224.1 (CrazyCog, Tetradrachm) [MLP/RWBY/Star Wars/Hellsing/JJBA/Kingdom Hearts/Mario/Adventure Time]
Boys’ Night Out
The Beginning
It was yet another loop where Ironwood woke up during that period of time. Sighing, he decided to just sit in his chair until someone decided to bother him. Hopefully he wouldn't muck anything up until Ruby showed up and fixed everything like she tended to do.
As if reality decided it was time to taunt him, Harriet barged into his office. "General Ironwood! There's a… a giant… well, metal triangle heading towards Atlas!"
Ironwood gave a response that was as eloquent as his current mood, "What?"
Now standing outside on the bullhead pad, Ironwood just stared in shock at the Star Destroyer that was slowly descending towards them. Anakin was not known for his subtlety, but this was certainly out of nowhere.
The Ace Ops (minus Clover who was probably off getting killed by Tyrian or something, he honestly didn't care what was actually happening) stood at attention behind him, apparently ready for orders. Ironwood was content to just let them stand there, as he wasn't confident that anything that he would say wouldn't go horribly wrong. Considering Anakin's last visit to Remnant, he was here to either blast the Grimm himself, or taunt Ruby about her latest attempt at obtaining The Supremacy.
Apparently the girl's latest plan had her hiring Carmen Sandiego to steal something distracting to the Jedi Anchor, only to later find out that the thief also stole the ship.
In any case, he expected the Star Destroyer to head off towards the not yet visual swarm of Grimm. Aaaaaany second. Why was it still coming down? The Ace Ops also seemed to notice his confusion, as Harriet spoke again, "Um, General, we are ready to intercept whomever comes out of that thing if needed."
It took all of Ironwood's willpower to not roll his eyes. He had long grown annoyed at this sorry excuse for the Ginyu Force, and at least those idiots were amusing.
After a few more seconds of waiting, the Star Destroyer was just to the side of the tower, and he could only imagine the freak-outs that were occurring on the Atlas airships. His office was probably swamped with calls asking what they should do, but he was fine to let them wait.
Despite the rather slow, menacing descent that the ship had made, this was all ruined when the bottom of the ship touched the roof of Atlas Academy, and began to scrape towards them. This went on for what seemed like an eternity before it finally stopped at the edge of the raised pad, a door perfectly lined up with it. With a hiss, it slowly raised open to reveal… Alucard?
"Oh look, it's the Asexual Ops." Ironwood could already tell that this was going to be a lovely conversation. "I mean, with personalities like those, I don't think that you even have any drive, other than the kind to listen to what Daddy here tells you to." He turned to Marrow. "Except for you. You are precious and should really find others who appreciate you for you."
At this point, Harriet let out a growl and launched herself at the vampire, only to suddenly find herself suspended in midair. Anakin, closely followed by Ahsoka, left the doorway and walked forward, hand casually held out. "Really, taunting the locals? I didn't know the great and powerful Alucard got his kicks by making fun of kids."
The vampire laughed. "Ah Jedi, about as enjoyable as bingo night at a senior's home. What's wrong with a little teasing (and maybe bloodshed if they fall for it)?"
Anakin crossed his arms. "We'll have more than enough time for that later, and I'm sure that Joseph will be more than a little annoyed if all of his yelling at the sky setting this up goes to waste. I'm putting our rivalry on hold for this, and really don't want to listen to his whining. Besides, Axel threatened to burn down the SDC without you if you don't behave, and Spike promised Thorax that his first night would be great."
Alucard shrugged. "Well, magical sunlight punches are a pain, I was really looking forward to a bonfire, and I can't resist those eyes of Thorax's." He wrapped an arm around Ironwood. "So I guess that means that it's time to go."
For the first time since all this chaos began, Ironwood spoke. "Where?"
"Boys Night Out, of course! As a trained therapist, I can tell that what you need is a little R&R to get your mind off all of…" He waved his arm in the general direction of everything. "...this. We've got a whole bunch of plans, like killing Grimm, pranking Ozpin, killing Grimm, blowing up the moon, maybe killing some of Salem's lackeys for some killing variety, and so much more!"
Ironwood looked to Anakin. "What?"
The Jedi gave him a sympathetic smile. "Look, I know all about having a streak of loops where you end up as a dictator and regret all of the choices that your Baseline self made. That's why I got a group to go out with. This will be a loop where you can just sit back, relax, and let loose." He gestured to his once Padawan. "Snips will take care of Atlas while we're gone."
"That gives me an idea!" A whistle was grabbed from Alucard's pocket and blown. Instantly, a blonde woman appeared in front of him. "Really, the whistle again? What do you want this time?"
"The boys and I are going out for some fun. You and Carrot Girl over there," An uprooted tree flew past where he was a moment ago. "are going to make sure that this place doesn't burn to the ground while old Tin-Man here is gone. I have a time-share in Mantle, and I don't want Ozzy's ex dropping a city on it."
Seras looked at Ahsoka, then Anakin, then Alucard, then punched Harriet (who had just recovered from her shock and was about to speak) in the face. "I guess I can make time."
"Perfect! I'll leave it in your capab…. capa…." Every time the vampire tried to say the word, he burst into laughter. "I have no faith whatsoever. I'm out." With that, he shot back into the ship, followed by Anakin who had dropped Harriet and instead was floating a barely resisting Ironwood behind him.
Before the door closed, Anakin turned back. "Hey Snips, try not to crash the city into anything."
The door closed before she could reply, and the ship started to rise. Despite the bridge being quite the distance away, Seras' vampire ears could hear the faint chant of: "BOYS NIGHT OUT! BOYS NIGHT OUT! BOYS NIGHT OUT!"
Ahsoka rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You crash a flying city one time and you never live it down." She glanced at the shellshocked Ace Ops. "So, you have any idea what to do with them?"
Her companion tapped her chin. "I mean, if all else fails they could make good bait for that giant Grimm whale."
"Really?"
"Nah, even it would probably find them too bitter."
First Stop
"You really didn't have to arrange all this just for me," Ironwood protested, still feeling a bit overwhelmed. The Loopers onboard the Star Destroyer had practically swarmed him as he got on, and between the jokes and lively discussion Joseph's booming laugh in response drowned it all out.
