//------------------------------//
// 5. I'm Just Gonna Wait For the Nausea To Set In 
// Story: Kin With The Scales 
// by PaprikaBluesAndCo 
//------------------------------//

Apparently the internal organ structure of dragons is different to humans.

Like, duh, right? But the TF artists on furaffinity never thought about the inevitable and abrupt restructuring of organs, glands, and hormones that would come when the transformation reached the torso. 

Well, maybe a few freakish outliers did, but I hadn't met them. Regardless, the majority of my transformation had been adjusting my extremities, and only now had the transformation begun on the insides. 

To that end, I was sick, cranky, and in a lot of pain. I had attempted to go to work that day, but Spike and the boys took one look at me, nodded to each other, and dragged me out of the office into my room. 
They plopped me down on my floor bedding, sat a laptop nearby, and put on a marathon of various detective shows - Twin Peaks, Columbo, Monk, House M.D., and HBomberGuy. 

Spike knocked on the door, and I gave a gruff heave of welcoming. He padded his way in, sat down next to me, and said, "Feeling any better?"
I shook my head. "Figures," he let out a small chuckle, "Nobody really knew how this was gonna go down. Here." 

He placed down a small bowl of gem dust in front of my face. "You don't have to eat it immediately - but it'll help. I think. If your body is just reacting to the clash between your dragon stuff and human stuff, speeding up the process will probably help."
"Hhrgghhh."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you don't want it to get worse. But it's going to, before it gets better."
"Hrrnngn." 
"Oh, quit whining, big bro knows what's best."

It was always a weird mix of feelings when he pulled the draconic authority card. Especially because it always worked so damn well. I quit my rumbling and craned my neck forward to reach the food - OW!

I heard a loud popping sound come from my neck, and Spike looked at me. 
"Oh. Yeah. Right. Dragon necks are longer than human necks.."

Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, there was ABSOLUTELY another bone growing in there. My spine had just split open to make room. Ow! Fuck!
"You're okay, right? Flip me the bird if you're okay."

I slowly raised a fist to Spike and flipped him off. He chuckled again, relieved. "Okay, good to know you're not paralyzed.. But you probably don't wanna move, huh?"
"Mm-nm." I agreed.
"Okay, here."
He reached his claw into the bowl of dust, scooped some out, and held it up to my snoot.
My eyes rolled to him slowly in a deadpan.
"Oh, c'mon, you're not above this and you know it, big guy."

I wasn't, but it was always fun to be a bit of a brat about it first. Even if I was in pain. Walter Rabbit once said sometimes a laugh is the only defense we have. Maybe. It was hard to really think clearly.

My nostrils, stretched out far enough from my face to be visible in the center of my vision, twitched when they caught the scent of the dust. It smelled so damn good. Imagine a Thanksgiving dinner, but each dish was from places like New Orleans or Mazatlan. And those cities had gone through the nitrous cycle to be eaten.

So sue me for not being able to come up with a good description, I was in pain, and crystalized magic smelled and tasted amazing.
I suppressed a sigh, lest the dust get blown away, and licked it from Spike's palm. 
In response, my neck jutted out a bit more, revealing that my body was not satisfied with just One New Vertebrae. I let out a pained whimper, and Spike pulled his claw back a bit. 

Desperate to get this over with, I reached out further, my neck muscles flaring up, to get at the gem dust again, only to feel a third bone growing. 

This wasn't like the tail. The tail only had one direction to accommodate for, outwards away from my ass, but this was introducing new bones into a place that already had em. I could feel the muscles sandwiched in between the new vertebrae, and it SUCKED.

My claws grabbed wildly for something to scratch at, instinct responding to the pain as if I was in danger. I felt them dig into something, and gripped, and Spike flinched. "Ow- hey- ow - Sal, Sal, Sal, that's my leg, ow," he hurriedly whispered. His own claw flinched from the pain, dropping the scooped up shards on the floor.
I was in too much pain to acknowledge what he said. My breathing quickened again, my abnormal heart rate going up and down, trying to find the right pace for my bloodstream. 
Spike grabbed the scruff of my neck, and squeezed in an attempt to get my attention.

The world went white for a moment. Then, I came down from the shock of pain and felt.. relief. I let out a sigh of pleasure, and let go of Spike's thigh.

"..Sal? You okay, dude?" Spike whispered, gingerly rubbing the slight bleeding on his leg with his free claw.

