//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 
// Story: BEDLAM 
// by Gormless Wheaton 
//------------------------------//








"Hoh! How about that? Wait 'till Jury gets a load of this," I giggled as I looked over the hovercraft blueprints Flim and Flam had given me. They were steamed when I stole the working model they built for me, but now that I'd dumped all that money I stole from Manehattan in their laps, we were gravy again. Not that I'd need much more from those two, but this innovation in magical flight with no other means of propulsion was too rich to pass up!

Hell, the thing hadn't even received a charge in days and it was still able to just hover this high up with no issues while I read the brother's plans. And once Jury gets her hooves on this? Hoh hoh.

"You're first on my list Iggy," I chortled through my teeth. "We'll see how grand that glorified pirate fleet of yours is when my machines-" The hovercraft rocked as something dropped in behind me.

"For a glorified petty thief, you're hardly one to be deriding anyone for thinking too much of themselves." I laughed aloud and looked over my shoulder at my unwelcome passenger.

"Hello, Discord," I purred. The draconequus was lounging in the wide rear seat with his claws behind his head. He either wasn't in range or didn't notice the spectacular danger he was in. If the latter was true, it confirmed my theory that what I'd made was practically undetectable. "How'd they convince you to come after me?"

"Fluttershy begged me to finally put an end to your little tantrum," he yawned. "And when they told me you've stooped to bank robbery, well!"

He draped his arm over his forehead. "As a former A-list villain, I couldn't bear the idea of allowing you to go on ruining the craft," he gave me an unimpressed leer. "Honestly, villains used to have standards."

I snorted. "Who asked?" I stood up and stretched. "But! I know when I'm licked."

"Not even going to try one of your silly toys?" Discord groaned and slithered to his hooves. "Fine! I guess I'll just-"

I whirled around. "Apprehend me! Yes," he flinched and raised an eyebrow at me. I held my wrists out and grinned wide. "Go ahead. Take me in." For a delicious few moments, the quiet hum of the hovercraft and the gentle breeze were the only sounds.

Discord looked me up and down. "What?" I thrust my wrists at him, causing him to recoil and hold up a claw.

"Go on! Apprehend me!" My grin widened and my breathing intensified. He took a step back onto the edge of the craft.

"Wh-" He scowled and narrowed his eyes. "What have you done?"

I gasped and brought a hand to my chest. "Why! Surely nothing that could perturb the Great Discord," I bowed to him with my other hand outstretched. He snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he snapped his claw. Or at least tried to. Instead, as his talons snapped, he hissed and then threw his head back. "YEEEEOW!" He tumbled back and nearly fell, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back in.

"Careful!" I leaned in close. "It's an awful long way down." He hissed and clutched the arm I had.

"What- AH- What IS this?!"

I chortled hard and opened my coat, revealing a gemless talisman hanging off my belt that was currently glowing bright. "I heard about your little escapade in the Changeling Hive from Starlight," I hummed, basking in the terror the almighty spirit wore. "Some ancient rock was able to neutralize even your magic." My smile widened and I laughed.

"So! I figured since I can already use alchemy for all kinds of fun stuff, and I can already duplicate spells with gems, why not see if I could alchemize something similar to the changeling throne?" His eyes went wide. "Now, making something that neutralizes all magic we found wasn't feasible. That throne must have been naturally occurring since all our attempts ruined our magically powered equipment. But against one specific type of magic? A type that already has proved to have very specific counters?"

I huffed and pulled him into a one-armed hug. "A magic you're always showing off and giving everyone plenty of chances to collect data on? Hoh hoh!" I pressed my forehead to his. "That might just work."









"How's this thing work?" The silver guardmare captain groused as she shook the leg my shield talisman was affixed to. I rolled my eyes, brought my leg up, and kicked at her. She squealed and cowered, before blinking and looking at the defensive bubble around her.

"It works in response to velocity," I explained, tapping the bubble. "Fast thing comes your way, rock senses it and puts this up."

She blinked. "Ooooh." The other guards watching inspected their talismans and gave similar sounds of realization.

I smiled and held up a hand. "Now, bear in mind the phrasing! Fast thing comes your way, barrier pops up," I bent down and slowly grabbed the guardmare by the scruff of her neck. She squeaked as I hefted her up. "Slow thing comes your way, it slides right through."

The guards nodded in sync, still studying their new tools, but a certain blue pegasus snapped her wings out. "What?! Bogus!" She beat her wings and zipped up to me. "You had all kinds of shields and bubbles at your dopey citadel! All those dumb robots had 'em too!"

She narrowed her eyes. "Why're you only giving them these lame super specific ones?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Because to make my more advanced tools, I need more materials than Twilight is willing to give me, proper support from a trained professional, and ideally a moderate amount of my animunculi, not dumb robots, to handle the delicate assembly," I dropped the guardsmare and flicked Rainbow on the nose. "That's why." Rainbow rubbed her nose and growled, but before she could try anything she was pulled by by her tail.