"Ridiculous!" he proclaimed. "When an old friend like you is going through a tough time like this, it's only right that we all chip in to help. Even the Admins agreed, eventually..."
"You're the only one that would keep up an argument with thin air for a thousand years," Anakin snarked.
Joseph shook his head. "No, I'm the only one that would keep up that argument and win!"
As a round of laughter and continued jeering went around the flight deck, Ironwood peered into one of the computer screens and realized they were already a good few hundred miles from Atlas.
"Well, thank you for putting in the effort," Ironwood said. "I… really do appreciate it."
"You're handling this well," Spike observed, then blushed. "I didn't mean that I didn't think that you could handle this well," he explained awkwardly, claws waving, "just that, uh, your Force signature is more stable than I expected."
"I've dealt with my fair share of spaceships being crashed into Atlas over the years," Ironwood said dryly. "I can thank Nora for being used to all this."
"No, no, I meant overall," Spike explained. "You're stressed about your Baseline stuff, but you're not too attached to it, right? You guys really have it tough in that regard, with the active Baseline and all."
"That'll be down to Pyrrha, then," Ironwood decided. "We've had some good, long talks about… well, losing yourself in Baseline, and how it shouldn't damn well matter to us as Loopers."
Spike nodded seriously, but the rest of the group raised a ragged cheer.
"Amen to that!" Roxas called out from the back.
"Most of us didn't have anything quite so difficult as that back when our Baseline was still expanding, but we'd still have moments where we'd feel alienated from ourselves," Spike said. "Twilight definitely struggled with it sometimes, but what helped her best was when we were there to support her and reinforce her Looping perception of herself. You guys really have it tough because the ways you're alienated are so intense. Honestly, it isn't fair what the Loops are doing to you guys." He actually looked angry about it, and the rest of the group looked similarly upset.
"Blaming the Loops themselves? I don't understand," Ironwood frowned.
"Just… give it some thought," Spike said, patting him on the shin comfortingly.
"Right, enough of this amateur therapy hour," Alucard interrupted, strolling back into the room from another deck with a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose. "We're here!" The door opened and a familiar circular lake came into view.
"Lake Matsu?" Ironwood furrowed his brow. "We're going swimming?"
"Not exactly..." Anakin grinned, and lifted a hand. A swarm of Lancers gathered from around the lake, held in place with Force energy. "Ever play Quidditch on bug-back?"
Many hundreds of miles away, in an otherwise quiet Beacon dorm room, a young girl shot upright to wakefulness with a shout, panting heavily.
"Ruby… what...?" Yang murmured sleepily from the bunk beneath her.
"He's here!" Ruby hissed, already climbing out of bed. "I can smell it!"
"Wha— who? Tyrian?"
"No. Someone much worse." Layers of Chibis started peeling off, flying in all directions. She unPocketed a pair of Crimson Roses and various other weapons and handed them to a few of them as they left. "I've been waiting for this for centuries."
Yang let out a low groan. "Please don't tell me you're talking about Anakin."
"I am one thousand percent talking about Anakin. Vengeance will be mine!"
Big Game Hunting
Ironwood carefully shifted the ludicrously complicated sight on his equally complicated rifle, kneeling behind a rocky bluff next to Anakin, who only had what looked like a simple blaster gun.
When he'd asked about it Anakin had just shrugged and said he mostly just used it to make Obi-Wan mad. Ironwood's own rifle was an old gift from Ruby, an experiment in long-range Grimm sniping he'd augmented over the years to the point of being able to kill a fully grown Goliath at a thousand yards.
He was less confident it could handle a whole herd of them, though. Trouble was, that was their whole goal at the moment.
Deep in the central wilderness of Solitas, searching on speeder-back, they'd stumbled onto a migration of Grimm making its way through a wide canyon, including at least a hundred Goliaths. Under cover of Invisibility Cloak blinds, Notice-Me-Not spells, and emotion-dampening wards, the group had set up at an overhang a few miles farther down and waited for the herd to arrive.
Next to him he could hear Joseph whistling off-tune as he fiddled with a gatling gun attachment for his hand, and on the other side Alucard kept audibly licking his lips in anticipation. It was chaotic and a bit annoying, but some part of James enjoyed the new company. He knew all his fellow Remnant Loopers inside and out, so the company of less familiar Loopers was invigorating. It almost reminded him of his Academy days.
"Here they come," Anakin murmured beside him, and James turned his thoughts back to his shot. He peered through the finder, a HUD and basic AI activating in it as he did so to help him aim the shot. He triggered his Semblance and time seemed to slow down as he picked one of the closest Goliaths, still a good quarter of a mile off, and pulled the trigger.
The bullet screamed as it flew down the canyon, quantum computers inside of it shifting its trajectory ever so slightly as the Goliaths reacted to the sound. Instants later it impacted the monstrous Grimm's head and then exploded, a terrific red-white flash accompanied by the beast dissolving. It was almost artistic.
Anakin patted him on the back and then readied his own shot; they'd agreed to let James go first since it was "his party" but now it became a free-for-all. Joseph let loose with his machine gun, Spike spat fireballs… and most concerning of all Alucard sat and waited.
Anakin's shot didn't kill the Goliath it hit at first, but James watched as the blaster bolt emerged from the other side and hit it again. It repeated the trick until the Grimm died and then it flew over to hit some of the smaller, accompanying beasts. James glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow.
"It's like Yondu's arrow, but with the Force," Anakin explained.
James turned back to his rifle and fired again; over the next few minutes the group winnowed the now rampaging herd down by about half, but it clearly wouldn't be enough to kill them all by the time they got close. It was now, cackling quietly, that Alucard shouldered his gun, a normal enough rifle if not for its comically oversized barrel. He fired off something that looked more like a rocket than a bullet, and where it landed it produced an earth-shattering boom and a flash of light that hurt James' eyes. A round of cursing came up from the group.
"What the hell was that?" Joseph demanded.
Alucard shrugged. "Mini-nuke. Got that one from New Vegas."
As the smoke cleared, they could see that a good chunk of the canyon itself had collapsed, and that combined with the initial explosion had killed most of the rest of the herd. There were still a few stragglers, though, including a pair of Goliaths.
