"Tea, please."
Alphabittle indicated to one of the rat things without ever turning around. I sat there, formulating my plan in my mind as to how I was going to do this.
A teacup was pushed into position and a machine poured a dark brew into the teacup. Another creature stepped closer and carried what appeared to be a jug of milk to it.
I raised my hoof. "Hold the milk."
I waited for the response, and the results did not surprise me in the slightest. Alphabittle turned around and looked at me. "You have unusual tastes, I see. Not many have it without milk. Hope I don't blast your tastebuds into orbit that way."
I sighed, and relaxed on the stool. "Please allow me to introduce myself."
"I presume you're a mare of wealth and taste," Alphabittle finished.
So it seems the Rolling Stones exist in this world as well. That's interesting. Or perhaps a ponified version of them. I smiled. "You could say that about me. I collect unusual and strange things which catch my eye."
"A fellow collector," Alphabittle smiled, as he went back to cleaning glasses. "One stallion's trash is another stallion's treasure, after all. Any particular direction?"
"Old relics," I smiled. I know I'm repeating that descriptor a lot, but it's what I was doing. "In fact, I see something that catches my eye on that shelf."
Alphabittle smiled. "Oh? That thing? Nopony knows where it comes from. We just found it in a building one day and kept it in here. I won it off another guy in a poker game, actually."
"Well, I'd like to try my hand for it."
Alphabittle turned and a competitive face moved across his own. "Well, you certainly are confident. You usually play for big prizes?"
"I don't play, I win."
"Big words for such a little pony," Alphabittle said. "Seriously, you must be one of the smallest unicorns I've ever seen!"
Now was my chance to say the line the fandom turned into a meme. "I think you'll find I'm average height." That, incidentally, was the origin of the 'My Average Height Pony' meme which lit the fandom on fire.
The pony in front of me seemed a tad confused, but nodded. "Right. Well then, if you're playing for that, you'll need to be putting something similarly big on the table in return. You can't win big rewards without big risks, after all."
I nodded. "How about this?" I slipped a hoof into my bag and placed the earth pony crystal onto the top of the bar. I'd meant to grab the pegasus crystal but had clearly put my hoof in the wrong place.
Alphabittle peered at it in confusion. "A snowglobe?"
"Sorry, wrong one," I said. I put the earth pony crystal away and popped the pegasus crystal down in its place. And when I did his eyes went wide with delight.
Izzy suddenly tapped me on the shoulder and led me to one side. "Err, Sunny, are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Course it is!" I replied. "I was a pro at solving those things in the old days, and my brony group hosted regular Just Dance parties. This will be a cakewalk!"
"If you and your friend are done talking," Alphabittle said, "you have a contract to sign."
I nodded. "I got this covered, Izzy. Trust me."
Izzy dropped back uneasily. "OK. As long as you know what you're doing."
I smiled. "We'll have those crystals faster than you can say jumping jellybeans!"
I trotted back over to the bar and took the pen before scanning over the contract. It was a mountain of boring legalese followed by a signature box and a date box. Contracts ain't a problem to me. My mom was a lawyer, and confusingly worded documents were her specialty.
I signed my name and added the date, before pushing it back. "Good. Now give me the cube."
Alphabittle snorted. "Big prizes deserve big challenges, average height pony. And this is a big prize. BRING FORTH THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!"
Some more of those mouse creatures wheeled a machine onto the floor. It had a rolling display of large button combinations, and similar buttons laid into the floor. A combo metre ran up one side, and the back seemed to be powered by things running in a wheel.
Will, this didn't really fit the aesthetic.
I glanced about. "A dancing game."
"Not so confident now, are you?" Alphabittle snorted, as we took our positions. "Listen, kid. If you win just one round, that crystal is yours. But I thoroughly doubt your short legs will be able to keep up with a pro." He glanced over. "Get my polishing kit ready."
The beatnik pony then spoke up. "Both ponies agree. Best out of three."
Wait, that isn't what we agreed at all! You can't just make stuff up!
The first combo came up, and I smiled. Surely this couldn't be too different to doing this with two, legs?
And I settled into it very easily. I bounced between the buttons like I had springs attached to my hooves. Combos were flattened under my hooves as if they were paper. My combo metre continued to fill rapidly, much quicker than Alphabittle's was.
"Keep it up, Sunny!" Izzy called.
I glanced over my shoulder to see the others cheering me on. "That's the spirit, Sunny!" Pipp shouted. "Let the rhythm take you over!"
"I'm certainly feeling it!" I said, as I continued to float across the display. Seriously, this was really easy. Just follow the patterns and try not to fall over. Easy as pie!
Alphabittle looked over in surprise, his eyes open wide in shock. Not only that, he was breathing pretty heavily, indicating he was struggling to keep up. "How... is... she... doing... this? I've... never... seen... somepony... play... this... well!"
I hopped onto more combos, keeping up easily with the music and the beat being presented. I glanced up to my combo metre and saw it hit the top of the bar!
