//------------------------------// // Roll Call // Story: They're Not Bugs, They're Features // by RunicTreetops //------------------------------// Anon’s eyes slowly drift open. He could have sworn he felt something just now. He smacks his lips together as he rolls over before squinting at the alarm clock on his nightstand. Sure enough, he doesn’t have to wake up for the better part of an hour. Allowing a yawn to escape him, he shuffles back into a comfortable position and closes his eyes once more. Only to immediately be awoken again by the entire house shaking. “Ugh, not again,” he mumbles as he finally begins rolling out of bed. After quickly stumbling into the closet and halfheartedly throwing some clothes on, he trudges out of the bedroom and down the hall. Just as he reaches the stairs leading down to the ground floor of his home, he hears voices coming from below. “Gotcha!” “Let go!” “Not until you say ‘uncle!’” “Over my dead body!” “That can be arranged.” “Terga!” “Both of you stop, you’re gonna wake dad up!” Anon sighs as he begins descending the steps. “Alright, what’s going on?!” His voice booms throughout the house. All at once, the arguing voices fall silent. Upon reaching the bottom of the steps, he turns into the spacious living room. Slowly, he looks over the entire room, identifying that nothing is broken before finally acknowledging the five colorful changeling children glancing everywhere but at him, beads of anxious sweat dripping from all of their foreheads. Sitting calmly on the sofa is Seta, a green changeling with bright blue eyes. She’s the largest of the group, and she’s the eldest sibling by a whole twenty minutes. She’s also a hopeless romantic that dreams of finding a star-crossed lover like in her favorite novels, but has difficulty doing so with her sharp tongue and sarcastic attitude. Sitting on the floor with a suspicious new bruise on the side of his head is Tarsus, the second-eldest and second-largest child. He’s a striking gold color with orange eyes, and his build is generally stockier than his siblings’. He tends to be the hardest for Anon to handle due to being easily excited, not to mention that he respects his mother way more than his father. Sitting to Tarsus’s left is Canthus, the middle child. He’s a sky-blue color with striking purple eyes. Despite being the third-eldest child, he’s only the fourth largest. Anon tries to be patient with him, understanding that he’s undergoing a bit of an identity crisis as the middle child (even though they all hatched on the same day). Still, his penchant for “trying to prove himself” leads him into trouble frequently, made clear by the numerous bumps, bruises, and bandages across his body. On the far side of the room is Gena, the second-youngest child. She’s a light-pink color with blue eyes, and although it’d be a death sentence to say out loud, she’s easily the cutest of the bunch. This is due in part to being the runt of the group, sitting a whole head shorter than Canthus. She’s very quiet, but also extremely bright. All in all, she’s basically the exact opposite of Tarsus, right down to her treatment of Anon. A real “daddy’s girl,” as it were. Finally, sitting on the other side of Tarsus and breathing heavily (though lacking the bruises) is Terga, the youngest of the children. Despite being the youngest, she’s the third largest, just barely beating out Canthus and easily dwarfing Gena. She’s a deep purple with green eyes, and two faded scars line the left side of her face. Despite how young and bug-like they all are, basically anyone would be able to tell that she’s the most physically capable of the bunch. This has resulted in a penchant for roughhousing, specifically with Tarsus and Canthus. And by the looks of things, Anon can safely assume that she won. Again. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he takes a deep breath. “Were you getting into it again?” “N-no!” Tarsus pouts and looks away with puffed-up cheeks. “They totally were,” Seta chuckles with a smug grin. “Terga got Tarsus in a headlock, he tried to fight back, Canthus wanted to get involved and failed, and then you came downstairs.” “Terga started it,” Canthus mumbles. “Did not!” “Did too!” “Quiet, all of you.” Anon tries to stand firm, but Tarsus, Canthus, and Terga continue to bicker. He glances at his remaining two daughters, who just give him a shrug. With a sigh, he steps into the living room proper and lifts both Tarsus and Terga by the backs of their necks. They attempt to slap at each other, forcing Anon to keep them far apart. “Will you–” “You can try to fight me all you want, it’s not gonna make you any bigger than I am!” “Size doesn’t mean a thing when you can’t use it, loser!” “Shut up!” It isn’t until Anon yells that the bickering siblings finally fall silent again. “Neither of you are getting breakfast.” He glances at the floor, where Canthus sheepishly looks away. “Same goes for you, Cant.” “N-no! Please!” “You all have to stop fighting like this in the living room.” Anon bites his tongue before saying more. If it were up to him they wouldn’t fight at all, but if his wife is to be believed, fighting is both natural and healthy for growing changelings. “At least take it