//------------------------------//
// Destroy Them With Pew-Pews (Or At Least Try To) 
// Story: Looks Like I'm Gonna Have To Start Trying 
// by marmalado 
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Oprah's nap wasn't all too long. Mainly because the sound of Tube 2 sending down someone else woke her up.

It made no sound, only existing as a void-like entity with piercing red eyes. The green sclerae indicated sickness, but the purple void indicated nothing but purely evil intent. It shifted over to the being in the bed, every part of its eye glowing.

"Ugh..." Oprah sat up, rubbing her head. "Knew I should've invested in some heavy-duty earplugs when I had the cha-"

Her eyes shot open in an instant. She stared at the...thing in front of her for what felt like an eternity. She'd stared in voids that had stared back at her, eyes and otherwise. This was something completely new, even for someone who was hundreds of years old.

The shadow began flickering faster as a face slowly formed from the ominous mist, until it looked like a horse ridden by the Devil himself was poking its head out. A solid-looking tongue poked out, snaking around the lips, hungry for something to ignite the taste buds that lived on it.

Oprah, unsure of how to start the conversation, cleared her throat. "Uh...hi?" she said. "This is a little awkward. But you woke me up, so of course I'm gonna complain."

"You...are not a crystal ponyyyy..."

"Okay, I'm gonna ask this once. Can you change into a solid form or something? Because you're not fooling me. I was dreaming about fighting oddness in the Odd Woods before you came along and ruined that utopia."

The shadow bared its teeth and rolled its eyes. Like a fan taken to a steaming pie, it writhed about until all that stood was a unicorn stallion clad in metallic armor and with a red ermine robe. "There. Perhaps that is more to your liking?"

"Very." Oprah flung the sheets off of her and got on her two feet, beginning to put her shoes back on. "Now, can you tell me your name?"

"Only if you tell me yours first."

"Oprah, Odd Squad, Precinct 13579, and frankly, I don't give a rat's ass anymore. In fact, I'm incapable of even giving a rat's ass." 

"Mm. The name is King Sombra. A..." Sombra paused. "Well, somewhat pleasant to meet you."

Right then and there, Oprah's mind began formulating a plan. A way to get out of the torture chamber she had been confined to, while also allowing herself one more beating of one more equine oddity. She had beaten these villains easily -- but could she also join them?

"I'll make this brief, Your Majesty." she began. "As absurd as it sounds, I'm trapped in here and need to get out. If you help me, then I promise I will send you back to your hometown of Equestria."

"Wait. Exactly how did I get here?"

Oprah waved her hand dismissively. "It's a long story. And one that I'm not interested in telling, so don't even ask."

Sombra snorted. "Very well." He turned towards the doors farthest from him, his eyes glancing at the hole in the wall for only a brief second before he turned back to the door. "But I don't wish to go back to Equestria. If I can't enslave ponies, then perhaps it is time I set my sights on..." A wave of his hoof. "Whatever you are."

Of course, Oprah wasn't going to let him enslave the entirety of humanity, for reasons that spoke for themselves. But that didn't mean she was going to tell him that, even in spite of her annoyance. "A human. Now can you please get on with it?"

Standing tall and poised, Sombra marched to the doors and eyed them. His horn lit up in a dangerous blend of purple and green, crackling with black lightning that began snaking into the air. It surrounded a sphere of magic that was growing steadily in size.

Suddenly, Oprah was beginning to regret the last few minutes, because there were only so few ways to get away with murder and only so few spots underground to build a working Odd Squad Headquarters.

When the sphere was only just slightly larger than Sombra's head, he fired it in one massive beam. And as much as Oprah wanted to close her eyes, her brain was too shell-shocked to give that command.

All she could do was watch the disaster dominoes fall, helpless to do anything about them when it came to her juice boxes, her Headquarters, and her agents. (In that exact order.)





Skilled agents knew that the sound of rumbling meant one of two things. Either an earthquake was occurring, or dinosaurs were about to break out of the Dinosaur Room downstairs. 

It didn't matter what the origin of it was. The point was that it caused sheer mass panic.

The guests quickly began booking it for any area away from the bullpen, screaming and yelling all the while.

"What's going on?!" Oscar cried through the din.

"I-I don't kno-"

The beam that shot through was only mere inches from Olive's head. It made a beeline for the back wall, melting the cords used to hold the circular metal structure up in the process before it tried its best to shred a hole in the metal poles. 

Oscar turned to watch the feat, his glasses sliding down his nose as though gifted with incredible comedic timing. Never had he seen fire extend outwards from hitting a wall made out of metal. If he weren't so flabbergasted, he'd have laughed at the absurdity of something put together with school glue defending an extremely powerful magic blast.

