I took a step back as Windslash deflected my sword, leaving me wide open. A lunge, and it would be over. Yet when it came, I already stood well outside her range. I took another step back, regained my footing, and counter-attacked. My sword connected, and she fell to her haunches, rubbing her shoulder.
“Ouch,” she muttered between pants. Even through her padding, a blow with the blunt edge of such a heavy sword hurt.
“Sorry,” I rubbed my crest. “I thought you’d have the time to dodge.”
“I tried, but my body just wouldn’t move fast enough.” She gulped, taking a few moments to catch her breath. “I simply can’t keep up with your insane stamina, Silverstring.”
I arched a brow. “Is that why you weren’t flying? I would’ve thought that flying is always worth it, even if it’s more taxing.”
Windslash shook her head. “It just, you know, felt unfair to use my wings when you… you know…”
My tail flicked, and I bristled. “So you’re going easy on me, just ‘cause I can’t fly no more? First Clouded Moon, now you?” Why did everypony walk on bloody eggshells around me? At least Clouded had told me she’d go easy on me before we sparred.
She winced. “I… I guess. I’m sorry, I just thought it would be a sore spot for you, given what happened.”
“I’m fine!” I stomped my hooves. “I lost a bloody wing, so what‽ Should I just curl up and fucking cry, and hope some long-dead goddess takes pity on me and gives me back a wing?”
“I’m sorry, okay‽” she snapped. “I get it.” She muttered, “I was just trying to be nice.”
I opened my mouth to rebut, but sighed. “Sorry.” She relaxed after I offered her a neutral smile. “We still on for tomorrow?”
“Nah.” She rolled her shoulder before standing up. “Forgot to mention it earlier, but I’m gonna have a double shift.”
Bloody Hades. “Know if anypony else has the time to spar?”
“No, not tomorrow at least.” She forced an apologetic smile, which soon turned into a grimace. “We had a whole group of guards die on us yesterday, so we have to work extra to make up for the missing numbers.”
Ah, so nothing new in The Tower. “Alright. Tell everypony I said hi.”
She nodded, and the two of us parted ways. What now? Too early to sleep, but I had nothing to do. I groaned. Maybe I could find something to drink, just to kill a few hours?
When I realised I was rubbing the base of my neck, where my collar used to be, I jerked my hoof away. A bad habit I needed to drop. I turned around, headed for Aurora’s manor. Hopefully nopony had emptied the old wine stash yet.
With a final slice, I cut the last of the mushrooms. A long, whitish kind that I’d only eaten once or twice. While I’d done five, Amethyst had prepared nearly a dozen.
“You’re getting faster,” she said with a warm smile.
I shrugged, then pushed the sliced mushrooms into a pan. “I’m still a lot slower than you.”
“And I have nearly two centuries’ worth of experience on you.” She chuckled.
“You have me there.” I forced myself to laugh along, and to my surprise it almost sounded genuine. “What should I do next? After I’m done cleaning the workspace.”
She squinted for a moment. “Actually, I don’t think there’s anything else you can really help me with.”
“I could wash the floors, maybe?”
“Did that three days ago, and ever since the young mistress stopped drinking, the floors have a miraculous tendency to remain clean a lot longer.”
“What about the laundry?”
Another shake of her head. “There isn’t enough to justify heating water for.”
“Well, there has to be something I can help you with.” I was running out of chores. What did maids even do with their time?
“There’s a lot I could have you do, but then I would sit on my rump for the rest of the day. You’re a tremendous help, and I greatly appreciate your eagerness.” She gave me a gentle, wise smile. “In fact, without you, my increased workload would have bitten into my sleep.”
“But…?”
“But at the end of the day, this is not your job. Even though you stay in the servant quarters, you are a guest of the house. My honour prevents me from accepting more of your help.”
I nodded, keeping my complaints to myself as I left the kitchen. Well, back to exercise, then. I went to my room.
But what kind of exercise? I’d already gone for a run today, and I didn’t feel like lifting weights. Maybe I could do some stretches? They were horribly boring, though, and my mind would always wander.
I opened the door, walked over to my armour, and lifted my croupiere onto my back.
What I’d give to regain my flight.
I sighed and rolled my eyes before turning around and heading for the front entrance.
