"Guards!" I yelled. "Eject this stinking horse apple from this house!"
My two guards galloped up, with my party diving aside as they did so. Omega belly-flopped and slid away toward the hatchway ladder. Hue and Cry apologized for letting in the Interpone agent, as did the city constable Fellows had been talking to.
Detective Fellows sat there, shocked with a hoof over his bleeding nose. The unicorn of the brass-armored duo pulled him to his hooves with blue magic, while the two caught the Interpone agent between themselves to trot him out.
Fellows shouted, struggling to get free, "Interpone won't stand for this! We're building an international case—"
"Against the Crown Princess of Equestria?" I huffed, waggling a hoof. "Toss him off the roof. That'll be faster!"
Cadance cried, "Starlight! He's a unicorn."
"Even better!"
He shouted over me, "Eventually you'll leave Equestria...!"
Spike on her rump, chortled. Excited seeing a comic book play out in real life? I'd dealt with Citron and his Power Ponies comics obsession: I had the dragon pegged. He scribbled furiously.
Alas, my guards didn't take my suggestion and hustled the peppermint unicorn down the stairs, his hooves ineffectually skittering and clicking against wood, sometimes plaster, sometimes against bronze postern grieves. Everypony winced at a string of interesting oft-melodious Prench invective that faded behind him.
Moon Dancer observed with a smile, "You don't like him."
I snorted.
Cadance said, "The princess is going to want to talk to you about punching ponies, when she gets back."
I smiled, very happy with myself at the moment. As I levitated the shaking diamanté to her—what, paws?—I said, "Looking forward to it!"
"Alpha is," Finder of Tears of the Moon pointed out.
I approached and dusted her off with the gauze of the left hoofie—considering I was leaving red hoof marks behind me with the right, which didn't help keep the crime scene pristine and I would have to explain them to the prince.
"Not too happy this royal thing is going to my head," I muttered to myself—and for the benefit of the creature with fur shaved to resemble a topiary. I steadied her with a hoof, rubbing her gently as she shivered until she stopped. "Sorry."
"Omega this."
"Anypony have a fresh hoofie?" I asked.
Something clearly heavy had hung suspended from the rafters. A crossmember with dry rot had sagged under the weight and another circumspect constable pointed out where the wood had cracked. Omega sniffed around the floor, pointing out no dust lingered here, that somepony had used ammoniated cleaner.
The pad read, "Not adept hiding tracks." The diamanté pointed to Hue and Cry who produced a jam jar. Sparkling algal-green grit filled it halfway and made a shishing sound as she swirled it.
"What is it, if not oil?" I asked.
"Still analyzing it."
"May I," I asked and she unscrewed the lid.
I sniffed. Not at all like algae, or like any leafy herb. "Sweet, maybe?" I inverted my hoof, holding it out.
"Dried liquid," got scribbled out.
"Please."
Hue and cry poured out a sample. Everypony gasped as I leaned forward and touched the tip of my tongue to it. Yes, I'd worked for a crime boss in Canterlot who trafficked in nettle-ewe. I knew better than to taste product, and this could very well be product, but intuition said not. Intuition said, sweet.
"Honey!" I said, jerking my head back, wiping my tongue on my fetlock in surprise.
I froze.
No. Not a drug. Recollection. My whole body went cold, and that's not why I froze, either. I flashed back on the green dream again. With all the horrifying input I remembered for what amounted to minutes of experience, one thing hadn't really made an impression. It hadn't made an impression until now.
"Starlight! What's wrong?" demanded Cadance.
"It tastes like honey."
Appropriately, Spike barfed. Well, it sounded like vomiting.
He gagged and choked, sulfurous fumes swirling from his nose as he bent over distressed. The green scaly creature didn't have a large enough body to resound like that. Cadance danced some more as Spike's claws sunk into her hindquarters as he struggled not to fall. His abdomen visibly quivered as he produced the loud nauseating sound amidst a bright yellow-green curl of flame and smoke.
With practiced dexterity, he reached out, gripping with his rear claws to snatch a scroll midair. Pained Cadance, tears in her eyes from her scratched tender parts, looked ready to buck. I would have. Her long tail swished, but for its weight it didn't come anywhere close to knocking off the saurian.
He smiled, immediately relieved, waving a scroll tied with red ribbon sealed with wax. I recognized Celestia's seal. The waving extinguished the flames, yellow at this point. Lines of orange coals faded along the blackened edges of the scroll.
"From Princess Celestia." He brought it up and added, "For the Captains of the Army and Navy."
I blinked at the scroll, then the dragon. "Dragon magic?" I asked.
"Cool? Like a superpower, huh? Twilight figured it out, but it took the princess to make it work. I can send between her and me easily. Other places require Twilight's help."
I held out my hoof.
"Not addressed to you, Ms. Glimmer."
"Crown Princess of Equestria," I replied, shaking said hoof.