After a minute, the beam called it quits and died down. The poles were charred black, but were otherwise intact.

And of course, that was the moment when the newly-discharged Otto chose to show up. "Hey, partner! Hey, Oscar. 'Sup?"

No one answered him. He took a moment to look around the area. "Where did everyone go?"

Oscar took a deep inhale. "Otto, look at the poles up there."

Otto did. "They're black. Did a fire break out?"

"No." Oscar marched over to him and grabbed his shoulders. "There was this beam of dark magic that just shot through here and tried to destroy Headquarters."

"There's a villain break-in? Today?! Aww man, that ruins all my cake-eating plans!"

Had it not been for his ever-deteriorating eyesight brought on by years of blue light exposure, Oscar would have flung his glasses off in frustration. Instead, he had to make his teeth deteriorate just a little bit more by grinding them. "No! I-" He shook his head furiously. "I don't know where it came from. It could be a villain, a creature, something...completely random..."

Otto blinked.

"The point is, Ms. O's party will be ruined if we don't do anything to stop the source of that beam!"

The sound of a throaty scream, one fueled by terror and upset, caused the two boys to locate its source. Which, despite it sounding completely inhuman, wasn't a hard thing to do, given how they were the only individuals who hadn't hoofed it.

"Olive?" Otto went over to her, poking and prodding her. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"She is coming."

"What?"

Saying nothing more, Olive's arm raised in a robotic manner, her index finger pointing at the hole the beam had made.

Otto looked. 

"Oh my God."

A bright light filled both Tube Lobby and Trophy Room, with fog waving through for added dramatic effect. The faint silhouette of a small human could be seen, and next to it stood a four-legged creature that looked to be born from the darkness and molded by it, all to be a contrast to the heavenly backdrop.

Oscar, too, looked at where Olive was pointing. This time, he pushed his glasses back up. enough to watch the spectacle that was about to unfold.

The silhouette and creature turned and stood. Different gestures of body language were exchanged, none of which were deciphered. 

And then the silhouette pulled out something from its back.

Otto, Olive and Oscar were all too flustered to comment on the creature being sucked into the thing that, to any agent with a sharp eye, could be identified as a gadget of some kind.

"Did..." Oscar blinked. "Did we just witness something out of Ghostbusters?"

Otto nodded. "Uh-huh. Only with less Bill Murray."

The silhouette put the gadget away, then began walking. Closer, mind, not further away, which was how the terrified trio could see exactly who it was.

"Holy shit, it's Ms. O!" Otto slapped himself in the forehead. "Oh, my pay's so gonna get docked for that word..."

Oscar pulled a gadget out from his own back and materialized into existence a bike, knowing that Polly would probably whine about it being unfair to democracy later.

Otto, meanwhile, was busy shaking his partner furiously. "Olive! Olive, snap out of it! Partner, please, Ms. O is coming and she...uh...oh..."

All three agents laid eyes on their boss. Or what they had to assume was their boss, anyway. The unkempt hair, torn clothes, and stains of dirt and blood and slime alike didn't help in confirming her actual identity, though it looked close enough to the real deal.

"Where's O'Malley?" were the first words out of the Director's mouth. "I need to thro- speak. I need to speak. To him. Now."

Oscar bit his lip. "He, uh...w-well, he kind of ran off when the...beam came shooting through here, heh. I'm not sure where he is."

"Find him."

"Finding him!"

The departure of the Scientist meant that only Olive and Otto were remaining. One was still in a state of shock. The other was more concerned that he would be going back to the Hospital Room for Round 2.

"So, uh..." Otto looked around nervously. "I guess O'Malley's...plan was a success?"

Within a second, his tie was grabbed and pulled, nearly choking him. He found himself nose-to-nose with his boss, who had a murderous glare in his eyes he had never seen in any child that wasn't Odd Todd before.

"You're going to tell me what you're hiding or I'll be sending you to McDonald's."

"We're going to McDonald's if I don't tell you what's going on?"

If it didn't kill him, Oprah would have yanked his tie further. "No." she snarled. "Tell me what you're doing here and why you decided to keep me trapped in the Tube Lobby."

"It's a surprise party for your birthday!"

Olive, slowly coming to, let her eyes shift to Otto with a cartoonish squeaking sound effect.

"We were planning one for you, but you came back earlier than expected, so we needed to stall you. Oscar was the one who suggested to O'Malley that he lock you in there, and suggested that he send you all those villains to fight when you began to open the doors. O'Malley made it automated so he could focus on the party..."

Oprah's expression softened considerably, but it didn't ease Otto's nervousness.