"Time for close quarters combat!" James called out, and he Pocketed his rifle and picked up his favorite weapons from his side. Due Process in hand, he leapt over the cliff to the canyon floor and let a small grin onto his face.
As Anakin might have said, this was where the fun began.
Rasslin’
James' head was buzzing, and he was alright with that.
On their way to Anima, Anakin had cracked open the massive drinks cellar he'd installed in the Star Destroyer to welcome a few late arrivals. When he'd heard what their next activity was going to be, James had decided he needed to get buzzed, and half of a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster later Ironwood felt confident enough to give it a go.
In a small clearing in a thick forest, Anakin had let the Star Destroyer down and they'd all stumbled out, just a bit inebriated. One of the new arrivals, Mario, unPocketed a huge wooden crate in the middle of the group and gestured for everyone to gather round.
"If you don't-a want-a do this Baseline," he said, smirking slightly, "I've-a got just the thing in here. The real-a… good stuff."
"Drugs?" Alucard perked up.
"Better!" Mario popped open the crate to reveal a floating pile of 1-Up Mushrooms. "Like-a this!" He grabbed the nearest one and after a moment stood roughly twice his height, with a notably more muscle bound frame as well.
"Nice! Alright, everyone take one but Joseph, he doesn't need it," Anakin called out. As Joseph sputtered, about half the group took one and most of the others did their own transformations. Spike became his older self and Alucard became some kind of eldritch abomination it hurt to look at. James took one after a bit of deliberation; it felt odd to be about two feet taller and built like Kenshiro, but it was probably needed.
"We ready?" Alucard called out, and lifted up a bright yellow metallic container on the tip of one of his new tentacles. After a few people nodded, he unscrewed it and it emitted the horrible sound of a child's scream.
Moments later, the pack of Ursa they'd detected nearby lumbered out of the undergrowth, snarling and growling. They were mostly older Ursa Major, the exact type of nightmare scenario that caused sane Hunters to usually avoid going this far into the continent.
Unfortunately, Loopers weren't sane in any sense of the word.
The Ursa charged and the ersatz Hunters stood their ground. Instead of pulling out any weapons, they got in their best neutral grappling positions. James went over millennia of hand-to-hand combat instruction in an instant and met the rearing attack of the Ursa that went for him with both hands, holding its massive limbs at arms' length as he shifted his foot position for the best leverage.
With that, the impromptu wrestling match began.
The Ursa tried to pull its arms back but he shifted his grip to its forearms and with a mighty yank he whipped them towards the ground. The Ursa roared in rage but couldn't restore its balance in time; it crashed to the ground, but scrabbled back before James could trap it with a good armlock.
Around him the rest of the group were having similarly mixed luck in subduing the Ursa. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Anakin suplex an Ursa Minor, but at the same time Joseph went flying into a tree on the other side. Someone James didn't recognize immediately grappled with an Ursa Major next to him but lost his balance for a second and nearly got his head bitten off.
"Oh, glob," he swore.
"Wait, Finn? Is that you?" James asked as he met the Ursa's next lunge.
"Hey, dude! What's the haps?" Finn the Human asked cheerfully. He socked his own Ursa in the gut and followed it up with a roundhouse kick that sent it staggering back.
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you at first!" James called out. He grabbed both of the Grimm's arms and pinned them together. When it tried to rear back he yanked them sideways, then borrowed Finn's idea and dealt it a firm kick in the side to totally bowl it over. "The Mushroom transformation—"
"Nah, man, this is my actual bod now." Finn jumped, twisted mid-air, and landed torso first on the Ursa's head. He wrapped his arms around its face and with a mighty heave pried its bone mask off. With a final screech, the Ursa disintegrated.
James ignored his surprise for a moment to focus on finishing off his own Ursa. Still holding its arms, now wrenched behind its back, James carefully stepped over its prone back and kicked it a few more times. He flipped the whole Ursa over and kicked it in the face and belly; eventually it was enough damage to do it in, and with a sigh of relief he sat on the ground.
"A new body?" James asked, still breathing heavily. "I didn't know your Loop was still expanding."
"Heck yeah!" Finn exclaimed. "We've gotten some big ones lately, even after it looked like we'd wrapped everything up. Defeating GOLB seemed like the end of it all, but then we got this crazy far-future stuff with BMO, and then Marcy and Peebs, and that's when I got to grow up, but we still haven't heard anything about Jake, unfortunately."
"That's where Oscar is right now, not knowing if he's okay in Baseline or not," James said, and frowned. "It's up there with the continued safety of Mantle and Atlas as my biggest worry for the future too."
Finn cocked an eyebrow. "Where is he now? Oscar, I mean."
"I don't think he's Awake, so… on his farmstead in Mistral, most likely."
"And he's safe there, right?" Finn continued.
"Of course! As long as any of us Loopers are Awake, we make sure all of humanity on Remnant is as safe as we can make it."
"So he's fine and definitely alive now, yeah? So why are you worried about him maybe not being alive, then?"
"Not now, in Baseline—" James started.
"That's just a bunch of stuff that happens sometimes," Finn brushed him off. "It doesn't really mean anything real, does it? I mean, this is real," he picked up a clump of grass, "this is real," he tugged at his shirt, "and even those are real," he pointed at Due Process. "But right now, here in this moment, does Baseline even exist?"
"In the Tree, as data, it does."
"That's, like, cosmic mondo brain stuff we can't even understand! Yggdrasil is like a million bajillion times more complicated than anything we could ever get without Ascending, and what kinda dweeb wants to do that?! Right now, in this whole universe, did you shoot Oscar?"
"No," James said reluctantly.
"Are you planning on shooting him?"
"No, but—"
"Butts are for sitting!" Finn interrupted him. "If you Wake Up after Oscar already got shot, it wasn't you that did it, it was just some dude who's got your face! It wasn't you you— the real you, right there," he said as he poked James in the chest. "Get what I mean?"
James swallowed. "I think so. You've thought about this before, haven't you?"