"Dunno what you just did, but do it again." I grumbled.
He squeezed again. There was a flare of pain and discomfort, a slight squelch, and then relief. "Oh. I think you just need a massage.." He kept kneading my scales, and the pain began to eb out. There was still the ruthless growth of the bones, but that was on par with the pain I felt normally. It turns out that my muscles were being stretched way beyond their limit with the sudden additions and needed manual relief.

"Hey, Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Make," I paused to groan, "make a note to tell Twilight about this later. If there's others like me, they're gonna wanna know.."

I didn't move my neck, but I heard Spike pull out a piece of paper from his bag, and write it down.

"..What the fuck was I thinking earlier? Walter Rabbit, his name is ROGER Rabbit.." I muttered to myself.
"Huh?" Spike asked in the middle of his work.
"Don't worry about it. Pain messes with my thought process a lot."
"Is.. is that why you were acting strange when you weren't eating? Cause you were in pain?"
"Yeah, probably."

Spike put down the paper and resumed his massage, going from my neck to my shoulders. 
"Is it just me, or do you have a tendency to try to ignore the pain you're in..?" He asked.
"I feel like the boys would've noticed that and brought it up.."
"Yeah, but they do it too."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Twilight likes to keep track of your hours worked. You three pulled like, 69 hours of time last week."

"Haaah, nice," I giggled, before Spike suddenly tensed up and dug his claws into my shoulders.
"No! Not nice! You're working way too much!"
"Ow, ow, Spike, Spike, that's my shoulders, your claws are sharp as fuck, ow."
"Yeah, well, you got my leg earlier, and I need you and the Boys to stop working so damn hard!" He squeezed harder. 
"Spiiiiike!!" I pleaded, my poor heart racing again.
"Say it! Say you're gonna pull back on the overtime and make sure the boys do the same!"
"Okay! Okay! We'll dial it back!"
"To how much?"
"F-forty five hours max!!"

He finally let go and lay down atop my body.
"Good. I hate it when you're busy with too much work."
"Y.. you do?"
"Well.."

He was quiet for a moment. "Twilight and her friends all get to go around saving the world and solving friendship problems all the time. I was lucky to have such a chance, like, twice.."

I stayed still, hoping he'd continue. 
"And every time I try to get closer to them as a friend, it kinda backfires. I know they love me, but.. sometimes I'm like a spare on a carriage with six wheels."

He sounded like he had some really mixed emotions in his voice. "But you and the boys? You just.. you guys seem to like me. I don't just tag along like I do when I'm with Twilight and the girls. You've taken me bowling and to Sugarcube Corner, you talk to me about comics and music and dragon stuff.. and we all hang out whenever you're all free and.. I just want more of that."

He sat back up and resumed massaging, nice and gentle again. "I want more of you around. And I can't have more of you when you're making yourself less."

I was really tempted to get him with a dismissive 'gay'. But that was a heartfelt as fuck moment. I looked back at him, feeling the muscles in my neck getting used to their new positions. Having a neck as long as his was made it easier to look at him sitting next to me.

"Huh. That's a first, I think."
"What do you mean?"
"Like.. besides the Boys.. most folks just wanted me to, I dunno, obey?"
"Like who?"
"My parents."

Spike was quiet for a second. I got worried I somehow offended him, but he scooted closer. 
"What did they do?"

I took a deep breath and rested my neck forwards again. "A lot. They.. well.. I guess like.."
"Gimme like, absolute basics. What was the most common occurrence?"
"If I did anything that was 'evil' or 'wrong' or 'demonic' in their eyes, they hurt me. What defined those terms was entirely up to their whims. How they hurt me was also entirely up to their whims. Sometimes my mom would get her nails done at the salon and scratch me with them like a cat."
Spike stopped massaging me. 

"Spike?" I turned back to look at him.
He seemed to be looking straight at my shoulders. I craned my neck a bit to see a little bit of welted blood coming up from the scales.
"So.. did I just..?" He hesitantly asked.
"Huh? Oh, no no no, you're okay, you're fine!" I placated, "It's-. You're not them. You didn't know."
"You sure?"

I rolled over onto my back, reached out, and grabbed his claws, and interlaced his fingers with mine. "Don't second guess yourself. If you think I need to work less, then I need to work less. If I have to eat more gems, then I have to eat more gems, even if you get the message across by having to forcefeed me them. You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for."

He smiled, squeezed my hands, and then lay down atop my chest.
Ohhohohoohohoo, his scales felt SOOOO nice. Red alert, dragon boy is soft, so soft, red alert.
"Feeling any better?"
"Well, I'm not in absolute agony, so yes. The number one big bro strikes again."
He giggled and adjusted to get comfy in this impromptu snuggle. 

