"See, they're not... bad," Shiny sighed uncomfortably as we watched while his soldiers trained. "they're just not acclimated to combat... which is completely understandable," a disappointed frown came to his face. "I... I think."
His uncertainty was adorable. It always had been. When we were foals he'd confide in me. When we were young he'd tell me all of his worries and dreams. I'm not sure if he did it because I was too little to understand the gravity of it all or if he really trusted me. Regardless of the reason, I'd treasured it.
Somewhere along the line that camaraderie had died out. I missed it. I wanted us to be like that again.
I need him to trust me again... If he doesn't... I don't know what I'll...
...
"Don't let her get to you," I tried my best to comfort him, though he honestly didn't seem to need it, a smile already back on his face. "Star is just... she can be a little dramatic."
"Not sure I'd use that adjective," he chuckled. "but, I'll take your word for it, Twily."
After Starlight had left the grounds, my brother and I started working with his guard, trying to help them get better at their duties. They were all fairly new recruits, some of the newer members brought on less than a week prior. We'd been at it for hours, going on about ten judging by the position of Princess Celestia's star in the sky. The guard was starting to get sluggish, but they were still putting in a lot of effort.
While they weren't skilled per se, their hearts were in the right place. I couldn't shake the feeling that Starlight had been right, that if the Empire didn't have better defenses... But I couldn't just tell them they weren't sufficient like she had. Not after seeing them try so hard.
Why couldn't you just be a little more patient, Star?
If she was here, If she was helping us, we'd be making a lot more progress. Or maybe, I just wanted her to be around. To be close... to me.
Still... it's not like there's gonna be some huge catastrophe that threatens the whole of Equestria coming for us or anything.
"I know that look, Twily," my brother remarked, a sly smirk coming to his lips.
"What do you mean?" I looked at him, confusion taking hold of me. "What look?"
"Come on, Twily,' he nudged me gently with his shoulder. "The shaky smile, the shimmering eyes, the maroon on the tips of your ears," he pointed at each as he went on. "You've never been able to hide stuff that obvious from me."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I scoffed in disbelief. I really didn't know what he was trying to say, and it was starting to irritate me.
"That's the same look I had when I realized just how much I loved Cadance," the look of adoration that came to his face was motivating. "It's the same one."
"The... same?" My mind slowly processed what he was saying, a fierce blush coming to my cheeks. "You don't actually believe I..." I couldn't even finish my protest.
I'd never been a great liar. Ever since I'd tried to hide my grief over Princess Celestia shunning me, I figured that fact out real quick. It's that lack of self-control that had torn me and Shiny apart in the first place. If I'd have been able to hide my feelings better, -- had been able to keep my emotions in check -- none of this would've happened.
So then, don't hide your feelings from him.
"Twily, there's nothing wrong with being in love," he laughed.
L-love!?
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest so hard I even felt it in my temples. It was going so fast, so unbelievably hard, I could swear I was heading directly into cardiac arrest.
"I'm... I'm not..." I stared at the ponies before us, their spells ricocheting off of one another, seemingly with even more vigor than moments before. Their efforts brought on renewed thoughts of Starlight and with them a lifting of my lips.
Am I?
...
Would it really be such a bad thing?
It could be. Starlight was a loose cannon. She was a troublemaker. She was crude.
So then, how come every time you think about her it seems like you're trying to convince yourself you don't?
I sighed, massaging my temples in an attempt to assuage the headache I could feel coming on at an unmanageable rate.
"Yeah, that's it! That's the one!" he wrapped a foreleg around me, shaking me enthusiastically. "That's the exact same thing I did when I stopped lying to myself and admitted the truth."
You do love her...
"It doesn't really matter anyway," I continued to try and soothe my frayed nerves, but it was going nowhere fast. "She probably hates my guts now."
"Why?" he asked, the tone of genuine concern coming from him appreciated. "What happened, Twily?"
"She doesn't..." I hesitated.
Tell him the truth.
"She doesn't trust you," I looked at him to gauge his reaction, not expecting a wide grin. "like, at all." His smile persisted. "She thinks you're plotting something or... I don't know. She's kind of-"
"Crazy?" he laughed.
"No, not..." I groaned, knowing he was correct and unable to deny it. "She's just a little... passionate."
"A little?" he guffawed. "Just a little?" I had no legitimate reply, waiting for his fit of laughter to end. "Honestly... I think it's pretty great!" he ruffled the top of my mane with a hoof, but he kept his face forward.
"Buuuut?" I moved my head a little closer, trying to enter his line of sight. He sighed, a look of sadness now on his face.
"Love can be an amazing thing," he smiled weakly. "Cadance is... Cadance is my world..." his smile grew stronger. "I'd do anything for her. But..." he looked down at me, the frown that had come to his face was all too familiar.
When I was a filly he'd sit me down and give me that exact look when I needed to learn from a mistake I'd made. It was so nostalgic I cringed, just like I had every single time before.