The winning flag deployed on my side. The world seemed to stop moving for a second. I looked at it in amazement.
"I... I did it!" I said to myself. "I won!" Once I had collected myself I jumped in the air. "Yes! Only had to win one round!"
I couldn't hear what Alphabittle was saying, but he passed the crystal to me anyway before vanishing to his bar. I could only wonder what he was doing whilst I went to celebrate with my friends.
But as we celebrated, I suddenly felt something hit my forehead. I glanced down and saw the fake horn was on the floor. I looked around in a panic to see what had happened. "Oh shit."
A loud clunk was heard, and I looked up to see Alphabittle put down a blowpipe. Why had the thought to do that? "Just as I suspected," he said. "An earth pony." He began to walk towards me, trying to back me into a corner. "Now give me back my crystal, and the other one too."
Why would I give him the other crystal? He hadn't won it! "B- but I won!"
Alphabittle snorted so loudly I could feel the breath on my own muzzle. "No you didn't. The paperwork you signed specified any unicorn who wins. You aren't a unicorn, so cannot win by default. That and you tricked me. I know exactly what you are."
Urgh! Bucking legalese!
Izzy spoke up in turn. "Alphabittle, aren't you being a bit ha-"
Alphabittle turned and glared at her. "Izzy, shut up. Don't concern yourself with things you don't understand."
Izzy backed away in shock.
"You're a spy, purple mare. I always knew you were an earth pony. Your tiny brain clearly couldn't spot we sign with the day first, not the month."
Oh shit. I'd assumed this world worked like the United States on that front! "Look, maybe we can come to a deal-"
Alphabittle drew even closer. "There is no deal, spy. The only thing we do with spies is string them up- we have plenty of trees to hang your kind from. Did you really think we'd let you go and report back to your spymaster especially given Fillydelphia recently started rearming?"
Wait, what? The earth ponies rearming? When did this happen?
I looked to Hitch. He seemed to be giving Sprout a few odd looks.
I tried to evaluate my options. On the one hoof, I couldn't outfight this guy. On average, a mare is physically weaker than a stallion, and this guy was a wall of muscle. On the other hoof, if I could find a way to get out through a window-
"She's not alone!"
I looked over to see Pipp ditching the coat and throwing the horn on the floor before flaring her wings. "I'm not a unicorn either. I'm a pegasus, and she and I are friends!"
There were collective gasps of shock from all assembled as Pipp looked at them, defiant. "Don't think about touching her."
"I knew it!" shouted a unicorn. "The earth ponies and pegasi have allied to take over our lands!"
Pipp shuffled closer to me to give some protection as Alphabittle closed in on us. "You tried that trick at Thunder Bay, but it won't help you now. Now then, you'll have a 30 second headstart-"
Then Sprout joined in, pulling his own horn off. "I'm an earth pony too," he said. "I know I don't look like much, but if you let your bigotry consume you then you'll just be miserable."
Only for Hitch to follow. "I'm an earth pony as well. And I will not tolerate my friend being spoken to that way."
Thanks for the support, Hitch! Is somepony going to say they're Spartacus in a few moments?
Izzy then chimed in. "And I'm a unicorn!" she said, with a grin. "But you probably knew that already."
Just one member of the team remained to speak up, and speak up they did. Misty stepped forward into view- a very brave act given her crippling stage fright. "And I'm also a unicorn, but you probably didn't know that seeing as I'm not from here."
What happened next threw us all for a loop. Alphabittle seemed to freeze, and looked at Misty in a mixture of amazement and shock. "Can it really be?" he asked. "After all this time... my Misty has returned to me?"
We all looked back and forth at one another, very, very confused. Where did this come from?
Izzy, luckily, broke the silence. "Ooh! That's who you were referring to when we passed on my way to the train station!"
I was about to correct Izzy, as technically there's no such thing as a train station, but Alphabittle began speaking first. "And why am I not surprised she's with a group of enemies!" He grabbed Misty and pulled her towards him. "Well, you've lost your little hostage."
"Wing! Feather! Magic! MAYONNAISE!"
The entire room went silent. It was as if somepony had hit pause on a movie.
And then the chain reaction began.
"Bing!"
"Bong!"
Before long, those words were echoing across the interior of the tearoom, rendering any unicorn (barring Izzy and Misty of course) unable to move. I dashed over and grabbed the two crystals and stuffed them in my bag before we ran for the door.
We dashed through the forest to try and find safety. This was utter chaos, but I had so many questions. For example, when was it established that Misty was Alphabittle's daughter? I don't remember that being brought up at any point in Make your Mark!
We eventually pulled into a clearing, and stopped- and who was there stunned me. Boy were Zipp and the Queen a sight for sore eyes!
After a tense standoff between the tribes, that mad pegasus broadcast a message which unnerved us all. Something about fire and brimstone. As a result, an alliance was forged to bring him down.
And so, without a chance to check the crystals, we headed back to Zephyr Heights. Time for a counter revolution, I guess.