I awoke to Arawn licking my neck, and groaned as I stretched. “Do you need to wake me up like that?” I muttered in mock annoyance.
“No.” She chuckled. “But I want to.” I stared into her red eyes, barely lit by the light coming from underneath my door.
For a moment, I lost myself in her gaze. For a moment, we shared a simple, happy smile. For a moment, nothing mattered. I brushed the mane out of her face and kissed her.
But today was the day. The thought hit me as we parted. We would be leaving The Tower, out through the front gate, and hopefully never look back. I’d been here for over a year and a half. Hundred and sixty days. Six months. Today, I would finally leave.
Any joy vanished from Arawn’s face as she furrowed her brow. “Just a few more hours, then we will be free. I am as excited as I am terrified, to be honest.”
I nodded before rolling out of bed. “Me too.” What I would do outside remained an open question. Aurora had given me a letter of recommendation, but whether the Hockneys would take me back remained to be seen.
Arawn stood up as well and levitated a brush over while I slipped on my tunic and fastened a few protective plates to my body.
What would happen to Arawn? If I went back to training, how would she survive? Mom would probably accept to take Arawn in until I could support her, but that might mean I wouldn’t see her for another decade.
Even that wasn’t our most pressing concern. Once we were out of The Tower, we would still need to find a way down. Arawn had put a lot of effort into learning to glide over the past week, and had even gotten the hang of it. However, it remained to be seen if she had the endurance to pull off a long flight, even with my help. If she lost altitude too quickly, it would also—
“Hey, Silver, could you hurry up?”
Arawn stood near my bed, mane brushed and wearing her caparison.
I tried to let out a sheepish chuckle, but it came out forced. “Sorry. Got kinda lost in thought.”
Her warm smile partially melted my worries away. Even if the future was uncertain, we would at least have each other. “Kind of funny that our roles are reversed on the day it might actually matter, don’t you think?” she teased, before sitting down on the bed. “With you taking forever to get ready.”
I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I finished putting on my rudimentary barding. “There, all done.”
Arawn looked and gestured up. “Do you think Aurora is awake already?”
I nodded, walking out into the hallway. “Definitely. She’s usually up early for her duties, since they’re one of the rare cases where she occasionally tries to be a decent pony.” I ignored Arawn’s disapproving look. “I doubt she will slack off today of all days.” I adjusted a strap on one of my pieces of armour. “I really hope things will go well for the Knights.” For all I cared, Aurora could die today, but her mission was important.
Arawn’s mood soured further. “Me too.” She sighed. “Things in here will get crazier and crazier, until they finally manage to calm the storm… Or have to evacuate. Having her actively help me leave, when I know she’ll struggle so much more… It feels wrong. It feels selfish to leave her behind to struggle with it all.”
Her words sent a pang of guilt through my stomach. When we were together, it was so easy to forget about it all. Of course, all our worries had to come back down on the day itself. “Are you sure there ain’t anything we can do to help the ponies here? I still don’t really get why you can’t stay here for a few more years, help the rebels fix up The Tower, then leave.”
For as much as I yearned for freedom, could I really take it at the cost of so many lives?
Yet Arawn shook her head. “It is best I stay out of it unless I intend to ascend. Even with my help, their odds of calming The Tower are slim. If I stay, they will either force me to ascend, or keep trying until there is nopony left. Without me, they will have to come to their senses eventually, and evacuate. I hope.”
I gulped.
As she entered the living room, Arawn’s ears wilted. “But by then, many ponies will have lost their lives. Lives I could have saved by ascending.”
I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, that nopony could push this responsibility onto her, and that her life was her own to make, but I understood all too well why that would not be the truth.
She grimaced, gritting her teeth. “I don’t want to ascend. It’s a duty I would have to bear until the end of my days. I just… can’t bring myself to want it. I want to live with you, free. I want to run around in the sunlight, fly in the open, and I want to have foals that can do the same.”