"But what, Shiny?"
"But it can be dangerous too, Twilight." When he was giving me advice or correcting me, he'd do his best not to sound condescending, using my proper name and not our nicknames. I loved him for it and always tried to show him the same level of respect.
"Especially when it comes to who you fall in love with."
"Shining... Starlight is-"
"I'm not talking about her, Twilight," he rubbed his forehead with a hoof, frustration etching into his features. "Or... not just her."
"Then who are y-" my eyes widened in realization. "Princess Celestia..."
"Y..." He took a deep breath, turning his head away from me. "Yeah."
"But, Shining... I don't-"
"But you did, Twilight," he interjected, still not looking my way. "And look what it did to you... Mom and Dad... to all of us..."
If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I heard a sniffle come from his way. What hurt the most, hurt even more than the prospect of his agonized tears, was the fact that he wasn't wrong.
My irrational feelings for Celestia had cost me my family. Since leaving my home -- when my mistress had officially accepted me and I'd moved to live with her in Canterlot -- I hadn't spoken with or seen my parents a single time.
They'd written letters, sure, -- Her Majesty had tried to get me to read them, going so far as to read and reply to every single one herself -- but I refused to even look at them. They had their successful son, they didn't need a troublemaking daughter who could only gain the recognition of the Dark Princess.
Still...
I already knew what he was bringing up had to be addressed. After this whole Crystal Empire thing, I was planning on visiting them, but first steps first. What any of those mistakes meant when it came to my relationship with Princess Celestia, -- to my relationship with Starlight -- I had no clue.
"That was a long time ago, Shining Armor," I placed a placating hoof on his shoulder. "And I'd like to think I've done a lot of maturing since then."
"Don't you get it, Twilight?" his voice became deathly quiet before he turned his head to face me. His expression was one of such a serious demeanor I nearly recoiled at seeing it. "She isn't who you thought she was all those years ago... and she isn't who you think she is now."
"Shiny... I don't..." I was honestly a bit frightened by his sudden bleak countenance. "I don't understand."
"Celestia..." he placed his hooves on my shoulders, drawing closer to whisper into my ear. "she's a monster."
++++++++++++++++++++++
"You're gonna love this!" Shining Armor bounded towards me with two bowls and cups floating in his telekinetic field, a glowing smile on his face.
"I'd rather talk about that other topic, Shiny," I grit my teeth. He'd been hush-hush since he'd made his claim about Princess Celestia and that was all I wanted to talk about.
After finishing up the day instructing his troops, he brought me directly to his room. I'd have guessed he was already bunking with Cadenza, but he'd always been a devout follower of proper etiquette when it came to dating and the like.
When we were young it was really entertaining watching him fight off fillies that constantly threw themselves at him. As far as I knew, he'd held strong to his ideals his entire life. Recalling that aspect of his character made this revelation that much more predictable.
His quarters were just like most typical stallion's. Somewhat messy, though I'm sure he could find whatever he needed to in a heartbeat. Apparently, he'd even made the choice to stay in a really modest room, about half of the size of mine back in Canterlot, though he'd always been that type of stallion. It's one of the many reasons I'd looked up to him before. It was nice to see being part of Princess Celestia's elite, -- as well as a future prince -- hadn't changed him that much.
He'd left me alone for a while -- sitting on his bed with nothing to do but wait for him to come back -- before returning with a bowl of food and a drink for each of us.
"We can talk freely in here," he shoved one of the bowls in my face with such gusto it nearly hit me. "Got a lot of barriers up to shield myself from prying eyes and ears so we should be fine."
"That's a little weird, Shi-" I stopped, the smell of the food way too nostalgic, sending me all the way back to my foalhood in an instant. "Hi-Sis soup?" I looked up at him, my face filled with whimsy and wonder.
"You remembered!" he grinned as I took the bowl into my own telekinesis. He set our drinks down next to me on his nightstand.
"Of course I do, Shiny," I stared down into the bowl, the small letters in the soup bobbing around. "How could I ever forget?" I held the tears inside, lifting a spoonful into my mouth.
It's... just like I remember.
It tasted almost exactly the same as before, though a bit more bitter than I remembered. Its flavor reminded me a little of the breakfast me, him, and Starlight had in the morning.
Probably some herb grown in the Empire.
When he was small, -- around the age of ten -- Shining Armor started making his "Greatest Creation Yet". I'd gotten hungry one day and our parents were out and about like they usually were, so Shiny cooked for us. It was a simple soup with a tomato base. He'd included small bits of vegetables and to spice things up, he added little pieces of pasta. To make things even more interesting, he transformed the noodles into letters.
Since I was learning to read at the time, he made the soup both scrumptious and fun for my sake.
And...
"We spelled so many things together," I smiled warmly.
"Like 'hi'," he plopped down next to me on the bed.
"And 'magical'," I chuckled.
"And 'fun'," he took a bite.
"And 'brother'."
"And 'sis'."
