"Oh ho ho! Did you hear what Maple said?" I blinked and looked up from my desk. Despite the fact it was against the wall of my room, it was now in the middle of an extended nail salon. On the other side sat Discord in a pink poofy wig and extended eyelashes, painting the talons on his claws.
Wait. No.
My hands were moving on their own and painting them for him.
I blinked slowly and sighed. "No, what did Maple say?"
He pulled one of his claws free and waved it at me. "Well~! She said that Davenport said that Davenport's sister said-"
"Discord, I was in the middle of something."
"That Filthy Rich has been telling ponies not to hire you," my jaw dropped. He clapped the tips of his claws. "I know~! Isn't that just awful~? OH, can you imAGine?"
I scowled and shook my head. "Yeah, whatever. Can I get back to work now?" I looked down at my notes only to sigh as my papers were now a tiny, origami Discord.
"Don't you believe me?" The tiny Discord asked.
With a groan, I rest my head on my hand. "No?" I flicked him and sent him flying off my desk with a yelp. Then, I was nearly thrown off my chair as he pressed his forehead to the side of my head from the opposite direction I'd sent him flying.
"A very fair stance, but I can prove it."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "And if I let you, will you leave me alone?"
He cackled. "With your thoughts? Certainly." He slithered away from me and grabbed my wall that had been replaced before pulling it back like a curtain. On the other side was now a balcony with brass statues of a nude me on either side, as well as a telescope pointed toward Ponyville. With a sigh, I stepped up to the telescope and looked through it. "You'll need this as well." He shoved the narrow end of a long brass funnel into my ear and pointed the broad end in the same direction the telescope was set.
The telescope focused for a minute before revealing Filthy Rich and a pair of other stallions with whom I was vaguely acquainted. They were at one of the fancy restaurants in town, having a meal outside. Then, the funnel began to pick up sound.
"So'd you hear what happened with Bedlam?" Rich said. "The E.E.A. canceled his presentation."
"No kidding? Any idea why?" One of the other ponies asked.
"Spoiled heard it was cause the Chancellor determined he was dangerous," Rich replied.
"He thinks that about every creature," the third pony retorted before humming. "Then again, he might be right on this case. I did some digging with my distributor up in Canterlot, and it turns out he's the result of some kind of magical mishap!"
Rich slammed his hoof with a smirk. "Hah! See? And you said my wife was just being paranoid!"
"That's crazy!" The second gasped. "And the princess is just letting him roam free?"
"Not free!" The third retorted. "Princess Twilight's got him in her castle."
"But they're still letting him roam unattended and petition our businesses!" The second nodded at Rich. "Good call on everypony stonewalling him!" Rich smirked in response. The telescope was suddenly sent spinning and smacked me in the chin. As I recoiled and looked up, I saw Discord lounging atop it.
"Well?" He purred.
I shrugged. "Yeah, ponies don't like me. Big shock."
He shook his head in surprise. "You.. What?"
I returned to my desk and scowled at him. "I'm not stupid, Discord. I pay attention, and unlike you? I can take a hint." I collected my notes off the ground and returned my focus to them, paying no mind as the entire balcony vanished without a trace.
After a few minutes, and once I was certain he was gone, I exhaled hard and held my head in my hands.
"Hey, Starlight, Twilight!" I yelled through the library door into the hall. "C'mere a sec! Bring Spike too, he'll like this!" I rubbed my hands and returned to the table where my creation sat. I began checking all the joints and gems while glancing over my shoulder at the door periodically. After a few minutes, Starlight came in.
"Hey, Spike's helping Rarity and Twi- Whoa," she recoiled at the sight of what I'd made. "What, uh, what's that?"
I slid to the side and swept my arms at it. "A humanoid golem!"
She tilted her head and frowned. "Huma-what?"
"Humanoid. Two arms, two legs, shaped like a human, you know?"
She blinked and looked at it again. Sure enough, it was a three-foot-tall wooden dummy in the shape of a man with rune-covered gems all through its chest, head, and limbs. "Oh! Gotcha," she stepped closer and examined it carefully. "Where'd it come from?"
"Jury and I designed it!" I looked at the door, still rubbing my hands together with giddiness. "Where's Twilight?"
"Why's this have so many gems in it? Golems only need one. And where'd you get all the magic to fuel it?"
I clapped and chortled. "Easy! Jury and I realized that if we use my model for spell flow through multiple gems, we can use less magic to fuel it!" I traced my finger through the air over each gem. "It gets better though! A normal golem only has one gem handling all its actions, keeping it from adapting or doing anything too complex unless you pump more magic into it."
She nodded. "Right?"
"If you notice, all these gems have runes which lets them each handle specific functions like mobility, grabbing stuff, and so on," I tapped one of the gems in its claw. "Which means what?" I looked at her expectantly. She tapped her chin as she considered it.