Matt and Jer knocked on the door.
"You two good in there?" Jer asked, "I heard shouting."
Spike blushed a bit. "We're fine. You can come in if you want."

So they did.
"Goddamn," Matt exclaimed, "there's two lounging lizards now!" 
Spike and I looked up at him with a deadpan.
"Think you just accidentally pulled a microaggression, Matt." Jer said, moving into the room.
Matt placed a hand to his chest and turned his nose up. "I regret nothing."
Jer snorted and looked back to me. "You feeling okay, Sal?"
I gave him a thumbs up, opting to stay silent as I pressed my snout into Spike's back.

Ooh. He smelled nice, too.
Spike rumbled softly, before sitting up, and raising up my head with a claw to show off my neck.
"We figured out why they were in pain. Turns out their neck was growing in length.
"New bones in there.." I muttered.
"Ohhhh.. explains the shouting. That must've sucked."
"Yyyyeah. Yeah," Spike hesitantly agreed, realizing how weird it would be if the boys found out we clawed each other.

"Are you bleeding..?" Matt pointed to Spike's thigh. Speak of the devil, I guess.
"Oh, that! Sal clipped me with their claws when their neck was really growing, cause the pain was freaking them out. Don't worry, I've had worse."

Matt and Jer looked at each other. I knew why, it's because anyone who says they've 'had worse' means it. They looked to me for confirmation, and I made a face and made the 'so-so' gesture with my claw. They nodded and changed topic.
"Well, anyways, it's lunch. You two want anything?"
"Get me a half dozen donuts from Sugarcube Corner." Spike immediately replied. "Tell Pinkie it's for Spike, she knows my usual."
"Oh, oh, right, hey, Boys," I snapped my claws, "New executive order - Spike's been wanting to hang with us more-"
"Awww, does the Big Man miss us when we're working?" Matt said endearingly yet sarcastically. 
Spike looked indignant, but before he had a chance to reply, I said, "Yeah, actually, so I'm putting forth the motion that we work less overtime. All boys in favor say Aye."
"Aye." Matt and Jer said in unison. 
"Was kinda getting sick of staring at books in candlelight for twelve hours a day anyways. Now what do you wanna eat?" Matt pointed at me. ".. If you even can.."

I rolled onto my back and mused on it. 
I was still queasy and not really in a mood to eat food that wouldn't melt in my mouth. But on the other hand..
"If there was like, Burger Crystal, that would hit the spot."
Spike snorted. "That doesn't really exist." 
"Then, yeah, no, not really in the mood for solids right now. I'm just gonna snack on this gem dust Spike gave me." I said.

"Suit yourself. Just don't die, alright." Matt pointed at me. I raised up a hand into the air in a lazy thumbs up.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I remember the pact."
"What pact?" Spike asked Matt as he left. He then turned to me.
"What pact." He repeated, nudging my prone body. 
"Too queasy to talk about it in necessary detail. Remind me to tell you later." I grumbled.
He squinted at me. "Pinkie Promise."
"Yeah, yeah, I pinkie promise -"

"Ah-ah-ahh! You gotta say the words!" Pinkie said, making my entire spine jolt. 

I screamed very bravely and shot up into the air, where my claws dug into the crystal ceiling. I clung there, while Pinkie approached me on suction cups.
"Bwugh," I said, intelligently.
"Wowza! You're coming along great in your dragon replacement therapy, Sally Wally!"
"Don't. Don't call me Sally."
"Carmy Marmy?"
"No."
"Sal-a-mandy?"
"Sto- actually. Hm."

Pinkie looked at me with big round eyes expectantly. 
"Okay, Sal-a-mandy is fine. But how the hell did you hear us, and why are you involved in a Pinkie- oh. nevermind."
"Well, duh! I'm Pinkie! And you promise!"

"Yeah, but in human cultures, a Pinkie promise means we like, -" and here I dug out a claw to wiggle my pinky finger around, "swear on the pinky finger. I guess it's assumed that it gets cut off or something if the promise is broken, I dunno."
"Hhhuh. I think I like my promise better." Pinkie giggled. "And as for how I know, I have pinkie sense! For example, see how my tail's all twitchy?"

It was.
"That means something's gonna fall!"
"Like whaAAAAAAAAT?!" 

It was me. Luckily, Spike had the foresight to move the guest bed right under me, preventing any bones from breaking. I bounced majestically on it then slid off the side down to the floor, my legs still resting on the edge, and my head on the ground.
"Ow."
Pinkie bounced down onto the bed and landed like she was made of air.
"So! The words are, 'cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!'"