"And 'Celestia'."
...
I sighed, realizing I'd just destroyed the feeling of glee we were both sharing. I looked up to find a sad look on his face as he swallowed his mouthful of soup. "Shiny... what happened?"
He placed his bowl carefully on the nightstand next to his bed before settling down next to me. "I looked up to her too, you know?" his gaze was locked on the carpet. "Back when I thought she was the infallible god of our world."
"Kind of like me," I snuck in between bites.
"Yeah," he reluctantly agreed. "Kind of like you..."
...
"You've lived around her for long enough now... what do you think of her?"
"Until recently?" I tapped my chin with the head of my spoon, glancing upward to reminiscence. "I still hated her guts," I shrugged.
"But?"
"Well, we talked," I scooped up another bite. "I think I'm starting to understand her now... at least a little better than when I was a filly."
"Yeah... that's what I thought," he nodded, still looking down. "That's exactly what I thought."
"What do you mean, Shiny?"
"I'm pretty sure talking is how she does it," he laughed, though it was an action filled with disgust. "You noticed it too... didn't you? You had to have..." he looked my way, his eyes shimmering with desperation.
"I d-" I stopped short. "Can you be bit more... concise?"
"She uses..." he was trying to figure out the right words. "I dunno, something to manipulate other creatures. If I had to guess how, I'd say she does it through her speech."
"Shiny that's..." Again, I had to stop short. I'd always thought that was just her natural charisma, that she had a godly aura that could partially influence those around her, but... "What makes you think she does it?" The look he gave me said just how ludicrous he thought I was being. "I'm serious, Shiny. My mistress has a similar aura and she's not 'doing' it. It just sort of... exists for her."
"Your mistress?" he cocked an eyebrow.
"Princess Luna," I smiled.
"Oh! Right..." he frowned. "I guess that did happen a little after I left, huh?" he stroked his chin with a hoof. "You becoming her student, I mean."
"To be honest," my head fell. "I was terrified to see you when I moved into the castle too." I figured he'd be around, being a part of Princess Celestia's Solar Guard, but thankfully, at the time, I'd heard talks that he'd been stationed somewhere else. Little did I know it was to the Empire.
"I don't blame you," he wrapped a foreleg around me. "I treated you like dirt." A loving squeeze. "I'm really sorry, Sis."
"It's okay, Shiny," I leaned into his chest. "Is that why you moved? Because you were worried about her influence? The princess', I mean."
"I..." he sighed yet again. "I found some things out. Stuff I wasn't supposed to see. About her... and about Luna."
As I was about to open my mouth -- both to question him on his statement as well as reprimand him for showing improper respect to my mistress -- the door to his room was flung open.
"Shining, I need y-" Princess Cadenza walked into the room, her eyes red and puffy. "OH! I'm so sorry to interrupt. I didn't-"
"Cadance? What's wrong? What's going on?" he was immediately by her side, holding her close. She'd been crying, that much was obvious.
"It's okay! I was just about to head out," I placed the empty bowl on his nightstand.
"No, really! I can come back later," the princess protested, already trying to leave herself.
"You're not going anywhere, Cadenza," my brother stated firmly, guiding her over to sit on the bed. "I'll get you tomorrow morning, Twilight. Around eight, okay?"
I nodded, quickly making my way to the door. As I closed it behind me I could hear the sobs of the pink pegasus beginning to swell once again.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Making my way back to our room, I realized just how exhausted I'd become. It was... strange to say the least. It could've been because I'd woken up so early, but living with my mistress had made managing ungodly sleeping hours fairly easy for me.
No. It has to be something else.
With another long yawn escaping my mouth, I soldiered onward.
...
It's a really good thing I made mental notes of the layout of the palace.
Not having a guide back to the room might've been a problem if I hadn't. Still, I couldn't get my mind off of what Shiny had said.
I may have been able to believe Princess Celestia's motives could be questionable, but as soon as he'd mentioned my mistress I doubted all of his words.
She'd never do anything like that...
...
Not to me at least.
And if she'd done it to somepony else... then...
It's probably for the best.
...
Is that what you really think?
I couldn't help but recall Shiny's words.
Maybe you're just blinded by your love for Luna, just like you were all those years ago by her older sister...
I shook my head, immediately rejecting such outlandish thoughts.
Arriving at the door to my room, I pushed it open, nearly freezing in place when I noticed Sunset already sleeping quietly in her bed.
She must've had a long day t-
No... It wasn't Sunset. I drew closer to the slumbering mare, the violet mane with the blue highlight making it quite clear whom it was.
S-Star!?
My heart pounded in my chest.
Why she was in Sunset's bed I couldn't fathom, but her sleeping form was so...
Beautiful.
I got closer to her. Close enough to...
...
"I'm so sorry, Star," I whispered softly to her. I tiptoed back to my bed, making sure not to wake her.
I hope it's just as easy when she's awake...
Without another thought, I got under the covers and fell asleep.