Then she gasped. "It can handle complicated commands for less magic, too!"
I beamed. "Bingo."
She looked at the golem with wonder and a big smile. "This is so cool! It's.. It's barely even a golem! It's way more advanced!"
"Right you are! Which is why Jury and I workshopped a new term for it!" I theatrically waved my hands apart. "'The Animunculus.' Sort of an amalgamation of a word we had back home."
"Animunculus.. hm," she tapped her chin and smirked at me. "Better be careful, Eddy. Tampering with such high magic could get you in trouble."
I blanched and gazed wide-eyed at her. "What?"
She peeped and waved her hoof. "No no no! I was joking." She gave me a reassuring smile. I frowned and huffed.
"What did that even mean?"
She whimpered and sighed. "Look, it's technically true, but Jury's licensed for advanced magic like golems and stuff. And since she's helping with it, it'll be fine!"
"Licensed?"
She shrugged. "Well, yeah. Golems, animation spells, and anything that creates some semblance of life have to be regulated. Otherwise-"
"Hi, Mr. Bedlam!" Came a chorus of little voices. I nearly jumped out of my skin and whirled around to see Twilight, Cheerilee, and her class at the door to the library. I sighed hard as the kids giggled at me.
"Hey, kids! What-"
Twilight fluttered up next to me. "Ms. Cheerilee and I planned a field trip for her class to my castle to learn about its connections to the Tree of Harmony and all," she nudged me and whispered. "Plus, the class really wanted to see you again." She winked, then glanced at my animunculus.
"Whaaaat's that?" She asked with stars in her eyes.
"That looks cool!" Twist cried.
"It's a robot!" Snips added.
"Whoa!" Another student squealed. The class all came galloping up and formed a semi-circle around me, Starlight, and my golem. I held up my hands and looked at Cheerilee.
She smiled and nodded. "Well, it looks like you've whipped up something pretty interesting! Why don't you tell us about it?"
"Yeah!" The class cried.
"Please," Twilight desperately murmured, hovering around it as she did.
"Wait till Daddy hears about this!" I flinched and slowly looked over to see Tiara and Silver Spoon giggling before giving me their full attention. My breath hitched and I swallowed.
"Eddy?" I blinked and turned to see Starlight looking up at me. She nudged her head at the expectant class. I exhaled and nodded.
"Alright! So.."
The next steps would require a delicate touch, but this was already a fantastic development.
The guard led me back to the throne room in silence and once we were in I-
Flinched, scowled and thrust a pointing finger forward. "You." The Pillars of Equestria, the Elements, and two of the three alicorns turned to glare at me.
"Eddy," Twilight said with a warning tone.
"Ah, the petty warlock," Starswirl groused. "I heard you'd involved him." He looked me up and down, but my attention was firmly on the scrawnier unicorn just beside him who was avoiding my gaze. I tried to step forward but the guard at my side moved in front of me, looking back at Twilight for guidance.
Didn't matter. The runt could hear me. "Hello, Stygian."
He grunted and winced. "Hello, Edward."
"Bedlam."
"If you say so."
"I do."
Rockhoof stomped at me. "You gonna be a problem, lad?" I gave him a narrow-eyed smile which he snorted at.
"No! He is not!" Twilight spat stepping into the center of the room and giving a severe look to the Pillars. "He has agreed to help us deal with the impending crisis, and he's already been a big help!"
The group shared a look and then considered me for a moment before Twilight whipped around and glared at me. "And I think you need a reminder as well! We're all on the same side on this one, right?"
I snorted and grinned. "Of course!" I leaned forward at the hips and glared with a wide smile at Stygian. "I haven't forgotten my loyalties."
Stygian groaned and winced, which caused Rockhoof to bare his teeth at me. Twilight growled. "Eddy.."
"Listen! I genuinely didn't come to pick fights!" I waved my hand. "But I haven't seen my girls in five years."
I rubbed my temple and gave her a sideways leer. "May I please at least have a chance to talk to them? See how they've been?" I shook my head and waved my hand again. "Supervised if you want, just.. please."
She recoiled and looked back at her friends who seemed equally surprised, before scowling at me and huddling up with them. Celestia and Luna leaned in and the group whispered together. Then Twilight nodded.
"Alright! Applejack and Rainbow Dash will escort you to the dungeon," she fluttered up to me and jabbed me in the chest. "No funny business." I rolled my eyes, but inside I was jubilant.
"Yet another door, wide open," I thought.
"Why is this wing so much warmer than mine?" I groused as we entered the dungeon.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Uh, cause these cells don't have windows? Duh?"
"YES," I bared my teeth at her. "WHY does MINE?"
"Bedlam?"
"Sir?"