Oh heyyy. That was the thing Applejack did during my first day of work. Sheesh, that was a month ago now. I grumbled, performed the ritual, and from my prone form I saw Pinkie peer over the edge of the bed with a big grin. 
"Okie dokie lokie! Now remember to tell Spike later, or else!" 
She bounced off the bed, and stopped on her way out the door.
"Oh yeah! Spike!"
She dug into her fucking hair and pulled out a box of donuts. "Herrre ya go! I was feeling a wobbly left forehoof and a sniffly nose, so that meant that a very special dragon wanted his usual!"
"Oh, awesome!" He handed over some bits to Pinkie in exchange for the food, and then she was gone.

"Don't mind Pinkie," Spike said with a mouthful of donut, "You get used to it." 
"It's fine, she's acting on rule of comedy."
"Rule of what?"
"Y'know, she can only do things if they're funny. Rule of toon."
"Well, who's it funny for..?"
"I dunno, but like.. if this were a cartoon, someone would be having a laugh at my expense." I groaned, righted myself, and looked out the window of my room to see a blue pegasus with a purple mane rolling in the air laughing. She caught herself, sheepishly waved at me, then flew off.

Then the nausea came back, amplified by Pinkie's shenanigans.
"Augh. Oh, no."
I held a claw up to my mouth and tried to find a proper receptacle for puke. The window was right there, sure, but you never know who could be passing by.
Case in point, I looked out there and saw Princess Motherfucking Celestia having a chat with Twilight.
I leaned back before my stomach had the chance, and Spike saw my green face.
"Bathroom?" 
"Bathroom."

I don't know when we got there, but it was in the nick of time. I hurled, and what came up wasn't pretty. That's all there really was to say on the matter.

I returned to my floor bedding and curled up, groaning in newfound discomfort. Between the sudden adrenaline rush, the strain of hanging upside-down on the ceiling, the subsequent fall, and the puke, I was back to square one in terms of muscle ache.  

Groaning, I rolled onto my belly and rested my head on my arms.
"Hey, Spike," I huffed, "What're the odds you continuing that massage for me?"
"Sore again?"
"So sore."

"..Could you take off your shirt?"
"Hhghuh?"  I blushed.
"I can massage you more easily without it." So did he. Okay. NOW was the perfect time to hit him with, "That's gay, bro." 
"Pffha! Like you weren't getting a whiff of me earlier, bro." He grinned.
"Like you weren't clawing the shit out of my shoulders like you were intensely mating me, BRO."

Spike burst into laughter, and I couldn't help but join in, even tho my stomach voiced some complaints as a result. 

The laugh eventually tapered off and we calmed down. "Okay, okay," He said, "Now come on. Take off that shirt before I burn it." 
Aw heeeelllll no, this was merch from an obscure indie band that I saw once at a bar in Colorado. One that faded into obscurity that one could never recover from.
It was priceless.
I took the shirt off, tossed it into the drawer where my clothes went, and flopped back down onto the bedding. 

I could've sworn I saw him lick his lips, but before I could process that, he went back to making dough out of my body. I groaned as he mostly focused on the muscles in my shoulders, grunting in contentment.

Spike started humming a little song, and suddenly my brain booted back up. "Animals Crying by Statues of Cats." I said.
"How did you know that?" Spike stopped.
"I'll be damned if I'm a dragon that doesn't appreciate their own hoard's contents." 
Spike chuckled and got back to work, humming a different song. My eyes perused over the multitude of shelves worth of music, and silently contemplated which song he was humming now.
"Hm.. Elizer's Waltz by Disparition."
"Damn! I thought you'd get it mixed up with the other version."
"Nah, the original is a lot more waltz-y in rhythm."
"I'm surprised you listen to Welcome to Night Vale."
I chuckled. "I don't, actually. I just really really like Disparition."
"Awww, whaaat? But fictional podcasts are like comics for your ears!"
"Matt likes Night Vale. Big fan of Joseph Fink's prose."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He'd probably gush to all fuck about the villains."

We played that little musical guessing game for a while, him humming a song as he squished my muscles, and me successfully guessing every time. I was like some musical version of Akinator with it. By the tail end of the massage, I was finally in less general pain, and scarfed down some gem dust. I kept it down and finally felt the generalized sickness come to pass.

