//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: BEDLAM // by Gormless Wheaton //------------------------------// "Are you feeling better, Mr. Bedford?" The princess asked. I looked up from my tea at her and the other concerned little ponies. I grimaced and shrugged. "I mean," I huffed and looked at my hand. It was still shaking. "Better, yeah. Still not great, y'know?" "Yeah, actually I do," said the purple one, Twi.. Twilight! Twilight said that as she came up and sat next to me on the sofa. "I've had my fair share of panic attacks before, so I know how scary that had to be." She frowned and hugged my arm with a wing. "Probably just compounded everything, huh?" I stared into my tea and took a breath. "Yeah," I whispered before looking up at the princess again. "So, sorry, but uh, what was it again? I think I kind of spaced most of what you were saying." The princess smiled and shook her head. "No trouble at all. I should have been held firm and given you more time before explaining the situation," she replied. Yeah, and I shouldn't have pressed so hard, I guess. She cleared her throat and adopted a more serious look. "One of the younger students at our school for magic had a mishap while performing a teleportation spell. Such mishaps aren't unheard of, and we have safety procedures in place to mitigate the worst effects." Her expression turned sad and she hummed. "However, this is the first case since this city's founding that a living, thinking being has been caught up in such an accident, and certainly the first in a thousand years that a creature from an entire other world is the victim." I grimaced at her word choice. "I mean, I wouldn't call myself a 'victim.' Just," I rolled my hand searching for the word. Nothing came up. She hummed again and nodded. "Well, however you wish to label it, it is unusual and deeply unfortunate, and we shall endeavor to find a means to correct it or at the very least lessen its consequences." I looked at her with a furrowed brow. "What do you mean by that?" Twilight answered for her. "Well, for starters, if Canterlot is too overwhelming for you, you're welcome to come stay with me in Ponyville!" She chirped. "It's a quieter town, and the ponies there are all really friendly. But either way, you don't need to worry about living arrangements." She gave me a bright smile, which the princess and the other little ponies mirrored. "Exactly that, Mr. Bedford." "Yeah! It'll be great!" The pink one squealed as she leaped right up to me, causing me to recoil. " You can stay in Twilight's castle, and come eat at Sugarcube Corner, and meet all our friends like Starlight and Trixie and Spike and Maple and Jury-rig and-" As she spoke she crept closer and closer, until the orange one, Applejack I think slipped next to her and pulled her back. "Hold up there, sister," she chuckled. "Let's just focus on gettin' the fella settled first." She looked up at me with a smile. I scanned the group and looked at Twilight before nodding. "Alrighty. I'll uh, follow your lead on this," I said. She beamed and hopped down from the couch. "We will be in touch as we work to find a solution to your situation, Mr. Bedford," the princess said. I hummed and stood up. "Understood, thank you," I saw a glimmer of light in my peripheral. Turning, I spied a mirror on a vanity and got a proper look at myself for the first time since waking up. I grimaced at what I saw. I vaguely recalled it being mentioned that the mishap had been slightly explosive, so I guess still being in one piece was a miracle all its own, but my hair was all frayed out, and my beard was partially singed off. To say nothing of my t-shirt and jeans, which were torn and blackened in places. I rubbed my chin and ran a hand through my hair. "Guess I should probably shave." I jumped and cried out as an orange hoof punched through the changing screen with a violent crack. "Hurry up back there, only warnin'." I scowled and gripped the edge of the screen and swept my head around it to glare at Applejack. "Some of us have standards," I hissed as she removed her hoof and walked back to her spot in the room. "Some of us are on a time limit," she shot back, turning her head to fix me with an annoyed leer. "Others on limited patience, fella." Rainbow snickered as we locked eyes for a few moments. I threw the screen open and stepped out, adjusting my bolo tie as I did. "Luckily for you, I was just about finished," I declared as I approached the vanity next to the changing screen. Applejack rolled her eyes as I did and sat down next to Rainbow at the