"You know how many times Baseline me did something totally ba-donk-a-donk? Way too many times. Baseline me messed things up with all of my friends like five times apiece, broke up with my girlfriend, and accidentally caused all kinds of gnarly stuff to happen. But Looping me never did half that stuff! Even though it was me, it— I dunno, it was me and it wasn't me, and it took me a really long time to accept that all the way."
James chewed on that for a moment. "Thank you, Finn. That does help."
Behind them, Joseph Joestar slammed into a tree again.
Castle Crashers
Ironwood had always been sure that their final destination was going to be Salem's castle.
Now, after nearly a week of their madcap rampage across Remnant, they had finally arrived, the crystalline purple structure rising into view like a colossal piece of rock candy. Nonetheless, the Star Destroyer dwarfed it, and as they flew into position directly over the fortress it all seemed a bit anticlimactic.
The marauders had gathered in the main hangar of the ship, preparing to descend in a transport. They'd discussed the option of just obliterating it from orbit, but Ironwood had decided he'd rather fight it out.
"Salem will have known we're coming for at least the past few hours," he announced to the others as the ship docked itself to the top of the castle, "so she'll have some kind of response coming, I'm sure—"
"Like a swarm of Wyverns?" asked Spike wryly.
"—exactly, something like that," Ironwood continued, until Spike stopped him by gesturing out the opening hangar entry at the swarm of Wyverns approaching the ship.
"On it," Anakin announced. The air glowed blue and moments later the Star Destroyer's main laser cannon fired at the leading Wyvern. The searingly bright green bolt obliterated it instantly.
"I didn't know we were packing this much heat," Alucard said, impressed.
"You haven't seen our latest Expansions?" Anakin asked. He Force Pulled the transport to them and opened it as the cannon continued to destroy the Wyverns above them.
"Didn't want to watch it 'til I Looped in. You have to savour the new experiences as best you can, you know," Alucard chided him.
The transport sailed out of the hangar and towards the landing platform below as a swarm of Grimm of all kinds assembled there. Idly Ironwood wondered if this counted as a new experience. He'd joined his fellow Remnant Loopers in destroying Salem's forces on countless occasions, but this was the first time that he technically took leadership of a mission like this. It was an odd coincidence, given that he had led almost every sort of military mission there was in his capacity as General of Atlas, but this one was still, somehow, new.
It was nice that there was still novelty to be found.
The transport came to a Force-controlled stop a dozen feet above the ground. The Loopers inside jumped out in quick succession, weapons at the ready, and the swarming horde of Grimm parted like water before them. Ironwood had swapped out to another variation of Due Process, one with absurdly high fire rate, and kept it full with Dust bullets from his Pocket as he tore into the beasts in front of him. The resulting slaughter was very, very brutal and very, very colorful; even aside from his own multicolored Dust the magic and firepower of everyone around him combined to give the impression of fireworks going off around them.
All too soon it was over and the entrance archway lay abandoned before them. As they strode up the stairs towards the doors, however, they blew open from the inside in a gust of rose petals.
"Not so fast!" shouted the last voice any of them had expected. The gust of wind coalesced before them into the tiny form of the Branch's Anchor, expression furious and Crescent Rose pointed forward accusingly.
"Ruby?" Ironwood called out in bewilderment. "What are you doing?"
"I'm the castle troll!" she said cheerfully. "Have to pay the toll to get inside, see?"
"What? What do you want?" Joseph asked in confusion.
Ruby's eyes slid meaningfully over to Anakin.
"You really think I have the Supremacy in my Pocket?" he asked dubiously.
"Do you not?" she asked.
"Well, as it happens, I do, but—" He quickly Force Pushed her off the side of the building. "Go! Go! Go!" he shouted to the others. Instinctively Ironwood charged ahead, the others following.
An instant later he heard the wind roar all around them, and he glanced back to see hundreds of thousands of Chibis and petals descending on them like a hurricane of red.
"I'll hold her off!" Anakin shouted. "It's been an honor serving with you all!"
"Godspeed, soldier!" Ironwood called back. The group burst through the open doorway into the grand, barely lit atrium. Moments later it lit up with fire, as an Unawake Cinder strode out of the shadows, Mercury and Emerald flanking her.
"Were they supposed to be here?" Joseph asked, flexing his Hamon across his body in preparation.
"It's Variable," Ironwood explained. He readied Due Process, then on second thought switched them out for a normal Baseline model. "I'll handle Cinder myself."
He knew full well that he could just destroy the group with a full firepower assault just like they'd done outside, but fighting them on their own terms — Baseline terms, even — seemed more satisfying.
Was this another new experience? No, far from it, but doing it again was always satisfying.
He fired two rounds of exploding Water Dust rounds at Cinder's encroaching flames, his mind elsewhere.
He couldn't help but keep coming back to Finn's speech a few days before, about reality and Baseline. These new experiences were part of his reality now; even when he eventually went back to Baseline, he wouldn't be the same person he was. His reality was different.
Cinder blew her flames higher, causing his water to go up in steam, and she strode forward mercilessly. He switched to a two-part attack, a round of actual Steam Dust followed by Earth Dust. The steam round knocked her back, but the boulders that materialized midair from the second round knocked her over altogether.
If his reality was different — he thought as he watched Joseph short-circuit Mercury's legs with Hamon beside him and Spike dispel Emerald's illusions with the Force — then he would never really be in a position to do the things he did in Baseline; even following his instincts to do a Baseline run wouldn't account for his thinking differently from his Baseline self.
Therefore, he admitted to himself, he couldn't blame himself for what Baseline him might have done, or end up doing in the future.
Cinder staggered to her feet, Aura visibly flashing, and Ironwood chided himself for his lack of focus. He pressed his advantage with another round of Water Dust bullets, and the torrents they unleashed were more weakly resisted by Cinder than before.
The woman that terrorized him in Baseline, that might yet destroy him, was just a woman — he had always known that, but he knew it now! Baseline him wasn't him anymore, and Baseline Cinder sure as hell wasn't this Cinder, or even the Looper Cinder.
With a final kick he knocked her to the ground and broke her Aura.
"What now?" Spike asked as the trio collapsed before them, defeated.
Ironwood smiled. "We keep moving forward."
The Finale
This was it, the final stretch. The calm before the storm. The peaceful noun before the violent one. The…
"Do you really have to narrate?" Thorax's question echoed through the empty hall that made its way to Salem's throne room.