"Alright! Alright!" Applejack said with her teeth clamped. Once she pulled Rainbow back, she released her and stepped between us. "Fella's rotten, sure, but he's gotta point and did what we asked. Let's not spoil a nice thing, now." She smiled at Rainbow, who huffed, then turned to leer at me.

"Reckon we oughta let Twi know."

I hummed and leaned over her with a smile. "Reckon we should."









"God, this was a bad idea," I murmured, wringing my hands. I got a glimpse of my reflection in the office door's window, so I took the opportunity to adjust my tie and hair. Then, a white wing smacked my back.

"Oh, stop fussing!" Celestia laughed. "You look fine, and you'll do fine." I turned to give her a nervous look, then noticed my case on the headmaster's desk. I slipped past her to make sure all the samples Twilight, Starlight, and I prepped were still fine. The three mares rolled their eyes and giggled, but I didn't want to mess this up.

"How many ponies did you say there'd be?" I asked while making sure the gems hadn't fallen out of any talismans.

Celestia hummed and tilted her head. "Most of the teachers from my school for unicorns and their classes, as well as scholars from afar." I shuddered.

"Yeah! You'll finally get to meet Sunburst, Eddy!" Starlight asked. "News about your new model and this presentation even reached the Crystal Empire." I gently spread my hands on the desk and took a breath.

"See, I'm not even a professional wizard, so shouldn't you be the one to do this?" I turned to Twilight with a hopeful smile. "Without me?"

She rolled her eyes and reared up on the desk next to me. "No chance, buddy. This is your work. I'll help you demonstrate, but I want you to be center stage." I grimaced, but she placed a hoof on my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. I took another breath and nodded before closing the case.

A knock came at the door just before it was pushed open. An older bearded stallion with slicked-back hair and a cloak stepped in. "Pardon the interruption, but I was hoping-" He looked me up and down then scanned the room. "Where is Mr. Bedlam? I was hoping to speak with him about his model."

"Good evening, Chancellor Neighsay," Celestia greeted as she stepped next to me and held her wing open. "He's right here. Ah, and it's Bedford." The stallion blinked and furrowed his brow at me.

Celestia turned to me. "Edward, this is Chancellor Neighsay, the head of the Equestria Education Association, the ponies who handled putting this all together." I hummed and smiled at him.

"Gotcha. Nice to meet you."

"This is is Mr. Bedlam?"

I frowned. "Bedford." He raised an eyebrow.

"I see. I was under the impression it was a pony who made this discovery," he looked me up and down again. "You wouldn't happen to be the same Bedford that Ms. Cheerilee in Ponyville allowed within her classroom, would you?" I winced at his enunciation but nodded.

"Up until recently, yes."

"Is there a problem, Chancellor?" Twilight asked. He kept his eyes locked on me.

"We received a notice of his presence from a concerned parent in Ponyville and elected to investigate," he shot Twilight a critical leer. "She should have consulted us before allowing such a strange creature anywhere near her wards, but that's since been handled." My jaw dropped and my breathing slowed.

"You-"

"You got him fired?!" Starlight snapped, pushing past me. "What gives?!" I grabbed the desk and stared at the guy.

"Why would you do such a thing?" Twilight demanded.

"Yes, Chancellor, if you could enlighten us as to what your thought process was?" Celestia added with a severe look. Neighsay nodded at her.

"My thought process was that we were operating within our authority when it comes to addressing the fears of a parent and the security of their foal," he raised an eyebrow at her. "If we overstepped our bounds, you may feel free to bring it before the board. But it is hardly illegal for a parent to raise concerns about who or what is allowed near their foals."

I clenched my teeth. "You-"

"But again, that must be brought before the board, Your Majesty," he bowed and turned for the door. "You must excuse me, however."

"Hold on!" Twilight cried, but the chancellor was already out the door. She whirled around to look at Celestia. "What is his problem?!"

Celestia sighed and shook her head. "He's.. a bit old-fashioned, but the rest of the board favors him," she brushed my back with her wing and smiled. "Don't let him get to you."

I drummed my fingers on the table with one hand and opened the talisman cast with the other. Looking over what we'd made, I shrugged. "It's fine."









"Good to hear! Thank you, Eddy," Twilight chirped, nodding her head at me. "So all the guards in the castle have one now, right?"

"Correct," I plainly replied, looking at the Elements gathered around me in the throne room. I brought my hand up and inspected my nails. "Now that defense is squared away, maybe we could talk offense?"

"Why? So you can create and sneak some dastardly implement away to backstab us with?" Rarity accused, jabbing me with a hoof. "HM?"

I smiled at her and ruffled her mane. "No, ah, so we can ideally blow one of Tirek's arms off when he arrives." She pulled herself away with a soulful shriek and collapsed, writhing on the floor. I wheezed a laugh at the sight before a wing smacked me in the head.

"Be nice," Twilight chided, hovering next to me.

"FFffffiEEEnd," Rarity moaned, desperately dragging a brush through her hair. "TWIlight, deSTROY hi-hi-him!" Fluttershy gently moved to her side and petted her back while frowning at me. Despite her, I could hear Rainbow snorting and holding back laughter behind me.