door, leaning back against the wall with her hat pulled over her eyes. I leered at the pair through the mirror before focusing on myself. I turned left and right, examining the suit Rarity had begrudgingly prepared for my arrival. Even though it was hastily made and done with hate, I had to admit she did a solid reproduction of my design. White dress shirt under a black long coat with grey fringes, calf-high red boots with black dress pants tucked in them, and red gemstone cufflinks and tie-clip which- Wait. "These are fake," I said aloud as I examined my cufflinks. I glanced up at Rainbow and Applejack's reflections, the former of whom was scowling back at me. "Pfft, yeah? You think we'd trust you with the real thing?" She smirked. I grumbled and looked at the blue-tinted glasses on the vanity. The lenses were glass and the frames had no stones on them. I sighed and looked back at the mirror. I rubbed my chin and head, running my fingers through my shaggy hair and beard, before scanning the vanity again. There were two basins, one empty and the other with water, a towel, and an assortment of colored bottles. "Where's the razor?" I called. Rainbow groaned aloud. "Twi said you'd ask, an' she said to tell ya 'No.'" Applejack said, waving a hoof at me. "Said to just use that blue bottle there." I raised an eyebrow and picked up the bottle in question. Popping the cork, I poured some into the empty basin on the vanity and hummed in approval. "Ah-hah, one of mine?" "Yeah, that mane-removing junk you came up with," Rainbow spat. I smiled at the venom in her voice. "You ghastly creature!" Rarity shrieked as she battered my magical bubble with her hooves. I smirked and glanced down at my companion who was still struggling against her full-body metal harness. Rainbow scowled up at me, before blowing the last strands of her mane out of her face. The rest of her scalp was completely bare thanks to the potion I'd demonstrated on her. I cackled and pointed at Twilight and the rest, all of whom were glaring at me with grim determination. The crowd of Manehattan ponies around us, however, looked at me with terror in their eyes. Except for the bank manager, who was gnawing his hoof and looking at the bags of money I had loaded on my hovercraft just behind me. "Now, it's very simple!" I swept my hand toward the buzzing, hovering, magically powered drones above us, each of which had a bottle of my potion affixed to them. "You can stay here and harass me." I brought my free hand to my chest and leaned forward with a smirk. "Or," I snapped my fingers and the drones whirred off towards the busy event center just up the road. "You can keep that lovely fashion show from making the headlines for all the wrong reasons." The five mares gasped. "Monster!" Rarity wailed. I shot up straight and held up my free hand. "But wait! There's more!" My fingers went to work, clicking the gemstones on my glove in a sequence. A magical signal sparked to life, and the harness around Rainbow shuddered before the stones all over it crackled and she was levitated off the ground. "Hey! Wh- WHOA!" All at once she was shot off towards the event center by a preset telekinesis spell, drawing cries of shock from the ground as a few ponies had to dive out of the way. "And there you have it!" I cackled and swept my arms towards her with a bow. "Meanie!" Pinkie screamed. "This isn't over, Bedlam!" Twilight yelled. "Come on, girls!" Ah, good times. "Yeah, this stuff works great!" I chirped, glancing over my shoulder at her. "Shame it isn't permanent, though." She snorted at me as I splashed the potion in my hands and wiped away the hair on my head and most of my beard, leaving the mustache. I flung the clumps of hair into the empty basin and appraised myself in the mirror. Satisfied, I washed my hands off and sighed before turning to the pair. "Alrighty! Let's not deprive them of my glorious visage any longer," I said, wiping my head and face with the towel. As I dragged it over my face, I met Rainbow's eyes as she was hovering right in front of me. "You'd think all those years in Tartarus woulda got the point across that you ain't all that," she spat. I smiled and glanced passed her for just a moment. Applejack was reaching for the door with her back to us. I flung the towel in Rainbow's face. "Hey!" As she recoiled and moved to pull the towel off, I quickly swiped the hair remover and hid it in my coat pocket. "Maybe you'd think so," I said as she tossed the towel aside and glared at me. I donned and adjusted my glasses with a smirk. "But I'm a little more aware."