The crimson dressed vampire swung out his arms. "Of course I do. Our man Ironwood here is about to face one of his demons, the Sword of Damocles that caused his Baseline self to go coocoo for crackers, the—"
Spike used the Force to slam a bagel into Alucard's mouth. "You are having way too much fun with your descriptions, tonight."
After some merciful moments of silence (except for Alucard's loud chewing), he swallowed and let out a contented burp. "Tasty, but could have used more iron." He was interrupted by one of Joseph's steel clackers being thrown into his mouth.
Joseph grinned. "I hope you are fine with steel instead; I know you aren't too picky with what you eat."
Now it was time for Ironwood to roll his eyes. "Joseph, do you want me to tell Suzi Q that you were flirting with someone other than her again?"
This caused the Joestar to pale. "Ironwood my friend, don't threaten a man like that. I still haven't recovered after the last verbal thrashing she gave me, and I wasn't even flirting that time!"
Luckily, Ironwood didn't need to give Joseph the satisfaction of a reply. As they had finally reached the end of the hallway. "Are you all ready?"
Thorax nodded. "Ready."
Spike nodded. "Yep."
Joseph nodded, his body sparking with Hamon. "You bet."
Alucard nodded, then kicked open the door. "LET'S DO THIS, LEROOOOOOOY—" His shout was interrupted by a Nuckelavee slamming into him. The others could only watch, dumbfounded, as the two went careening out of a window.
The last thing the group heard before he was out of earshot was: "Don't tell Police Girl about this!"
It was then that the sound of clacking heels drew their attention. Turning back to the room, they found themselves looking at Salem descending from the throne she had been sitting on.
"And so the second fool falls. I will admit, I did not expect the silver-eyed girl to actually assist in the defense of my castle, but I have learned in my long life that one does not look a gift Nuckelavee in the mouth, as it is likely to bite your head off." She raised a finger to her chin. "And what are you going to do, man of tin? Are you going to take your vengeance out on me? Or have you come to join me? Your defeat of Cinder showed you as far more capable than her, and Watts has grown to be a tiresome pawn. Why settle for two inferior pieces when they can be sacrificed to promote a pawn to something far more important?"
"If I were not Awake, either would have been a very tempting offer. However, I have nothing to prove to you." Ironwood gave a gesture, and Joseph threw forward his clackers, the string tied to them wrapping around the waist of the witch and forcing her to fall over.
With an angry shout from the Queen of the Grimm, a number of them hiding in the shadows jumped forward to engage, only to be held in place by Spike. The general began to walk forward.
"You see, I have no reason to let myself be consumed by a single-minded obsession. Part of making sure that I don't is allowing other people to help shoulder my burden as equals." Ironwood looked down at her. Although she had managed to untangle herself from the clackers, the Hamon running through her kept her from gathering enough strength to get up. "Unlike you, and the man who you believe me to be, I will not break for one very important reason. I have those who I trust in. Friends, family, people who put as much trust in me as I put in them. They will make sure that if I stray from my path, that they will help me get back on it. That, witch, is the realization I have come to on this BNO."
Salem's face scrunched up in confusion. "BNO?"
With her too weak to resist, Ironwood grabbed her finger between his index finger and thumb. Then, he lifted his pinkie. "Boys. Night. Out."
And with that last word, he dropped his pinkie, causing the castle to explode in a blast of golden mist.
For a moment, there was silence, then Thorax spoke up. "Awww… that was beautiful. I think this calls for a group hug!" Before Ironwood could say no, he was pulled in by the enthusiastic changeling and others.
Then he felt a hand on his butt. "Alucard, when did you get up here?"
"I reached the top right as you finished your speech. I am so proud of your progress." Alucard wiped an imaginary tear from his cheek. "I really am the best."
A familiar voice spoke up, "I thought I heard the sound of an overinflated ego in this direction." Anakin walked up to the rest, his clothes tattered, and his hair even more of a mess than usual.
Gasping, Thorax rushed over and began to brush the dirt off of him. "Oh my, what happened?"
Before Anakin could speak, Ironwood interjected. "Better question, where is Ruby?"
"Terminal velocity, and that's all the explanation I am going to give." Anakin rubbed her hands together. "Now, who wants to go get ice cream and see if the girls have destroyed Atlas yet?"
Ahsoka let out a sneeze, and then quickly recaught Atlas, although her little error did cause it to drop a few meters.
"This… is… all… your… fault!" With all the wind, Grimm, and other elements affecting the city, it was rather hard to keep a good grip.
Although she was busy slaughtering the Grimm trying to get to Ahsoka, Seras still found the time to reply, "I'M SORRY, DID I ASK YOU TO STEER THE WHALE INTO THE ONE SPOT OF ATLAS THAT HELD THE RELIC HOLDING THE THING UP?!"
Ahsoka's grip slipped again, this time only letting it drop a tiny bit. "NO, BUT YOU DID TELL ME TO AIM FOR THE SDC TOWER, WHICH IS MUCH HARDER TO HIT WITH A WHALE THAT DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU!"
Aboard a cloaked ship, the boys sat, eating their ice cream. Thorax gave the monitor showing the situation a worried look. "Should we help them?"
Alucard took a huge bite out of his 'red velvet' cone. "Don't worry, I'm sure they have things fully under control. Besides, if they don't, we can come down and laugh at them while saving the day. It's a win-win!"
224.2 (Conceptualist)
Pinkie Drama
It was a quiet morning. Birds were singing to each other, and the pegasi had set up some wispy clouds to accent the beautiful sunny day. A simple checkerboard picnic blanket was laid out on the grassy bit before the shore of Ponyville's lake. Pinkie Pie was there, alone. While this was not unusual, as even the most social and outgoing of mares need some alone time, she typically didn't spend the morning drinking wine alone. She had taken the morning off from her normal early loop routines to do this, which was doubly unusual.