I frowned and jabbed a finger at her. "Hold that thought," I turned and smiled brightly at Tempest and Jury who were in cells right next to each other. I spread my arms out wide. "Girls!"
While Tempest smiled and bowed her head at me, Jury leaped to the bars of her cell and reached out for me. "BEDLAM!"
"Jury!" I replied with a huff before flinging myself at her bars and grabbing her hooves. She recoiled slightly and blinked.
"Hey!" Rainbow snapped. Applejack adjusted her hat and watched me carefully.
I thrust an open hand at Rainbow. "You be quiet!" I turned back to Jury with a mournful stare. "Oh Jury! How I've missed you!" She looked at me with wide eyes as I massaged her hooves.
"Sheesh," Applejack huffed.
"This is all my fault! I should've been more careful!" Jury shook her head in surprise and recoiled with a furrowed brow. I held her hooves tight and leaned forward. As I did, I reached back and adjusted my belt, pulling back my coat just long enough for her to see the bottle. She glanced at it and then met my eyes.
"Don't say that!" She wailed, pressing against the bars even harder. "It's nopony's fault! It was just bad luck, that's all!"
Tempest blinked and looked between us. "Wh-what is.."
"Well regardless, don't worry," I reached through the bars as best I could and hugged her. Rainbow gagged and Applejack huffed. I pulled back and nodded. "I'll find a way to make this right." She gave me a sad smile before withdrawing. I was suddenly yanked back and fell over.
"Alright, that's enough. Let's go," Applejack ordered. I rose to my feet and tugged my coat back in place with a scowl.
"Fine," I turned and gave a sad wave to Jury and Tempest as Rainbow and Applejack led me out. I glanced back and saw Jury untangle the patch of her mane the bottle was wrapped in.
I grinned as the door closed behind us.
With a shuddering moan, I leaned back in my seat, threw my head back, and dragged my hands down my face.
"Please answer me, Edward," Celestia pressed. I looked at her between my fingers. The full platoon of guards she brought glared right back at me. "Did Jury-rig assemble this golem?" I sighed and looked to the side, where Twilight sat with an ashamed expression that turned to sympathy when she saw me staring.
I clenched my jaw. "No. It was me," I met Celestia's eyes as she sighed quietly. "I designed it, I made the runes, and I put it together. Jury just helped me-"
"Princess, shall we?" One of the guards asked, stepping forward with a set of manacles in his magical grip.
She shook her head. "No, that won't be necessary. It was a simple mistake, he didn't-"
"It wasn't a mistake. I made it. I knew what I was doing," I huffed and shook my head. "What I didn't know was you made such a stupid law."
"Watch your tongue, creature," the guard snapped. I growled, but Celestia extended her wing.
"Enough," she looked at me with her usual serene expression. "The Animation Regulation is important, Edward. It keeps novices from tampering with a very sensitive field of magic."
I laughed. "So, you were going to have a novice give a presentation on magic, huh?" She raised an eyebrow and I wilted. I waved a hand at my golem. "Just.. Take it."
"I'll also need you to promise not to make any more of these for the time being," she said. I sighed hard and nodded.
"Sure."
"Thank you, Edward," she bowed her head and turned to her platoon. "Please remove the golem."
Her lead guard looked up at her as his fellows did as ordered. "Princess, what about the Chancellor?" I jolted.
Celestia glanced at me through the corner of her eye. "I will-"
"Neighsay?" She winced and sighed before turning to look at me. "Did he.. How.."
She stared at me for a moment before responding. "I'm not sure how, but he received a tip that you were dabbling in advanced and restricted magics and reported it to us, demanding you be arrested." My breath became shallow and I felt a chill dance up my skin.
"That.. fucking.."
"Edward." I rose from my seat and clutched at the air.
"He fucking." I began to pace. "And you're just giving him what he wants?"
"I most certainly am not," she responded firmly. "I'm going to lengths to avoid that as a matter of fact."
"But you're taking my work."
"Because it is restricted, Edward. And I plan on finding a way for-"
I hissed through my teeth. "It's what's keeping me sane. And you're letting him take it from me."
"Edward Bedford, please! This isn't personal."
I whirled around, jabbed my finger at her, and shrieked a chestful of air at her. "IT IS! IT IS PERSONAL!" I stood huffing and puffing with my quivering hand still pointed in her face.
Shwing
I glanced down and saw a pair of spears aimed at my chest and a pair of guards glaring up at me. I looked back at Celestia. She wore a reserved but sad look. A pitying look. I slowly retracted my hand and glared into her eyes. Through my peripheral, I saw Twilight looking up at me in horror with her hooves over her mouth. After a moment, the spears retracted and I turned for the door, only for the spears to come back.
I inhaled through my teeth, but Celestia snapped a wing, and the guards withdrew, allowing me to leave the room.