What a stupid thought. Of course having my wing back would solve my problems. I could fly to pass time, yeah, but that meant nothing compared to the real benefit: leaving this place and taking back my life.
After giving Amethyst a quick heads-up, I exited Aurora’s mansion and turned towards the passage leading to the lower levels. I wasn’t in the mood to meet any sarosians today.
I couldn’t get my wing back. That much was obvious. So I would really appreciate it if my mind could stop bloody bringing it up.
For a while, only the sound of my steps broke the silence as I walked down the small tunnel.
Maybe I could ask her to give me back a wing with her dark magic? It wasn’t too far-fetched, given her abilities. But it wouldn’t be as good as my other one. Or maybe it would be better. Even then, that might be a stupid idea. What if there was some other possibility that I hadn’t thought of yet? I couldn’t afford to waste this opportunity.
If I had only one wish, I had to make it count. Even if her magic could fully restore my wing, that would only put me back to square one. Possibly lower, if—
Oh great, I was thinking about that whole bloody ordeal again. Maybe I should figure it out once and for all? Then again, I was tired, and probably couldn’t think efficiently or clearly. This was a task best left for a fresh mind. In fact, I’d need to put aside an entire day to rack my brain for a solution.
I’d put it off for so many weeks, and here I was, procrastinating once again.
Then one more night wouldn’t make a difference, would it?
Whatever, I needed to clear my mind, but didn’t feel like working out. I could always pick up another book, even if they had a tendency to remind me of—
Maybe I could have a drink? Pass. Being drunk with no distractions only accentuated my mind’s ability to torture me. Then again… Why not find a nice pony to spend the night with? Serfs rarely refused free alcohol, and Aurora certainly didn’t need her stash anymore.
Did I really want to risk ending up like Aurora? I shook my head. It wasn’t the same. It just wasn’t. But was I really the kind of stallion to sleep around?
Only one way to find out.
The spider lost its balance as I cut off its last front leg, and my sword finally pierced its chitinous head. I let out a long breath, then wiped my sword, slid it into the scabbard hanging off my side, and unhooked the pins holding it to my shoe.
I took a moment to look around. I’d somehow ended up in the middle of a plaza, surrounded by tall, wide, sarosian-owned buildings. Through sheer luck, I’d been on my way back home when the spider had crawled out of that pocket. Otherwise, that thing probably would have slaughtered the first guard or two reckless enough to fight it. By the time they would have assembled enough of a force to deal with it, it would have killed multiple ponies.
To think that a pocket would open so high in The Tower… Arawn would have loved to investigate it.
I winced at the unwanted thought, then pressed my eyes shut for a few seconds. I’d heard from Amethyst that Aurora had warned ponies things would deteriorate before they improved. How close were we to the bottom of that curve?
Would I be able to help? Stupid question. Of course not. Not in my current state. I had lost anything and everything that made me useful when I lost my wing. I would just be a burden. That was the real reason why that mare didn’t want my help. She knew I was useless.
I had lost my wing for nothing. Not only had I been too stupid to realise the danger I was putting myself in, but I’d been naïve enough to think I could make a difference.
I’d deserved to lose this wing. I’d taken it for granted. I’d taken my whole life for granted, risking it left and right. Not out of a noble desire to help, but for the selfish reason of moving up in the world. I was no better than Halterdawn. He at least had the decency to not pretend to be more. He at least—
Sounds of metal shoes echoed throughout the plaza, and I found four guards staring at me. Three earth ponies and a unicorn. Freshly drafted from the serf population, no doubt. They stood there for a few seconds, before each sighing and relaxing in turn.
They’d barely received the basic training. The unicorn had already drawn her sword, but struggled to keep it afloat in her magic; one fell swoop and it would be knocked aside. One of the earth ponies’ wore her scabbard too high to quickly draw her sword. The rest hadn’t even reached for theirs, instead just staring.
Wide-eyed, the unicorn gulped. “Are there more of them?”
“Probably not, but stay on guard. I can show you the pocket it crawled out of.” I nodded towards a small street between buildings. “It’s pretty tight, so if another one tries to squeeze through, you can kill it before it does anything.”
“Please do,” she mumbled.
I turned down a small road. The pocket was well hidden. Probably had existed for a few days before anything actually pushed through. I’d only stumbled upon it by chance while fighting the spider.