Of course nature abhors a vacuum, and will try to fill empty space. Enter Gilda, flying in from the Griffon Lands where she typically Awoke each loop. Gilda, on spotting the pink pony by herself, swooped in to join her. "Sorry I didn't get to Ponyville sooner. Had to double check this loop's laws on griffons and see if I could do something," she trailed off. Taking a second look at how unenergetic and bouncy the typically exuberant pony was, Gilda changed tack. "So, uh, I noticed that Nightmare Moon's already been dealt with for the loop. Anything interesting happen with that this time?"
Pinkie sighed. "Not really. I mean, Twilight set up this whole Rube Goldberg contraption to slap the nightmare out with a 30 pound tuna, but it's been done before." Taking a second glass out of her mane, she poured Gilda some of the wine. "Although, I'm not sure how long it's been since Twilight did something like that. The last several times it's been just me and her Awake in Ponyville, we did it Baseline to set up for a gag farther down the timeline."
"Any special occasion we're drinking 'cause of, then?" Gilda asked.
"Not really. Was sorting my pocket at the start of the loop, and found a bottle of Zinfandel red that needed drinking at some point this century. Decided to drink it before it went off."
"K."
It took some time before the quiet was broken again. It was an amiable silence, born from a combination of awkwardness and experience. Pinkie and Gilda slowly enjoyed the wine for a while, but eventually Gilda cracked. "Alright. What the hay happened to you? You don't get this melancholy without a good reason. You didn't loop in with any weird issues or psychosis? Did you have a bad loop recently?"
"What? Birch no!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I'm just, you know, feeling a little down right now."
"That doesn't answer my questions. What happened?" deadpanned Gilda.
"Alright, fine, just give me a minute." Pinkie set down her wineglass and closed her eyes for a moment to compose her thoughts. With a sigh, she opened them again and began to explain. "It mostly has to do the last expansion. The twenty year one."
"Of course."
"Now, Baseline me has a kid. This is important. I love kids. Helping with the Cake twins is one of my favorite things to do. I'm confident I could raise any kid, even if they're my own. The problem is I don't know how to make them."
Gilda broke out into a wide grin. "Well, when a stallion and a mare love each very much-"
"Not like that you nutball," Pinkie interrupted. Then she tilted her head. "No, wait, exactly like that. That's the problem. I had a kid, and I don't love the stallion I had one with."
"Oh. OH. That's... I don't know how to react."
"I mean, I know that I could learn to love him, but I've never tried to. I've never actually pursued a relationship kind of relationship with Cheese Sandwich. Looping into the middle of a relationship is one thing, but I've never actively pursued one with him as a looper. On top of that, I've never had a serious relationship like that before. Not anything meant to last more than one loop, and most of them not even that. Finally, this all came out of the blue. I’m still nervouscited about being able to have a kid at all, not sure what to do yet, and am kinda still in the shock phase of getting surprising news."
Pinkie took a gulp of air, and then continued with a slightly higher pitch and ever increasing pace. "I don't know if my kid would ever Loop, and at this point with everyone else who is in queue, it will take forever if it ever happens at all. It's basically impossible. Cheese Sandwich would probably have to start looping well before our kid could potentially even be an option, and there are so many others who are more closely connected through the interconnected network of friends and family in Baseline, let alone as Loopers. Maybe if he had started looping before the expansions finished it would be different, but it is what it is."
"On top of that, each time a Looper or batch of Loopers from Equestria has started to Loop, it takes longer for the next time, and I'm the only one with any connection to Cheese at all, no matter how fragile it is. When was the last time I did anything with him that wasn't part of or because of Baseline events? I haven't tried to include him in my life as a Looper at all. If anyone's significant other should start looping, it should be Octavia or Bon Bon. They have that journal gimmick with their partners. They always matter. Cheese just. He's just there. Part of Baseline. He doesn't have anything new, and I've never tried anything that could change that before. I never thought to try before, and I don't think I can handle doing what Vinyl and Lyra do to maintain relationships with non-looping ponies."
With a gasp for air, Pinkie finished talking. Grabbing her half-empty wine glass, she finished it in a single gulp and poured herself another. Staring into the wine, she sighs and slouches. Her hair, normally puffy and curly, had begun to droop and straighten.
"That's a lot to deal with."
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry for dumping it all on you."
Gilda shook her head. "I asked you to. Is that all you need to get off your chest?"
"I mean, there's a little more going on than that right now, but that's the biggest thing on my mind."
"One thing at a time then. To be clear, it's not that you can have a kid at all, it's that she can have a single specific kid with a specific person that you haven't gotten romantically invested with."
Pinkie nodded affirmatively.
"It's fundamentally different from Candace and Shining Armor having Flurry Heart, or Berry Punch having Ruby pinch, or Derpy Hooves having Dinky Doo. Candace and Shining Armor were already involved before the loop started, and them being together is normal and reinforced by the situations that they Loop into. Berry Punch almost always starts off in the middle of a parental relationship with Ruby Pinch, as does Derpy Hooves with Dinky Doo. On the other talon, you have Lyra with Bon Bon or Vinyl Scratch with Octavia. There's a significant emotional investment that can't ever be fully returned."
"Uh-huh."
"All of these relationships are normal, and recognized as normal by the way the loops treat those relationships. Changing the dynamic away from the norm is always distinct and different for all of them because there is a fundamental normal that they're deviating from. And as far as Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich go, the normal the Loops have tended toward didn't involve anything like getting together. So you feel pressured by your Baseline self's choices later in life."
"Yepperoni," said Pinkie, taking another sip of wine. "That's it in a nutshell."
"I don't have any easy answers for you Pinkie. I gave up on kids of my own a long time ago, and-"
Pinkie gasped and her mane finished deflating and straightening. "Oh Pine! I didn't think about how that could make you feel and I know I should be grateful for the opportunity and I didn't mean to-"
Gilda reached out and stopped Pinkie's babbling by holding her mouth shut. "Let me explain before you panic over upsetting me or whatever. I decided against having any children before I started looping, and I'm willing to wait and see what happens after Yggdrasil is fixed and the Loops are over to ever revisit that question again. Capiche?"
Pinkie nodded the best she could with her lips firmly held shut by griffon talons.
"I don't have any answers for you, and I don't think it's something that has one right answer. I know you will figure out a way to make everyone happy whatever you do, so I want you to make me a promise. Actually," Gilda smiled and let go of Pinkie, "I want you to make me a Pinkie Promise."