outside.” “Whatever,” Tarsus mumbles while crossing his arms. “Mom would be fine with it.” “Well, mom isn’t here right now, so what I say goes.” Anon drops both of them, causing them to furiously flap their wings as they approach the ground. They can all fly, but they’re not very good at it yet. “Seta? Gena?” “Hm?” Gena’s voice is quiet, but it’s the first he’s heard from her all morning. “I’m making omelets. Sit tight.” “Noooooooo!” Canthus sobs from the ground. Is it a bit mean to make their favorite breakfast when three out of five of them aren’t allowed to eat it? Probably, but that’s what makes it a punishment. Breakfast was quiet and a bit awkward, but if nothing else, Anon succeeded in keeping his children from beating the snot out of each other again. The rest of the morning goes by without much of note occurring, and right around noon, the handle on the front door begins to wiggle. “I’m home, and I brought company.” With a couple of excited gasps, the changeling children rush to greet the new arrivals. Standing tall in the doorway with half-lidded eyes is the dreaded ex-queen of the changelings, Chrysalis. Despite her children being light changelings, she maintains her dark changeling form. She is, technically, also a light changeling (having a loving family will do that to you), but this is the form she wishes to keep. It might be menacing, but it’s her. Meanwhile, standing on either side of her are two mares. The first is a mint-green gal named Lyra Heartstrings, who greets everyone present with an excited smile. The second is a much less enthusiastic (but still visibly smiling) Bon-Bon, Lyra’s wife. These two are basically the only ponies that Chrysalis is willing to call her friends. Without missing a beat, Gena leaps into Lyra’s arms to give her an adorable hug. The affectionate mare happily hugs her back before doing the same with Canthus. Meanwhile, Seta, Tarsus, and Terga all give Bon-Bon a smile and a nod, which she quietly returns. Chrysalis saunters into the house without much care, quickly approaching Anon and whispering into his ear. “They invited themselves.” “I figured as much.” Lo and behold, the two mares let themselves in as politely as possible. It doesn’t take long for everyone to slowly funnel into the living room and find a place to sit. Anon, of course, gets exclusive rights to the recliner. That’s his recliner. “So,” Lyra starts as she removes her saddlebag and takes a seat on the sofa. “Are you all ready for school to start?” There’s a collective groan from the children aside from Gena. Both Lyra and Bon-Bon laugh at the sight before Lyra starts digging into her saddlebag. “We figured as much. That’s why your mother asked us to help her get you all some presents.” Seta’s eyes widen. Tarsus and Canthus suddenly start paying attention. Gena and Terga pog. “Here we are!” Lyra pulls out a suspiciously small box from her saddlebag. It’s a metallic-white color, and it easily fits in one hoof. “I’m still amazed this thing works.” “What is it?” The usually quiet Gena pipes up, her curiosity overcoming her low-key demeanor. “A discontinued device from S.M.I.L.E.,” Bon-Bon remarks with a cocky grin. “Perfect for compressing and hiding disguises.” Lyra presses a tiny button on the side of the box, causing the top to glow with enchanted magic. Suddenly, a series of garments shoot out of the top with explosive force, not unlike the shot of a party cannon. Most hit the ceiling before falling back down onto Lyra, who is quickly buried in clothes. “Or it would be, if they could ever get the enchantment right.” “We got you some new school clothes,” Chrysalis halfheartedly mumbles. “If you want any more, you’re gonna have to buy them yourselves.” It doesn’t take long for Lyra to sort through the clothing, at which point her horn glows as she magically tosses the clothes to the appropriate children.  “C-can we try them on now?!” Seta’s eyes practically glow at the prospect of new (free) clothes, though she’s not sure what it is that she’s holding. “How else are we gonna know if they fit?” Anon chuckles. With haste, all five children scramble to get their new clothes on. Some have more difficulty than others, with Tarsus specifically having a lot of trouble, but it doesn’t take long for them to start looking down at themselves. Chrysalis rolls her eyes before her horn glows with a sickly green magic. Seconds later, magical mirrors appear in front of each of her kids. Seta got a flowy dress that accentuates her tall stature, making her look elegant and refined. Tarsus and Canthus both got simple shirts that are baggy enough to be comfortable, but tough enough to withstand whatever trouble they’re inevitably going to get into. Gena got an adorable sundress that makes her bright-pink body pop even more, while Terga got two pairs of simple leg warmers.  