“You’re Silverstring, right?” asked the only stallion in the group. “The pegasus who saved The Tower.”
I winced and didn’t turn around, hiding my expression. “I am. Why?”
“Well… I just wanted to say how much I appreciate it. I heard about you from my master, back before I was drafted, and she was really thankful to you as well.” He sounded so genuine that it hurt.
“Thanks.” I turned my head to him and forced a smile. This wasn’t about me.
The rest of the short trip passed in silence, and I soon split off from the group. Maybe I’d lost my wing for nothing, but in the end, I’d saved ponies with my other actions, right?
I sighed. I really needed to go for another run, didn’t I? Or maybe something else for a change? It was the most effective way to stop overthinking, but I still needed some variety. But then… my last attempt had resulted in me breaking down crying in a stranger's bed as my mind kept bringing up Arawn—
I shook my head, broke into a trot, then a canter, then a gallop. Running worked. Running worked best. Only running worked.
I rolled my eyes before turning them away from the forest surrounding us and giving Selena a flat look. “You know, it would be a lot easier to come up with conversation topics if you didn’t erase my memories every time I woke up. How many times have we had the same, empty discussion in the past month?”
“I apologise.” She offered a sad smile, but tonight, it failed to pacify me.
“You’re my only remaining friend. I’d like to be able to remember you, you know?”
She grimaced. “And that is why you need to leave. A pony like me cannot be your only friend, and I am afraid you might never want to leave if you remember me.”
I laughed, but it lacked any bitterness, even to my surprise. “You would say that.” Maybe a year ago, I would have held this against her. Funny how things changed when you learned to know someone. “Will you at least tell me what you are? I mean, I figured out the whole Erebus bit a while ago.”
She blinked a few times. “What do you mean?”
“Come on. You don't need to play dumb. You scared me the first time you showed me your true form, but you ultimately tried to help, so I can't be mad at you.”
“Silver, what are you talking about? What does this have to do with me or Erebus?”
“So, wait…” I arched a brow. “You are not Erebus?”
Selena shook her head. “I have nothing to do with The Tower.” She shuddered. “In fact, if it were not for the ponies stuck inside, I would not want to ever come close to such a vile place.”
Now I shuddered. “Then… what is he? It?”
“It is the rightful owner of The Tower, but past that, I do not know. It has never shown itself to me, though it is likely beyond equine comprehension.”
I stared at her, eyes wide, and gulped. “What… what did it want from me?”
“I do not know. What did it tell you?”
“It told me about a secret exit, near the seal.”
“Ah. That would make sense. If I had to wager a guess, it wanted you out of The Tower. Perhaps it rightfully believed you leaving would prevent Arawn from ascending?” She shrugged. “Maybe it tried to trick you. Who knows?”
So maybe, my choice wasn't entirely terrible. I shuddered again. Not thinking about this. Instead… “Then it begs the question… just who or what are you, Selena?” Somehow, I already knew the answer.
Selena hesitated only a short moment before replying.
I poked at the fried mushrooms with my fork. If The Tower had taught me anything, it was that many different types of mushrooms existed. Unfortunately, they all got old eventually.
In the corner of my eye, Aurora occasionally opened her mouth only to ultimately stay quiet. Good. I didn’t want to talk, and I wished she would stop trying to come up with something.
I turned to the mushroom broth to my right, but it was too hot to drink right now.
Aurora sighed. Damn it, I shouldn’t have stayed out so late. I could have had dinner with Amethyst. I’d figured eating alone for once would do me no harm. She and I had run out of conversation topics weeks ago, so it really wouldn’t make much of a difference, right?
Well, if I’d known that the alternative would have me eating with Aurora, I would have skipped dinner entirely. I would leave right now, but that would only cause more of a commotion. It would encourage her to try and mend bridges or whatever.
I didn’t want to forgive her. I didn’t even want to consider it.
She was the reason everything had gone so bloody wrong. If she had acted sooner, Shade would still be alive, and I would not have pushed as much for change. I wouldn’t have tried to escape, and I wouldn’t have tried to put Arawn in—
If Aurora had accepted my help when I first arrived here, we would have had more knights to confront the viscount. If she had helped the prisons more actively, the rebellion wouldn’t have taken root. If she had known more about the ritual, Arawn would still be herself, and—
She’d cut off my wing, too. I would never fly again, and it was her bloody fault. Because of her, I was condemned to live in a world without Arawn.