Eyes wide behind her flattened mane, Pinkie hesitated.
"I want you to promise that whatever happens with this whole kid thing, whatever decisions you make in the end, you don't forget about your own happiness."
"Gilda, I-"
"Nothing else until you Pinkie Promise."
"I, Pinkamena Diane Pie, promise to not forget about making myself happy when making decisions about my future child and associated relationships." With a shuddering sigh, Pinkie took a cupcake out of her flattened mane. Making associated motions, she continued, "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
Wiping away unshed tears and smushed cupcake, Pinkie giggled. Gilda grinned like she was half loon instead of half eagle. And they both began to laugh, and spent the rest of the morning talking about less emotional topics.
...
"You gonna re-inflate your mane any time soon? It's really creepy all flat like that."
"Eh, I might leave it like this for the rest of the loop. See who reacts to it, this time."
224.3 (DragonQueen) [MLP/Total Drama/Danganronpa/Codename: KND/Shantae]
Last Friday Night
Duncan groaned as he forced his eyes open, only to shut them again.
It was too bright. His head was pounding. Everything else was sore. What in Yggdrasil did he do last night.
"...Uncan ...n ...ou ...hear me?"
"Ugh, go away..." Duncan groaned, still not bothering to open his eyes.
He could only faintly make out the voice calling out to him. It was female. Was Vivian bothering him about something? He was sure it could wait. For now, he wanted to snuggle into his hard… cold bed?
Upon realizing that he was not in a bed, Duncan finally managed to force his eyes open. Everything was blurry at first, but the concerned face of a human Twilight Sparkle came into view. "Tw… Twilight? Where… where am I?"
"On the floor of the Delightful Manor," Twilight answered as she helped him to a nearby chair. "Now, can you tell me what you did last night?"
"No..." Duncan groaned. "Just… just give me a second. Everything hurts."
Twilight nodded. "You're hungover."
"That would explain this headache," Duncan groaned again as he held his hand to his forehead as he leaned back into the chair. "Do… Do you have a spell or anything that would make this less painful? I can't think straight right now."
"Give me a second," Twilight replied as she cast a silent spell. In an instant, most of Duncan's pain vanished.
"Thanks," The boy said with a nod. "Let me guess, you want to know what happened?"
"That would be nice," Twilight replied.
"Um… Cree got Father and the Delightfuls to leave the manor for the weekend and she invited a bunch of other looping teens for a party. I think we all agreed to not use any powers to block the effects," Duncan explained as best he could.
He didn't remember who came up with that idea, but he was going to smack them.
"Do you remember who was invited?" Twilight questioned.
"Um.... well, Cree was hosting," Duncan's head began to hurt again as he attempted to remember who else was there. "Gwen and Heather came with me. Uh… I think all the Danganronpa loopers are here. So are Shantae and her friends… and I think that was everyone."
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. There weren't a lot of people. "Sorry if this is not what you wanted to wake up to, but I have one last question. What was the last thing you remember?"
"Um… I remember a game of Spin The Bottle," Duncan smiled when he remembered landing on Gwen. "And… someone was hanging from a ceiling fan. I forget which room it was though."
*thud*
"Okay, it was in here," He dryly remarked as Twilight got up to help the unlucky sap who had just fallen. "Morning, Murkie."
"Shut up Duncan… not in the mood," Mukuro groaned as she sat down in another chair. "How… how did I get up there?"
"No clue," Duncan admitted. "I think I passed out sometime afterwards though. You remember anything?"
"Karaoke," Mukuro replied as she gave him a smirk. "You have a great singing voice by the way."
"I have zero issue making that hangover worse," Duncan snapped back. Mukuro was smart enough to take the hint. Twilight just groaned. She had a feeling that everyone else was in worse positions.
"GET OFF ME!"
"LET GO OF ME!"
Duncan and Mukuro both wailed in pain and covered their ears. Clearly, Twilight's spell wasn't as strong as she'd hoped. Gwen and Heather rushed out a nearby room, mercifully clothed.
"Girls… what happened?" Was all Twilight could say.
"What happened was we were cuddling!" Heather snapped. Duncan couldn't stop himself from bursting out laughing.
"Do you remember anything else?" Twilight had to ask.
"Surprisingly," Gwen admitted as she began to count off on her fingers. "I saw Shuichi and Kaede go into another room after they got a little too into Spin The Bottle, Bolo headed out to the pool in the back–"
"They have a pool this loop?" Duncan had to ask.
"I guess so," Gwen replied before continuing. "Cree was stair surfing with… I don't remember who, Makoto and Kyoko swapped clothes about midway through and… that's about it."
Twilight groaned. This was going to be fun to explain.
And sure enough, it very much wasn't.
She found Shuichi and Kaede first. They were both still clothed, but the bruises on their necks said everything either needed to know.
Cree, along with Maki and Byakuya, had fallen asleep in the pile of pillows they had been using for stair surfing. Byakuya practically ordered everyone to never speak of the prior night again (Twilight had already seen Duncan looking through footage from a security camera).
Makoto and Kyoko had both passed out on the floor in each other's clothes, much like Gwen had revealed. Surprisingly, Kyoko took it better than Makoto did.
Much like Gwen and Heather, Komaru and Toko had been found cuddling in bed together, although they were much less willing to break apart.
Finally, Twilight found not only Bolo sleeping in a pool floatie, but Shantae, Sky and Rottytops as well.
"Before we all go home to think about our life choices, I just have one thing to ask… who's idea was it to not do anything about hangovers?" Duncan asked as the groups all got ready to leave.
"You really don't remember?" Shantae asked.
"No, why?" Duncan asked back.
"It was your idea," Maki revealed.
"...Why did you guys listen to me?"
224.4 (Conceptualist)
Dead and Deader
Warning: This snip contains explicit mentions of suicide.
"Alright girls. What's our plan?"
You could hear a pin drop with how quiet it was. Well, not counting the frantic hammering of the doors and windows being boarded up. And the rain storm. Oh, and the moans and groans of several hundred zombies just outside.
The point is that everyone awake inside the barn, in both senses of the word, just glared at Twilight instead of responding.
