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// I Eat a Healthy Breakfast and Spy on Everypony 
// Story: Pinkie Pie's Evil Clone Saves Equestria 
// by owlicious 
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I begin another morning by picking up the newspapers and tabloids from my apartment’s mailbox, returning, then kissing my husband Puzzle Box. He’s a purple unicorn with light blue hair. I make breakfast for both of us, with fresh fruits, vegetables, eggs, oats, and black coffee.

Frowning, I look at my breakfast.

Seriously, why don’t I have whatever magic lets Pinkie Pie eat so many desserts! My awful routine of diet and exercise is worth it, though; Staying in shape helps me escape from Twilight and her friends and family faster if I need to, it stops ponies from thinking that I look like Pinkie Pie, and I’ve gotten used to it. And I can have more fun at sports and everything! I call it the Alright Twilight Fight-or-Flight Diet!

I’m not sure why some of my copies of Pinkie Pie’s powers are different from hers. Twilight’s book didn’t go into much details about Pinkie’s powers and her Pinkie Sense. I think I can only zoom really fast when an observer such as a pony, or even a woodland creature, would think that it would be funny. My Non-Canon Party Cannon was put together from stuff I bought at the hardware store, and painted it to look like a photo of the real one. Unfortunately, instead of decorating rooms, it just scatters confetti and streamers everywhere. I keep the cannon hidden away in some sort of weird pocket dimension, to help mislead or distract ponies if anypony ever thinks I’m a clone.

And don’t even get me started on my Finger Food Sense. It lets me know where I can find fun or happy or boring things, or when bad things are about to happen to myself or ponies. That helps me stay away from Twilight and her friends! My Finger Food Sense is also how I met Puzzle Box. Puzzles are awesome, and so is everything about my husband.

Like a evil, spying, scheming magical construct, I read my morning newspapers, tabloids and fashion magazines, to keep up with what Twilight’s friends and extended family are doing. Thankfully, none of them have visited Manehattan for months.

I frown.

I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m evil. Only evil creatures like myself would be exterminated by the heroes of Equestria, to the celebration of everypony in town, after my ignorant sisters annoyed and stole from them! I learned all about what evil was in that book in that amazing library, and many of the things the book said are true about me.

I look at a newspaper. What’s this?

In the Crystal Empire Times, I see a picture of a group of angry ponies, and the article’s headline reads ’Crystal Ponies Protest after Prince Shining Armor Privatizes Health Care’. It isn’t April Foals day.

There’s weird news like this in the Crystal Empire at least once a month, mostly from Twilight’s extended family. It looks like he’s trying to reduce the government’s deficit, after he spent way too much of the government’s money hosting lavish parties for everypony. I’m glad to be in Manehattan, especially since I’m not a pony.