If—
“So, uh, how are you holding up, Silver?” Stars bloody damn it all.
Forcing myself to lose my scowl, I met her eyes. “I’m alright.” I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. The more I said now, the shorter this conversation would be. “Getting better at grounded combat. I killed a monster the other day. Didn’t seek it out. I just happened to be there. Hopefully that isn’t a problem.”
Aurora shook her head. “I’ve heard of that, and so has… the Morrigan.” She tried to hide it, but her voice betrayed a little sadness. “She doesn’t mind, since it was a one-off thing.” She drank some water. “Oh, and congrats. On the whole combat thing. It’s good to see you bouncing back.”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell again. Why was she trying to strike up a conversation with me? Didn’t she know I hated her guts?
Maybe I’d been sending the wrong signals, or she had mistaken my willingness to be in the same room as her as an offer of peace. That didn’t make sense. Why would she interpret it like that? I was hungry and didn’t want to make a scene or interrupt my meal.
I furrowed my brow. Two months ago, I would have done just that. Maybe even spat in her face on my way out. Yet here I was, forcing myself to give her polite replies.
I didn’t want to talk to her, but I didn’t hate her. Not anymore.
She had poured so much of herself into holding The Tower together. I’d heard from Amethyst. Aurora slept the bare minimum to function. For all her flaws, she was not an evil pony. She made many of her choices based on what she believed was right, even if she ultimately ended up in the wrong. I couldn’t hold those against her, and I knew it. I’d done the same, even if my choice had only ended two lives and ruined another.
How childish of me. I’d insisted on hating her just to avoid accepting my own mistakes.
Now, she was desperately grasping for an olive branch. I looked up at her. “I think this is the first time you’ve eaten in your own house since, you know…”
She nodded. “I finally have some time to recover, now that the Morrigan has taken over the political side of things.”
“So things are finally gonna go back to normal?” Maybe then, an idea for my wish would fall into my lap. I lifted my bowl and took a very slow, very careful sip.
Aurora winced, poking at her meagre portion. “Not really. Hopefully, our new plan will let us stabilise things, but life in The Tower won’t go back to what it was before for a long while.”
As I set down my broth, I raised an eyebrow. “How come?”
“I… I shouldn’t tell you.”
“I won’t get involved, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I was done trying to fix these ponies’ problems. They had a plan, and that would be good enough for me.
She stared at me for a few moments, as if to gauge me, before nodding. “She still needs to finish the ritual, but that takes time.”
I blinked, a ball growing heavier in the pit of my stomach. “The ritual wasn’t completed? Is that why everything is going to shit?” Was my one achievement for nothing?
Aurora nodded again. “The Morrigan said it was to be expected, that she needed to catch up on work that should have been done before the ceremony. She’s… vague about it, to say the least.”
“So you’ve been buying time.”
“Yep, but we ultimately decided this strategy would lead to fewer deaths than the previous one. I’ll be turning this haphazard militia full of poorly-trained ponies into an organised military might and hold out for longer. Meanwhile, the Morrigan will be doing the same on the political side of things: keeping the nobles happy.” She sure was happy to talk about this. Not that I could blame her.
She rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t believe how many of them don’t understand that everypony needs to give their all if we want to get through this, and that their house is part of everypony. Or how many of them need constant reassurances that we are doing everything in our power to fix things.” She made a gagging motion. “Sweet Moon, I hate nobles. I hate politics.”
“Sounds pretty optimistic, though.” I shrugged. Naïve was maybe the better word. “You’re already struggling to hold out. Do you really think restructuring your militia will allow you to keep going for, what, decades?”
Her sad smile told me I’d hit a sore spot. “Well, it’s worth a shot. Having me spread thin wasn’t working, so we might as well try something new. Besides, I expect most of the improvement to come from how we train recruits. So far, we really didn’t have the time.”
“That makes sense, I guess.” I scratched an itch on my neck. “Anything else?”