"We wanted to do something nice for your birthday! I-I had no idea it would turn out to be so crazy!" Otto heaved a sigh. "I'm...really sorry. I shouldn't-"

An epiphany hit him like a truck. His face remained frozen, only his eyes moving in their sockets as he contemplated his hands. Olive blinked, but didn't say anything.

Otto forcefully freed himself from Oprah and pointed at her with all the fury of a lawyer in a trial gaining the upper hand. "You."

"Huh?"

"You were the one who sent that mystery meat, didn't you? You were the one who poisoned me!"

Oprah stared in confusion.

"When we were trying to figure out what cake you wanted, this roast chicken appeared out of nowhere. I caught it in my hands and ate it, and I found out that it wasn't chicken at all!" Otto's nose wrinkled in disgust. "What was it?"

"All right, let me start by saying that poisoning you was not my intent, Agent Otto." Oprah said. "And if I did, then I apologize. But that meat was of a creature known as a draconequus."

Otto thought on this for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, I don't know what that is."

"It's an odd creature with parts from all sorts of animals. Lizard feet, horse's hooves, bat wings, so on, so forth."

"Ohhhhh. Okay. I think I understand." Otto jabbed a finger into his boss's chest. "You fed me meat of an odd creature?"

"You didn't have to eat it."

"But I was hungry! And I figured it would be a fairer option than arguing over cake."

"Yes, what every birthday party needs: meat. You might as well add peas and rice to it, make it a real party. God forbid anyone have any sweet treats, right?"

"Ha ha." Otto couldn't resist an eye roll. "I had to get my stomach pumped, you know. I was in the Hospital Room for forever."

"But you didn't die."

"Of course not."

"Good. Just want I wanted to hear." Oprah tried to peer past Otto. "After I give O'Malley a good fitting punishment, let's all enjoy the party together."

"Aren't you worried about that beam?"

Oprah chuckled. "Oh, that? That was just King Sombra. I told him to blast a hole in the doors so I could be freed. Once that was done, I did what any sane person would do: turn on him, and suck him into a gadget." She took out the device from her hammerspace spine. "I'll send him back to Equestria when the party's over."

Otto wasn't sure what to ask about first. It was a two-way tie between who "King Sombra" was and how he was so easily defeated with an Odd Squad gadget. The offer of letting the party continue, though, outweighed all of his questions in terms of priority. "Eh, works for me."

"Olive?" Oprah's gaze landed on the girl. "You've been quiet. Are you okay?"

With a tender touch, Olive felt the top of her head. "T-T-That beam...th- that beam nearly hit me!" Her voice was nearly a murmur, but the quiver within it was unmistakable.

"You're not hurt, are you?"

"N-No...but I..." Olive slowly began stumbling towards the hallway, going past the slide and the sandbox and hugging the brick wall for dear life. "I need...t-to go lay down for a m-minute, e-excuse me..."

Out of the corner of her eye, Oprah saw Otto following her. "Otto, don't. She'll be fine."

"But she-"

"She'll be fine." Oprah said with a rigid tone. "Let her rest. She's just a little traumatized." She crossed her arms and shook her head. "Second time in the span of a year...poor girl."

Otto opened his mouth to ask exactly what his boss meant by it being the second time within a year, but closed it. It wasn't like she would tell a rookie agent like him anyway, and at this point he was pretty sure a headache was going to start forming.

"Ms. O!" Oscar called, rushing into the bullpen with a familiar agent in his arms. "I got O'Malley!"

"Hm? Ah, good." Oprah put on a devilish grin, reaching behind her back and taking out a gadget similar to your average ray gun in appearance. "Tell me something, O'Malley. Do you like juice?"

The fear in the tube operator's eyes was one accompanying a thousand-yard stare. He stammered in a pathetic attempt to get words out, before shaking his head.

"Aww, that's a real pity. You see, when you trapped me in the Tube Lobby, I only had two juice boxes. And due to the magic of Discord, one of the villains you sent down..." Oprah booped him on the nose. "...I couldn't take out any more. And do you know what happens when I don't get my one thousand juice boxes a day?"

A shaky grin formed on O'Malley's face. "Y-Y-You don't get...Type 2 diabetes?"

"Noooo. No, not in the slightest. I go into withdrawal." Oprah cocked the gun. "Now, there is a way you can stop me from going into withdrawal. But it requires getting more juice boxes for me."

Dread began hanging in the air, spreading not just to O'Malley, but to Otto and Oscar as well.

"Now don't worry. I know where you can find some."

The gadget began charging up. When it was at 90% power, Oprah's lungs went for the windup, and then they went for the grand pitch.

"ON THE MOOOOOOOOON!!"

And that was how O'Malley found himself on the moon, with the giraffes that were vacationing there for the summer and an alicorn who called herself "Princess Luna".

"BEEEEEYEEEEEEEEEEETCH!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"