My life is going pretty well. I’m glad that I escaped Ponyville, got a job, and learned about Equestria and all the amazing things in it at the Manehattan library. And then I met my super-fun husband Puzzle Box, and started going to university and made some friends. This all helped me catch up on all the school I never went to since I'm a Mirror Pool clone; Everypony believed me when I lied about being homeschooled.
I continue to dye my mane, tail, and coat a dull, light grey pink every week. I’ve also been hiding my cutie mark every day with dress pants or cloaks, or a track suit when I work out.
I start to frown.
Hopefully, the good heroes of Equestria won’t find me and send me to the Mirror Pool for being too annoying. And also for being a creation of one of Discord’s ancient evil pranks. They’d be pretty embarrassed if they found out that Twilight failed to exterminate all the evil clones. The latest edition of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Journal of Friendship still says the exact same advice about clones, which is basically that they’re soulless magical constructs, and that you should send them to the Mirror Pool so that they don’t annoy everypony, and don’t steal their food and other resources. And that ponies should do it as quickly as possible, so that they don’t uncontrollably keep on making more and more clones.
How was any-Pinkie supposed to know that you shouldn’t steal? Pinkie Pie didn’t tell us! Also, it’s now pretty obvious that I shouldn’t make more clones. We’re clueless, ignorant and run around everywhere when we’re created! If anypony saw another one, then Twilight would lead everypony to deal with every single clone, including me!
I slump my head on a desk.
And why did I take ethics classes as an elective? They’re only talking about how ponies should interact with other ponies, and not any other creatures. The teacher isn't saying anything about how ponies should act towards other creatures, or vice versa. But maybe I’ll learn something here that might help me trick Twilight and her friends and family into letting me go if they see me?
My boring professor coughs to get the class to pay attention, and asks a question, “Say that you’re at an intersection. A runaway trolley is barrelling down the railway tracks. On the side the trolley is heading for, five ponies that are strangers are tied to train tracks, and will be run over if you do nothing. But if you pull a nearby lever, it’ll move to a different set of tracks, which only one pony is tied to. Would you pull the lever?
Seriously? That earth pony with a dull brown coat even manages to make trains and trolleys sound boring. They’re super exciting! Trains let you travel to all sorts of wonderful places, like Manehattan. They’re how I escaped from Ponyville!
“Any volunteers? No? Okay, how… Finger Food?”
I'm an evil clone, but the answer is still obvious.
I raise my head and answer, “I wouldn’t pull it. That would get me arrested, and everypony would hate me. I don’t even work for the railway company.”
“You’re missing the point. Assume that nopony else will know that you did it.”
I frown, put my foreleg against my eye because of how obvious that the answer to this question was, and exclaim, “Well, duh! Five’s more than one. I’d double check that there was nopony around. Then I’d totally pull that lever, and hoof it out of there before anypony can see me!”.
“Okay. What if instead of a lever, you’re on a bridge, and there’s a heavy mare big enough to stop the train tracks. Would you shove her to save the five ponies?”
“That’s the same question, but it’s riskier. And it’s even worse if you’re caught!”
I better not stand around next to any trains, in case of a train emergency.
I narrow my eyes and look at him, inquiring, “Wait a second… You’re not talking about me, right? I’m not falling for your tricks, mister.”
“I promise that it isn’t you.”
“Oh, then I’d check if anypony would see me and that she didn’t notice me, then I’d yeet her!”, I said, pantomiming picking up a mare with my forehooves, standing upright on my back hooves, aiming at the right section of track, then resolutely hurling something heavy, just like how Prince Shining Armor reportedly tossed Princess Cadance at the Crystal Heart to save the Crystal Empire. My muscular body and cutie mark were hidden under the dress pants and dress shirts I always wore to class as a disguise.
I illustrate the saving of five ponies lives with onomatopoeia and hoof gestures to help my classmates understand the aftermath of my choice, exclaiming “Woosh!“. I keep standing on my hindlegs. I start moving my left hoof in a parabolic downward arc, illustrating the path the mare would take. I steadily move my right forelegs horizontally along eye level as if it were a train. Finally, my front hooves make contact, and I yell, “Crash! Screeeeeech!“, as I bring them to a narrow stop in front of my face.
Yeet? Why do I still blurt out obscure slang and weird phrases, and keep doing silly things like that without thinking? Is this because of my crummy knockoff copy of Pinkie’s powers? Twilight’s book didn’t tell me why Pinkie Pie did that; the Princess just gave up on understanding Pinkie Pie because it drove her insane. I’d give her book a four out of five stars.
More ponies started staring at me, some giggling, and some glaring, and others confused. Why does he keep asking me questions?
Wait, I’m forgetting the gravity of this situation. One of those hypothetical ponies is about to die, to save those five other ponies. My classmates will realize that I’m evil. And am I going to lose marks for this?
I use ventriloquism and stage whisper, to imitate a far away group of ponies, “It’s raining mares! I have no idea how this happened! But, even though that one mare’s death was a tragedy, I’m so happy that it prevented five of us from dying horribly!“
Bringing my right forehoof to my chest to make a solemn gesture of respect, I put on a serious sad face, then proclaim, “And I’d always remember that hypothetical pony’s noble and involuntary sacrifice that saved those five others.”
Making a mock expression of rage, I continue, “And I’d avenge her by hunting down the hypothetical evil creature who keeps tying ponies to train tracks.“ Maybe I should tone this down. I make a confused face, and continue pondering calmly, “Hypothetically speaking, though. Not for real, that’s super dangerous for a normal earth pony like me. Maybe I would just help the guard locate or capture them? I’m not sure about this. Lots of creatures are escaping or returning, then going on to do evil things lately.”
My seatmate and study buddy Maudileena stares at me, expressionlessly. I can never tell what she’s thinking or what she’s feeling unless she tells me. She makes okay jokes in her stand up comedy routines. Also, she has a pet rock. It isn’t as awesome as my mica rock I kept as a souvenir of Ponyville, but her rock makes her happy, which makes me happy.
"I think they get the picture, Finger Food," Maudileena states, as monotonously as always.
Excellent!
I’m not sure why Maudileena’s bothering to take ethics as an elective, if she’s studying for her Rocktorate. What is she going to do, find a magic rock that could be used for evil? Ha!
My professor pulls me out of my distracted thoughts and asks me another question. “Finger Food! What would you do if it was only you that could stop the trolley instead of that mare?”
A few ponies started giggling.
This jerk! I shouldn’t trust him.
I glared at the professor. “I knew you’d break your promise, Liar McLiarface. I’m keeping an eye on you,” I sternly proclaimed, pointing a hoof at my eye, then in his direction.
“This is a different hypothetical situation!”
These questions are so boring. I plead, “Please, ask somepony else?“
My stern professor continued, “Just answer the question, Finger Food.“
I stare at him “No, I wouldn’t jump.”
“Okay. Now what if there were a million ponies.”
I stared at him and sternly said, “Still no.”
Why were all those ponies staring at me? Oh! I probably should have lied that time, and the other times. I’ll try to be better at lying in class.
“Would anypony else sacrifice themselves to prevent a train from hitting five ponies that they don’t know? Raise a foreleg if you would.“
Most of my classmates raised a foreleg, though some ponies had strange looks on their faces.
Was everypony else serious, or were they just better at lying than I was?