Aurora scratched her chin before saying, “Yeah, a mare by the name of Bloodmoon—actually, I think you know her. Anyway, she reached out to me and offered to work with us. Apparently, she has a list of prisoners that are not only good fighters, but are willing to take our side.”
My ears shot up. “Bloodmoon?” I mouthed, slack-jawed. “Aurora, Bloodmoon can’t be trusted.”
“Oh, I know.” She rolled her eyes again. “Believe me, I know. The Morrigan has plans to keep her loyal, but I’m not fully convinced they’ll work. In either case, we need her strength now, and she knows she can’t stab us in the back just yet. I think of it like a debt. She might become an issue later on, but for now, we need her.”
I opened my mouth to retort only to shake my head. “If you say so.” Not my problem. Not my responsibility.
She finished her glass and let out a long breath. “By the way, have you thought about your wish at all? Don’t get me wrong, you’re welcome to stay under my roof as long as you’d like—the help you provide to Amethyst more than makes up for room and board. I’m just not sure if staying here any longer than necessary is good for you.”
I grimaced. “I know, I know. I’ll figure something out.”
“If you don’t have any ideas, you could ask her for a talisman that gives you a magical wing. You wouldn’t be as fast as you used to be, or as agile, but you’d get to fly again.”
“I’ll… keep it in mind.”
After that, we returned to silence, albeit much less awkward than before. It didn’t take long for me to finish my meal and excuse myself.
I was flying through the sky, fresh currents caressing my primaries as the sun kissed my back.
Soon, a dark blue pegasus joined me. Her long, light blue mane fluttered in the wind. When she noticed me staring, she offered a solemn smile.
She seemed familiar. Where had I seen her before? She was a friend, wasn’t she?
I flapped my wings twice, gaining some altitude. The mare followed, before flying ahead of me.
“Hey, Luna,” I nigh-shouted over the wind. “Time for our weekly chat again?” We talked more often than that, but I rarely kept track. Ever since she had revealed her true identity to me, conversation came a lot easier.
She nodded, heading for a cloud large enough to hold the two of us. When we landed, a cloud table holding a tea set had miraculously appeared on it.
“You really like your tea, huh, Princess?” She didn’t like to be called that, but she knew I used it only as a cynical nickname.
“An old habit I inherited from my sister.” The next time I blinked, we sat in a gazebo. “We sometimes had tea in the gardens at sunset or sunrise.” Heavy nostalgia weighed down her voice.
“Do you still miss her?” Stupid question, but I wanted to hear the answer. What had even happened to the Sun Princess? Stars, I couldn't even manage to think her name.
The saddest smile spread on her lips. “You would not believe how much.”
“Do you know what happened to her?”
Her ears wilted, and she looked away. “I died first.” Was she… ashamed?
I would ask about that later. “Could she still be alive?”
“I do not think so. I do not know how she would have survived. She might not be with me in the afterlife, but I doubt she lives on. Perhaps…” For a while, she watched her tea as if it held an answer. “If I watch over the dead, perhaps she watches over the living? It would only be fitting.”
I let her words sink in, taking a sip of my mint tea. “What was she like?”
She opened her mouth, closed it again, before finally saying, “Difficult to describe. On the one hoof, she was the wisest mare anypony knew, including myself. On the other, she would play pranks on ponies when she found herself a little too bored. I woke up more than once with facial hair scribbled onto my face, and I have seen her trick ponies into overfilling her cup.”
Luna slowly shook her head, a distant smile on her lips. “She cared about everypony, and always seemed to know exactly what she was doing, but also when to delegate a difficult task to somepony else.”
I smiled. “Times were simpler, weren’t they?”
Luna snorted, then started laughing harder and harder, until she caught my raised eyebrow. “Oh no, they were not. Being a princess of Equestria was always hard work. Now, I merely watch over the dead and guide the dreams of a few dozen foals. I am as retired as I am dead.”
“Really? Arawn—” I winced. “She made it sound like the world was so much better back then.”
“In many ways, it was.” There was that sad smile again. “In many more, it was merely different.”
“How so?”
“Oh, it would take days, if not weeks or months, to list all the differences. There are the big ones, like how our years lasted a lot longer, not just around a hundred days.”
“Is it because your sister and you used to raise the Sun and Moon?” Arawn had taught me that, too. I fought to keep my heart from sinking. Not the time to think about her.