He squeezed into a particularly pleasant knot, and giggled again. "Okay, lemme try another."
He then took a deep breath, and hummed for a very long time. I strained my ears to try and notice any details, but the drake was definitely going for ambient. A toughie. But then I listened in closer, and registered a soft rhythmic clicking noise. From there, I tried to recall anything that was ambient with that specific rhythmic beat.

"..Lighter Based Thamic Rendering by Gallimaufry." 
"Okay, come on! That's supposed to be super obscure! How have you listened to anything from Gallimaufry?!"
"How have you?"
"Oh, the last time some teen dragons passed through here, one of them gave me a copy. Told me to, 'Listen to some real dragon music'."
"Daaaaammnn. Kinda wack."
"To be fair, I haven't listened to much dragon music. Anyways, how do you know about it??"

Well, fuhhHhuuuUuuUCK, ough, what is that knottttt,?" I groaned as Spike hit a particularly sore spot with his knuckles. He stopped, and gingerly explored the spot below my shoulder blades, and I recognized that he was touching a developing second set of the shoulder blades.
"Oh, damn, your wings are gonna come in soon." He said.
"Whhhhaaaat..?"
"Yup. You'll be growing these bad boys soon enough." He flexed his wings, and. Gods, they we're so pretty. I could see the anatomy, how muched they looked like arms stretched out for the purpose of flight. Thin, leathery webs of skin were made slightly translucent in the sunlight coming in from the window, allowing me to see all the blood vessels inside. I absentmindedly touched one of them with a claw, and Spike sheepishly grinned, very much aware of my awe.

"I haven't learned how to really fly with them. I can take off, glide, and on a good day, land properly. Twilight tried teaching me, but, you know how she is."
"Oof. Yeah. More theory than practice." 
"Yeah. And even though she can be a great teacher, it just hasn't worked for me."

"Well, to be fair.. her aerodynamics are different."
"How?"
"Flying ponies have feathers. Like birds. The feathers do half the work for them because they passively generate lift. It's a similar principle to how airplanes work."
"..Hhhuh. So, how would I go about flying without feathers?"
I sat up, and shrugged. "Probably like a bat. Since birds and pegasi don't need to put as much work in, they don't need to bend the joints as much." 

I tried to demonstrate this by holding my in arms aloft and waving via only the shoulders. "Bat wings have to kinda.. trap the air and push it. So they bend the joint inward on the downswing to gather that pressure and push it."
I think did the same motion, but bent my other joints along with it. He stretched one wing out, and mimicked the motions. Then, he jumped, gave his wings a flap, 

"WOAH-!" He said, before bonking his head on the ceiling, and landing directly on top of my gormless ass. 
"Ow."
"Ow." He agreed.
We stayed there, one dragon atop the other, groaning.

"Oh my," said a new voice.
Spike and I looked up to see Princess Fuckmothering Celestia in the doorway, standing next to Twilight, who looked completely stunlocked.

You know. My parents are complete whackjobs. Always told me as a kid that one day I'd meet God as part of my little life story.
They were technically right, but they never specified which one. 

Princess Celestia nearly blinded my blood, she was chock full of bright magic. Standing next to Twilight, the two of them radiated power nigh unlimited, and suddenly I understood exactly why every single other country on Equus closed its borders.
The only thing stopping Equestrian world domination was Celestia's sense of decency.

"AGGK-!" Spike sputtered, "MOM!? I-It's not what it looks like!!"

OHHH, FUCK ME, THAT'S RIGHT, SPIKE MENTIONED THAT CELESTIA RAISED HIM.

I tried to get up and make some form of bowing motion, only for my claws to get twisted in my blankets. Spike, in turn, tried to get off of me, only to get tangled up as well. We struggled to escape the prison of our own making, before I suddenly heard Celestia burst into laughter. Spike and I stopped for a moment, watching the Goddess of the Rising Sun crack up at the sight of two drakes tangled in blankets. Stomping a hoof, wings flared, head pulled back in uproarious guffaw. Twilight looked up at her mentor with a sparkle in her eyes.
Pun intended.

Her warm, gentle, intricate magic surrounded the both of us and gently set us free.
We were set down on the floor gingerly, standing up in front of her, and Princess Celestia smiled warmly, wiping a tear from her eye with a wing.
"Thank you for the laugh, my little dragons."

Well, there's worse first impressions to make. Celestia turned to look at me head-on. 
"You must be Sal Carmine Manchester."
"A- hh- hhyup! Yep, sure that's me, your highness-!" I tried to give a bow, but she stopped me.
"There's no need for formalities, Sal. A friend of Spike's is a friend of mine."
"Oh- okay," I nodded. "So, what uh, what brings you down here from Mount Olympus?"