Tarsus and Canthus exchange an unenthused glance, not being particularly impressed by the “gift” being clothes. Seta and Gena beam with excitement, while Terga looks mostly relieved that she didn’t get another uncomfortable dress or something. “It’s so pretty!” Seta twirls around, being sure to observe herself at every angle. “Maybe you guys do have some semblance of taste!” “Yeah, it’s…” “It’s alright…” Tarsus and Canthus continue to do their best to not look disappointed. Behind them, Gena happily hums to herself as she smooths out the sundress. Terga fiddles with the leg warmers, not being used to them but clearly enjoying them more than she would any other piece of clothing. “What do you say?” Anon asks with a sly grin. “Thank you,” the mini buggos recite in unison with very little energy. Chrysalis groans at the display, not really being one for manners herself. “Well, we should get going.” Bon-Bon nudges Lyra, who is clearly having the time of her life watching the children mess with their presents. “We wouldn’t want to intrude.” “Sure you don’t want to stay for lunch?” Chrysalis shoots Anon an annoyed glance, though he ignores it. “We have some plans of our own, but thank you.” She stands, practically dragging Lyra along with her. “See ya later. And good luck at school tomorrow.” A series of goodbye waves and hugs are shared before the mares finally depart, leaving the living room in an awkward silence. “...Do I have to wear these?” Terga mumbles. “No, no you don’t.” Chrysalis’s horn stops glowing, causing the mirrors to disappear. “They insisted they get you all something. I was the one that picked those out.” Terga lets out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, mom.” “And what about you two?” Chrysalis narrows her eyes at her two sons. Their new shirts do little to hide their bruises. “You haven’t been getting into trouble while I’ve been gone, have you?” The boys exchange a guilty glance. While Chrysalis wouldn’t care if they fought in the living room on her watch, she would be angry to learn that they went against their father’s wishes. Their eyes shift from each other over to Anon, who stares at them for a quiet moment before sighing. “I stopped them before anything got out of hand,” he lies. “...Alright. Good.” They both stand in stunned silence for a moment. Did… did their dad just cover for them? “You’d better not do anything like that at the School of Friendship. Am I clear?” Chrysalis’s voice is so stern and commanding that all five children nod in unison. While she might not be the most emotionally open changeling, she is extremely good at keeping her brood in line. “C-can we play outside now?” “Yes, you may.” “Woo!” There’s a sudden whirlwind of movement as the children all frantically fly through the front door and into the sunny hills of Ponyville outside. Only Gena lags behind, carefully removing and folding her sundress before following her siblings. Once the front door closes, Anon and Chrysalis both take a deep breath. “They got into it, didn’t they?” “I made them skip breakfast.” “Think that’ll be enough?” “For a while, yeah. At the very least, they’ll take it outside first.” “Ugh, we can only hope.” “Chryssi?” Anon tilts his head, confusing Chrysalis with his growing concern. “Hm?” “It’s not like you to be so uncertain.” “Well…” She lets out a deep sigh before continuing. “They might be my first brood, but they’re far from the only changeling children I’ve raised. I’m just… not used to doing it like this.” “That’s a good thing, Chryssi. I’d really prefer it if our kids didn’t grow up to become a bunch of love-starved soldiers.” “As would I. I’m glad that I can still keep them in line, but I’m not sure I’m… doing it right.” Anon’s look of concern slowly morphs into a warm smile. Standing from his cherished recliner, he saunters over to the sofa and plops himself down right next to his wife. “Chryssi, they love you. They respect you. And they’re definitely bright enough to know when something is wrong.” “Tell that to Tarsus.” “He’s brash, but he means well. Trust me.” Anon chuckles. “Besides. Tomorrow, they’re going to the School of Friendship.” “Peh. And what does that have to do with me?” “You’re allowing your children to be taught at a school run by Starlight Glimmer. If that doesn’t speak volumes about how far you’ve come, I’m not sure what does.” “Yeah, yeah.” She lightly elbows him in the ribs, coaxing another chuckle out of him. “Anyway, I’m hungry.” “I figured as much.” A smile creeps across Chrysalis’s face as she crawls on top of Anon. They’ve gone through this song and dance hundreds of times. She wraps herself around him and presses her lips to his own, pulling him into a passionate kiss as she feeds on his love. Unlike most creatures, Anon cannot run out of love, meaning she has a free all-you-can-eat buffet. Even if that weren’t the case, he loves her more than enough to sustain both her and the rest of their family. The display of passion behind the kiss is completely unnecessary, too. She can feed on his love without any physical contact at all. Heck, he’s mastered the art of quite literally adding love as an ingredient to his meals for the sake of the kids. Still, the connection is something that they both appreciate, however unnecessary it may be. “You’re gonna get fat if you keep that up,” Seta remarks as she sneaks through the front door and up the stairs. Anon’s eyes widen in shock, but Chrysalis seems completely unbothered by her daughter seeing the display. Such is a typical day in this household. It’s noisy, it’s hectic, and it’s certainly strange by Ponyville standards. And yet… It just feels right to them.