Luna nodded. “I was relieved that the two eventually found a balance, even if it took many generations.”
“That… that long? How were things during that time?”
“Chaotic. Sometimes, the Sun would stay on the same side of the world, burning the surface, while the other froze.”
“Wait a second.” I furrowed my brow as I stared at her. “You mean there’s another side of the world? Won’t ponies… fall off?”
Luna chuckled. “The world is round, Silver.”
I blinked three times. “Like a circle?”
She laughed, harder this time. “Like a sphere. I’m surprised you didn’t learn that during your stay in The Tower.”
“I… I’ll believe it when I see it.” I sat on my rump and crossed my forelegs. Did Ar— “Anyway, what was the Great Calamity like?” Good save, Silver.
“I do not know. It happened much too quickly for anypony to remember what set it off. Suddenly, there was poison everywhere, seeping into the earth, the air. Into magic itself.” She fought to keep her expression neutral, the corners of her mouth shaking. “I would rather not talk about it, if that is all right.”
“Oh…”
Silence fell over us. Quick, what other questions could I ask? Before my mind turned to Arawn again. No, not thinking about that. I had to stop dwelling on it. It was over. Nothing I could do anymore. Why was it suddenly so difficult to avoid the thought of her?
“And how are you feeling, Silver?”
“Doing well. Same as always.” I shrugged. “Training, cooking, and everything.” Oh, right! I hadn’t told her. “Actually, I have some good news. I kind of made up with Aurora.”
There was her sad, wise and gentle smile again. “As great as that is to hear, don’t you think it is time you left The Tower?”
“I know…” Try as I might, I couldn’t hold her gaze. “I just can’t figure out my one wish from the Morrigan.”
“It has nearly been three months already.” She sounded exactly like Mom when she scolded me. I gritted my teeth. “You need to cease putting it off, or you will never find your way out of The Tower.”
“I know, I know,” I nearly snapped. “I just… everything I come up with either has a deal-breaking flaw, or seems completely unreasonable. I just want to make it count, you know?”
Luna slowly nodded, eyes narrowed. “Do you know what I think? You do not actually want to leave. You are holding onto this place, because you know that once you accept her gift, you will never come back here.”
“She made that much very clear. She didn’t say it, but it’s obvious she just wants to get rid of me. Tie off the loose end.” So much for my promise, huh? She didn’t need me. Didn’t want me. She wasn’t Arawn. I shook my head; not going down that line of thought again. “But no. I have no reason to stay here, I just have nowhere to go until I come up with a wish that would work.”
“And you have had over two months to do that,” she stated, her look as flat as her voice. “I think you simply don’t want to accept that Arawn is gone.”
“Luna, that’s low.”
“I know,” she replied evenly. “but I need to spur you on somehow.”
“Fine!” I threw my front hooves in the air. “I’ll prove it. I’ll find something right now. Help me think of something.”
Luna smiled. “Good. Tell me about your previous ideas.”
What could I start with…? Maybe… “Before everything, I probably would have asked to get a strong letter of recommendation for the Hockney guard.” I scowled, gritting my teeth. “But without my wing, I would be of no use to them. Even if I got a magical wing replacement, it wouldn’t be good enough.”
“I see.” Luna began pouring herself another cup. “However, you have gained a lot of muscle mass during your stay in The Tower, have you not? I am sure you could make up for your weaknesses if you keep training.”
“But…” My ears wilted as I stared at the cloud below us. “But I’d always be a weakling. I wouldn’t get as strong as an earth pony. I still struggle with balance, and it’s been two months!”
“Does that matter? You want to be a guard, then be a guard.” Her nonchalant tone made my blood boil. Was she playing some kind of game?
“You know I don’t just want to be a guard!” I banged my hooves on the table. “I want to be somepony! I’ll never climb without proper prowess.”
At my outburst, she raised an eyebrow. “Do you know what I think?” She gave me no time to reply. “I think you are overly pessimistic, and that your odds are actually quite good. In half a century, I believe you could reach a rank similar to Aurora’s, if maybe a little lower.”
I grimaced. Why was she giving me hope? I had nothing left, so why trick me into believing?