“That’s good,” said Aurora from upstairs, startling us both. “Because unless you took precautions, you probably have one on the way.” I froze, as did Arawn. Aurora’s lighthearted tone made me want to wipe her stupid grin off her face. How dare she?
Aurora was completely unphased by my death glare as she made her way down. When she saw Arawn’s mouth hanging open, she chuckled. “What? You two aren’t as quiet as you think you are.”
Arawn was ready to die from embarrassment, and I ready to kill. On such an important day, she was wasting time teasing us? How incompetent could she be?
Aurora's mouth fell into a solemn frown. “Jokes aside, I don’t know if you’re actually pregnant, and I don’t want to know the details. I just want you to keep it in mind when you get out. A little over three years is not a lot of time to get ready to support a foal.”
Shit. She was right. Worse, I’d judged her too harshly. “Thanks for the heads up,” I said, managing to keep my tone neutral. Another thing to add to the growing pile of worries.
“You’re welcome.” One more smile crossed her face. “Just make sure to name the foal after me if I die. Stars, even if I live.”
Her antics drew a laugh from Arawn, and even I found myself smiling.
As we reached the large, chain-covered door, Arawn dropped the invisibility spell. I shivered, suddenly feeling awfully exposed. The barely-lit, white marble hallways thus far had all been empty, but the threat of the viscount was ever-present, oppressive. He could easily kill any one of us. Within minutes, he could be anywhere in the estate.
At least we were here. Arawn undid the locks, one by one. How she’d led us here without getting lost was a mystery to me. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the estate’s layout kept changing.
Pushing the doors open with her magic, Aurora spoke up, “So, I guess this is goodbye, then.” Despite her attempts at an even tone, she failed to keep her eyes dry.
With a heartbroken smile, Arawn was tearing up as well. “Goodbye, Aurora. I’ll miss you.” She barely managed to stop a sob mid-sentence.
These words broke the last of Aurora’s façade, and tears began streaming down her face. “I’ll miss you too. So damn much.” The words caught in her throat, but she forced them through.
Even I was starting to tear up, despite my distaste for Aurora. She was finally making the right choice, even if it might kill her. Even if it took her remaining family from her…
Before the moment could stretch on, Aurora shook her head. “I should get going, before one of us changes her mind.” She turned to me. “Silver… I know things haven’t been good between us due to my actions, but I don’t want to leave off on a sour note.
As she hesitated, I tried my best to keep my eyes hard, but hers held such genuine remorse that I had to focus to avoid crying.
“Please accept my utmost sincere apology for the way I’ve treated you. Forgive me for deceiving you, for not listening to you, and, for, well…”
“I forgive you, alright,” I grumbled, still clenching my jaw and holding back tears. “I won’t hold onto a pointless grudge just ‘cause you hurt me. ‘Sides, it was my fault as well. I won’t remember you fondly, but I ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life hating you.”
Aurora smiled weakly. “Thank you.” She nodded once again at Arawn before taking a deep breath, turning around, and walking away.
Arawn and I looked at each other, then faced the doors. We walked into a large, open chamber. My jaw fell as my eyes adjusted to the dim light inside. Unlike most of the other open rooms I’d seen, this one wasn’t a natural cave repurposed by The Tower’s inhabitants. Instead, ponies had carved out the walls and covered them with smooth marble slabs, resulting in a throne room as big as House Hockney’s. If not bigger. Probably bigger.
The Tower only had one official way out of it: a throne room. Only the Morrigan decided who was allowed to leave.
Though, where was the exit? We’d assumed the Morrigan had left it open, but was that a good choice? Arawn had claimed it made the most sense, and given her knowledge of The Tower, I trusted her. Only… what if she was wrong? The exit was nowhere in sight.
We would need to take the secret exit, but what if that was a trap? Erebus was our enemy, so why had it suddenly decided to help me? It claimed it had its reasons, but could I really trust it? I hadn’t even told Arawn, out of fear this might change her mind, but I should have. With every passing day, I liked the idea of following Erebus’ route less.