With a head that tall, it's no surprise my joke about the Greek Gods didn't fly over her head. She stifled another giggle, and said, "Well, my dearest Twilight had told me that a human that was helping with her archiving project had been turning into a dragon, and I simply wished to see the results for myself." She wrapped a wing around Twilight, who gave a dumb wavery smile in return.

Dearest Twilight?
Oohoohoo, lesbians.. I tucked that particular thought away for later, and focused back on the situation.

"Spike thinks this started because one of my ancestors was a dragon." I wrapped an arm around him and tried to be casual about it.
"Hmm.. Not entirely out of the question." Celestia mused. "There was a time where dragons attempted contact with your world a long time ago."

I raised a fist weakly into the air. "I caaaaaalllled iiiit!"
Celestia tilted her head by like two degrees. "Called it?"
"Sal theorized as such a month ago. If it's more than a thousand years ago, that lines up with a point in Earthling history where a place of great knowledge burnt down and magic was ostracized." Twilight explained.

I heard a set of footsteps approach my room. 
"Yo, Spike," Matt called from next to the alicorns, "We got you the donuts."
"Actually, Pinkie stopped by to give me my order." Spike shrugged.
"Oh." Matt looked up at Celestia like she was any other person. "Sheesh, you're WAY taller than they say. Y'want these?" He held the box up to Celestia.
"Ooh, why yes, thank you!" Celestia grinned and took the box in her magic, and ate a whole donut in one bite. Matt had already stalked off back to the office but the time she looked back. "And which one was that, Twilight?"
"That's the one I'm teaching alongside Starlight - Matt Somerville."
"Hm. I appreciate his casual nature. And the other one? The one mixing magic with human machinery?"
"Jerome Martin-Galloway. But everyone just calls him Jer."
Celestia smiled warmly and turned to me. "You three have definitely found the magic of harmony in your own special ways during your stay here. I can only hope it continues to guide you when you return to America."

My face twitched into a frown for a moment.

Celestia had this look in her eye. Oh, she noticed that.
"Tell me, Sal, is something bothering you?"
I made a little groan. Spike looked at me with a worried expression on his face.
"Maybe." I answered.
"We're all here to lend an ear." She gestured to Twilight and Spike, who both nodded. I sat down on the bed and huffed a sigh. Spike sat down next to me.

"I.. I'm worried about going back to America. Even if I don't get fired, outsiders to the status quo aren't treated with the greatest kindness. This whole transformation, it's been great, but it's definitely made me a greater outsider than before. Everyone here is.. well, a lot nicer. America fucking sucks, y'know?"
"Sal! Language!" Twilight chastised me, before Celestia gave another laugh.

"No, I'm afraid I agree, it fucking sucks."
Spike and Twilight looked up at Celestia with baffled expressions on their faces. 
"It does!" I exclaimed. "All we do is bomb other countries in the name of 'freedom'! We don't even have healthcare!!"

"While the issue is, a touch more nuanced than you're making it, I will admit that they have attempted to strongarm me and the other Princesses into allowing them to establish a military base on Equestrian soil." She allowed herself an exasperated eyeroll.
I snorted. "Yeah. Typical. I just.. Not even a month ago I thought this place was gonna suck to be in, but.." I looked over to Spike. "Now I don't wanna leave, and I bet my boys don't want to either."

Spike blinked, and then deadpanned, "You're aware that you're talking to the most powerful ponies in Equestria, right? They could just let you live here."
"I know, but that seems like cheating!!" I groaned.
"It's not cheating if we offer it, Sal." Celestia smiled.
"I can absolutely look into obtaining citizenship for you Boys!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Yes, my little Princess of Paperwork here can tackle any legal documentation you throw at her. You're in good hooves."

Twilight giggled and nuzzled her.. probably-girlfriend. Celestia returned the gesture, then looked to me and Spike.
"Unfortunately, Twilight and I have other matters to attend to before I return to Canterlot. It's been a pleasure speaking with you, Sal. Try not to play too rough with my little Spikey, okay?"
"Mooooom!"

I couldn't help but grin. "If anything, he's been too rough with me."
Celestia cackled again as Spike, flustered and embarrassed as can be, proceeded to jab me in the side repeatedly with a claw.





"Hey, Twilight. How long have you been dating Celestia?"
"How did you know I was??"

I gave a shit eating grin. "You just told me."
I got a throw pillow to the face as payment for my detective work.