“But that is not enough, is it?” Luna asked in a tone that chilled my blood. “You have realised that even the ponies in charge cannot change the world by themselves.” She loured at me with cool, hard eyes. “It is why you have not asked for a wing replacement. You are not merely unsure of its feasibility, no, you do not want one. You like the excuse, don’t you?” I glared at her, but she didn’t stop. “That way, if you cannot climb the ranks, you can simply blame it on your disability.”
I gaped at her for several long seconds. “How dare you?” I mouthed. When had she become so cruel?
“I am sorry, Silver, but I am done coddling you. I am not going to allow you to rot in here just because you insist on running from your problems. Make a choice and leave.” She gritted her teeth, fighting back tears.
What did she know? “You act like you understand everything about me! Like I’m a puzzle for you to solve. Like I’m an innocent colt wrapped up in something I want no part in! Well, I’m not! I’m an awful, selfish stallion! You know the part of me I let everypony see. You only see me for how I want to be seen!” I slammed my hooves into the cloud table, cracking it.
“I talk big about caring about everypony and wanting to help, but none of that is true! I’m just an egocentric, arrogant idiot with illusions of grandeur!” Tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn’t care. “Ever since I got my grade at the Trial of Soulfire, I’ve been dreaming of marrying into nobility.
“I kept justifying it to myself by claiming it’s only to help other ponies! But that’s not true! It’s a lie I told myself. I don’t care about helping anypony, I just want to feel important!” I hit the table again, breaking it in half. “I’m a tiny, insignificant colt desperate to have somepony, anypony look up to me! To have ponies envy me and wish they were more like me!
“And you knew all of this already! So why, just why, do you insist on acting like I need to be saved‽ I deserve what happened to me. I made the selfish, greedy choice, and received justice!” I glared at her, met her harrowing, sad eyes.
“But it’s not enough,” I muttered. “Arawn is gone because of me. I don’t deserve to ever see the outside again.”
I was bawling, but it was too late to stop. “The worst… the worst is that I knew this would happen,” I managed to push out between sobs. “I turned her down because I loved her, but was so bloody scared I would surrender to my selfish desires and use her as a means to an end.” I tried to say more, but my hiccups kept interrupting me.
I screamed into the night. I screamed until my lungs ran out of air, until my throat hurt.
I let myself drop and muttered, “I allowed it to happen, and I lost her because of it. If my hunger for power hadn’t tipped the scales, I would have convinced her to leave.”
Luna caught up to me and pulled me into a hug. As we fell, she pressed my head to her chest, stroking my mane, while I continued to weep.
Many aeons later, she spread her wings, righted our trajectory, and levitated me atop her back. She landed on an island, lit only by the plants around us.
When she set me down, she whispered, “I know you won’t agree, but I don’t think you’re as horrible and selfish as you believe. You’ve made mistakes, yes, but I’ve heard you talk of improving ponies’ lives and saving them, and there is genuine passion in your voice.”
I opened my mouth, but she shut me up with one look.
“If you truly were only after your own gain, do you really think you would beat yourself up over it? Even if fame and power drive you, I think you genuinely do desire to help others.” As much as it hurt me, I couldn’t stop looking into her harrowed eyes.
“But…”
She put her hoof under my chin and forced me to look at her. “Silver, I know your heart is in the right place. Even if you crave power, as long as you remain honest with yourself, I do not think you will take the wrong path. You will make mistakes, but you will ultimately do what is right.”
One more time, I opened my mouth to contradict her, but instead sighed. “I still don’t know what to wish for from the Morrigan. If I’m supposed to truly come to terms with being a power-hungry stallion, then I need a good plan.”
“I do have an idea,” Luna said. “Ask her to take over some land.”
“What?”
Around us, the world began to grow hazy, quiet, distant.
“House Fell owns a considerable amount of land outside The Tower. All of it is covered in dense forest; it would be a major investment to begin using it.” Luna’s horn glowed, and the world snapped into sharpness, only to start dissolving again. “What’s more, they would need somepony to volunteer to take it over, and the sarosian families either aren’t trusted enough by outsiders, or do not want to deal with them.”
I stared at her, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. “And you think she will just accept?”
“I am quite positive. I will leave you to think about it, but it seems your dream is ending.”
Then, nothing.
A few hours later, I woke up, as tired as always, but with the memory of my dream clear as crystal in my mind.