While I was lost in thought, Arawn had approached the ornate throne in the middle of the room, lit up by dozens of gems embedded in the dais. On top of it stood a statue made of bone, just like the ones in the ballroom.
I squinted my eyes at the statue. It looked a little like Arawn, who soon turned to me and asked, “Do you mind if I take a few moments?”
“‘Course, go ahead.”
As I turned away, Arawn tugged at my tail. “I do not mind you hearing this. In fact, I think it’s better if you’re here.”
She took a deep breath and faced the statue. “Hello, Mother. It has been a while, hasn’t it? I am sorry that I have never come to talk.” I was reminded of ponies I’d seen talking to their loved ones’ graves. Though, if Arawn was correct, some of her words still reached her Mother.
“Pity that it is under such unfortunate circumstances, and that it is the last time we shall ever meet. I wish I had another option, but I either have to leave, or take your spot as the Morrigan. As ponies say, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.” She let out a small chuckle.
“Father will disapprove of either option. It will tear him apart. I wish you were here to calm him. Then again, I suppose you disapprove of them as well, don’t you?” She ran her hoof through her mane, a naïve smile on her lips. “I want to believe you understand, at the very least.”
Arawn gestured to me. “Perhaps I should have started with this, but this is my coltfriend, Silverstring. As you can see, he is not a sarosian, nor even a noble.” She shook her head. “You probably already know all of this, but I wanted to tell you in person.”
The statue remained silent as she sat on her throne, perfectly still.
Arawn sighed. “Whilst he may not be a noble, I love him dearly. He is brave, strong, and smarter than he gives himself credit for.” She grinned. “And he is weird in the best of ways.”
I shared Arawn’s laugh, but rolled my eyes.
Arawn had never really met her mother, so I wouldn’t dare interrupt. She was like me in that regard. I hadn’t realised it until now, but it was our one point in common. Yet while she had been stuck with the viscount and Aurora, I’d had Mom and Auntie Ferris to raise me.
Would they be willing to take us in while we found a way to make a living? No, that was not even a question; of course they would be. Yet it kept coming up, as if my subcon—as if my brain was trying to tell me something.
Maybe… maybe the real question was whether I was willing. I would be leaving behind my opportunity to become somepony, to have a shot at changing things. Alone, I could have gone back to Hockney, and explained the situation.
If Arawn went to live with my family until I could support both Arawn and a potential foal—
My heart skipped a beat. I might become a father. The realisation had not hit me until now. How long would my training even last? Another decade, if they didn’t let me skip anything.
What point was there in freedom, if I couldn’t see Arawn? What good would there be in becoming a mere guard, if it meant my foal would go seven years without its father?
No. Going back to House Hockney was not an option. I would need to be there for Arawn, and she for me. Otherwise, freedom would be utterly meaningless.
“Silver, are you okay?”
I nodded and tried to smile. Yet when it came out as a grimace, I dropped the façade. “I’m having second thoughts.”
Her eyes popped wide. “You are? How come?”
“I’m thinking about life outside. It’s been so easy to kick the bottle down the road, but now that we got so close, the questions have been creeping up.”
She offered a weak smile, but unlike mine, it was sincere. “Please tell me about it.”
Frowning, I shrugged. “I don’t know what there is to say. I’ve already told you everything.” I touched her cheek. “Look, I’m not gonna change my mind. I love you, and I trust you. I trust us. I know we’ll make it work, I just…” I shook my head. “I dunno. It’s hard to explain.”
Arawn averted her eyes, fighting to keep her lips curled up, only to end up grimacing.
I tried to lift her face to look at me, but she pulled away and turned around.
“Arawn, what’s wrong?”
She sighed before facing me, eyes wet with tears. “I am sorry, Silver, but I cannot keep this in. I avoided telling you because it would have influenced your decision, but in hindsight it was damn stupid of me. You deserve to know.”
