“Before I start, I don’t know where she is. I only know why she might have run. I can’t answer when, how, or where. Anyways, it all started before she was born.”
“What?!” shouted Twilight.
“Trust me. It’s true.”
As Fluttershy walked through the door, the first thing she noticed was the letter on the floor. Angel—who had been strangely affectionate lately—leapt down and grabbed it for her. He opened the envelope and passed her the papers inside. Awkwardly handling the wayward pamphlet in her hooves, she began to read.
However, the moment she finished the first sentence, her world shattered. The letter fell to the floor, landing on the bunny. Suppressed memories swirled through her mind as her flank hit the floor. She could no longer see, her eyes blurred by tears. She didn’t see Angel Bunny looking at her woefully. She didn’t hear the animals go silent. She didn’t feel the tension in the room. She only knew two things: pain and fear.
It’s finally happening. The thought, unbidden, echoed in her mind, forcing its way through the memories.
After what felt like an eternity she was roused from her stupor by Angel, who pulled on her mane. The poor thing stared at her, eyes full of questions that he could never ask, and that she would never answer. She looked cautiously at the letter, as if it would harm her merely through contact. As Angel followed her gaze he hopped over to it, gingerly grasping it with his tiny paws.
Fluttershy stared, not sure what to do. She could see the bunny’s tears as he read the letter and knew quite well what that meant: he knew. The one thing she had kept from everypony else, he knew. She had failed. She hadn’t been able to protect her friend, all because of one moment of weakness. She could feel tears trying to force their way from her eyes, but she held them back. He had always been strong for her. Now it was her turn.
But it was in that moment that she knew she wasn’t strong—not enough, anyways. She turned and ran, feeling the patina of her past slowly spreading to the present.
In his fit of emotion, Angel never saw her leave.
"Unlike you guys, I remember her from before. She used to be so bold... a lot like me."
"Ah can hardly imagine that," scoffed Applejack
"Well it’s true. Things didn't start crushing her until they sank in a bit."
As she stared at the lake, Fluttershy couldn’t help but notice how different it was in the daytime. Even though it had only been a few months since AJ had shown it to her, she couldn’t help but go here when she felt sad. It had a calming air to it, as if peace radiated from its murky depths.
A soft thump came from behind her but she ignored it. The noise repeated softly, over and over. When she finally looked Fluttershy saw Angel, staring at her with concern written on his face.
“Oh, Angel, what should I do?” she pleaded.
Crossing his forepaws he gave her a stern look, though the concern never left his eyes.
“I know I should tell them, but I just can’t.”
Vigorous head shaking.
“You mean I shouldn’t?”
Nod.
“Then, what? I can’t handle this on my own...”
Angel immediately crossed over to her and grabbed her hoof, nodding as vigorously as he could.
“You mean that’s it?” pouted Pinkie. “It wasn’t even her fault!”
“She never thought of it that way. Believe me, I tried to convince her.”
8 days earlier...
Fluttershy stared at the bags, radiating her indecision into the air around her. The stupid things were mocking her, laughing at her cowardice. “We’ve been packed for days!” they said. “When are you going to leave, chicken?”
Stamping her hoof in a rare display of frustration, she glanced at her walls. They were bare. Every picture was taken down and in her bags. They might be heavy, but Fluttershy knew that she would want them. Her note had been written for days, and yet she couldn’t help but feel like she had forgotten something. She would get the bags, walk to the door, and then fling them back to the floor.
Then she’d find something, anything, to do. First it was cleaning the animal habitats, then making cupcakes with Pinkie, then making excuses to Rarity, but now she couldn’t find a distraction. Her list was empty, crossed out twice. Now she had nothing left, nothing except her friends to hold her here. Could she really leave?
Breaking her gaze, she lifted the saddlebags over her head, lowering them to just past the base of her wings. Finally—for the first time—she made it out the door.
From the top of the hill Fluttershy stared at her house. She had done a brilliant job of making it seem abandoned. She was well aware of how easily it could be fixed, but that couldn’t be done yet. The illusion only needed to work for so long. She knew it wrong. She knew it was unkind, but she also knew she would never be kind again if she didn’t do this. Yet no matter what she did, the conflicting thoughts and emotions continued their duel, locking her in place, as had happened to Twilight so often before.
Do I go back, continue my life waiting in fear, or do I abandon my friends to run from my past, my future?
An insistent tapping on her back brought Fluttershy back to reality, and finalizing her decision, she walked down the road, not caring where it took her.
“I miss her. I did even when she was still here. You have no idea how much it hurts to look at your best friend and realize the filly you met will never be back. I almost gave up on her, before I met you guys.”
“I know that gaze. ‘Tis the same that I wear when I think of Luna.” Celestia mused.
It was getting cold. Night had just fallen and yet Fluttershy would not stop. There was nowhere to stay yet. Not a single home had appeared. It was quite foalish of her, and she knew it. Angel’s shivers on her back was just more evidence towards the fact.
“Don’t you worry, Angel. I’ll find us a place to stay the night.” Opening her left wing, she felt Angel climb into it before she put it against her side once more. Angel relaxed in his warm, new crib. Slowly rocking her wing in time to her steps, she sang, “Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed.”
She continued the soothing motions until Angel’s breath sank into a deep, sleepy rhythm. For what seemed like hours she kept walking, until over the top of the next hill, she saw a bright light. Her hooves cried out for joy, knowing that they would not need to suffer any longer. Rushing to see where this beautiful, welcoming light came from, she saw a large manor. Nothing adorned it, but somehow “home” wouldn’t do its size justice.
Somepony stood in the doorway, golden light spilling out from around them. Desperate, Fluttershy called, “Hello? Can you spare a room? I’m so ve—”
She stopped dead in her tracks as she realized what she saw. Standing in the doorway was... a gryphon!
“My apologies, Sister,” rang a deep voice. “From your fear I can tell you’ve had a bad experience with my kind, but rest assured: the only gryphons that may enter these doors follow the Scriptures of Orion. You will not find such hate and violence here. My name is Cleon and of course we can spare you a room.”
Reassured of his intent, though still fearing his wrath, she slowly walked towards the door, rousing Angel with a shake of her wing. “Thank you. Just to get off my hooves will be a relief.”
“Think nothing of it. Would you like some food? You look as if you could use some.” Hearing her stomach answer for her, Cleon laughed. “I’ll be right back, then.”
It was then that Fluttershy got her first look around. The walls were plain, bearing no decoration but the beige paint. The tables were bare wood, probably hoof-made. Even the chairs were simple and unadorned. It was also then she realized that this was not a manor, but some sort of monastery. She heard of these before but—since most ponies worshipped Luna and Celestia—she had never seen one in person before. It was strange to live in such a seemingly blasphemous way and yet still be approved of by the very deities they refused to worship.
Soon enough Cleon came back into the room, a platter clutched in his talons. Setting it on the table, he revealed a generous portion of apples, daisies, lettuce, and carrots. Angel, smelling his favorite treat, burst out of his wing crib, quickly grabbing the three largest carrots before he slipped under the table to enjoy his feast.
As Cleon laughed, Fluttershy scolded, “Angel, no!”
“It is fine, Sister. I simply didn’t expect such a small thing to have an appetite so large!” boomed the monk. “If you would like any more, I can always help.”
“Oh, no. I’ve already been enough of a bother.”
“Nonsense,” he said as he sat down. “Although, I am rather curious as to why you were wandering so late at night. If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear your story.”
“Oh, it’s rather personal.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Anyhow, when you’re done just ring that bell and I’ll show you to your room.”