"So!" I tinted my fingers and grinned at Twilight. "About our options for offense?"

She hummed and looked at one of the windows. "If you want, you can draw something up and present it in the morning." I raised an eyebrow and looked out the window to see the sun was rapidly setting. "There's been no sign of the Legion yet, so we should all try to get some sleep while we still can." I groaned and threw my hands up.

"Fine! I'll have something for you tomorrow."

Twilight beamed. "Great! Applejack, bring some stuff to write and draw with to Eddy's cell."

I choked. "Cell?!"

"Yeah, in the dungeon," Rainbow jeered.

"Where it's easier for the guards to keep an eye on you," Twilight chirped.

"WHERE YOU BELONG!" Rarity roared. I stammered and grumbled as Twilight pushed me toward the doors with her magic. The doors flew open and a pair of pony guards, including the silver mare from earlier, appeared and began ushering me out.

As the guardsmare pressed her head to the back of my leg, I swept my arm out to try and bat her away, only for her barrier to pop up and zap my hand. "AHAGH!" I recoiled and tumbled over.

"Hey! It really works!" The guardsmare cheered as she and her companion grabbed my arms and dragged me out.

"Good night, Eddy!" Twilight called. I snarled, roared, hissed, and kicked in response.









I leaned back on the park bench with my legs stuck out. Starlight and Twilight sat on either side of me in angry silence. Twilight reached over and held my hand with her hoof.

"One hour away from starting and they just cancel the whole thing?!" Starlight groused. "I oughta.. OOH." She shook her head with a snort.

"They were paying for it and all, so that's their right, I guess," I replied, tilting my head back. Starlight's ears shot back and Twilight whined.

"Eddy.."

"Oh yeah, I completely spaced it," I looked over at Twilight. "After we left, did Celestia mention to you how research into reversing what happened is going?"

She blinked and then frowned. "No, just that she was going to talk with the E.E.A." Her ears folded back. "I.. could go ask her if you want."

I smiled and rubbed her hoof with my thumb. "I'd appreciate it. Some news other than bad'd be nice." She gave me a sad frown before nodding and flying towards the castle. I took a breath and stared at the cloudy sky again. The clopping of hooves on the road brought my attention back down.

"Let's just go ahead and get our tickets home," Starlight grumbled.

I waved my hand and shook my head. "You go ahead. I need some time to think." She frowned but nodded and trotted off towards the train station. I took a deep breath and let it out in a shudder before draping my arm over my eyes. The wind and the occasional sunlight warming my skin were my only companions for a few minutes.

"Uhm, excuse me," I looked down to see a pale-blue unicorn mare with an orange mane nervously smiling at me. She waved her hoof. "Hi!"

"Hello."

"Uhm," her ears snapped back and she scrunched up her muzzle before looking around. I managed to catch a glimpse of her cutie mark, which was a wrench over a pale green star. "I uh."

"Yeah?"

She cleared her throat and sat on the ground. "I was just wondering if uhm, you were Mr. Bedlam?" She nervously tapped her forehooves together.

I scowled. "Bedford, God damn it." She wilted.

"Bedford! Right! Sorry," she swallowed and looked around again. "So, you were the one giving the presentation today, right?"

I groaned and draped my arm over my face again. "Yeah."

"Awesome! I mean! Not that it got canceled! That sucks, just.." she whined and murmured. "I heard about it from Pinkie and was hoping to hear what you came up with."

I looked at her with a furrowed brow. She was tapping her hooves again. "It sounded really neat!"

"You know Pinkie?"

She nodded with a bright smile. "Mhm! Though, I think everypony in Ponyville knows Pinkie," she giggled then extended her hoof. "I'm Jury-rig, by the way."

I shook her hoof. "Edward Bedford," she smiled, and after a moment I returned the gesture. "Y'know, if you want I could just talk with you about what I made."

She beamed and clapped her hooves. "Really?!" I nodded.

"Sure thing."









As the moonlight streamed through my cell window, I looked over my designs. In form, it was similar to a handgun from home. In function, it applied nothing but pure forward momentum to the air at the end of its 'barrel.'

In theory, the blast it created would punch through most physical defenses. But with one little addition that wasn't noted in my design, it would go even further than that. If my secret alteration worked, I was confident the blast could stop a raging alicorn dead in her tracks.

To use a purely poetic phrase, I hoped. Dead.. wasn't exactly my intention, after all.

Using my canines, I continued to etch the rune I needed for the alteration into the gem I'd pilfered, inspecting it occasionally to make sure I was still on track. It was slow going, as I kept peeking up at the window to see if a certain nocturnal alicorn was spying on me. I assumed if she had caught me I'd already be fried, but as I continued my work and the lure of sleep set in, I wondered if she hadn't decided to deal with my treachery in her realm.

Satisfied with my work for the evening, I hid my secret weapon in my boot, climbed into my cot, and decided to test that theory.