My heart threatened to stop. “Know what?”
“That I might die within months if I step outside The Tower.” I blinked at her. That couldn’t be true; I’d just misunderstood. “My body is weak, and the miasma will take its toll.” Her ears flat on her skull, she looked away. “Vitro said the odds were against me, but I thought that the progress I had made would improve them. I wanted to ask her again, but she was already gone…”
I stared at her horrible, sad smile in a desperate attempt to make sense of the situation. How could she say that? How could she believe that monster?
“I don’t know how long it would take. Maybe a few months, or several decades. Perhaps I’d even live a few centuries.” Yet Arawn had good reasons to think that…
Damn it! “Then why did you agree to take the risk? Arawn, that’s insane!” I stomped my hoof on the marble floor, and the sound echoed alongside my words in the giant room.
For a second, all was quiet. Arawn stared at the ground, passing a hoof through her mane. The statue watched us with its unmoving regal gaze.
Arawn sighed. “Because I want to see the outside world… because I don’t want to become the Morrigan, and because… because I want you to be safe.”
Never. I wouldn’t ever allow her to die for me.
She looked up at me, grimacing. “But I am scared. Terrified. I thought that I would be able to push past my fears if I faced them with you, but as we draw ever closer to our goal, I cannot ignore them anymore.”
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to bind yourself to The Tower?” My wings flared on their own as I took a step forward. “That the records claim your personality will change?”
She nodded with a pained smile. “While that also terrifies me, it does so to a lesser extent.” She fell to her haunches and pawed at the ground. “I wanted to think that I was brave. That I would not mind dying, as long as I spent the last of my days with you.”
I sat next to her as she bit back tears. She’d lied to me, but she’d also lied to herself. I wanted to be upset, but this was not about me.
“But life isn’t one of my trashy old-world novels,” she muttered. “I want to live with you, but more than anything, I want to live…” She slumped.
Before I could say anything, she cut me off, “Please do not try to change my mind…” Because you might succeed, her eyes finished for her.
“Then I’ll stay with you,” I replied immediately, a grin on my face. Maybe this was my chance to make it big. Shut up, brain, not the time.
My heart sank when she frowned. “I… I don’t know, Silver. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with you, but I cannot bear the thought of robbing you of your freedom, of your dreams.” She gulped, unable to hold my gaze. “You… you were a great distraction from my duties, but I think it is time I turn the page.”
“Arawn…” I pleaded, but she didn’t turn to me. “Arawn, look at me.” She grimaced, but nonetheless did as asked. “No. I will not leave you behind.”
“But—”
“I know I’ve already told you, but I mean it. I’m willing to give up on my dreams if I can be with you.” As I stared into her eyes, I could only hope my determination showed in mine. Besides, my real dream was— No, not giving in to that thought. “I will bear the burden with you, no matter how you might change.”
I kissed her. Was this truly for the best? She was sacrificing her life just for a chance to extend it. Would living really be worth it if it meant losing your freedom? What right did I have to influence that choice? What right did I have to ask her to die for me?
I pulled away from her and attempted a smile.
“Silver, are you sure?”
I opened my mouth to affirm. Was I? Would I regret my choice? Could I really claim I understood what I was promising? I shook my head. “I’m not, but we no longer have the time for certainty. I only know that I don’t want to lose you. If this is the only way, then what choice do I really have?”
Then, it was her turn to kiss me. I leaned into it, and allowed the world to melt away for a short few seconds.
All too soon, Arawn pulled away with an apologetic little simper. “I think the best time to ascend would be now, since the Knights are ready. My father will try to stop me when he realises what I am doing, and we will need Aurora’s help to prevent him from interfering.”
I tilted my head. “How would he know?”
“He’ll know. Everypony in The Tower will know.”
I almost asked a stupid question, but then nodded and zipped off towards the estate’s entrance. I really hoped I hadn’t just made a huge mistake.