He glanced across the dusty attic to where I'd jabbed a pony in the nose.
He hoofed it over.
I am negotiating with Great Leaper. Face to face with a fawn is a breakthrough, but progress is slow. I will be delayed wrapping this up or starting remediation. If the airship I requested over your objections arrives at Castle Canterlot Station, ensure it is visible. You know how I feel about such things. —Celestia Regina Sunny Daze
I muttered, "They objected to Celestia's request?" I let go of the scroll in my magic and it rolled itself up with a thwack. "She left me responsible, but didn't mention me!? Didn't mention me at all?"
"Maybe she'll send you another scroll?" Spike said, not looking particularly thrilled at the prospect.
I thought briefly of sending a scroll back, then wondered if I'd have to shove it down the little guy's throat and became unsure.
Streak asked, "Who objected?"
I looked to the hatchway, heart speeding. Streak had poked her head in.
I took a deep breath. "How's the Stoop?"
A blue hoof pointed at the constables, then at her ears. I nodded and climbed the ladder to the roof. White marble rocks over heavily tarred paper made for a flat terrace, and crunched under my hooves as I pulled myself up, even with the hoofies on. A few stubborn autumn red and brown leaves rustled in a stiffening breeze that made some branches clack together with marimba sounds. I saw the castle clearly a half-dozen blocks away. Cadance, with Spike holding on, followed me up.
Streak continued when I hoof-gestured.
"Bent Feather explained weighing anchor means leaving the docks. They're doing it as I speak."
"Doing what Celestia wants, as it turns out." I looked southwest, but the castle walls were very high. The late afternoon sun, while warm, made me squint looking that direction. "The trebuchets?" I asked.
"All fixed with the parts we scavenged, but I'll bet you bits to biscotti that half of them will disintegrate after the first load."
"Doubtless. Brother Gruff?"
"Still onboard. Serious son of a dragon... Oh, no offense."
"None taken," Spike said, eyes narrowed in clear contradiction to his words.
"He's whipping the crew into order. Too bad the dude's not a pegasus, or I might find myself falling for some old pony like you're doing."
I narrowed my eyes now.
She snorted. "Um, about that. Bent Feather is not a particularly strong flyer, better for running the ship than flying reconnaissance. Citron can't help with that and Berrytwist asked for me to help out." The pegasus positioned her body sideways and slightly flared her wings to make Hurricane's magic armor more visible.
"You posing for a cheesecake calendar photograph?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Do you want to go?"
"I'd like to see what this baby can do, and, you know, it might be good practice, for when I'm really a member of Celestia's royal guard."
I brought a hoof to my mouth to hide a little grin. "Sure, why not—"
True to her name, the pegasus had streaked off.
"Don't get hurt!" I shouted after her, the position I'd put her and Citron into sinking in.
Were the captains right? I really hoped I was paranoid. Psychiatric counseling might cure me of that. Nothing would cure losing either of my friends. My breath caught.
As I turned to the hatch, I heard below, "It's my special talent."
I poked my head down to see Moon Dancer addressing Omega. She had a blue opal on an upraised hoof. Sky light caused flashes like meteors in the night. The gem scintillated as I looked. "I can use them. Lunar magic. Can you find them for me?"
The diamanté bent her head down and a pink tongue licked the gemstone.
From my angle, I saw the canine's eyes close into slits. I knew what drug-induced bliss looked like. I'd seen it in Sunset's eyes often enough. She nodded, then wrote on her pad.
As she showed the pony, I heard her ask in Old Ponish, "Moonstruck?"
Moon Dancer nodded and the canid excitedly jotted something else.
Moon Dancer read it and, well, danced, squealing quietly, "Really?"
I stepped back.
Well, the diamanté was a copper, so nothing nefarious was happening there. They deserved privacy as much as I did.
"Cadance?" I asked.
"Yes." The pink pony princess looked up at me, then raised her head. She'd also been eavesdropping on Moon Dancer.
"I don't want to butt into personal matters."
Cadance gave me the look.
I said, "Please. I found out last night—" when I ate dinner with the prince "—that the palace chefs can cook any cuisine. They could cook your home cooking, from Provençe."
She looked skeptical.
I remembered the night before, and the restaurant had the benefit of me having taken the prince there already, and he'd liked it. "The One Fell Swoop, near the end of the Strand. It's truly authentic. Please take Blueblood there for dinner. You'll both like it."
She did not look amused.
"Good memories are better than bad, and you need to make the good ones. Please."
She looked away, thinking.
"Take Shining Armor—"
"I'll go," she said rapidly. "Don't be pushy."
She backed up to the hatch and climbed down, mildly thrashing tail first. Spike climbed down on his own behind her.
As I reached the bottom of the ladder myself, I stopped. A few puzzle pieces snapped in place and I asked the constables who waited, "Is there an icebox up here?"