"Oh, come on, don't be mad at me. It wasn't my fault," Twilight continued. "I took all the right precautions, disposed of the virus per our Z-protocol, and cleaned up after myself. An outbreak happening after all that was going to happen no matter what I did."
Applejack sighed. She went over to a certain spot in the barn, moved some loose hay out of the way, and revealed a hidden trap door.
"OooOOOoo! You have a super secret stash of anti-zombie weapons this loop?"
"No Pinkie. I just thought if we're going out into a zombie apocalypse, again, it'd be nice to share a drink first." Applejack took out a few bottles of her namesake brandy from the secretive liquor hole. "Don't have somethin' to drink from, so just take a swig and pass it 'round."
Rarity gently levitated the bottles out of Applejack's hooves. "Darling, don't you think it's a little early to drink? We haven't even decided how we are going to fix this."
"This here is my fifth tree dang zombie apocalypse in as many loops! Excuse me if I'm sick of zombies right now! My family's dead and tryin' ta eat us all. I'll deal with it once I'm good and buzzed, ya hear me? Now if y'all don't want any, give my booze back."
"I'll drink with you," Twilight sighed. "Rarity, why don't you and Pinkie check on Rainbow Dash. She hasn't woken up since she lost her wing, and I'm starting to get worried."
"Okie-dokie-loki! Feel better Applejack, and I'll throw you the best post-apocalyptic party when you're up for it!"
"Alright dears, but don't let yourself get drunk. We will probably need both of you at your best, whatever we decide to do. Fluttershy, how's our patient doing?"
Settling in next to Applejack, Twilight opened one of the bottles and gave it to the mare. "So. Five zombie loops in a row?"
"Yeah."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Sorta."
The two friends shared a quiet moment, listening to the rain and whispered discussion from up in the loft, where Fluttershy moved Rainbow Dash.
"It's the smell that gets me. Can't ever get used to it. Corpses. Eugh." Applejack shudders, and takes her first sip. "Iffin we're havin' a heart to heart about this, ah'll better start from the beginning. It started with that plants and zombies loop. Ya know the one, with Crazy Dave?"
"And the literal peashooters?"
"Yeah, and all the other cute little zombies murderin' plants. It was pretty fun at first. Weaponized horticulture. The problem was they never stopped coming. From the front lawn, the backyard, even the dang roof. Day and night, the zombies gathered up into waves and tried ta get inside. I got tired. Dozed off at some point. My plants couldn't hold em back without my help. Not smart enough, ya see? And then my brains got eaten. Which sent me to the next loop, which was pretty bad."
"Yesh. What happened?"
"Three words. World War Three."
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah. I woke up in London, in the middle of a secret Nazi invasion. Pretty sure it was that Hellsing loop, but I never got around to checking. Vampires were killing people, bringin' em back as zombies, rinse and repeat. I kicked all kinds of flank then, but it was an awful month of dealing with the clean up and huntin' stray ghouls all over. My next one, ah was the zombie. But I had no self-control."
"I remember this one! I had to isolate you and the others on the moon. Never did figure out a cure, that loop."
"Yeah, I'm mighty grateful yah saved my folks from me. Not a fun time."
Squinting at her friend, Twilight did some mental math. "That was forty-three loops back for me. Have you really only been Awake for one loop since then?"
Applejack shrugged. "Ah only know what ah know. And I don't know what I wasn't here for. Anyway, the last one before this mess I was a soldier. And a different group of Nazis in a different time period made a different kind of undead to use as cannon fodder to take over the world. I don't know the details, the plot wasn't really interesting. I just shot the guns and saved the day."
"What is it with Nazis and undead horrors anyway? Why is that so common?"
"You're asking the wrong mare that question. Bring it up with Sleipnir next time you get the chance. Ah wanna hear that answer, too."
Twilight, who had barely touched her drink, got up and stretched. "I'm sorry again about all this. Even Unawake I should have known better than conducting research into arcane-virology without a professional laboratory. And I'm really sorry I didn't warn everyone about the risk before the outbreak started. I really did think I had already dealt with it. Anyway, I am officially pulling the Sanctuary card on this mess."
Confused, Applejack also stood up. A little shakier than Twilight, on account of having drank one and a half bottles of strong Applejack much too quickly.
"I've thought about this before. We offer Sanctuary to all of the visitors we get all the time. But you have been through a lot recently, so I'm declaring this is now a Sanctuary loop for you." Twilight gestured dramatically at Applejack. "You are now a non-combatant, and the VIP the rest of us will keep safe from the undead menace!"
"Twilight, y'all need every pair of hooves you can get. Ah refuse to sideline myself while my friends are in danger. Besides, it's a Null Loop, the zombies are magic proof, and as soon as the rain storm Dash whipped up is over, our scent is going to draw every zombie downwind of us straight here! What could we possibly–"
"Applejack, what's wrong? You're looking at me weird and that's worrying."
"Twilight, check your back left leg right now, and tell me I'm seeing things."
Blinking away her confusion, Twilight looked down and back at her legs. "Oh fern. If you're seeing a bite mark that looks infected, I'm seeing it too. How did that even happen?! I don't remember getting bitten, and I made sure to check everyone for bites! We even managed to save Dash by amputating her bitten wing!"
"Ah'm guessing you forgot to check yourself after we found Rainbow's bite wound."
"Yeah. Probably. Anyway, change of plans. I'm skipping straight to plan C."
"Plan C?"
"Off myself and crash the loop."
"Well, if you're serious about offering, I know where we keep the rope."
"That's the nicest way anyone has offered to help kill me in a long time. Thank you, but no. I grabbed some cyanide when I stole the medical supplies for Fluttershy. I'll go tell everyone the bad news and get this over with."
After Twilight had moved up the ladder to the loft, Applejack sighed. She could hear her friends talking about what Twilight had to do. Frankly, none of them wanted to deal with a zombie alicorn, assuming the zombification process didn't count as dying anyway. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't.
But all in all, Applejack was glad that the loop would be over soon. The rain was dying down. She could smell the walking corpses again. And they could probably smell her too.
"Ah hate zombies," Applejack said. She took and began to chug the booze Twilight had barely touched.
The loop ended before she could finish off the bottle.