescently for her.
"You know, I read your book. And though I loved it, I have a few critiques."
"Oh?"
"First of all, that character 'Rainbow Dash', total idiot. Secondly, the title is inaccurate."
"What should it be called instead?"
"Something like, 'All Of My Requited Love For You' or something similar." Fluttershy smiled like the sun. Rainbow wanted her lips to burn onto her and taste the sunlight. In a faint whisper, she asked, "Can I kiss you?"